This weekend I met a guy. He is cute, funny, and 6’1″ – we exchanged numbers, and things were looking good.

Then at the end of the night as I was falling asleep, my phone chirped to inform me of a new text, from my new guy, “Great 2 meet u.”

Damn. And he had so much potential.

I know, I know, it is a sweet thing to say, but my problem is not with what he said, its how. I am the first to admit that I being extremely judgmental, but as an English major and someone who thoroughly enjoys words, I really hate to see them butchered.

Yeah, I’ve had people rationalize this texting style as faster, easier, whatever, but to substitute a single letter or a number for a word completely peeves me. Every time I see ‘4‘ in place of the word ‘for‘ or ‘c‘ instead of ‘see‘ or ‘2morrow‘ where there should be a ‘tomorrow‘ I cringe, I think of a junior high student, IQ points are lost, and a person suddenly seems extremely lazy- is it really that much harder to just type the extra two or three letters?? (The answer is no.) Read More »

I’m tired of talking to my friends about this ONE guy who has been haunting my love life, or lack thereof, since the fall. I’m sick of pretending like I don’t care when I talk to him, too. The fact of the matter, Travis, is this: Even my PARENTS know all about you and the sort of emotional mud you’ve been dragging me through. I see pictures of you and cringe. It’s time you received an open letter. And for once, I’m gonna go ahead and NOT care if your cute little girlfriend, who is, by default, an idiot, reads this.

Dear Travis,

I respect the fact that you refuse to cheat on your girlfriend of three years. You are a very noble man. In fact, I respect you for doing all that you can to avoid being in the same room as me these days. You and I both know that it’d be easier to get American troops out of Iraq than it would be to get your tongue out of my mouth if we were ever to, tragically, be left alone together.

I respect your ability to use your mind and step outside of this situation so that you can ascertain its importance in the long run. You have an impressive ability to weigh out your options, Travis. You should be a stock broker.

The only problem? Well, you’re a snakey asshole. Here’s what I DON’T respect about you: Read More »

To some, pickup lines are irritating, to others, they’re a welcome invitation, and to still others, they can even be insulting. Personally, while there is a slim likelihood of taking a guy seriously after he throws out a clichéd line, I do enjoy a good laugh from those that are unique.

Enter last weekend. While out on the town blissfully throwing back a few vodka sodas with my best wing-women, I was approached by what I could only assume was a potential suitor. The prospect excited me. Standing there all suave with his head cocked to one side, he said “Girl, you are solid steel and sex appeal.”

I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my drink (thank god for my cat-like reflexes, to waste my drink would have been a tragedy). While I appreciate notice to my “solid steel” physique and “sex appeal” (it is nice to know that my time at the gym and new bio-flex bra paid off) I laughed hysterically and he quickly fled the scene. Once fully able to compose myself, my gals and I commenced a reminiscent conversation of a few unusual pickup lines we have witnessed: Read More »

I used to have physical standards for guys. I really did. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I had a “type”. Every time a skinny, tattooed, gorgeous guy with dark hair came into a room…my friends knew to not even bother asking me what I was doing afterward. They already knew that the answer would be…well…HIM. I liked the fact that I could seemingly always get the gorgeous guy…or at least gorgeous to my own tastes.

But after three years of f*&king around with my own personal runway of boys that couldn’t offer me much more than unreliability; I started to get bored.

And since that time, I have legitimately at least SORT OF fallen for FOUR guys who I would have called ugly pre-boredom days. And while I won’t run off with the idea necessarily that they too were all unreliable assholes (even though they pretty much WERE), I will say that I was wrong.

I was wrong to justify my attractions to not-so-hot boys with my certainty that they redeemed themselves in other ways. Maybe Luke WAS brilliant. He could spell EVERYTHING right and his talent was jaw dropping. But that didn’t make him any more emotionally available to me. That didn’t make him NOT ignore me when we were out in public. And it certainly didn’t make him any more attractive during the mornings after. Read More »

I finally broke down and tried online dating.

Now, before you start judging me, hear me out! I too was of the “online dating is kind of weird and creepy” mentality, until a good friend of mine gave it a try and met a really sweet, funny, cute guy. Totally not creepy at all!

Maybe I could give it a try…I mean, I could just create a profile, no obligation to go on any dates at all. I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut lately–I seem to meet the same guy over and over. We like each other, we’re attracted to each other, but he doesn’t want a relationship. The online dating community, I figured, is full of like-minded people, people who are looking to meet someone and really date, instead of just hooking up.

I created a profile and tried to pick out some flattering-but-accurate photos. I listed my interests, what I like to do, and picked out a few criteria for my potential man (non-smoker please!) One click, and I was done.

I got a few messages from guys I wasn’t really interested in. I had decided that, since I was just testing it out, I wouldn’t actually search for anyone, I would just have a look at whoever expressed interest in me. Finally, a few days later, I got a note from a cute guy. He had taken my little “about me” section and modified it so it was about him. Funny! His profile was witty, and we shared a lot of interests. He had a few pictures posted, and he looked totally my type–skinny, tall, glasses.

I figured, what the heck, why not? I responded. We exchanged a few clever e-mails back and forth before finally deciding to hang out. We picked a restaurant, a day, and a time. So far, so good. Read More »

Q. Dear Tuffy Luv,

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m at a great school pursuing my dream career, I live in a great apartment with a roommate I adore, and, yeah, I don’t have a lot of money because I’m a student, but really, I’m doing okay.

But I’ve been in a series of bad relationships and I just got dumped (again) a couple of weeks ago by a guy I was just casually dating. Ever since, I’ve been so depressed that it’s really hard to just get through the day. I know it’s not worth it to get so upset over a guy, but I can’t shake this depression. What should I do?

-Retardedly Sad

A. Dear Retardedly Sad,

First of all, I’m really sorry about the guy. It always sucks to get dumped, no matter how it went down. So, get thee to a Coldstone Creamery and ice cream thy pain away.

But it’s also important to try to see the situation objectively (well, I mean, as objectively as you can) and try to pinpoint exactly what it is you’re really upset about. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 118

Mood: Freaked out

“Got everything?”

Rebecca turned away from the movie she was watching on her computer and looked at me, a fuzzy hat pulled down over her eyes. The heat in our dorm was doing something strange—something strange and cold.

“I think so…” I ruffled through the pile of clothes in my suitcase. “I just don’t want to forget anything…”

“Homework? Books? Extra warm socks? Sexy underwear?”

“Why would I need that fourth thing?” Pulling my suitcase cover down, I attempted to close the overstuffed bag.

Rebecca watched me wrestle the zipper around the bulging suitcase with a slight smile, sitting up on her bed to get a better look. “Why would you need sexy underwear? I don’t know…just in case something happens!”

I stopped fighting the zipper and glared up at her. “I don’t know where he lives and I haven’t talked to him since that night. Nothing is going to happen.”

Rebecca’s smile faded a little. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Me either.” I pushed my suitcase over and flopped down onto my bed, holding my head. “I just hate being reminded about how much of a loser I am.” Read More »

“The first step to meeting men is eye contact. Just one little lingering look can start an entire adventure…”

Yes, well, sure. Eye contact is always the perfect way to let a guy know that you’re interested.

If you can do it.

Now, maybe this seemingly simple task is almost impossible for me because I don’t wear my glasses when I’m out, therefore making it sort of hard to tell if a guy over three feet away is actually looking back—but I think there’s more too it. I think eye contact is actually much scarier than those dating websites would have us believe.

Writing about doing it is easy. I can type about it till I’m blue in the face, advising everyone to totally lock eyes with a boy on the subway, in a bar, walking down the street…it let’s them know you’re interested! It’s a good way to flirt!

But for some reason, putting it into practice is hard. I’m not the shiest person you’ve ever met, but if I think a guy’s cute, it’s really difficult to look him square in the face and smile. I’d much rather look at whatever’s directly above and to the left of him; that way, I can take little peeks without him knowing. Read More »