Guys want Spanx, too!

The last decade brought about a wave of liberating changes for women. We stopped wearing pants. We (successfully?) raised children on our own (by choice, or by force). We kissed girls..and Russel Brand (and we liked it. A LOT.). We are so amazing, in fact, that men are starting to get a little jealous.

With every new year in the 2000’s (is that what we’re officially calling them?), new products for men come out that bring us one step closer to finally closing the gender gap that has existed since the beginning of time…and confirming the fact that Freud totally had the penis envy thing all wrong. Read More »

I love dudes.  Straight up, dudes are amazing with their tallness and deep voices and facial hair and whatnot.  I even like their ability to eat astounding amounts of food and their random, dorky humor.  There are so many awesome things about guys that girls in general just don’t have.

However, there are some things that girls have that guys should just stay away from.  These things mostly exist in the realm of fashion (and make-up, but we won’t go there because dudes should not wear make-up, period.  We’re talking to you, Adam Lambert).  Here is the list of the most heinous fashion crimes committed by the male population: Read More »

I was perusing the internet for my daily dose of news when I came across this headline: “Mantyhose: Not Your Mom’s Pantyhose.”

Naturally, I was intrigued (come on – who wouldn’t be?). And the article was everything I expected: weird, uncomfortable and awkward. Sort of like a pair of pantyhose.

Apparently, men felt a little left out of the pantyhose/Spanx craze, so they decided to make it their own. Enter Mantyhose: a thicker, more durable pair of hosiery that lifts, sucks and warms its wearer.

Which is a man.

Men appreciate the new designs because they are made specifically for their bodies and their needs. And, according to one mantyhose fan, “It’s nice because they are specifically made for men, so I felt less weird about it.”

Ok, tell yourself that, buddy. You are still wearing pantyhose, and the fact that they are made for a man doesn’t make me feel any less weird about it.

I understand men wanting to have some of the luxuries that women have (like boobs, or access to a woman’s locker room), but hose? They are a product of the devil. Why hose!?

I didn’t think there was anything worse than guyliner, but, alas, someone found it.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are engaged. I’ve been forced to accept this as truth and move on with my life. And while I’m not particularly fond of either party’s “work,” they fascinate me as a couple. Months after posting this video mocking pregnancy rumors, there are now legit whispers flying around that the King and Queen of crappy, pre-pubescent pop-rock do in fact have a baby on board…right next to their 12-pack of Redbull and group pile of skinny jeans. But if this is true, I’ve got some questions.

First, what kind of reality show train wreck do you think Papa Joe is going to concoct for the next nine months? “Pimp My Placenta” hasn’t been taken by fetus-look-a-like Tila Tequila, right? Because Ashlee and Pete can totes write the theme song and not include any vowels or integrity like they always never do.

I also worry about Ashlee’s vajayjay. Normally I’d feel weird thinking about her fun parts, but this is a pressing human rights issue. Not only does a pregnancy imply that her nana has already been violated by his—gulp—”fallout boy,” but it also needs to prepare itself for the spikiest baby hair of all time to pass through. Seriously. Can you imagine pooping out a porcupine? Yeah, it wouldn’t feel too awesome, would it? Read More »

Pete Wentz uses way more eyeliner than I do. And I’m okay with that. Because he’s sexy. Really sexy. And I don’t find his eyeliner sexy just because I like girls. I’m just okay with Pete Wentz wearing eyeliner.

But does he have to make it too? Apparently so, since he’s just started his own make-up line, WentzPentz.

Just as catchy as a Fall Out Boy song.

The band’s fashionistador lyricist and bassist will very soon be selling his own brand of vegan eyeliner pencils. All five of them are Chicago-themed, in honor of his hometown.

19-year-old boys in 15-year-old girls’ pants can choose from: Green-Eyed Sidekick, Fireside Bowl, By the Power of Grayskull, Let’s Take the Brown Line to Wellington, and Blue Line, Next Stop: Damen.

It’s also been noted that Wentz is interested in starting a hair product line entitled Hair Dude, which will specialize in clip-on hair extensions for men.

Pete, the joke’s on you….you sold out. Don’t get me wrong bro, I love you and your band and your ridiculously catchy lyrics. But you’re a businessman enough already. Just…go back to taking naked pictures of yourself. Thanks.