Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun.

1. Female Hygiene
This is at the top of every guy’s mind right before he begins pleasing a woman orally.  While he is kissing your stomach and trying to get directions from your body language, which at this point is practically screaming at him to go south already, he is also trying to figure out your hygiene situation. Two things are running through his mind before he gets too close to the promised land:

1) What’s the landscaping going be like?
2) Please let it be free of any odor.

Now, the latter is the real deal breaker for most guys (by most, I mean 99.9%. The last .1% of guys have stuffy noses and couldn’t smell if they wanted to).  Guys can work around different types of female grooming and truthfully, it’s like an exciting adventure. We really can’t wait and anticipate it like a surprise. Don’t worry if your landing strip designed to land a Cessna can now land a Boeing, most guys won’t really care and we understand that you don’t carry a razor in your purse. However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door.

2. Technique
Guys are not impervious to insecurities like most women think. We want to please our partners and be remembered (and talked about the moment we walk out the door – yeah, we know how it goes) as great lovers. It is no different when it comes to going down on our lady. During the act, we are mainly concerned with how good our tongue technique is and if it’s delivering the desired effect.

Does it look/sound like she likes it? If not, is it oral sex in general or how I do it?
Am I doing it right?
Should I make her have an orgasm? Can I make her have an orgasm?

Hopefully, your guy answers “yea, yea, yea, and hell yea.” And hopefully he doesn’t get so into his thoughts that he forgets why he’s down there in the first place.

3. Reciprocity
There is one thought lingering on the back of your guy’s mind while he’s making his Southern Expedition and that is whether or not you’ll return the favor. This is anything but work for us, but we would like to be rewarded for our foreplay efforts with a little fellatio. And by “a little” we mean a lot. Guys love it (a lot a lot), but believe it or not, we’re sometimes too shy to ask for it.

So there you have it – the low down on the go down. When it comes down to it, all we really want to do it please you and while we may not seem to stress about it, we definitely think about it. Often. We ask our friends how they do it, if they do it, and when to do it. We try new things and hope for new results. We worry that we’re just not good enough. All because we want you to enjoy yourself.

Oral sex isn’t every guy’s cup of tea, so if your guy is taking the initiative to give you this kind of pleasure, embrace it and remember: don’t forget to tip.

[This story was originally posted by Cesar- University of Florida.]

As college students, we endure challenging classes like calculus, metaphysics and organic chemistry. However, what may be the most challenging subject isn’t even an actual course: the art of trying to understand guys. It’s true, trying to get to the bottom of what’s going on in the male brain can be one of the most confusing, exhausting and emotionally trying tasks that we attempt on a regular basis. The truth of the matter is guys find us just as confusing as we find them, and we won’t likely ever fully understand one another. GuySpeak, however, is helping us move one step closer towards understanding the other sex.

GuySpeak is an online portal where women can ask real guys for answers to their most confusing, intimate, and embarrassing relationship questions. GuySpeak offers up a six different male voices, each with their own unique point of view: Funny Guy, Chic Geek, Wise Ass, Reformed Player, Wise-ass and the Mystery Man.

Have a burning question you want answered? Just head to the site and click on”Ask a Question.” From there, type your question and choose a guy to ask it to. You can add your name, if you wish, or you may choose to leave it anonymous (if it’s especially embarrassing). Then just click “send” and wait for your answer!

And GuySpeak isn’t just for answering your questions about guy behavior (although about 90% of the questions on there are). Sometimes, you just need a guy’s point of view on something, whether it’s what to wear on an interview or what movie you should go see — whatever’s on your mind!

So the next time you have a question that only a guy can answer and there’s none around to ask directly, give GuySpeak a try!

Then we turn to our best friend for advice, and of course she proceeds to ask you the very same questions you asked yourself. As the cycle of self-incrimination continues, we realize we’ve taken the guessing game way too far, far to a point where we almost don’t even remember what the guy in question even looks like anymore.

Then one day, I got sick and tired of the blame game and decided to come up with my own reasons for why guys don’t call us back.

1. You know what they say, girls mature faster than guys do. So in this case, he prematurely assumed that I was looking for a wedding ring and an indefinite life commitment that sent him running scared.

2. He’s a jerk.

Okay so maybe my list is a bit premature. This guy seems to have all the answers though! He’s a dating and relationship coach who has finally revealed all the reasons why guys fall flat on the communication tip. With all of us girls playing Guesstures all the time, it’s refreshing to hear what a guy has to say about why they won’t call back. Read his thoughts here.

It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night. While the majority of campus males are chugging beers and pulling dirty t-shirts out of the hamper, most of us girls are raiding our roommates’ wardrobes.  We’re primping in front of the mirror, doing our hair, applying our make-up, choosing that perfect outfit that will make us appear sexy, but in a “I-don’t try too hard” kind of way.

Then comes the finishing touches: the shoes.

We dig through our closets to find the perfect pair that will compliment our outfits. Having to walk across campus to get to the party, you would think that our eyes would lead us straight to the comfy flats.  But of course this is never the case. We want to make a statement, so instead we choose the high-heeled pumps that may leave us blistered and bruised, but hey, they’re cute. So we limp to the party while cursing our footwear choice. Determined to make the night a success, we dance with the guy who sits behind us in bio. Our toes may feel as if we’re two-stepping on glass, but hey, he’s cute.

After 3 ½ years of college, and many nights like this, I have come to the conclusion that guys are like shoes: we always want the cute ones even though we know they will probably end up hurting us in the end.

Think about it…

So we all know that lately pop culture has been a little bit obsessed with vampires. True Blood. Twilight. The Vampire Diaries. It’s everywhere we look and a part of everything we do. But we’re not just obsessed with vampires. We’re obsessed with vampire boyfriends. Edward Cullen in particular. An as someone who spends way too much time in the fictional world I have to step back, and ask…really? I mean come on!

Edward Cullen is not the best fictional boyfriend out there. He’s obsessive, overbearing, and would find great satisfaction in tearing open his girlfriend’s veins and drinking her blood. This is the guy that makes you swoon? Well not me. He’s not my idea of the best fictional boyfriend out there. He’s not even close. Who is, you ask? Well I’ve compiled a list to answer just that question (and put off any of the more important tasks I have yet to accomplish today). Below are my top ten fictional boyfriends, all of whom are real flesh and blood, albeit fictional, men that don’t sparkle in the sunlight.

10. Mike Chang. You know, Tina’s boyfriend from Glee. Not only is he a football player but he has swoon worthy dance moves and even swoon worthier abs.

9. Flynn Rider. The last Disney prince. The one from Tangled. Yes I’ve seen Tangled. What’ is it to you? A little sarcastic, a little funny, and very much the reluctant hero. He’s definitely not as boring as the Disney princes before him and so for that reason alone he makes the list.

8. Nathaniel Archibald. Okay, so I don’t have any legitimate reasons for this one seeing as how he’s a manwhore both literally and figuratively, he’s cheated on almost all of his girlfriends, and he’s hooked up with every female regular besides Lily van der Woodsen (as far as we know), but… he’s so pretty!

7. Seth Cohen. Yes, the geeky guy from the O.C. made it onto the list, mostly because I’ve always had the biggest crush on Adam Brody, but also because that upside down, in the rain, Spiderman kiss that he and Summer share is one of my favorite TV kisses of all time.

6. Cappie. Casey’s on again off again boyfriend from Greek is a favorite of mine. Yes, he’s childish and has a bit of a Peter Pan complex but he’s also a genuinely nice guy. And when Casey asked him where he wanted to be in ten years he said “I want to be with you.” Sigh.  If only.

5. Chandler Bing. The class clown. The commitment-phobe. The one everyone thought was gay. Okay, so that’s all true. But he’s also the guy who overcame all of that and fell in love with his best friend. Plus, he looks really cute with glasses, don’t you think?

4. Aiden Shaw. I was a Carrie and Mr. Big fan. I always have been and I always will be. But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate just how awesome of a boyfriend Aiden really was. He forgave Carrie for cheating on him, redid her apartment, and his voice had this sort of twang to it that just makes me want to watch him speak. Shirtless.

3. Dan Humphrey. Serena van der Woodsen’s loyal Brooklyn boyfriend. Dan gets a bit of a bad rep with the Upper East Siders but personally I think he’s a great guy. Cute. Smart. Funny. And he has that whole tortured artist thing down perfectly. What’s a girl gotta do be his muse?

2. Alex Karev. This poor guy has yet to have a relationship that doesn’t end in his girlfriend going crazy, dying, or moving across the country, and I think that’s terrible because Alex deserves better. He’s a good guy, deep, deep, deep down, who will always be therefore his girl when she needs him. Give him a lasting love interest, Shonda Rhimes.

1. Pacey Witter. Yes, the sidekick from Dawson’s Creek is taking the top spot and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. Maybe it’s the swooning pre-teen in me but when I think of my favorite fictional boyfriend, I think of Pacey Witter. With Joey, Andie, or even that other chick he dates in the later episodes when he can’t have Joey, Pacey Witter was a great boyfriend. In my eyes this boy can do no wrong. And plus, you know, he’s adorable.

In case you couldn’t tell based on this list I have a type. It’s called tall, dark, and a little bit dorky and/or dangerous. So if you know anyone that fits the bill, send him my way, okay?

Who are your dream fictional boyfs?

With three words I’ve probably caused every single reader to groan in frustration. You’re probably trying to forget this day exists, aren’t you? Trying to pretend this is just a normal Monday.

Well it’s not. Today is Valentine’s Day. And single or coupled, or complicated, Valentine’s Day is a day worth celebrating. (Hello, we spent an entire week trying to get that point across!) You cannot escape the mayhem that surrounds this day. You cannot ignore it. You cannot hide from it. So you might as well embrace it. And here’s why…

10. Those valentines you used to get as a little kid. You know what I’m talking about. You probably have a whole bunch of them saved somewhere. The ones that have your favorite cartoon characters on them. The ones with too much lace and cheesy sayings. The ones you loved then and still love now.

9. Chocolate. Not only is it delicious, but apparently it’s also good for you. And Valentine’s Day is one of very few holidays when you can eat an entire box of chocolate truffles without getting strange looks, whether you bought them for yourself or they’re a gift from your beau.

8. Conversation candy hearts. You know those cute, multicolored, heart shaped sugar cubes that have flirty little sayings on them. When I was younger I use to pick through the bag of them searching for my favorites. Be mine. Txt me. True Love. You rock. I was always a fan of Cutie Pie. What about you?

7. That Ashton Kucher movie. Valentine’s Day. A sad impersonation of Love Actually? Yes. An overstuffed celebrity cast? Sure. But Ashton and Jen’s sweet kiss? Jessica Alba checking into a hotel with her dog? Jessica Biel beating the candy out of a heart shaped piñata for single girls everywhere?  Eric Dane and Bradley Copper in love? Totally makes this movie a worthy watch. It even made Taylor Swift’s “Today Was a Fairy Tale” totally listenable. Which reminds me…

6. Taylor Swift’s music suddenly doesn’t seem so cheesy. While I admit to having sung along to “Better Than Revenge” on more than one occasion, I often find Taylor’s more romantic songs to be a bit too cheesy for my tastes. But not on Valentine’s Day. Nothing says love quite like “you’re the best thing that’s ever been mine.”

5. It’s the perfect excuse for a night out. Romantic dinner with your significant other or a fun night out with your girls. Tons of restaurants have Valentine’s Day specials that aren’t just for couples. So pull a Carrie and Miranda and head out to dinner on Valentine’s Day night with your best girlfriends and be each other’s valentines. Plus, it requires you buy that…

4. Sparkly new dress. You know, the one you’ve been eying for months now. The one you visit at the mall weekly. The one you want so badly, but you don’t have anywhere to wear it. Well, now you do. Wear it to Valentine’s Day dinner. Bonus points if it’s red or pink.

3.  Red nail polish. Red-red or orange red? Doesn’t really matter as long as it’s red. Step away from the neutral color palette for the day, that nail polish color that you always go back to because it goes with everything, and rock those red nails. My personal choice? Sally Hansen’s Complete Salon Manicure, Right Said Red. What’s yours?

2. The Glee episode. If there were ever a reason to change your opinion on Valentine’s Day, it would be the Valentine’s Day Glee episode that aired last Tuesday. Listen to Kurt sing “Silly Love Songs,” to Puck rock out to “Fat Bottomed Girls” or to Rachel’s tribute to single girls everywhere, as she belted out “Firework.” Watch Finn kiss every girl in the school. And then tell me you hate Valentine’s Day. Okay?

1. It’s a celebration of love. But not just couple love, familial love, love among friends, or pets, or coworkers. It’s a celebration of you and anyone you care about. It’s a chance to say “Hey, I’m glad you’re in my life,” to just about anyone who matters. So celebrate Valentine’s Day, even if you’re Facebook status doesn’t say “In a Relationship.” (And” celebrate” does not mean “pity party,” ladies!)

[Check out Jenn's other musings-in-the-form-of-a-list here.]

When it comes to themselves.

Yup, a study has surfaced that shows that the drunker a guy gets, the sexier he thinks he is. And after reading the results of this study, I have to say, it all makes perfect sense. Just think about the last time you were around a group of drunk dudes; (Wait…this morning? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?) I’m sure you noticed them all getting a little more…er…comfortable with themselves as the night went on.

Too drunk to pay attention? Don’t worry, I’ve got a handy little guide to help you understand just how thick those goggles are:

0 drinks: The guy causally bumps into you and catches your eye when you turn around. An adorably natural smile ensues.

1-2 drinks: As you shove through the crowd to order a round of drinks for your girls, the guy gives you the “eye” across from the bar. And holds it. A little too long.

2-3 drinks: The guy saddles up next to the bar, arms casually splayed behind him. As anyone with ladyparts gets anywhere near him, he puffs out his chest, introduces himself, then throws out every Anchorman quote he knows.

3-4 drinks: He’s got the collar on his Ed Hardy button-down popped as he swaggers around the bar, giving “the nod” to every girl that looks his way.

4-5 drinks: He puts his hand on the small of your back, completely interrupting the deep conversation you were having with your friends (deep conversation=screaming out lyrics to Miley Cyrus), to escort you to the dance floor.

5 drinks: He comes up behind you on the dance floor and starts grinding on you. Without a word.

5-6 drinks: He offers you a ticket to the gun show.

7-8 drinks: He’s looking at himself in every shiny surface. Then giving himself a knowing grin.

8-9 drinks: He’s the guy in the middle of the dance floor with his groin shoved into a girl’s back – swaying back and forth in a rhythm completely opposite to what is blaring from the speakers – sweat soaking the back of his extra-tight t-shirt.

9-10 drinks: He’s got his shirt off, is humping you against a wall and keeps screaming something in your ear about going back to his dorm room to “see how sturdy my loft is.”

10+ drinks: He just puked under the bar…and still approaches you and asks you to go home with him.

I was stoked to read this month’s issue because, as the cover so loudly proclaims, it’s all about sex, love, and guys, so I knew that this was bound to be a big old hot mess. And Glamour did not disappoint. A solid 90 percent of this whole issue is about what guys think…of everything. Of sex. Of makeup. Of hairstyles. Of relationships. I mean, seriously, can women do anything without thinking about what a man’s opinion is? Honestly, I don’t give a fig what my boyfriend thinks of how I wear my hair, and I don’t think any other woman should either. Sure, receiving lusty gazes from dudes is fun, but it’s even more fun when it happens on your terms, not because you read in a lame magazine that dudes like every single other kind of hairstyle except for the one that you feel sexiest rocking.

However, since Glamour was kind enough to present me with tons of mockable male opinions, it seems only courteous that I tear them apart offer my opinion.

Glamour says: More men would rather have Mark Zuckerberg’s life than Jay-Z’s.
Jasmine says: Um…more dudes would rather have unlimited Facebook access than have the opportunity to be in a relationship with (uber-goddess) Beyonce? And this is why they can’t have nice things.

Glamour says: More than half of men would not want to take a birth control pill.
Jasmine says: This shiz kills me softly, because I am confident in my assertion that a good chunk of those men also don’t use condoms every time. Contraception: it’s not just for the ladies.

Glamour says: Most guys don’t like big hair accessories.
Jasmine says: Me and my collection of ostentatious flower pins say bite me. I refuse to be 70 years old, reflecting on my life, and wistfully thinking, “I wish I had dressed more like Rihanna when I had the chance.”

Glamour says: Guys dig harem pants.
Jasmine says: I like how we’re supposed to care about what guys think of clothes they are more interested in seeing off than seeing on you. Also, bullsh*t. There is no way on EARTH guys like girls who look like they shidoobied in their pants.

Glamour says: More men would rather be stuck in an elevator with a Playboy playmate than an elevator repair person.
Jasmine says: Boys are dumb.

Oh and PS? Kim Kardashian doesn’t think she’s hot. Discuss.

Likey? Good news: there are so many other magazines that say dumb things. Check out our take on them here.

The following is a guest post by professional funny man and CollegeCandy friend, Aaron Karo. Read, laugh, learn a few things

I’m often referred to as a “guy’s guy.” I like drinking and sports and hanging with the fellas. My third book, which is about being single when all your friends are couples, is entitled I’m Having More Fun Than You and features me on the cover with five models. This Friday, November 19th, Comedy Central is premiering my first one-hour stand-up special, AARON KARO: THE REST IS HISTORY (with an album by the same name dropping November 20th). My show is all about the glory of bachelorhood and sleeping around. You know, guy stuff. But I’m going to let you in on a little secret: the majority of my fans are female.

That’s right, roughly 65-70% of my audience members and mailing list subscribers are girls. Why? Because I tell it like it is. I don’t pull punches. I reveal what’s really going on inside the pea-size brain of the common man. And so that’s what I’m going to do today: drop a little knowledge for you, the very lovely readers of CollegeCandy. Here’s what’s gonna happen. First, read my Top Ten Misconceptions About Guys. Then, watch my Comedy Central Special (November 19th) and buy my album (November 20th). After all that, you’ll be prepared for anything. Here we go…

Top Ten Misconceptions About Guys, by Aaron Karo

1. We’re beer experts.
You know when you walk into one of those bars that has, like, six hundred beers on tap and your boyfriend squints his eyes while he reviews them all and nods knowingly as the bartender rattles of a list of vaguely German-sounding ales until he confidently choose one? He has no f**king clue what he’s talking about. He’s just trying to impress you and hopes what he picked tastes like Coors Light.

2. We’re knowledgeable about your menstrual cycle.
In order to fend off his advances, a girl once told my buddy she had her period three different times within a month. It actually worked.

3. We’re highly logical.
Somehow we are extremely protective of our little sisters but have no problem jerking off to the daughter from How I Met Your Mother.

4. We’re all about our boys.
Do you ever feel neglected because your man knows everything about his buddies but can’t remember the simple things you tell him? Fret not, we don’t listen to our guy friends either. I went on a two-week vacation last year, and when I got back I had 27 voicemails from my boys. Which was cool, except not one of them even realized I was gone.

5. We’re judgmental.
Don’t bother cleaning your place up if the guy you’re crushing on is coming over. We don’t give a sh*t. We don’t care if you live in a mine shaft with a bunch of Chileans, just clear off a flat surface and we’re good to go. Oh wait, your bras and panties are lying all over the place? Bonus!

6. We’re dependable in an emergency.
Back when I was still living in New York, the fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. When the building was evacuated, I made sure to save my old, beat-up Yankees hat but forgot my roommate was fast asleep in the other room. Whatever; he lived.

7. We’re patient.
Ever tell a guy that you’re not ready to sleep with him yet? And what does he always say in reply? “That’s okay.” Notice his voice go up about half an octave when he says it. He’s lying. It’s not okay. He wants it right now. Ever tell a guy you want to sleep with him right away and he replies, “Sorry, I’m not ready.”? Of course not.

8. We’re persistent.
My buddy was dating this girl for a year when one day they got into a huge fight over the phone and both hung up in a huff. They never spoke again. That’s it, no discussion, no reconciliation, no break-up, nothing. I was like, “Dude, you can’t do that, you have to talk to her, you went out for a year!” “Forget it,” my buddy said, “we’re through.” Which kinda sucked for me since she had hot friends.

9. We’re trustworthy.
If you sleep a with guy and then ask, “You’re not gonna go tell all your friends about this tomorrow are you?” he’ll say no. Which is true. But when you go to the bathroom five minutes later, he will send out a mass text.

10. We’re chivalrous.
When you’ve made it clear to a guy you’re not gonna hook up with him but need to stay at his place because you’re too drunk or it’s too far to get home, he’ll often go out of his way to offer you a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. He’s not being nice. It’s just easier to try to cop a feel (which he’s inevitably gonna do) when you’re braless and wearing a XXL t-shirt he got for free for signing up for a Capital One card.

[Aaron Karo: The Rest Is History premieres on Comedy Central Friday, November 19th at  11pm ET/PT. Get a preview here!
The album drops November 20th.
Get more Karo at Ruminations.com or facebook.com/aaronkaro]

Who the hell is "Mikey Hot Pants"?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that half of the contacts in my phone are people I don’t know. I may have known them for the length of a drink or a line outside my favorite bar, but memory fades with last call.

In any case, what makes the randoms in my phone stand out is how they’re entered as a contact… affectionately re-named, if you will.

We all do it, and I really do lament my memory slipping, but as I was going through my contacts list the other day, I couldn’t help but crack up at some of the best names I found in my phone. After which I was reminded of some of the better names and numbers taken down by some of my friends.

With no further ado, the best contacts I completely forgot about, and you likely have in your phone too:

1. John Cinco de Mayo

Ah, yes, you remember the Cinco de Mayo story. What a glorious and drunken event. He’s still in my phone, identified by when I met him. This can also occur with cities and venues as well (see below)…

2. Ben Skeeps?

I didn’t even have this guy’s number until he texted me about four days later, reminding me that he was Ben, and we met (apparently) at a regular haunt of mine in undergrad. The question mark implies that I really didn’t remember him… read it as “I guess?”

3. Danger

I have never called this number. All I know is it’s from my hometown, may involve a mistyping or T-9 error on my part, but I want to say it’s not a good endorsement.

4. Tim Don’t Pick Up

No joke, my friend has this guy in her phone because he has a tendency to call. Often. Persistence will not be paying him profits anytime soon, but it’s a warning to not lead him on or he won’t go away.

5. D5zkn3 (or something equivalent)

No. Idea. We may or may not have made out at the bar (a sure sign of classiness), but I wouldn’t even be able to tell you which bar because, at the time, I was too much of a mess to READ LETTERS. Contacts like this happen when blackout sets in…. very bad.

6. Cute Kevin

Oh, him I remember. He was cute. And his name was Kevin. Duhhh.

I’ve cleaned out my contacts, what about you? What are some of the best names in your phone?

[This story was originally posted by K - NYU]