Let’s go waaay back (to 2002) to the release of  Bend it Like Beckham, when JRM got his first big acting break.  He starred as Joe, the Irish soccer (okay, football) coach who quickly fell for his culturally-conflicted student, Jess.

I loved this movie for two reasons: first, because it showcased Keira Knightley during her awkward stage before she was really famous, and second, because JRM totally stole the show.

His impeccable brogue and pursed pout had my teenage tongue a-waggin’.  Plus, due to the English colloquialisms peppered throughout the film, the characters kept referring to Joe as “fit” (translation: effable), which inspired me to dream of my own physical condition after a long night with JRM.

But that was just the beginning.

Our boy then took a role in the quirky (but really exceptional) Woody Allen flick, Match Point. JRM starred as a man wracked with guilt over an infidelity with Scarlett Johannson’s character, who devises an ultimate solution to rid her from his life.  The film has everything: delicious sex scenes, multiple close-ups of Jonathan’s chiseled jaw and impassioned stare, and his persistent stress only heightened my desire to step into the film and relieve him…if you catch my drift.

Today, he stars as iconic historical cassanova King Henry VIII in Showtime’s The Tudors. Now you can schedule regular dates with JRM (alas, on television).  And while he remains a bachelor, he’s recently been reported entering and leaving rehab for alcohol addiction. It seems he’s been spending a lot of  time taking care of himself, which I applaud. When he’s ready to let someone else take care of him, I’ll certainly be ready to effill the role!

But I digress, of course Hugh is easy on the eyes (and everywhere else) but I’m not completely superficial and shallow. Hugh is the full package, my friends: he sings, dances, acts, and makes me sweat a little every time I see his beautiful effing body.

He offers an array of sexiness on and off screen. Looking for bad-ass sexy? Check out Wolverine in X-men and tell me if mutten chops and a wife beater have ever looked as sexy. Answer: no. Mutants aren’t your thing? That’s okay, because Hugh has you covered. He is so effing sexy in everything he does. Whether you like your man a little rugged (see Australia), or sweet and romantic (via Kate and Leopold), Hugh will bring it. Seriously, who doesn’t like variety?

Lucky for me, Hugh “the Hottie” Jackman will be hosting this Sunday’s 81st Annual Academy Awards, and you are crazy if you think I won’t be tuning in for ever single second of Hugh magic. Of course this isn’t his first hosting gig, as he’s graced us at the Tony’s numerous times, singing and dancing his way into my heart, making me giggle with his undeniable wit and charm.

The only thing standing in the way of me effing the man of my dreams is his annoyingly adorable desire to be a family man. Because although I would cut a bitch to make-out with him backstage at the Oscars this Sunday, I’m no home-wrecker and Hugh has two children with his wife whom he met on an Austrialian television series. Sigh. I guess this will have to do for now.

Let me make no mistake: Anderson Cooper is a stone cold F-O-X. They should change the call letters of his station from CNN to E-F-F, because when I tune in, all I see are Anderson’s steely blue eyes telling me he wants to jump my bones.

But Anderson isn’t just a journalistic automaton–the guy’s got substance. After graduating from Yale, he didn’t have a job and simply decided to fly himself to far-flung locales like Burma and Somalia to cover wars as a freelance journalist, which he wrote about in his book. He gained recognition for his hard-hitting news coverage, landing him a spot as a CNN reporter and anchor of the program Anderson Cooper 360. Known for his grit and endurance for reporting across the globe, Anderson also starred in the documentary Planet in Peril, about the most critical environmental issues facing the earth today.

But all work and no play would make Anderson a very dull boy. He is well-known for being down-to-earth and plugged in to today’s popular culture. He’s a BIG fan of Real Housewives of Atlanta, (as he’s professed on many talk shows), and has a Facebook and a Twitter. He made a big splash a few weeks ago (literally!) when he challenged Olympic swimming legend Michael Phelps to a mini-swimming race. Anderson may have lost the race, but ladies won the chance to see our favorite journo jock shirtless on national television. Most recently, he co-hosted CNN’s New Year’s Eve special with Kathy Griffin (whose wild remarks have been the talk of bloggerati since yesterday), where he professed his resolution to blog more in 2009. Will I be hanging on his every effable word? Yes, yes I will.

Don’t worry, I’ve read all the gossip. I could care less if he loves men, women, or panda bears–I’d like to dispatch Mr. Cooper to my bed to experience some of his hard-hitting coverage. “Anderson Cooper’s Effability” is the only breaking story on my news feed.