Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves. Read More »

Everyone knows how we feel about celebrity clothing designers. We’ve said it a million times before, but today is Thursday and we are tired and cranky so we are going to say it again:

Just because you are famous and dress well, it does NOT mean you can design clothes.

Rumor has it that Gwyneth Paltrow is the lastest fashionista to take a stab at designing. Now, I am fully aware that Ms. Paltrow knows how to look good. Hell, the woman looks fabulous when she’s working out! But I know plenty of people who dress well and I don’t see them trying to compete with Marc Jacobs for a spot at NY Fashion Week.

I am so sick of famous people thinking that just because they are good at one thing it means they can do everything. (Or, even worse, the ones who are good at NOTHING but keep trying everything. I’m talking to you, Heidi Montag!) You don’t see Ralph Lauren playing frontman to a band or starring in a feature film, so why must you mock him and his talents by slapping your name (and a giant pricetag) on a generic and boring black dress? Read More »