There is one thing in life you don’t understand until you get into college (besides a cheap vodka hangover).  And that one thing is theme parties.  And the one thing you don’t understand about them is how amazing they are.  Seriously, they should be a religion, or a hobby, or a competitive sport…OK, I know I’m getting a little carried away here but…

Theme parties are the cheese to my macaroni.

They are fashionably expressive, sexy trashy, and if there is anywhere (besides the local dive bar) where anyone gets absolutely crazy – it’s a theme party.  Franzia bags look juicer and beer served up in a red cup looks all the more tantalizing.   In my four years in college I can safely say that I’ve mastered the theme party.  And I think everyone should be given an equal opportunity to enjoy the ropes of a solid opportunity-to-get-creative slutty.

I’m here to fill your brain with theme party kit knowledge.  Go ahead and dedicate a separate bin for your theme party goods.  With the holidays coming (and with them a whole crop of creative theme parties), I promise it will be worth it.  You will need these things to get you through these trying times. Trust me.

Excessive Hair Spray / Bobby Pins
Big hair is birthed by bobby pins and hairspray.  So don’t let them go unnoticed.  Also, weasel a little bottle of hair spray in your purse for the evening.  You can spray some on your tights to keep them from ripping…and everybody loves a GP (group pee) sesh with your girlfriends to fix your hair before you scan the party.

Leg Warmers
With leg warmers, you really could put together any legit ’80s outfit.  If you really want to get wild and crazy, throw on a sweat band and any neon piece of clothing. Whoa, you’re already looking like Madonna circa 1980.

Tights / Fish Nets
This one is a must must.  How are you supposed to dress as anything sultry without them?

Sports Jersey
My personal favorite go-to theme party item is the sports jersey.  I can’t count how many times the Halloween weekend leaked into Saturday night (after three consistent days of partying) and I had almost run out of brilliant ideas.  Throw on that random jersey you got from a garage sale/thrift store, smear some black face paint under your eyes and voila, you are the female Tom Brady. Hey, hot stuff.

Sheets
Two words: toga party. Haha, and you thought I was going to say Casper Ghost party…! Oh and if you really want to get creative, grab some bendy branches from the quad, and make yourself some Roman Headwear.

Tease Comb
Big hair is always an extravagant must when it comes to theme party etiquette. So get that little tease comb out of hiding and start brushing backward.

Bright Colored Items of Clothing
Has anyone ever heard of a Rubix Cube Theme Party?  If you haven’t, it’s a party where everyone wears colors that match the colors of a Rubix Cube and the goal is to trade items of clothing with party attendees until you’re dressed in one solid color.  People who organize theme parties love this one the most (and I’m not wondering why). Hmm, if that’s not enough reason to have you set aside some red, green, blue, yellow and orange — I don’t know what is.

A Dude Shirt
You never can go wrong with one of these.  They are extremely comfortable, versatile and drop-dead-sexy with a pair of fishnets (see above) and patent leather black heels.  Why is the morning-after look the best for all theme party ideas? You have an excuse for the next morning’s walk of shame attire. Well, kind of.

Mardi Gras Beads
Because you have to.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not hard to achieve soft curls or waves. And you don’t have to be a professional to do it. The key is playing with your hair a bit to loosen up the curls so you look more “beachy wave” and less “so stiff it doesn’t move.”

Just follow me through the steps and in under 7 minutes you will have the perfect curls for day or night. Happy curling!

I had a HUGE crush on him when I first saw Grease. Like, gigantic. My mom was concerned.

Hard to believe that this is what Danny Zuko looks like now. (Looks like some one’s got a case of the Man Boobs!) And even weirder is how he looks in the upcoming summer movie Hairspray.

I mean, look at him. I’m embarrassed for him.

But worse than John Travolta’s outer appearance is his recent blabberings-on about the horrific events at Columbine and Virginia Tech.

Page Six reports that Travolta said publicly, that all of these tragic school shootings are not really the fault of those who committed the acts, but but on psychiatric drugs. “I still think that if you analyze most of the school shootings, it is not gun control. It is [psychotropic] drugs at the bottom of it,” he said.

This goes along with Scientology, of which Travolta is a devout follower; Tom Cruise, as we all know, is also a major figure in the religion…er…the science…er…belief? Basically, they all believe that all drugs – prescriptive or otherwise – are completely uneccessary and are the root of all evil.

So, what Travolta is saying, is that it wasn’t the freaking psychopaths who are at fault for their murders, but the anti-depressants the freaking psychopaths were taking – it was their fault. The pills. It was the pills’ fault. Riiight. So, anyone and everyone who is on an anti-depressant is capable of doing what the school shooters have done. Riiight.

I think these celebrities need to just shut the hell up. They’re in the public eye, they’re only actors and if they don’t have anything 100% compassionate to say about such terrible events that take place and may purposely say something that will, in any way, offend the people who were close with the victims, they deserve any public backlash that comes their way.

Now that Travolta has spoken out, it seems like he’ll be the one surrounded by controversy and this will give Tom Cruise a breather from all the hype that results in his verbal sewage. And, hey – if John takes Tom’s place as Mr. Hollywood Scientology, maybe this will happen again – at least Travolta can make an ass of himself while singing, dancing AND dressed up like a woman at the same time!

We can only be so lucky.