Nice hair, Bart Simpson

Spencer and Heidi get a verbal beat down.

Joe Francis out of money.

Bundle up (and look cute doin’ it!) this winter.

Well, hello there, Zac Efron.

The biggest hair trends of the season.

Adam Lambert must tone down the gay.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!

(Two girls in the dining hall.)

Girl 1: God, I am seriously the best wing man ever!

Girl 2: Well, who’s your wing man?

Girl 1: (Pointing to her breasts and shimmying) I’ve got two.

(Man, woman, waiting in the lobby of a hair salon.)

Man (looking in mirror): What do you think? It worked for Wolverine, you know.

Woman: No. It wouldn’t work for you.

Man: It’s … it’s working already.

(Two guys, in a dorm community kitchen.)

Guy 1: What the f—?

Guy 2:  I can’ t cook these. These are like, Russian Nesting Kielbasas or something.

(Guys talking over dinner at the dining hall.)

Guy: I wouldn’t want to kick any girl filled with toffee. She can keep it.

(Guys, girl, talking in a dorm hallway.)

Guy 1: God. So itchy. I hate Beardvember.

Guy 2: I think it’s Novembeard, right?

Guy 3: I’m used to hearing “No Shave November.”

Girl: I always just called it “30 days of pubes.”

(Girl, serving herself food, looking quizzically at the pasta.)

Girl: Who stole the insides of these?

(Two girls and a guy, in the library.)

Girl 1: I wish all the lights were tanning bulbs.

Girl 2: I know! We’d be so tan, we could just pretend it’s summer. No one would know. It would be amazing.

Guy: Yeah, or we’d all burn to a crisp after our eyeballs fall out. It would be like “‘attack of the sick overworked bacon students in the library.”

Girl 1:  Way to bring me down. Debbie friggin’ Downer. Now I want a breakfast sandwich.

Girl 2: Ooh, with bacon?

Guy: I hate you both.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: It’s not that. It’s that I never believe you any more. I don’t … no! I can’t trust you! I just can’t! Listen, I can’t do this right now. Can I hang up and just text you instead?

(Girl and guy, walking past yelling girl on campus thoroughfare.)

Girl 1 (yelling): Who wants some free koofers?

Girl 2: What’s a koofer?

Guy: It’s a sensation you get down in your nethers.

(Two girls, on computers in the library.)

Girl 1: All these guys are such crap.

Girl 2: Yeah, I want to date the good guys. I want the good guys with the right moves.

I’m not really a fan of traditional up-dos. You know, the ones with the spiral curls that are pinned neatly together and sprayed with enough hairspray to destroy the ozone. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never really been into pageant hair. I prefer something a little sleeker and sexier, not to mention something that doesn’t quadruple my carbon footprint.

When it comes to formal or special events, I’m all about taking risks with hair and makeup.

The bigger the risk the better the payoff, right?

That couldn’t be more true with this look. If you’ve got a formal coming up (or you just want to try something different on a Saturday night), this fauxhawk is sophisticated, fun and super easy to do.

If you’ve been paying any attention to the fashion industry lately, then you’ve noticed that pristine, sleek hair is not in anymore. It’s all about the mess. (Not to be confused with the hot mess – that is never OK.)

Here’s a quick little updo that’s messy, yet still really cute, unlike those amazonian hairstyles we’ve been seeing on the runway! It’s a super easy style for class, or perfect with some fun hair accessories for going out. And since messy is in, everyone can make this ‘do look good.

Mmmm. Irish Coffee should fix this right up!

It’s no secret that much of the college social life revolves around drinking. We drink to celebrate, mourn, express loyalty to our football teams, to ease boredom, hell,  some people drink to make homework a little more interesting (no, no one else does that?).  Well, all that super fun drinking  sometimes results in not-so-fun consequences: mysterious bruises, ruined shoes, hours’ worth of un-tagging on Facebook, that dude lying next to you, and the raging, horrific hangover trying to escape your brain by splitting it open.

What’s a girl to do? Your mind jumps to Gatorade (don’t have any), Egg McMuffins (dammit, it’s past 10:30!) and water (your Brita pitcher is full of hunch punch) before remembering that bottle of Bloody Mary mix in the back of the fridge. Should you suck it up, stir in some vodka and take a hair of the dog that bit you?

Nope.

The phrase itself refers to an old school Rabies cure (literally, they would place a hair of the dog that bit you in the wound), but has evolved into the idea that if you drink a small amount of whatever got you into this hung-over state, you’ll feel better. It didn’t work for rabies, and it won’t work for your hangover.

A hangover results because of the dehydrating effect alcohol has on your body. Remember what we learned about breaking the seal? Alcohol suppresses your brain’s ability to create anti-diuretic hormones, so you lose essential water, electrolytes, salts and glucose via bathroom breaks. The morning after, your body is frantically trying to replenish all that lost hydration, resulting in fatigue, headache, nausea, etc. These symptoms get worse as your body tries to rid all alcohol from its system, leading some to believe that all this hangover nonsense could be cured by simply drinking more.

Unfortunately, more alcohol will only postpone your hangover. It might temporarily relieve some of the symptoms of a hangover (and keep you in those beer goggles until the boy actually leaves), but when it wears off your body will still have to recover, only now it your liver has extra toxins to break down and remove. So in the end, your headache and nausea will probably be worsened by more alcohol, definitely not relieved.

The best cure for a hangover (besides, you know, not drinking in the first place) is to drink plenty of water to fight dehydration, some Gatorade or Powerade to replace electrolytes, lots of rest, and at least 4 hours worth of mind numbing TV, preferably Real Housewives or True Hollywood Stories, but whatever’s on VH1 will do in a pinch.

How many times have you tried to make your bangs do that Hollywood perfect swoopy thing and failed miserably? It’s hard – no, nearly impossible – to create that perfect swoop-bang that your hair stylist does so effortlessly. Mine (love you Amber!) taught me this little trick, which has made her well known about town for her amazing bangs. Seriously, girls actually ask for “Amber bangs.”

And now you don’t have to have Amber to get her bangs.  I’ll show you how to get that perfect Nike style swoosh that grazes your forehead perfectly.

"Did you guys know this beer can make your hair stronger, too!?"

Labor Day may be an awesome third day to a typically-too-short weekend, but sadly, it’s also pretty much the last day of summer. But just because those summer days are drifting away, does that mean the fun is o-v-e-r?

Not for CollegeCandy readers! Psh, we can have fun no matter where we are and September is just brimming with some awesome stuff to take part in. Here are some fantastic things to do after Labor Day that don’t involve any heavy labor… or white shoes.

1) Enjoy (useful?) beer at tailgate.
Beer has better uses than just giving you the guts to talk to that cutie you’ve been eying at the party. You can use it to clean your hair and unclog pores, make your own facial mask concoction, and draw a uniquely-colored bubble bath.

2) Do the Downward Dog.
You can get a full week of free yoga at a studio near you during the first ever National Yoga Month. And since yoga is supposed to improve your sex life, why not try it? Your boyfriend can thank me later.

3) Get ready for the New Moon movie premiere by using Twilight makeup.
The Julie Hewett Los Angeles Twilight Palette was inspired by the phenomenon that is the Twilight saga. The Twilight Palette contains the following four eye shadows: Brunette, Pola, Black Chandelier, and Swank. Together, they make for a quite a sexy, sultry and mysterious look. If only it also came with Taylor Lautner.

4) Learn how to decrease risk for ovarian cancer.
It’s Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, so take this quiz and see if you know how to limit your chances of being one of the 21,000 women that get it each year.

5) Stay away from Swine Flu.
I had no idea that the primary targets for Swine Flu were young people as opposed to the older generation for the general flu. Everyone: wash your hands! Can’t stress it enough. At least now with this sweet iPhone app I know where the latest outbreaks are (AKA where not to go).

6) Be bold and embrace the new fall makeup trends.
Purple, blue and nudes are in! At last that’s what Becki Newton of Ugly Betty says. And since I totally love her and want to be her and trust whatever she says, my toenails are now a rich plum color. Too cute.

7) Watch the U.S. Open.
Andy Roddick’s hot bod is more than enough reason to tune in. And after all the eye candy, put on an adorable tennis skirt and try to imitate the Williams sisters’ moves (and grunts) on the court.

Improve your health by doing more volunteer work.
Studies have shown that even people who did just 40 hours of volunteer work yearly lived longer and saw other very significant health benefits including reduced rates of depression and Alzheimer’s. Oh and, obviously, greater life satisfaction. Mia Hamm volunteers, so why shouldn’t you? She probably does it better though.

9) Rumored Apple event on September 9th???
Anyone know the deets? Will my computer now be obsolete…again? Will there be a $10 iPhone? Is Steve Jobs still alive?! Ahhh! Must. find. out.

Although I am a firm believer in leading an environmentally-friendly life,  I am first and foremost a college-aged woman.  And what does that mean?  It means I am absolutely unwilling to look ugly just for the sake of the environment.

After doing a little research, however, I discovered that being green does not mean being heinous.  In fact, it means quite the opposite.

Here are my favorite green tips that also make you hotter.  Read on, pretty lady…

Ditch the dryer: Using a hair dryer for only 5 minutes a day for an entire year uses enough energy to power a basic light bulb for 3,259 hours.  And guess what?  You don’t really need it!  Drying your hair frequently can crack the hair’s cuticle and withdraw moisture, leaving you with dry and brittle strands.  Naturally drying your hair even just a few days a week can save your strands and save the environment.  If you just can’t live without your daily drying, opt for an eco-friendly one.  The Go Green dryer is made from recycled materials, is printed with soy ink, and uses 26% less energy than a normal dryer.

Turn down the scalding shower: Not only do long, hot showers waste water, they are also a huge energy expense.  Cut down your shower time and the temperature, and you can save tons of money on your monthly bill.  Plus, cold water is good for your bod!   Hot water can have very drying properties, both to your skin and your hair.  Taking a colder shower leaves your hair silkier and your skin softer, all while increasing circulation and bumping up your immune system.  Now how’s that for a morning routine?

Drink tap water: If it’s really that gross, then invest in a Brita filter.  Water bottles cause tons of unnecessary waste every year, much of which ends up in landfills instead of in the recycling.  Plus, delivering water bottles across the world burns fossil fuels, contributing to global warming.  If that doesn’t convince you, consider the health effects.  Most bottled water does not cross state lines, making them exempt from the Food and Drug Administration’s standards for drinking water.  Tap water, on the other hand, is highly regulated and contains more of the teeth-strengthening mineral, floride, than bottled water.  Plus, simply filling up an aluminum water bottle instead of purchasing a bottle for $1 a pop, allows you to save money while drinking more water, so you can put that money to better use (i.e. on yourself!).  Everybody knows that water does a body good by making your skin clearer, aiding digestion, and hydrating the skin, so drink more of it… from the tap.

Steer away from chem lab cleansers: Look at the ingredients list of any common beauty product and you will see a plethora of science-babble words that not even Bill Nye could understand.  Most of those ingredients are synthetic, requiring energy and emitting toxic waste to produce.  And guess what?  What’s bad for the environment is also bad for your skin.  Harsh facial cleansers, such as toner, astringent, and acne washes can actually make acne even worse.  Drying out the oil on your face causes your skin to go into “panic mode” and produce even more oil than before, leaving you with more acne than you had when you started.  Instead, try to use products with natural ingredients.  A good rule of thumb that I like to use is to not put anything on your skin that you wouldn’t want to put in your body.

Bangs are totally hot right now… but sometimes you just get sick of having them flop around in front of your face. Like when you’re working out, or when it’s humid, and especially when they get long and poke you in the eye. That’s not fun for anybody.

But you don’t have to grow them out to avoid dealing with them! I’ve got three cute, trendy and quick looks to help you conceal that fringe.

Yes, you can have your bangs and hide them too.

Every girl has a love/hate relationship with her hair.  If her hair is straight, she wishes it were curly.  If her hair is curly, she wishes it were straight.  Frizz is constantly on the attack and there are never enough bobby pins.  Yet, our hair can either make or break a look, so we spend hours planning, executing, and perfecting our style.  In my case, that usually ends in sweat, blood, tears and an even frizzier mess than I started with.

After yet another such ordeal this past weekend, I came up with a brilliant idea – shaving my head.  It’s perfect.  There are literally hundreds of reasons why I should (and a couple why I shouldn’t, but I say my boyfriend can take a chill pill and worry about his own hair).  Here are just a few of the wonderful benefits of shaving your head:

Fabulous Hat Opportunities -  I have come to adore hats.  Never before I have I seen so many fabulous hats just wandering the streets.  We have fedoras, cloches, berets, slouchy knits, and even pork-pie hats.  They are the perfect accessory and also do a wonderful job of keeping your head warm…which is only useful if you have no hair.  Plus, if you shave your head, you don’t have to worry about an awkward hat hair situation when you remove said fabulousness.

Wig Potential – Kind of like a hat made out of hair, the wig is an awesome way to accessorize yourself.  Just grab and go!  Make sure to go the natural hair route, unless you’re specifically going for that cheap-anonymous-bachelor-party-stripper look.  Which, since Samantha Jones rocked it in Sex and the City, I fully condone.

Temperature Control - At this very moment, I am sitting indoors near an air conditioner and I’m still sweating balls.  Would that be the case if I had a neatly shaved head? No.  No it would not, my friends.  Also, when I am working out (hypothetical situation, of course), I won’t have that sweaty, frizzy thing going on.  I will be cool as a cucumber.  I think I could even rock a sweat band if needed on my shaved head and look halfway decent.  Win.

You’ll Look Fierce – I hate to pull a Christian Siriano (okay, actually, I love it) on you, but you seriously will look fierce with a shaved head.  Example? Natalie Portman.  When she had her beautiful hair cut off in V for Vendetta, I about cried…before I realized that she looked possibly even better without hair.  It’s a powerful, intense look that I’m thinking everyone should try at least once (mostly so I don’t look like such a loner when I end up trying it).

Less Stress – I may have hinted at this above, but hair can cause a lot of stress (at least, my hair causes a lot of stress).  If you have no hair, then you have no use for shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, styling weapons (damn you, curling iron!) and other devices designed to eventually destroy your hair and mental health.  Your morning ritual has now been cut down to 5 minutes or less.  You’re welcome.

You’ll Save Money – As stated above, since you won’t have any hair, you’ll be giving up a lot of products that will be pretty useless to you.  Aside from extra free time (soo much extra free time), you’ll have extra moolah, too.  I can’t even think of how many pairs of shoes and accessories I could own right now if only I  didn’t have to shell out for the massive amounts of hair cream necessary to tame the frizz ball on my head.

It’ll Accentuate Your Features – No hair? No problem.  Without hair, your cheekbones, lips, and eyes suddenly pop and look incredible (not that they didn’t before, but you get my point).  The make-up opportunities are endless!  Suddenly, instead of taking a backseat to my curly mess, I imagine my eyes will be the center of attention.  Yay for imagined body pride! (j/k, I love my body, but you get my point, no?)

It’ll Grow Back – If you try shaving your head for any of the above reasons and end up hating it, just remember that it’ll grow back.  Maybe it’ll grow back even healthier, since it will be free of all dye and hair product and whatnot.  Consider it a fresh start!