Do handjobs have a place in the sex-lives of college students? Didn’t we leave those back in high school? Apparently not. Handjobs are still out there in the wild, though overshadowed by more risqué sexual acts. But is it time to resurrect the humble handjob? Certainly, there are benefits – handjobs are safe, arguably more pleasant than giving a blow job (hey, sometimes we just don’t feel like it), and they feel good! But that’s the problem isn’t it? A tried-and-true means to an end that offers little opportunity for variation…boring!

Like most girls, I tend to pass over handjobs as a solitary activity. Quite honestly, there’re other things I’d rather be doing between the sheets. I think there’s definitely a time and a place for handjobs, but I’d not make them my signature move. Oh alright, once every four weeks when my lady-bits are off limits I’ll quite happily take matters into my hands, as it were. But let’s face it – giving a hand job is not the most exciting exercise. Mindless fist-pumping and wondering when the hell he’s going to finish make for a very bored and impatient girl. It’s not like we’re getting much out of it, unless your bed-partner is obliging and reciprocates (preferably multiple times). Also, please be aware my forearms are not that well developed and I do get tired. Unlike some, I’ve not spent almost every day of my adolescence pumping an appendage while gazing lustily at Scarlett Johansson’s boobs (nothing wrong with that, I’m just sayin’). Read More »

Every once in awhile, I’ll hear dudes lament how handjobs became obsolete past high school. It’s true enough, I suppose. At some point, oral and intercourse replaced the handy. In theory, I totally understand why some dudes miss the HJ – I still enjoy a good fingerbang probably more often than is “normal” for someone over the age of 17. But I refuse to do my part to bring handjobs back. Occasionally, my boyfriend asks for one, and I’ll oblige, very reluctantly. But honestly, they suck. And here’s why…

They’re hard work.
Blow jobs have the reputation for being arduous, but either my hands/wrists are weak, or my mouth is unusually strong. Seriously, within minutes of commencing a HJ, my hand starts cramping, my wrist gets sore and I’m not mentally engaged enough to want to continue. I can’t help but look around the room, think of my grocery list and wonder if Ryan Gosling asks his ladies to endure such torture. Read More »

This issue of Glamour was made for summer. It featured three separate cover girls – Frieda Pinto, Emma Stone, and Ashley Greene – all rocking gorgeous beach-inspired looks. The pages were filled with beautiful bathing suits, feminine pastels, and an obscene (but totally acceptable) amount of floral prints.

Naturally, while I was flipping through it, my area was under a freaking tornado watch, so the first half of this issue was great for escapism purposes. It was light on text and heavy on the pretty, although I could have done without the 5 pages of Royal Wedding coverage. I’m not generally one to be swoon over celebrity weddings, but my indifference intensifies when the celebrities are as boring as Will and Kate. Seriously, beyond their hair (what happened to his? How is hers always so shiny?), they are the least fascinating celebs ever. Hit me up when Kim Kardashian finally finds a husband.

But anyway, moving into the second half of the magazine, as per usual, Glamour hits us with the more substantial articles – ones about female teachers being falsely accused of having sex with students (pro tip: if you ever become a high school teacher, never text your students), the scary toxins that are wrecking our hormonal balances (everything. Build thyself a plastic bubble), and an “expose” on strip clubs (some guys want to have sex with strippers and some guys don’t…durr).

Obviously, the goldmine of this issue was The Ultimate Penis Guide, which consists of 6 items all guys wish we ladies knew. So let’s get learning, shall we? Read More »

Again, like Abigail of Syracuse before me, I will preface this post by saying no, I am not the author of Confessions of a College Callgirl. So now that’s cleared, lets get right to my bitch.

Are we really serious with this?

Honestly?

For those of you who don’t know, Confessions of a College Callgirl is a blog about a girl, presumably in college, who works as a prostitute for her source of income. Feel free to do your own research, then come back and see whether or not you agree with me.

I’ve been perusing a bunch of her blogs. I probably could do a really amazing research paper with this if I really wanted. I also could probably decide if I thought everything she said was legit truth or not. As of right now…I do think she’s actually doing some of this stuff. I don’t think she’s fabricating all of it…I just think she’s fabricating a LOT. Read More »