Dear Tuffy Tuv,

So there’s this guyyyyy (isn’t that how all of these emails start out?).  I reconnected with someone from high school in the beginning of the summer.  We hung out (and hooked up) a few times before he had to go back to school for the summer.  At first my mindset was, “Ok, we had a fun summer fling, maybe I’ll see him when he gets back.”   And at the time, I was totally OK with the idea.

About a week after he left, he started texting me every once in a while.  Then all of a sudden, there was a flurry of communication between us where he said he’d try to sneak out of school one day to see me, and visit again on the 4th.  Since these encounters he’s sent me some pretty cute texts about how he can’t wait to see me, hoping I’m free on such and such day so he can visit, etc.  This seems like a lot of effort just for some booty. I’m just not sure how to classify this relationship, and whether getting emotionally attached would end up hurting me at the end of the summer. And I HATE HATE HATE having “the talk”; is there any way to get some answers without it?

Thanks,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

No.

Well, okay, yes, kind of. You could ask to visit him at school for a weekend. If he’s up for it, go up there and feel it out. If he introduces you to all his little college buddies and takes you to see the campus sights, he’s probably interested. If he just wants to hook up (or if he totally balks at the idea of you visiting in the first place), he’s probably not.

The thing is, Anonymous, guys are actually very easy to understand. The problem is that women (like you, like me) are harda*ses about asking them.

Men are not like women. Women, you know, we want the guy (or the other girl) to guess. We want our partners to understand us without telling them. (You like my little stand-up routine? This is starting to feel like some stand-up comic from the immediately-post-Jerry Seinfeld days. Bear with me, I gots a point.) If you ask a guy a question point-blank, howevs, they will usually tell you the answer. Guys aren’t usually interested in shrouding themselves in mystery. They may do some dumb things, but you gotta hand it to them for their general straightforwardness.

This, of course, does not include dudes that are super shady, in which case some part of you probably knows it and, let me tell you girl, you should stay away stay away stay AWAY!!! (How you like me now, crazy exboyfriend?!)

Anywho, the best way to find out is just to ask. I know you don’t like the talk, but it doesn’t have to be awkward! Just do it in person, over either drinks or ice cream or hamburgers, whatever he likes best. Keep it light and friendly, and be okay with either answer, and it should be totally fine.

You gotta be smoov, girl. That’s right. I said smoov.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Well, you’re not alone, CC-ers. Story of my life.

Growing up, I always had friends; guys, girls…a whole lotta them. We’d all play, hang out and have fun with each other. As I started to get older, in high school, then in college, my circle of friends got smaller and smaller. My tight knit posse went from 30 people to 20 to 10 to 4. It’s not that I had fights with my friends that caused us to become distant, but the phone calls, emails, nights out and shopping trips all seemed to dwindle as our lives progressed.

I even started college with a large circle of people. As the four years came and went, my group, again, got smaller and smaller and now, fresh out of college, I keep in contact with three people, out of the roughly 50 I used to party with at school. Why? Is it because of something I’m doing wrong?

The answer is no. While, yes, I’d like to have more close friends, I learned that quality over quantity is what deems relationships everlasting. My three best girlfriends, two from high school and one from kindergarten, are still the people I laugh with, cry with and trust with anything and everything. Some people are not meant to have lots of close friends and – I have learned – I am one of them. It was a difficult thing to learn, but, finally, I am okay with that. I’d rather have three great friends, then massive piles of casual friends.

I’m not saying you can’t have 100 best friends; for some people that’s possible. But if you aren’t one of those people who get along with everyone, that’s completely fine, too. At the end of the day, your true friends will always be there…whether there are two of them or two hundred.

How many close friends do you have CC? Do you wish you had more?

More often than not these days, I find myself repeating that phrase. It’s not that I assume that a person is just like their negative friends, but I do wonder: why surround yourself with negativity? So many times, I hear people justifying their own friends. They’ll explain that their friend is ‘obnoxious’ or ‘self-centered’. Sure, we all have our negative qualities, but when a person’s negative qualities stand out against everything else…why would you want to be around that person?

Maybe I’m just biased because I have the best friends in the world. I throw parties often and I always pride myself in the fact that all of my circles of friends mingle together flawlessly each time. My friends always leave my parties raving about how awesome the people they met at my party are. I guess since I’m in NYC now, I can be picky. There are enough people in NYC to allow for me to have well-balanced, good-hearted friends across the board.

They talk about more than just themselves. They always have a shoulder on which anyone can lean. They are creative, intelligent, and articulate. They are self-confident and most importantly: they are positive. There’s nothing worse than negativity, if you ask me. Not to sound like a total hippie, but negativity brings me down and I’d much rather be friends with optimistic people who can be grateful for what they have. Nothing drives me more insane than listening to someone complain for hours on end. Who DOES want to hear that?

So what is everyone else’s deal? Do they really want to listen to someone bicker all of the time? Do they really want to be friends with guys who cause fights and disrespect girls at bars? Who are these people who befriend all of the liars and cheaters out there?

I hate to say it, but if I meet a cool girl and go out for drinks with her just to find out that all of her girlfriends are materialistic bitches, I’m going to deeply consider not hanging out with her again. Is that so terrible? My time is precious to me and I don’t need anyone messing up my outlook.

Of course it’s possible that some people just don’t see their friends’ true colors. They simply don’t realize that the ‘birds’ they’re flying with…SUCK. But what about the people who know their friends are…offensive? What do you think?

[Photo courtesy of www.benac.com]

I could tell she was excited about him – especially considering the horrible string of guys she had dealt with previously – but she really sounded calm and collected on the phone.

“I really like hanging out with him, but not like over-excited and crazy like usual. I will just see where this goes.”

Now, it could be that my dear friend has really grown up and matured since her last boy fiasco. Maybe she has evolved into the girl who can indeed just “see where things go” and not get ahead of herself with the excitement of a wonderful new man…and an even more wonderful future filled with a beautiful wedding, a lovely house and endless marital bliss.

And if that is the case, then I would like to be her agent and book editor as she explains her path to dating enlightenment to women around the world.

Not that I don’t think my friend has matured at all from her dating experiences. Quite the contrary. I just believe that it is rather difficult to be so impassive about someone you have strong feelings about and want to develop a relationship with.

What I think is different about this particular situation is the boy. Thinking back to all the times I met a guy and promptly took a trip down Crazy Lane, it was always a symptom of uncertainty. Does he like me? Does he want to see me again? Should I call? Is he not calling because he regrets what we did? When he is going to freaking call!?

After talking to my friend, I have begun to realize that it is not that I am actually a crazy person; it is just that in these situations I always know how I feel but have no idea about him. If I were to meet someone like my friend did – a guy who was pro open communication – I would be able to rest easy and not spend my days checking my phone for missed calls or texts.

This is just such a refreshing revelation, not to mention proof to everyone out there (read: men) that the female gender is not innately crazy; communicate effectively and you will see our true chill and confident selves. I just hope my friend’s boy can keep this up; he has set the bar pretty high.

My all time favorite spring drinking experience is sangria on the porch. My roommates and I have made this a yearly tradition since college began and we are not going to stop now just because we flipped our tassels. There is nothing better than sitting around in the sun, sipping a delicious cocktail and hanging out with my best friends.

Seriously, you should try it.

You can’t have my friends (sorry, I am really possessive), but I would be happy to share our oh-so-special Sangria recipe with you. It is fruity, fun and so totally delicious.

Here is what you need

Bottle of red wine (I prefer Shiraz, but whatever floats your boat)

1 Lemon cut into wedges

1 Orange cut into wedges

1 Lime cut into wedges

2 Tbsp sugar

Splash of orange juice

2 Shots of gin (we like to throw in a few more for good measure)

1 Cup of sliced strawberries or raspberries

1 Small can of diced pineapples with the juice

4 Cups ginger ale

Start by squeezing out the juices of the lemon, orange and lime and mix them in a giant bowl/tub/garbage can with the wine. Throw in the fruit, sugar, orange juice and gin. Put it in the fridge and leave it overnight. This allows the flavors to mix together, which makes this all the more delish. When you are ready to get out to the porch for some quality girl time, add the Ginger Ale, berries and some ice to keep it extra cold. Adding chips and salsa on the side is also a good idea.

Ladle it out into some red Solo cups and you have yourself a perfect Spring afternoon. Oh, and you may want to double or triple the recipe cuz this stuff is good. Seriously. That good.