However, tomorrow morning, reality will set in. It breaks my heart, but you will discover you are not actually Lady Gaga, and you do have a term paper due on Friday. And you probably will have a hangover. I don’t think I can help you with the first two crises, but I do have a comprehensive guide to putting that hangover to bed.

Do your morning-after woes make you curse the day you were born? Never fear, there’s a recipe for that, and it’s simple enough not to compound that throbbing headache. Whip up these recipes tonight before going out. Your aching body will thank you tomorrow.

Got a searing headache?
You’re probably dehydrated. All those shots and Four Lokos have a diuretic effect on the body, meaning you lose water. So think like an athlete and grab some electrolyte-replenishing sports drinks to clear up that fog!

The remedy: Buy a bottle of Gatorade and pour it into an ice cube tray. You can place popsicle sticks in the cubes for a treat in the morning (especially nice just to suck on if you’re feeling nauseous too), or use the cubes to make a slushie. Pour them into a blender with some fresh fruit (I like pineapple), and churn away!

Got an upset stomach?
All that drinking can make your digestive system go bananas–which is why you should have some! They’re a binding food that represses stomach acid.

The remedy: Who says you can’t have pudding for breakfast? With this healthy, vegan-friendly recipe you’ll forget your stomach troubles.

Ingredients:

1 banana, broken into chunks
1 (12 ounce) package soft silken tofu
1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons soy milk
1 pinch ground cinnamon

Instructions: Blend all ingredients together until smooth, then refrigerate before serving.

Body aches galore?
It feels like you just went for a marathon tune-up at the gym, but the only weights you were carrying were twin 40s, you’re not alone. The combined effects of dehydration and very little sleep can leave your muscles feeling lethargic and sore. Get your strength back with a little protein and cysteine, a non-essential amino acid that some say counter-acts the byproducts of metabolized alcohol in the body. Get a healthy dose of both with some eggs!

The remedy: Even most college freshmen can make this recipe without access to a kitchen, if you have a hot-water boiler and a toaster in a common room. Perfect for those hangovers where you can’t even make it out of your dorm to the dining hall, make some poached eggs on toast for an alternative to the hum-drum fake-egg omelets in the caf.

Ingredients:

• 2 eggs
• Dash of pepper
• Salsa
• Bread
• Hummus (optional)

Instructions:

Fill the hot water boiler about two thirds of the way and let it boil. Once it’s hot enough, turn the heat down so it’s no longer a “rolling boil” (i.e. bubbling madly). In a separate bowl, crack open the two eggs. Gently pour the contents of the bowl into the boiling water, being careful not to splash (try to gingerly slide the eggs in). Let the eggs cook about 5 minutes until they become solid and can be easily removed with a spoon. Serve on warm toast (prepared on the toaster) with salsa for dipping and garnish with a bit of pepper.  Get creative if you like and spread hummus on the toast for more protein.

I hate you, Jack Daniel.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – yes, even that – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t know if you’ll know this but I was wondering if you had any advice for curing a hangover? I always feel super crappy for days after a long night out and I don’t know what I can do to feel better. I drink a lot of water and try to get a lot of sleep but nothing helps!

You know bodies – do you have any ideas?

A: Oh, I hear you. We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, there is no magic home remedy (although I can tell you that hungover medical students have been known to hook themselves up to bags of IV fluid, which I’ve been told works wonders!).  To some degree, a hangover is just par for the course – one of those lessons the Universe likes to teach us to keep us out of trouble. But assuming the deed is done, what can you do to minimize your suffering? Here are a few tips:

1. If you’re conscious enough in the midst of your drinking binge, make sure to alternate your alcoholic beverages with non-alcoholic ones to help your body stay hydrated in the presence of such a strong dehydrator.
2. After you’ve thrown up in the cab and rid yourself of any strays who might have followed you home, down a very large glass of Gatorade, which can help replace the electrolytes you’ve lost. If you can keep it down, chug two or three glasses.
3. Avoid caffeine. Coffee will not help sober you up. It will just make you a jittery, nervous drunk. Because it also dehydrates you, it will only worsen your hangover.
4. Although people may tell you to take two aspirin or a dose of Tylenol before you hit the hay, both can cause more harm than good. Aspirin can irritate the stomach and make you more likely to wind up praying to the porcelain gods. And Tylenol can be toxic to the liver, which is likely busy trying to break down alcohol. Try some extra B vitamins instead.
5. Sleep in.  Call in sick if you must. Your body needs rest to repair itself.
6. Forget the hair-of-the-dog advice. Unless you’re an alcoholic in the midst of withdrawing (in which case you’ve got bigger problems and need help), a little nip of alcohol in the morning is likely to just prolong the agony.  Try a virgin Bloody Mary instead.
7. Get something into your stomach in the morning, even if you don’t feel like eating. Your stomach gets pretty beat up when you’re binging, and food helps to coat it.
8. Take ibuprofen or naproxen in the morning to fight off your headache. You tummy will likely have settled down by then and can handle the medication. Take it with food so it doesn’t sit on an empty stomach.
9. Take a shower. It’s likely to perk you up and get the stink off you.
10. If you can stand it, get outside and move your body. It gets your blood flowing and provides welcome endorphins to help you fight the after-effects of too much booze.

Keep in mind that hangovers are our body’s way of responding to an overdose. Because our livers can’t keep up with the alcohol we put in, the whole body rebels. Do your body a favor and stave off hangovers the best way – prevention.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

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