Miley’s innocent conversations with guitar strumming Billy Rae Cyrus are long shadowed by a dark chasm of tight bodices and bird feathers we know as Miley Cyrus now. It’s momentarily saddening – she was so innocent and sweet – until you realize that Miley was destined to enter Britney-ville sooner or later.  That juicy, sweet southern accent and Disney-infested resume was too much to pass up.

Regardless, her sudden hankering to flounder in a sea of sluttiness hasn’t taken me over the edge quite yet.  Amongst the only 22-year-old to admit it, I love listening to her (Ke$ha-esque sounding) new CD while pre-gaming and I won’t change the channel after snorting out my intestines in disgust at her abundance of ripped clothing. (Honestly, what’s with all the tears, girlfriend?)

Like everybody else does.

Seriously.  I have not seen so much distaste for any human being since people encountered the individual that told them the Tooth Fairy was their daddy.  Has anybody else noticed how much crude, angry mob-style hatred people feel deep inside their souls for this girl??

I mean, I understand she is a “role model” and should probably find some patches and her Grandmother to mend some of her clothing choices… and maybe stay away from those camel-toe bearing ensembles….but the energy invested in expressing disliking for Miley Cyrus has the strength to move a mountain range.  And it’s annoying.

It comes from people of all ages and sizes.  My sister (15-years-old) hates her so much she spews spit all over the table at dinner when she exclaims, “Miley is a big slut and I don’t like her.” It’s as if she couldn’t get out the words fast enough because she fears her high school posse is going to show up in our kitchen and shun her for life because she (almost) liked Miley Cyrus.  But she’s not the only one. My college girlfriends can’t pass up a moment to chime into a heated conversation about what an awful role model she is and “she should be ashamed of herself,” and “she looks like a skank” and blah, blah, blah.

Stop it, people! Seriously, it’s ridonkulous.

Let’s all simmer down, OK? Simmer down now. I’m here to invite you all to bring all the ‘Miley-Hatred’ down a few levels. I don’t know what this girl did to be so polarizing anyway. Grew up a little bit? Wanted to feel sexy? Wrote the best song of all time? Isn’t that something we all do (well, besides the whole Party in the USA part). Why is it so bad when she does it? People grow up, it’s part of life, so why can’t Miley? Wouldn’t it be a wee bit creepy if she was still sporting that blonde wig and doing her show on the Disney channel when she hit 40?

And seriously people, why don’t we all stop investing so much time and energy into hating Miley and use it for some more positive things, like saving the rain forests or trying to sweep Liam Hemsworth right off his feet and out of Miley Cyrus’ new sex-chamber pad.  Or go adopt a shelter puppy and tell him how much you hate Miley and how she should put some clothes on.

Actually, don’t do that. Puppies don’t deserve that.

Really, though, just leave Miley alone [says the crying girl from under her sheets]. Just like Billy Ray’s facial hair, the Miley-bashing is getting old and it’s really not attractive.

The highest-paid child actor on TV doesn’t star on a Disney Channel show. Nor does he headline one of Nickelodeon’s many kid-friendly programs. The highest paid child actor on TV actually stars on the CBS hit show, ‘Two and a Half Men.’ His name is Angus T. Jones and he makes a whopping $250,000 per episode.

Earlier today, the New York Post revealed their list of the top 10 highest-paid kid actors on television today. After polling talent agents, casting agents, and other TV execs, they narrowed down TV’s richest mini-moguls.

Surprisingly, Miley Cyrus didn’t even make the top five. Though her franchise and ‘Hannah Montana’ namesake are worth millions (some even estimate a full billion), she’s not making large chunks of change from her TV show. In fact, Cyrus makes around $15,000 an episode–landing her #6 on the list.
The second highest paid child actor on TV is Miranda Cosgrove, the star of hit Nickelodeon show ‘iCarly.’ This young lady makes roughly $160,000 an episode.

But after Jones and Cosgrove, there’s a pretty big gap in salary for the rest of the list. The remaining eight actors make between $12,000 – $20,000 an episode. Not too shabby but certainly not in the same ballpark as Jones and Cosgrove.

Check out the rest of the list right here.

But for the Top 11 American Idol contestants in tonight’s episode, Miley Cyrus is gonna attempt to be just that – their mentor. What is she gonna tell them!? What advice could she possibly give!?

“Yea y’all, it would be really helpful if you had a dad who was a one-hit wonder and had a really sweet mullet in the ’90s! Then you could get your own show on the Disney Channel, and your career will really take off!”

I personally feel kind of sorry for these Idol hopefuls, because contestants in past seasons have had the honor to work with legendary figures in the music biz. The contestants on season 6 hip-hopped with Jenny from the Block, rocked out with fashion and music mogul Gwen Stefani, and were even mentored by Bon Jovi, Bono, and- wait for it- DIANA freakin’ ROSS!

Then, season 7 featured mentors like Neil Diamond, Mariah Carey, who is the best-selling female artist with the most #1 singles in U.S. history, and the legendary Dolly Parton. Season 8 came and went with Quentin Tarantino and Jamie Foxx (blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol…sorry, can’t help myself)

My point is, that Idol needs to continue it’s longstanding tradition of having talented, award winning artists mentor the newbies who have made an impact on the world, not some teeny bopper who’s gonna perform a duet with a Jonas brother. Who knows, maybe Miley will make something great of herself in the future and become one of these unforgettable names. But as of now, she hasn’t even donned a cap and gown for a high school graduation, so let’s leave the mentoring to the real pros, shall we?

What....a dreamboat

Every once in a while (okay, maybe a little more often than that) I find myself adopting a new guilty pleasure. For a while I watched Hannah Montana on a regular basis, then came my Espresso truffle phase where I down one at Starbucks almost everyday under the pretense that if I finished it in 2 minutes the calories didn’t count. And I never seemed to shake the Spice Girls; if “Wannabe” comes on, an air mic, head bangs and some karaoke rapping will follow.

But recently a new contender has quickly moved to the top of guilty pleasure list.

Move over Miley Cyrus – Justin Beiber is my new tweenstar obsession. And boy am I feelin’ guilty right about now.

The kid is 15, but he looks about 12 and half. He’s got no body hair, he will still be mistaken for a little girl over the phone, and I honestly doubt the boy has even had an erection. But that hasn’t stopped him from releasing a CD full of romantic love songs, as if he has had 15 agonizing years of offering girls rides on his tricycle only to have them run off and play with another kid in he sandbox.

As wrong as it is, I just can’t seem to resist his sweet raspy voice and catchy beats. When his songs come on the radio I have a moment of reason: “You will change the station now, there is no way that belting out ‘One Time’ is socially acceptable.” Then I tell reason to shut-it, turn the volume to max and belt that baby like there’s no tomorrow.

About a month ago I sat in shame as my middle school aged cousins gushed over Justin, giggling and singing his songs out loud, accompanied by a dance they had made up with their friends.

“You guys are crazy,” I said rolling my eyes.

Then I left the room, shoved ear buds into my ears and selected GUILTY on my iPod, bobbing my head and shaking my hips to all 5 of Justin’s songs.

So sad. So wrong (I mean, really – this has to be illegal). So embarrassing.
But I can’t help it. That boy just…gets it.

When I was in middle school and I had to choose between two boys who wanted to take me to the 7th grade dance, my mom told me to make a list. (Mind you, that was the last time I ever had 2 boys fighting over me…) After noting that one of the boys had far more cons (like picking his nose…and eating it), I had my answer. Since then, I’ve used lists to make all of my difficult life decisions: beer or vodka, Kris Allen or Adam Lambert, flats or wedges…

And now: which celeb is worse for the future of society.

This week’s showdown is between two ladies who are tainting our youth, one racy photo at a time: Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Who is wreaking more havoc? Let’s break it down:

Disney Career

Miley Cyrus, or should I say Hannah Montana, was abducted into the Disney cult at the young age of rwelve. With a hit TV show, spin-off movie, and record deal, I’m not sure if Miley will be hanging up that hideous blond wig any time soon.

Lindsay Lohan, also paid her Disney dues, starring in The Parent Trap, Life Size, Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, and Herbie Fully Loaded. Sadly, the freckles faded (or perhaps were spray tanned over) and Lindsay broke her ties to Disney to pursue other acting gigs

Point: Miley Cyrus. Maybe it’s time Miley moved on to bigger and better things (it’s not like all those Disney movies did Lindsay any good, anyway). Besides, that whole double persona thing confuses the crap out of me.

Racy Pics

Miley Cyrus started small with some provocative bff pics, you know, just sharing a gummy worm with the bestie, eating lollipops, and rolling around on the ground together. But that was just the beginning. Soon after, Miley was jonesing for more Lolita love and stripped down to her skivvies. I like to refer to these as the panty pics, because, for God knows what reason, Miley decided to hold a photo sesh in her underwear (Myspace style). Of course the pictures leaked. I’ve been saving the best for last, because for her grand finale, Miley graced the cover of Vanity Fair in nothing but a sheet. Everybody on Team Miley lost their sh*t and denied any involvement in the decision. Hey, she ‘s just being Miley, right?

Lindsay Lohan posed for her Vanity Fair cover in a little white bikini. She waited to reveal her bits a few pages in a la Marilyn Monroe. The whole thing wasn’t terribly scandalous, but don’t you worry, there’s plenty more scandal in Lindsay’s photo past. First, I have two words for you: Fire Crotch. Seemed like Lindsay had something to prove after that little nick name became public. Then there were the  Vanessa Minnilo Knife Pictures.  But who am I to judge, I’m sure it was just your average house party when the knife play got a little out of control. Oh, and how could we forget when Lindsay passed out in that car?! God bless the paparazzi for capturing that gleaming moment in Lindsay’s life.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. A vag flash, knife pic and passing out drunk on camera? The only way Miley could top that is if someone got a shot of her in a threesome with the Jonas Brothers…and all of T.I.’s guns.

Role Model

Miley Cyrus likes to talk about her good morals. This could be great as far as being a role model. Who doesn’t want someone with strong moral values and an awesome work ethic to give kids someone to look up to? Unfortunately, Miley has been a little hypocritical as far as those morals go. Just look at the photo evidence if you don’t believe me.

Lindsay Lohan had a very public lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. This could have been a great opportunity for Lindsay to step up as a role model for the gay community and break some of the stereotypes associated with lesbians and bisexuals. Lindsay didn’t really come through, though. There was more focus on the negative instead of the positive in that relationship; drug allegations, restraining orders and public screaming matches don’t exactly promote a healthy image.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. I don’t really think anybody should be looking up to Lindsay Lohan right now.

Branding

Miley Cyrus has Hannah Montana stuff EVERYWHERE. I don’t think I’ve ever went shopping without seeing that big toothy smile. She has DVDs,  wigs, make up, handbags, backpacks, dolls, CDs, books, boardgames, toilet seats… Yes, I said toilet seats. Need I continue?

Lindsay Lohan had her own line of leggings, but right now she’s sticking to spray tan. It sounds like a cruel joke but it’s true – the queen of orange glow is taking her spray tan wisdom to the public with Sevin Nyne.

Point: Miley Cyrus. I know she’s probably raking in the cash, but nobody should ever put their face on a toilet seat. Seriously, she’s just asking to be pissed on.

Fame Whore Parents

Miley Cyrus is the daughter Billy Ray Cyrus (you know, Achey Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus.) When your dad was once a famous country singer (with chaps and a mullet) who is no longer in the limelight, you are already in danger of crossing into crazy stage-parent territory. Add in that Miley’s dad co-stars in Hannah Montana with her and you have a full fledged fame whore dad. It probably doesn’t help that Billy Ray has that very creepy Joe Simpson vibe going for him either.

Lindsay Lohan’s family loooooooves publicity. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, Dina and Michael Lohan will take any opportunity to talk to a tabloid, call a radio show, or write to a website. I’m surprised they haven’t hired sky writers yet. Like Billy Ray, Dina claims she attempted her own career as a rockette. She settled for a reality show and status as a fame whore parent instead.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. Let’s just say the Lohans are a little more involved in their daughter’s life. And by “involved” I mean “get drunk with her and call the paps to be outside when they leave.”

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Lindsay Lohan. As much as it pains me, I really can’t hate on Miley this time.

Why weren’t we at Fordham this morning??

If I could do prom over again, I’d wear this dress.

Oprah is willing to share the spotlight…if your name is Michelle Obama.

Just in case you wanted too see Octomom giving birth, the video is now available.

Do you have the guts to take your online relationship offline?

Just when you thought celeb names couldn’t get any crazier, we introduce you to baby Ickitt.

7 reasons to be the designated driver for your friends.

Miley wrote a book? Life is so unfair.

Which TV characters would you want to be friends with?

Kelly and Kanye are set to grace the American Idol stage.

There is nothing I love more than a good laugh. And more importantly, a good laugh when I’m bored. at work. at home. on a sunday. in an airport. Thanks to the internet gods of the world, there is no shortage of things that can make us laugh. A You Tube Video, a website where people share their horror stories (which are always funny) or a sight meant to be serious but makes you wonder, “is this for REALZ?”

And boy do I love it all.

So here are 5 of my favorite online sites that make me go hahaha. They make me LOL and sometimes even ROFL. Seriously. They are my go-to’s when I’m about to kill myself (or someone else) out of stress, or boredem, or a lack of desire to be productive. So, to sum that up, I pretty much visit these sites every day.

1) fmylife.com. Today, I discovered a site that I have become so addicted to that I’ve completely stopped productivity in all areas of my life. Well, except my love life – that’s always lacked productivity. FML.

In all seriousness: you will die over other people’s horrible mishaps – true or not. This site makes me feel a whole lot better about the time someone once asked me if I was pregnant…

2). Crappy Childrens Artwork - Hy.sterical.ness. I never thought that kids drawings of doggies and fire trucks could be so funny until now.

3) Postcardsfromyomomma.com – Although we are all different (yadda yadda) I believe that all mothers are the same on some level. And as fabulous as they are, they all come with a side of guilt-tripping/over protective/batsh*t craziness that makes us love them and want to medicate them and stick them in a home all at the same time (I HEART YOU, MOM). This website is funny because, well, it’s REAL. Real moms sending real emails that are annoying to some but amazing to us.

4) This you tube clip. Just plain funny.

5) We all hate soliciters. Not only are they always asking for things we don’t have (“Your university needs your money!”), but they manage to call at the most inconvenient times. ever. Take a listen and try this. It always puts me in a good mood.

6) And as a bonus just because these two never get old, never ceaese to put a smile on my face and I love them a little more every time I see them: Nobody’s Perfect and Thumbkin.

I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t like some of Miley Cyrus’ songs, or even guiltily thinking (to myself) last weekend that the preview for her movie looked cute and that maaaybe I would have to find a 9 year old girl to babysit so that I wouldn’t look like such a tool going to see it. (Hey, I know you all saw and loved the Lizzie McGuire Movie! No? Just Me? Okay then…)

But what I can proudly admit to you, dear readers, is my love affiar with this Theory dress that our gal pal is wearing. It’s simple, it’s flattering and it’s a dress-up or down type of frock.

But, as we all know, Theory’s prices don’t exactly fit in our college chic budgets. (Let’s be real for a moment: any extra money we have is going to Vodka Tonics/late night eats.) Thank god you guys have me, then. I found the perfect pieces to build this look without having to worry about your DVR services being cancelled (lest you miss an episode of Real Housewives).

So here is this week’s Celebrity Chic on the Cheap: Miley Cyrus Has a Fashion Theory.

Dress:

Here are two options that look pretty similar Miley’s! Pair them with leggings and flats for the day, or a hot pair of pumps for night.

Accessorize

Feel free to try some necklaces like Miley, or a belt like Kelly Osbourne (Yes, that is her in the picture. I didn’t believe it either!):

Clutch:

You need a bag to carry all your essentials, but choose something simple that won’t detract from the perfect fabulosity of the look.

Shoes:

Retro heels for a new twist on the black pump, or comfy flats for a night of dancing. Either would look great with the dress.

Cindy Crawford is not a Miley Cyrus fan.

What LC and Lo look like when The Hills is not taping.

Lisa Bonet – that chick from the Cosby show – had a baby. And gave it a weird-ass name.

How much coffee is too much coffee?

Want to go to the Inauguration? Got $100,000?

Polaroid 2.0 - coolest thing ever.

Things you never knew about your weight.

Fix your own pants, instead of paying the tailor to do it for you.

10 TV shows that were ripped off by other shows.

The Pregnant Man – Thomas Beattie became the sensation of the world in April when he appeared on Oprah to defend his choice to have a child as a transgendered man. Sticking up for your beliefs? Awesome, and definitely commendable. Eventually turning into a fame slut and marketing out your second pregnancy? Not cool. Now pregnant with his second child, Beattie has already cemented a book deal on his experience and been interviewed a second time as a ‘Barbara Walters Exclusive.’ One child is a miracle. A second one immediately afterwards is a marketing scheme.

Batsh** Insane Celebrities Across The Media - Britney, Lindsey, and others: we’re talking to you. 2008 was the year of the mental millionaire, with the world playing a captive audience to the tragic, bizarre, and sometimes just eerie behavior of celebrities. We watched Britney Spears struggle to put her life back together after divorce, Lindsey Lohan battling various addictions, and Scarlett Johansson crossing the borderline into stalker-ish about Barack Obama. Here’s the real scoop: an estimated 57.7 million adults are suffering from a diagnosable mental illness in the United States alone. What makes these celebrities any different from these people who are suffering in private besides their income and the paparazzi that shadow them? Watching people suffer is definitely a trend that shouldn’t cross over into ’09.

“Reality” Dating Shows - Now that Flavor Flav has finally hung up his clock and gone off the air, there are about thirty shows taking his place, and they’re spreading like cockroaches. Tila Tequila, the ‘Ikki Twins,’ and others are taking over Vh1 and MTV mercilessly, swamping our televisions with drunken fights (actually funny to watch), and pointless drama. Who makes their boyfriends/girlfriends eat nasty pig parts and do bizarre things in the name of love? These loveless actors do. Some dating shows range from the creepy (Date My Mom) to the outright postmortem (The Bachelor), but either way, they all need to go.

Political Ignorance/Apathy – In the year of the historical election, political action was awesome and political apathy was absolutely the anti-cool. The worst of the worse were the nonpartisans who were both apathetic and uneducated about the election. Their “why should I bother to vote” statements were both inhibiting to the democratic tradition and simply irritating. Guaranteed to piss off people who were voting, the ‘Not Voting’ demographic drew on fallacies and the platforms that they didn’t really understand to prove why they weren’t going to vote. The election was basically a two horse race, but there were still other entries available as an alternate, so not voting at all was just not cool.

Guys in Girl Jeans – It’s creepy. It’s weird. It’s a guy shopping in the same section as you in PacSun. As you put down the pair of sunglasses you were looking at and openly stare, you realize he’s not just shopping for a shirt to give to his girlfriend. He’s holding three pairs of jeans in his hand, and there’s no girlfriend in sight. As you watch, he takes the jeans and starts walking to the dressing rooms. You are not witnessing a confused shopper. You’re witnessing the Girl Jean Phenomenon, a plague of 2008 pop culture, and a trend that needs to die on December 31st. Guys wearing our jeans is not cool or edgy. It’s just lame and, now, overplayed.

Saturday Night Live – Is it still going? It’s been in the process of becoming painfully unfunny in the years since Will Ferrell left, and now with the exit of Amy Poehler, we just need to euthanize it. A classic sketch show that began in 1975 with genuinely funny people, SNL has run over six hundred episodes of pure comedic bliss continuously for thirty-three years. As with all great series, though, the time has come to put SNL out of its misery before it becomes the kind of joke it used to make.

Churning Out Tween Pop Stars By The Dozen – If child enslavement was defined as being manufactured on a kids’ show and being shoved on the masses, Disney and Nickelodeon would be doing massive amounts of time in jail. The list of sugary sweet music artists includes, but definitely is not limited to The Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, Demi What’s-Her-Name, That Miranda Kid, and a host of others, few if any of whom have actual talent. But you wouldn’t know, because should you approach any method of media that is playing a song by them, you’ll be deafened instantly and hopelessly by the cacophony of shrieking that erupts. The Original Disney Channel Star, Hilary Duff, unfortunately started it all when she split from Disney in 2004 to pursue a solo career (which caused a big fuss, if I remember right). She was an original, at least for the Disney Channel. These cookie cutter kids? About as generic as it gets.

Agree or disagree? Think something else should have made the list? Voice your opinions below, and tell us what you think about the worst pop culture in 2008!