1. Graduation gifts – Luckily when you graduate, people give you gifts and money and things that you need. Even though these gifts are like “Hey, you’re out of college now and you’re kinda on your own so here is some luggage,” they make transitioning very happy.

2. I’m cafeteria free – Albeit eating in a dining hall and having a meal plan is convenient, not having to eat food made for 800 people is a dream. Do you know how amazing it is to eat food that is warm and flavorful? Maybe my alma mater wasn’t too fabulous in the food department (minus the Swedish meatballs … I lived for those), so I’m alone on this one, but I’ll take making myself food any day over dining hall slop.

3. I can wear my underwear whenever I want – Seriously, every time I would just want to veg out in my dorm room and just comfortably enjoy being in my underwear (with a bag of chips), someone would knock. (Editor’s Note: Thank god they didn’t just walk in. Awkward!) And you know, then you have to get up, put on pants, and open the door. Not now. I can wear my underwear all day and no one bothers me. Hooray!

4. No drama – Getting away from college has been a blessing. No gossip. No drama. Just memories and keeping-in-touch with those I want to (and staying far, far away from those I don’t).  I don’t have to deal with classroom politics, and I don’t have to deal with drunken sorority girls elbowing me on dance floors. It’s great being able to step back from the stuff that made me go “Ughh, I’m so over it.”

5. I have a degree– Even though it may not be enough to find the kind of job I want, I’m glad I have my Bachelors and I’m glad I worked my ass off to get it. College went fast, but the knowledge and the subjects that interest me will last a lifetime. No complaints there!

6. A Change of Scenery – Moving to California has taken me completely out of my element. I spent four years in Virginia, surrounded by mountains. Growing up, I lived in the suburbs of Atlanta. And now, I’m three minutes from the beach, 30 minutes to Los Angeles, 90 minutes to San Diego, and the majority of the weather is in the 70s. And it. is. glorious.

7. My own schedule – Nothing is better than sleeping in on a Wednesday just because I felt like it. I didn’t have the pleasure of doing that in college, so even though some people may think this qualifies me as a slacker, I love it. I can stay up late, sleep in late. I can nap when I want. I study for the LSAT and get what I need done, and I do so on my own schedule. Sometimes being jobless is amazing!

8. I do what I want – It’s as simple as that. I don’t have professor meetings to attend. I don’t have extra-curriculars to worry about. I don’t have some set schedule every day of the week. I can wake up when I want. I can go to bed when I want. I can do what I want. I can plan the future that I want. I have one person to really focus on and that’s myself. And it’s great.

What do you love about being a post-grad?

I’ve been in California for nearly two months now, but everyone I run into asks the same question: “Are you going to move here permanently?” Those back in Georgia frequently ask me “Do you see yourself moving back home?” And of course, with the LSAT on my mind 24/7, the inevitable question of “Where do you want to go to law school?” comes up. Apparently all things post-grad rely on geography!

Where you go to law school matters a lot – especially for where you want to live. If you go to a school that isn’t nationally recognized, job perspectives outside of that region shrink. Am I spending all of my time thinking about law school in the context of location? No – there are more initial factors, but picking a future residence does have a major importance. But how daunting is that? Although it may be a little drastic to say, it really feels like I have to answer “Where do you want to live for the rest of your life?” right now at this very second.

So, the plan was to move out here – get my post-grad life together, and then figure out where to go after I worked hard enough to make my plans happen. Since I’ve been here, a lot of people assume this is where I plan to reside forever. Do I want to end up in Orange County or Southern California forever? Honestly, I don’t know if it’s for me. While California is gorgeous, I still don’t feel like I can call this place home. I haven’t had my “ah-ha” moment of residential happiness.

But then again, I can’t help but think that if my boyfriend lived out here with me, would I feel differently? Chances are pretty likely that I would. What if my sister lived out here? I think I’d have a different attitude. Maybe the idea of a place to call home is all perspective, but even though I’m living with my dad – it just feels like I can’t get too comfortable out here on the Golden Coast (but then again, can anyone get too comfortable when they have logic games on their minds all day?).

I am a believer that where you live has a huge impact on who you are, who you will become in the future, and your overall happiness. According to The Happiness Project, one major happiness killer is “living somewhere that does not let you be you” and as every day passes, I feel like I need to figure the answer to where I will be happiest, location wise. Am I getting too ahead of myself in figuring out where I possibly want to live as a future cat lady?

Maybe I’ll just move to South Africa. My younger sister took off and lives there now – it works for her, so maybe I should do it too. I could always close my eyes and pick a random spot on a map. And of course, there is the Elizabeth Gilbert approach. Why not  Eat, Pray, Love my way across the United States – and maybe even the world – until I feel confident I can find the perfect place to spend what could be the rest of my life?

Moving is an inevitable part of life. I moved across the country when my parents divorced. I left home for a college seven hours away in Virgina. I lived in New York City by myself for an entire summer. I lived in London. Hell, I moved dorm rooms more than three times my freshman year. I know that I won’t stay in the same place forever, so maybe I shouldn’t think too much into it right now.

However, if anything my post-grad life has taught me it’s not to make plans, so maybe geographically speaking, the future of where I live and work and rejoice in happiness will be out of my control. And that’s the scariest thing of all.

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

Quick question.  Are you happy?  That’s right, I am talking to you.  You know, the one half of any relationship you create and the only part you can control.  You.

As a dating coach, I can’t believe how many ladies come to me wanting a happy and fulfilling relationship but aren’t actually happy with themselves.  WHAT????  How much sense does that make?  Or is that poor, unknowing, already-set-up-to-fail guy supposed to “complete you”?  Lucky them.  That makes about as much sense as not having oil or gas in your car and thinking it will run. I have done that.  It doesn’t work no matter how much I click my heels and wish it would.

Too many times I see people daydreaming and waiting for that “someday your prince will come”.  Well, I got something better.  What if I told you that you have a power in yourself bigger than any royalty and the ability to change your life starting today!  True story.

I like to think I am a Ms. Smarty Pants, being a dating coach isn’t rocket science.  The overall concept is very simple:  The happier and more complete you are as a person, the less you are searching for someone to fill in all the gaps.  You will not need your guy to be your best friend, a great listener, your rock and support system, the breadwinner yet sensitive to your different moods, your shopping partner, your handyman, your top chef, your super model to make you look good and your hero who tells you how good looking you are every day through well written love notes.  I am exhausted just thinking about what this poor guy is expected to be.  Can anybody really live up to that?

Instead, why not truly search for a partner on this crazy journey we call life instead of someone to fix your crap. Here are three ways to jumpstart your happiness factor and start creating the person that you want to date.

1. Love your goods, bads and nutties.

What happens when we find someone with real potential?  Many times we mold ourselves into the person we think that they want us to be.  We make small (sometimes not so small) changes to make sure that they stay. Eventually we realize somewhere down the road that we are unhappy and start to go back to being ourselves, which leaves them scratching their heads saying “WTF?”  Instead we need to learn to love our real, authentic, imperfect selves, creating healthy boundaries in the beginning of the relationship – trying new things, always working to being better, but always being ourselves.  Everyone else is already taken.

2.  Build a Life Support Team

Feel like you are attracting the same jerks over and over again?  Start by taking a look at what you are putting out there.  Usually what is going on around you is a reflection of what is going on inside you.  There were times in my life where I looked around and felt most people in my life were negative and unhappy. And then I realized that I was in a place where I was feeling pretty negative and unhappy.  Hmmm…….coincidence?  Nope.

Let’s instead take a look at you.  Are you the person you want to date? If you met you would you be excited?  Delighted? Are you over your job?  Unhappy with your weight?  Think your friends might be holding you back?  Figure it out, pick a goal and start working on you.  What small step can you do today? Feeling shy?  Take an improv class.  Want to be more interesting?  Go on a trip.   Want to get healthier?  Hire a trainer or a nutritionist.  There are a plethora of coaches and consultants out there just to help you.  Even if you can’t afford them one on one, many have classes and workshops to keep it affordable.  Why not get a whole team on your side and become the person you want to be and be with?  You don’t have to do anything alone.

3. Tell a Happier Story

My friend and fellow life coach Rob Mack says it best.  “If you don’t have anything nice to say about somebody, don’t say it at all.  Now make sure that includes yourself.”  We can’t be happy unless we have happy emotions with a happy story.  You know your story.  The one of how you got to where you are.  When you tell yours is it fun, adventurous and full of life lessons?  Or does it have lots of upset, drama and bad circumstances?  People are not born with the “glass half full” mentality, they have to work at it. And that means you!

When you are meeting new people or out on a first date, reach for your positive thoughts first.  Instead of looking for how that person doesn’t fit your perfect match list, go in with a child-like curiosity to find out what makes them unique.  Focus on the exciting possibility of meeting a new person and that they are devoting an entire evening to get to know you.  How can you retell your story?

By adding these three simple ways to get happy into your life, you will be amazed who starts showing up.

[If you need some life support or a total revamp on your dating world, watch for me this fall when we do our first College Candy Dating Makeover.  Get excited!]

[There are over 100 million sites on the Internet. 100 million! You might think you know about all the important ones (CollegeCandy, Gmail, Google, Zappos...), but there are thousands of other sweet sites out there (like CoolSpotters, DailyLit and The Weather Stylist). And more showing up every day! We get it – it’s not easy or fun sifting through the crap and porn to find those gems, so we’re gonna bring the gems to you. Just sit back, kick up those feet and allow us to introduce you to the diamonds in the internet rough.]

We’ve all heard the old saying that it’s the little things in life that really matter.  But it’s easy to get so caught up  in everything else in our lives that we can forget about all those little things.

1000 Awesome Things is a nice reminder to appreciate the simple things in life.  The blog is essentially just a countdown of 1,000 “awesome” little things, posted every weekday.  Some of the things on the list will make you nostalgic for your childhood (like #805: the smell of crayons, or #660: Stomping dry crunchy leaves on the sidewalk), while others will make you laugh when you read them and think, “hey, I do that, too!” (like #777: Reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway–”Sometimes you just gotta read the nutritional label and eat it anyway.  Sometimes … you just gotta live.”).  Others, however, are just plain awesome (#765: Thinking it’s Thursday when it’s Friday, #861: Not getting a hangover when you were expecting to get one, or #983: That pile of assorted beers left in your fridge after a party).

And the site’s gained lots of attention; it’s been featured on tons of different news and entertainment sites, won two Webby awards and was named one of PC Magazine’s Top 100 sites, all of which has led to a book deal for author Neil Pasricha.  The Book of Awesome, (sounds like something Barney Stinson would write, no?) which comes out in April, features some of the most memorable entries from the blog along with a lot of new content as well.

So the next time you’re overwhelmed with worrying about global warming or who will get voted off American Idol and you just need a pick-me-up, turn to 1000 Awesome Things.  Its perfect blend of lighthearted humor and charm will surely make you smile and realize that you can be happier just by learning to appreciate the little things that make life awesome.

What will make you feel like this?

It’s sad but true, but when it comes to jobs there is often a big disparity between what will make us rich and what will make us happy. Just ask all those recent grads making six figures at their finance jobs; I can guarantee most of them are not all smiles after 90-hour work weeks.

The problem (especially in this economy) is that people are more concerned with the ching ching than those warm fuzzies they get when they’re doing something they love. I totally get it; money is a great thing and I know from experience how crappy life is when you’re makin’ nothing. (I swear, I was about 2 quarters away from being homeless on the streets of NY at my first post-college job!) But what about your happiness? Does that count for anything?

This week I asked my writers – many of whom will be off looking for real jobs in the near future – to take a break from the bustle of their lives and think a little bit about their futures.

If happiness were the nationals currency, what job would make you rich?

Makes you think, doesn’t it?
What’s your answer? And how different is it from the path you’re actually on? Let us know in the comments!

Carly – Grinnell: Children’s book author. I’m close to getting there!!!!!

Norah – Drake University: Working for an organization for young women – something like Girl Scouts or Girls Inc.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: If happiness were my dollar bill, I would be a horse trainer. If I could spend countless hours with horses AND be getting paid via happy vibes, my life would be complete. I wouldn’t complain being a fashion designer either; if only I could sew a button on my own jacket….

Zahra – Northwestern University: Being a professional book reader (not editor, reader) or salsa dancer.

Jasmin – University of Missouri: I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut.

Alex – Lakehead University: Traveling! Going all over the world, staying in beautiful hotels and villas, eating the most decadent foods and seeing all the wonderful sights. I love traveling but it’s just so darn expensive!

Katie – Michigan State University: Fashion designer, hands-down. A close second is exactly what I studied for: photography.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Telling jokes on stage. But only if people don’t heckle me.

Jessica – FIT: Dancing would make me a billionaire

Noa – CU Boulder: Beer pong coach?

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: A food critic.  Who wouldn’t want to eat for a living?

Ricki – University of Michigan: Celebrity party planner

Sarabeth – University of Texas: If I were a writer for SNL, I’d be Oprah rich.

Jessica – Delaware: A kindergarten teacher. I absolutely love kids, and I don’t think teachers get paid enough for what they do!

Cristina – Michigan State University: Somewhere between being a make-up artist, the editor of Nylon Magazine, a DJ (like Leigh Lezark), and the girl who moans in rap songs. Possibly all four at once.

Amy – University of Iowa: Trampoline Tester (One that tests how fun they are, not how safe; I just want to jump, not get hurt!)

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: My summer job as a team leader at Camp Galileo working with an amazing staff and to-be kindergarteners.

Emmy- Loyola University Chicago: If there are any jobs where you just read all day, I would be so rich from doing them!

Charlsie – Hollins University: If I could write freelance and make cupcakes on the side, I would be rolling in the dough!

Hannah – Assumption College: Definitely a personal trainer, Jillian Michaels’ style.

Kelly – University of Iowa: Daydreaming about drinking sangria on the beach with my cute Spanish teacher. If only.

Sara C – Fordham: I’d be a pro runner, or someone who trains runners. Unfortunately in the real world, those jobs usually go to people who can run 4 minute miles, or used to be able to in their prime. But if I could live off happiness alone, I’d run all the time!

Brithny – Duke: Any kind of job that would make me famous. Currently in the process of pitching my own reality TV show to MTV: Shanghai Shore.

This will make you happy.

Meet Lori Gottlieb. She’s a 40-year-old single mother—she got artificially inseminated because she wanted to have a baby but didn’t have a boyfriend—who has discovered the secret to why more women aren’t married: their standards aren’t low enough.

No, seriously. Gottlieb recently expanded this 2008 article from the Atlantic into a full-length book called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Her basic premise? Modern women all have “checklists” for their potential life partners, and we’re too quick to dismiss guys who don’t necessarily satisfy all of those requirements. So in order to avoid being single and, therefore, miserable in our 40s, women in their 20s like you and me should forget searching for Mr. Right and, instead, make do with Mr. Good Enough.

Don’t worry if this advice sounds ridiculously retro—Gottlieb freely admits that she’s telling women to ignore modern ideas about male/female relations because, as she says at the beginning of her book’s third chapter, “feminism has completely f*cked up my love life.” All that talk about “freedom” and “choice”—yes, she actually puts those words in quotation marks—is a bunch of hooey because, as opposed to what Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan would have you believe, women really do need to get married and have lots of babies in order to be fulfilled: “The truth was, every one of my single friends wanted to be married, but none of us would admit how badly we craved it for fear of sounding weak or needy or, God forbid, antifeminist,” Gottlieb writes.

Excuse me for just a minute—AAAARRRRGGGGG!!! This crap is so ludicrous that I can only express my anger in capital letters and multiple exclamation points. I can immediately think of about fifty things that are totally wrong with Gottlieb’s thought process, but I’ll spare all of you and just mention what I think are her most glaring errors:

1) How can this lady seriously make a blanket statement like “If you say you’re not worried [about getting married], either you’re in denial or you’re lying”? How can she possibly believe that every single woman on the face of the Earth must, without exception, ultimately aspire to be a wife and mother? Her most basic assumption is incredibly insulting—especially to girls our age, who are in a better position than any women before us to really do whatever we want with our lives. (That is, unless your dream is to be a print journalist…)

2) And on that note—do any real women really keep the sort of extensive checklists Gottlieb assume we all have? I’ve got maybe three qualities that I look for in a guy (reasonably good-looking, not dumber than me, good sense of humor)… and I might even be able to let two of them slide if a dude was funny enough. Gottlieb hews closely to the age-old stereotype that women are uniformly demanding, stubborn, and delusional. What year is it, again?

3) Just like that Cosmo article I talked about last week, this book makes lowering expectations and learning to be content with what you can get the woman’s burden exclusively. Women have to settle, says Gottlieb, but men—even the fat, balding, boring dudes the author is recommending we settle for—can get with whoever they want because all chicks are desperate. Again: so insulting I can barely find the words to describe it.

4) Maybe the craziest part of all this is that for all her sage wisdom, Gottlieb herself isn’t married. She’s basing her entire philosophy on a hypothetical idea: if she had settled, maybe she would be happier now because maybe she would be in a dull but stable relationship. Gottlieb is talking about marriage like she understands it intimately, but how much of an authority can she really be? Would you ask someone allergic to dogs for tips on how to train your Weimaraner? Yeah, didn’t think so.

The bottom line: I would never want to be in a relationship with someone if I found out that we were only together because he had decided to “settle” for me—and I’m guessing that a guy would feel the same way. Imagine how devastated your boyfriend or fiancé would be if he found a copy of this book on your bedside table. I’ve got an idea for a title for your next book, Lori Gottlieb: The Case for Modern-Day Misogyny.

Unfortunately, it’d probably be a bestseller.

When a guy moves on before you do, it can be tempting to cry, throw things, or scream like a banshee, but none of those things will make your man come back to you. If you handle the situation like an adult, you will find yourself on a much smoother road to recovery, and you will maintain your dignity along the way.

1. Don’t Avoid the Situation

You go to a party, feeling single and ready to mingle, and then you see them, canoodling on the couch. Your first instinct might be to leave the party in tears and spend the rest of the weekend in bed, sobbing into your pillow. Likewise, if you and your ex shared a group of friends, you might try to avoid social situations where you might run into them. In either scenario, you’ll make getting over him even more difficult, because you’ll be missing out. Who knows? The party you fled might have been one of the greatest nights in your college career. Tough it out, and try to have a good time.

2. Do Feel Good About Yourself

If your breakup sends you spiraling into a depression that consists of sweatpants and hair that hasn’t been washed in four days, running into them will make you feel bad on so many levels. So you aren’t together any more — no reason to neglect your personal hygiene. So you don’t have a dinner date with him on Friday — doesn’t mean you can’t dress up in a fun, flirty number and hit the town. If you feel good about how you look, you’ll feel better emotionally. And you’ll feel great about running into them while you look absolutely fabulous. He might not know what he’s missing, but you sure do! Besides, looking and feeling good will send out signals to the pool of single men on campus, one of whom might be your next boyfriend.

3. Don’t Hate Her

Girls love to hate girls, especially girls they don’t know. Especially girls they don’t know who are dating the men they want. Be the bigger person. If you run into them on campus on the way to class, look her in the eye and say, “It’s nice to meet you.” If you and he share the same circle of friends, try to get to know her when you are all hanging out. You will impress your friends and your ex by handling the situation so maturely, and you might actually grow to like the girl. If you can see some of the good qualities in her that he sees, it will be easier for you to let him go, because you won’t be bitching about her to your girlfriends and asking, “How could he date her after me?”

4. Do Be Happy For Him

Being dumped is a hard blow to the ego. But we’re young right? Out of all of the relationships we have in college, only one (if any) is really going to last. Try to stay positive! If you see that he’s moved on, don’t take it personally. It was bound to happen for him, and it’s bound to happen for you, eventually. If you curse his newfound happiness, you’re going to stay miserable. However, if you try to be happy for him, you won’t waste as many precious moments brooding over his moving on, thus freeing yourself up for your own rebound.

5. Don’t Force Yourself to Look Happier Than He Is

If you know you’re going to run into them, you might want to appear as if you’re doing just fine without him. In fact, you want him to think you’re better off! If you are doing fine without him, or if you are better off, that’s fine, but you don’t have to go out of your way to convey that. Trying to show off or make him jealous won’t work. He probably won’t notice, he probably won’t get jealous, and you’ll look like a fool.

If you see them at a party, grabbing the guy pumping the keg and sticking your tongue down his throat won’t give your ex the same twinge of jealousy that you feel when you see him holding her hand. Realizing that will hurt even more. The bottom line is that if he’s moved on before you, you’re no longer his number one priority, and you have to accept that. You can do so with grace and dignity, or you can do so with rage and vengeance. Do you want to go down as the psycho ex, or the really cool girl he used to date?

[photo from www.asdfing.com]

The semester’s off and running, the weather’s getting worse, and next summer feels like an eternity. It’s easy to find your mood plummeting, your motivation waning, and your usually chipper self turning into a snappy betch. Misery has a snowball effect: you’re grumpy, and it rubs off on your roommate; you’re already in a bad mood, and walking into a pop quiz can set you over the edge. Before the blahs take over your body, take time to stop, breathe, recharge and rejuvenate. Here are five quick pick-me-ups to get you out of a funk.

1. Sleep: You’ve been up at the crack of dawn every morning to hit the gym, struggle to stay awake through three back-to-back classes, rush to your part-time job, and finally head home to tackle several hours worth of homework. Of course you’re feeling dreary! Lack of sleep can have adverse psychological effects– take it from a girl who is known to burst into tears at the slightest provocation after pulling an all-nighter or two– so even if you can’t fit in a full eight hours of sleep a night, treat yourself to a long, comatose nap. When you wake up, you’ll be more energetic and alert, so it might even boost your studying stamina later in the week.

2. Treat Yourself: You’ve been running on empty for weeks, neglecting yourself in order to make a good impression on your professors, sorority sisters, friends, coworkers, etc. Do something nice for yourself. If you have some extra cash, buy yourself a new outfit. If you think you look good, you’re bound to feel good, too. Low on cash? Scrape together some change and download a couple of jams on i-Tunes. I mean, they’re only 99 cents most of the time– you deserve it! Get a track that will raise your spirits, like Flo Rida’s “In the Ayer,” DJ Laz’s “Move, Shake, Drop Remix” or, for a bubblegum pop sound, The Orion Experience’s “Obsessed with You.” Then, crank up your speakers and have your own personal dance party for a few minutes. It’ll be worth it.

3. Exercise: Everyone knows that cardio releases endorphins in your brain. When I’m in a bad mood, I take out my anger on the elliptical machine, and half an hour later, I’m dripping with sweat, I’ve burned 400 calories, and I forget what I was so frustrated with in the first place. If you’re really miserable and the first five minutes feels like forever, just pushing yourself to finish the circuit can feel like an accomplishment. If the university gym has a group exercise schedule, take advantage. You’re less likely to quit after ten minutes of Zumba when you’re surrounded by twenty of your peers, and chances are, the class comes equipped with some peppy beats.

4. Laugh it Off: Throw a Will Ferrell flick into the DVD player or catch up on The Office. Go online and waste your time at LOLcats or Yearbook Yourself. My personal favorite is Group Hug, which has been around longer than PostSecret. Whenever I read the confessions on this site, I either pee my pants, or just feel better about myself for having NOT done some of the shenanigans these strangers own up to.

Other ways to laugh it off? Grab your roommate and act like five-year-olds. My former roommate and I both had final exams the DAY BEFORE we graduated college. We needed to study, but couldn’t focus. We were stressed that we couldn’t focus, because we didn’t want to screw things up at the last minute. So what did we do? We put on our caps and gowns, and drew giant smiley faces on pillowcases and wore them over our heads.

We actually won a graduation-themed photo contest with that one. Of course, we can’t all be ruining our bedding every time we get stressed out, but I’ve found that a solid phone call with a good friend in which we recount the stupid sh*t we’ve done over the years also works wonders.

5. Blow Everything Off: If you decide to sleep, shop, work out, or watch a movie, chances are you’re blowing something off to do it. But sometimes, you need to put everything on pause. Working five shifts a week on top of your heavy course load? Take a night off… just because. Social schedule getting in the way? Turn off your phone and spend some QT with yourself. Social schedule nonexistent? It won’t kill you to skip your night class (just this once) and go dancing with your friends.

Hell, blow off your diet and 3-hour-a-day workout routine and eat a freaking piece of chocolate cake. You might be thinking, “There’s no way I have the time to blow everything off!” But sometimes, you have to choose your battles. If you stress yourself into a nervous breakdown, you won’t be getting any homework done from the psych ward.

[Any other funk-fighting tips?]

(photo from www.justlaura.com)

Most of my insecurities stemmed from the fact that I was deemed “gifted” in grade 2 and taken out of class for one day every two weeks for enrichment activities. Since I was only 7 at the time, no one, including myself and my teachers, hid this from the other kids and, for a couple years, I didn’t see any need to. I was still a normal student, only I got to do harder schoolwork.

Then grade 5 rolled around and my teacher basically created an entirely separate curriculum for me, segregating me from all my classmates. And that’s when the bullying started. I’ll spare you the story, but basically my friends abandoned me, calling me a “freak.” I know now that this was only out of jealousy, but up until recently, it hurt. As a result of this, until grade 10 I was content to be quiet, simply finishing my work and not really getting involved for fear of ridicule. I even pulled out of the gifted program for a while in an attempt to fit in.

And then in grade 10, something happened. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment or reason, but I decided to get involved. I joined our student council’s cabinet and attended a 4-day leadership conference and slowly but surely began building my confidence. I made friends within student council and leadership groups who were like me; smart, motivated and, honestly, a little bit weird.

During grade 11, this confidence began taking over even more and I was voted onto student council executive and as the editor of the school newspaper. I even campaigned for school president! Basically, I took a chance getting involved and boy, did it pay off! Now I am one of the most confident people I know. I can honestly say I just do not care what anyone thinks of me and if at the end of the day if I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments, then that is all I can ask for.

I think self-esteem and confidence is the absolute key to happiness. When you are no longer seeking anyone’s approval but your own, you are liberated. And even the old cliche “You must love yourself before anyone else can love you” is true. When you’re confident people just gravitate towards you. You take chances, make mistakes and get messy and don’t feel guilty about enjoying life to the fullest. It may sound selfish, but you’re living for yourself — and I find that to be true happiness.

Of course, I’m making it sound easy. There is no foolproof system, nothing you can order from an infomercial is going to bring you self-esteem. You need to find it within yourself. As I said before, getting involved helped me. I think this is because I was able to see my skills being put to use and benefiting others. I had tangible proof that I have something great to offer the world.

So get out there, whether it be volunteering or even excelling at work, once you prove to yourself that you are worth it, you’ll start appreciating yourself too.

Another technique that may seem silly, but I SWEAR it helps, is to get a mantra. Mantra’s are chants used in meditation, but you’ll just be reciting yours to yourself all day. Choose an affirming statement like “I am beautiful inside and out,” or “I am a great person” and just make a point of telling yourself that often, like 10 times a day. We are our own toughest critics and I think we need to give ourselves a break. So you made a mistake, but you know what? If you’re still breathing and your heart is still beating, then it’s not the end of the world. Get up, dust yourself off and keep going. If you let every little setback ruin your day, you’ll miss out on all the beauty of the life right in front of your eyes.

[What tips and tricks do YOU have for confidence building?]

(photo from www.theage.com.au]

Recently, a friend told me that I’m one of the only people in his life with a positive attitude. At first, I was surprised. I mean, really; why is everyone so angry? But, to be fair, just 2 years ago, I was angry too. In fact, I was one of the angriest people I knew…even on the verge of suicide at one particular time.

I have completely remodeled my life and my perspective since that dark point and my friend was probably onto something when asking me about my life, because I truly am really happy these days. And this happiness isn’t just something that came over night; it is something I grew to know. Some basic principles I learned to incorporate into my thinking and perspective have made all of the difference.

BE GRATEFUL

No matter how bad things get in your life, you should always be able to step back and be grateful for what you’ve got. Even with the worst combination of tragic events, there are still people out there who have it worse than you do. When I wake up not feeling as happy as I’d like to, I make a point to start my day with a list of what I’m grateful for before everything else.

BE HEALTHY

Being healthy emotionally and mentally is very related to being physically healthy. In fact, the chemicals released through your body when you exercise are very similar to the chemicals in anti-depressants. I’m not always the healthiest person, but I certainly try to give my body what it needs and it has boosted my overall health and mood incredibly.

RELAX

My biggest problem, I’d say, in my ‘past’ life, was stress. I was one walking ball of anxiety. You have to alter your perspective to rid yourself of stress and anxiety. You have to remind yourself that there are billions of people on this earth and that your problems aren’t the end of the world. You have to be confident that you can get through everything…breakups, deaths, layoffs, etc.

SURRENDER CONTROL

I was a control freak, without a doubt. It’s amazing how much more fun life is when you learn to surrender control. You’ll never be able to control everything in your life; if you try to control your lovers, family, and friends they will abandon you. And that goes for every other aspect of your life, too. When you let yourself become obsessed with control, you imprison yourself to it. Understand that you can’t change another person and you can’t change every circumstance or situation that comes your way. Learn to ride the wave of life as it comes and you’ll find yourself much more capable of stopping to breathe and enjoy your life for once.

APPRECIATE THE SMALL THINGS

Maybe we can’t all agree on the big things in life that matter. However, most people will agree that delicious food is a good thing. So are gorgeous views and exciting adventures. I make a list every month or so to post to my bedroom’s bulletin board of small things I want to do. Climb a tree. Go to a roller rink. Make sushi. Whatever. Learn to make time for things that are new and exciting to you…and most importantly…FUN.

Don’t let yourself get consumed with the things someone else has told you that your life should be about. If you hate your job-QUIT. Find a job that makes you happy. If you’re in a relationship that you know is bad for you-END IT. Cut out the negativity in your life and start savoring life’s goodness. It worked for me and I really think it can work for you, too.

(Photo courtesy of observer.com)