"No, I wuv you more, honey bunny on a farm."

We’ve all heard them. They’re that annoying couple on the subway, the friends you cringe when out in public with, hell, you might even BE one of them some day. Who are these people? Let me introduce you.

“Oh smoochey wumpkins, are you weady for your sweepy times?”

Say hello to the baby talkers.

It is a well-known fact that certain people, when speaking with a significant other, resort to a form of speech better reserved for infants and puppy-dogs. I’m embarrassed to admit that I, myself, have become a baby talker. I don’t know how it started, but conversations with my boyfriend have gone from intelligent, grown-up topics to a mess of squeaky voices and poor vocabulary.

My question is why? What motivates two seemingly put-together adults to resort to toddler-speak the second they fall in love? Maybe it’s because we know each other so well by this point that we have run out of topics for adult conversations, or maybe we’re just too lazy to use proper grammar.

Believe it or not, research has been done on baby talk in romantic relationships, and I’m happy to put my psychology degree to use interpreting it for you. Meredith Bombar and Lawrence Littig found that baby-talkers may be doing something right! They were more secure and less avoidant in their relationships. They propose that this is because baby talk plays a role in creating warm emotional connections. Baby talk allows individuals to abandon adult roles and become vulnerable, nurturing, endearing and silly. Read More »

Everywhere I go, I see couples of all shapes and sizes. I’m no Supermodel, but I’m not a total trainwreck either; I’m literate, have seen “Iron Man” at least six times, and shower almost everyday. So why isn’t anyone spooning with me?

After analyzing all of my failed attempts into coupledom, I realized it’s not me doing something wrong–it’s every guy I’ve ever been with: they never meet my standards. But what are my standards? Two words: have mercy!

…Okay, two more: Uncle Jesse.

That’s right, Uncle Jesse is my dream man. The Prince Charming to my Cinderella, the McDreamy to my Dr. Grey, the Richard Gere to, well, everybody’s mom.

John Stamos’ portrayal of Uncle Jesse on the sitcom “Full House” entered my life at the young and impressionable age of literally the day I was born. I mean, it’s kind of weird to say that he shot me into puberty before I was out of diapers, but since I could process emotions, I’ve known who the man for me is.

Why waste time on the frat guy with premature male-pattern baldness in Philosophy 101, or the dude with those cheese whiz-stained pants that used to live on my floor? I’m still a young sprite, and am in no rush to lower my standards, thankyouverymuch.

Here are the top 5 reasons why Uncle Jesse is the reason I’m still single: Read More »

John Mayer + Perez Hilton = oddly intriguing

Pee like a dude…virtually

I hope ScarJo’s album is better than its cover

Wait no more to see your Johnny Depp lovechild

Bobby Brown: still crazy

The mother of all ‘yo mama’ jokes

Richard Simmons is amazing

Another reason I hate happy couples

Jeff Goldblum thinks you should buy a Mac

Would you let Obama call you sweetie?

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I am genuinely happy in my single-dom. I don’t find myself staring angrily (and jealously) at happy couples as they pass by or judging the quality of an evening out at the bar based on how successful I was with the opposite sex.

I don’t sit home watching romantic comedies and sobbing into my pillow as the couple lives happily ever after and all I can think about is how I am going to end up alone. With cats.

Quite the contrary, I have become quite taken by my current situation; I can do what I want when I want and worry about no one but myself. I have all the time in the world for my family, my friends, my work and everything else I want to devote my energies to. I am happy. Really happy.

Unfortunately, my best friend isn’t taking to her life as a single woman quite so well. She is where I was about six months ago; missing a previous relationship, feeling like the only single girl in the world and beginning to doubt herself as a person. Oh, and missing sex….terribly. Read More »