Well, not really. Only McMahon, Fawcett, Jackson, and Mays have passed; the rest of the celebrities are alive and well. Just more proof that you can’t believe everything you read these days.

Since last Friday, the Internet has been abuzz with rumors of numerous celebrity deaths, from the currently famous to the has-beens. None of these rumors are true, and yet, they are spreading like wildfire, with new ones popping up every day. Why has the rumor mill been working overtime lately? What makes people spread such tasteless gossip, especially in the wake of four tragic deaths?

If you look at how pop culture has progressed over the past several years, there is a strong trend toward the desire for attention. Everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame, and tech-savvy people know that if you break news on the Internet, your name will live in infamy. It’s the perfect recipe for publicity: celebrity death (true or false, it doesn’t matter) + hysteria + the Internet = fame. Write up a blog post about a random celebrity’s death, and you’ve got all the attention you could want, and more. Take TMZ, for example, the site that broke the news of Michael Jackson’s death and that is now, for lack of a better phrase, reaping the benefits of having done so.

There are also plenty of people out there who find this sort of thing utterly hilarious. This is all fairly tame if you consider some of the crazy sh*t you find on the Internet. I admit, it’s hard not to smile when reading the unbelievable and random stories people make up, and the celebrities’ responses to the rumors, especially Jeff Goldblum’s, can be very funny. But getting real gratification from falsifying reports of someone’s death, even that of a public figure such as a celebrity, is just plain sick. The deaths that occurred last week are tragic in many ways; it’s inhuman to exploit tragedy for emotional gain.

But there is a silver lining in the fact that, like all Internet trends, this one will (no pun intended) die out. Eventually, Internet users will grow tired of the joke and move on to preying on some wannabe YouTube star. Until then, however, take everything you read with a grain of salt. Your nerves will be shot by the end of the week if you don’t.

*Apologies for any distress reading this sentence may have caused you. I nearly hyperventilated and cried when I read about the supposed fate of my dear Milo.

Poor Brit-Brit has to tighten security after death threats!

Remember the brand new car Lindsay Lohan bought last week? Well, today her assistant crashed it.

What’s the deal with invitation only shopping websites?

Audrina Patridge is looking hot!

Give a cop the finger, go ahead, its legal now.

Is it weird to be jealous of the Marc Jacob’s future children?

Seven and a half years later, Harrison Ford may have finally popped the question.

What would you do for a little publicity?

Anne Hathaway will be playing legendary star Judy Garland on stage and in theater.

Check out the end to split ends.

Maybe this will help separate you from the the Ebay pack.

Matt Lauer has a run-in with Bambi.

Another reason it’s great not to live in Alaska.

Celebrities are really narcissitic.

Make your dreams come true.

Enough with the fluff – send an honest e-card.

Congrats, Natasha Bedingfield!

Harrison Ford finally proposed.

Lindsay Lohan wants to get back to work.

How do you rock ankle-tie shoes?!

Someone wants to marry Paris Hilton??

Dora The Explorer is a slut.

Time to start lathering up the sunscreen!

As far as men go, few come as manly as Harrison Ford. The legendary actor has starred in two epic sagas (as Hans Solo in Star Wars and as the title character in the Indiana Jones series), playing some of cinema’s favorite alpha-male roles with grit and wry humor. I’ve seen him stare death in the face more times than I can count, and his iron resolve is just about the sexiest effing thing in the galaxy.

But while Harrison has been a bona-fide movie star for over 30 years, no film of his could ever compare to his gold-standard portrayal of the Commander in Chief in Air Force One. If I had to estimate, I would say I’ve seen AFO over 20 times. The film has it all: cheesy dialogue, crazed Russian political zealots, fighter jets, and my boy Harrison grunting, “Get off my plane!” while choking a villain to death (auto-erotic asphyxiation, anyone?).  I honestly began dating someone in high school because we both loved Air Force One. Seriously. (The boyfriend and I parted ways, but I still love ol’ Harry.)

Harrison’s newest flick (opening today in theaters) is Crossing Over, about immigrants in Los Angeles, and co-stars Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd. Something tells me that I can expect to see my favorite silver fox’s steely gaze make me weak in the knees, regardless of what happens in the film. The man practically has a contract clause that stipulates he must play the strongest, most virile character in any film (and at age 66, he’s the only actor I know of who can pull it off with aplomb).

Speaking of contracts, Harrison hasn’t signed marriage papers with longtime girlfriend Calista Flockhart. Though the 1998 People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive has been twice wedded before, he hasn’t taken the plunge this time around. Perhaps he knows there’s a sprightly young gal like myself ready to eff? I can dream!

Today is the first full day of Rosh Hashanah, which means that I just spent 4 hours thanking God for everything he has given me in the past year (followed, of course, by a large and delicious meal). While in synogogue, I thanked the Big Guy upstairs for my family, my friends, my education and the fact that my money is still safe in a bank somewhere.

I also thanked him for my wonderful job, my great hair and the awesome deal I got on that green pashmina I wore to services.

I thought I covered it all until I got home and realized I left a major “Thank You, GOD” out: a hearty thank you for all the super hot Jews in Hollywood. And for the DVR that allows me to record them, the iPod that allows me to hear them and the vivid dreams that allow me to…er…interact with them.

It doesn’t matter if you are Jewish, Christian, Hindu, or Agnostic; I think we all owe someone a giant thank you for these boys. (Click on the pic for more delicious pics!)

Well, no. That’s only a little bit true. That’s actually barely true at all. I don’t want to be saddled with unfair prejudice in the workplace, social and religious spheres, and military. So let me refine that statement a bit.

I wish I could be into dudes.

Not quite the same thing, really. I’ve always been a fan of the Kinsey scale when it comes to human sexuality, since “gay” and “straight” are so painfully restrictive. So let’s just say I wish I could ding my rating up a few points or two.

I’m perfectly happy with women, of course. Ladies, you guys are great, and I mean that. It’s not like I’m not getting enough variety in my sexy diet or anything. And honestly, friendship-wise, I tend to be one of those wimpy boys that has more female than male friends and always gets called “a really nice guy”. So what’s up, man?

Why the thirst for testosterone?

It’s a matter of principle. See, I’ve always believed that gender expression is mostly socialized. Girls get dolls, boys get dump trucks, that sort of thing. Switch them around and little girls would grow up to be seven feet tall with full Thoreau neck beards – no kidding, man. And from a very young age, us dudes have basically been told: “Hey! Check it out! Boobs!“

And so, being the modern enlightened male who totally doesn’t buy any of that biological determinism crap, I suspect that the only reason heterosexuality is such a widespread phenomenon is sheer weight of tradition. Sure, without heterosexual couples the human race would eventually vanish, but you know who has a population problem right now? The planet Earth. Being gay is a pretty decent way to avoid unwanted kids.

So sexuality, like gender, is totally flexible. And if I can get you in a corner, I’ll talk your ear off about it.

But I don’t feel comfortable talking the talk if I can’t walk the walk (alternately, a rather more vulgar phrase that sorta rhymes with “walk”). When straight men get terribly excited over the whole “sexuality is a social construction” thing, it often feels like a flimsy cover for “we want more girls to make out at parties”. Or it’s a nice way to sound erudite and sensitive while still being a pig in practice (“It wasn’t ‘cheating’! Monogamous relationships are a socially defined tool of the patriarchy!”). Without living the sexually-liberated, performative-gender dream, I feel like I’m just some egghead poseur. Like I’m a hack.

So what it’s come down to is this: I feel guilty for being straight. I’m trying, man. I’ve tried gay porn. I’ve tried getting my close male friends in hot tubs and drinking heavily. But I just can’t help it: I have yet to want the penis. Clearly I’m a slimy jerk who’s willing to make up all kinds of pop sociology to get in a girl’s pants, as well as contributing to the global population problem. Is this the new frontier for liberal guilt? Yet another majority to hate yourself for being part of?

Maybe I just need to meet another sensitive, confused, wanna-be guy like me. And maybe he needs to be Harrison Ford. We’ll see how it goes.

5. You gotta see it in order to believe what great shape Harrison Ford is in at age 65.

4. Rather than drawing on widely known and overused Biblical mysteries to supply the core of its plot, this Indiana Jones movie deals with a truly unique and very interesting archaeological mystery.

3. Even if you’re not an Indy fan, the movie is incredibly satisfying and really fun to watch. The stunts are hardcore (especially during a remarkable swordfighting scene that takes place in several moving vehicles) and the pace is breakneck. It’s pretty much impossible not to be entertained by this movie.

2. Cate Blanchett’s amazing pixie haircut and pure look of evil make her one of the most convincing (and well-styled) movie villains we’ve had in a long time.

And the number one reason to see Indiana Jones is…

1. Shia LaBeouf. Would I ever like to tap that.

Best Date Movie (on DVD)

Cloverfield released 01/18/2008

A going away party abruptly ends when a monster launches an attack on New York City. The movie is told from the perspective of character Hudd’s video camera (think Blair Witch Project) as he and his friends try to escape the monster’s wrath.

No doubt you’ve heard of this movie already—it made massive waves when it hit theaters in January—but perhaps you didn’t realize it’s full potential as a date movie. For starters, watching it as a DVD means that most likely it’ll be just you and your date curled up in front of the screen, in which case a bit of suspense and thrill are definitely pluses. Also, Sci-fi flicks always make great icebreakers—there’s something inherently goofy about the plot no matter how freaky it may be.

In case you really get into it, the DVD also boasts several bonus featurettes, four deleted endings, as well as two alternative endings.

If You Must…

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull released 05/21/2008

Twenty years after he rescued his father from Nazi clutches during WWII (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), Dr. Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) returns to the big screen in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This time the whip-cracking archaeologist battles cunning KGB agents led by Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) as he attempts to return the Crystal Skull to its rightful place.

It’s a Lucas-Spielburg extravaganza oozing with special effects and bad acting. But let’s face it, as an Indiana Jones enthusiast you really don’t care about the plot’s fluidity nor do you necessarily give a hoot about minor character development… your only fear is that this movie will harm the Indiana Jones triumvirate. Well rest assured, my fellow nerd, the Indiana legacy is safe. This is a movie that should be watched by uber fans and lukewarm converts alike.

Best Movie Ever!

A Jihad for Love limited release 05/21/2008

A featured documentary filmed in twelve countries and nine languages by Muslim gay filmmaker Parvez Sharma. From Pakistan to Turkey, South Africa to France, and Iran to India, Sharma examines the complex lives of homosexual Muslims who refuse to abandon their faith even when at times their faith seems to have abandoned them. The movie’s website says it best, “The international chorus of gay and lesbian Muslims brought together by “A Jihad for Love” doesn’t seek to vilify or reject Islam, but rather negotiate a new relationship to it. In doing so, the film’s extraordinary characters attempt to point the way for all Muslims to move beyond the hostile, war-torn present, toward a more hopeful future.”

The US theatrical premiere of this film is taking place now from May 21-June 4 at the IFC Film Center in New York City. Check out First Run Features for a full list of upcoming screenings. Hopefully it will be released more widely soon.

The CC Movie Review comes out every Friday.

Couples

I can’t even have a couple of the week because it was couple madness!

Ashlee and Pete got married

Aubrey O’Day and Quddus are together (?!)

Brad and Angelina were freaking everywhere and looking hot the whole time

Kate Hudson’s going for a ride with Lance Armstrong

Jenna Jameson wants to have babies with Tito Ortiz

And there was a little bit of divorce going on

Song of the week

Lil Wayne Featuring Static Major, “Lollipop“…Again, whatever you say, Billboard Hot 100.

The new Indiana Jones movie is out in theaters. Not to worry, Harrison Ford did not break a hip during filming.

Fashion of the Week

The Bad

Oh, God, I haaaaaate this dress. Nicole Richie wore this to Ashlee and Pete’s wedding, Nic, what are you doing?

The Fab

Bar Refaeli, I hate you and all 2,904 worth of gems on this $700K gown. Color me jealous.

File under desperate

Why did Jessica Simpson even bother with Tony Romo at her sister’s wedding?

Politics

And still no progress.

The LOL of the week

The MTV “Love Guru”/MTV movie award commercials – “I am the Oscar party at a gay dude’s house.” I laugh everytime I hear it and I don’t know why.

I-Can’t-Stop-Watching-This Clip of the Week

Liv Tyler was married to the lead singer of this group and had a cute kid with him. Space Hog’s one hit wonder was in 1996. Yeah, it’s been that long.

Listen up, Lohan: leggings are NOT pants!

Happy Mother’s Day: finally, two dudes moms and daughters agree on

Biodegradable furniture would make spring cleaning much easier…

American Psycho meets Superbad–NSFW

30 Rock> The Office

Grabbing a cup of coffee ain’t what it used to be, girls

Maybe I should start watching Grey’s Anatomy again

We all saw this coming: Hugh Hefner wants Hannah Montana

When did Tyra Banks become Jerry Springer?

Senator Stoner (yep–real name!) bans marijuana candy