I know that a lot of people like horror movies. I know this because a lot of people tell me they like horror movies, and also because Saw V is just about to hit theaters (the 5th installment of a plot that basically consists of scary machines and blood). There’s something about watching other humans scream in agony that a lot of people can’t get enough of — but I am not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Since I came out of the womb, I have been scared to freaking death of horror movies.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why.

5) When Things Pop Out In An Attempt To Scare, I Always Get Scared

I know that it’s like, part of the fun, or whatever, when the music suddenly swells and a creepy things pop up all creepy, or someone is grabbed ,or a face appears in a mirror, but that sh*t gives me a heart attack every time. I lose my breath and my heart flips out and then I get really violently angry. Like I want to punch the TV for doing that to me. I get scared and then I get pissed and then my whole day is ruined.

4) Weird Noises Always Happen Afterwards

Whether I’m back at my childhood home, in a dorm, or at my apartment, after watching (or accidentally watching) a horror movie, weird noises will keep me awake all night. It never ceases to amaze me that it happens every single time. The wood creaks, my closet door won’t shut all the way, something scurries across the floor…my bedroom isn’t haunted until I watch a scary movie. Then it’s haunted. Totally, Ghostbusterly, haunted. Read More »

I’m not going to lie. I’m kind of addicted to television. However, I like to think that I watch television of a pretty high quality (mainly sitcoms that are actually funny, documentaries with the occasional Haunted Insert Noun Here, and smart dramas that don’t involve horny doctors in fictional hospitals).

So when I found out that Britney Spears had been cast on my second favorite sitcom (behind The Office), How I Met Your Mother, I was a little perturbed to say the least.

How I Met Your Mother has succumbed to stunt casting before, giving guest spots to stars like Mandy Moore, Enrique Inglesias, and in one episode, Heidi Klum and a bevy of Victoria’s Secret models. However, these cameos were mainly a way to try and reign in more viewers, as HIMYM has often had low ratings, despite the inherent hilarity of the show.

But now the makers of the show have gone too far. I try to avoid Britney Spears columns like the plague, considering that I really don’t like voluntarily hearing about a person’s psychological meltdown. Schadenfreude really isn’t my thing. So when I saw the headline announcing this guest spot, I was thisclose to skipping over the article entirely. Imagine my horror when I realized the sitcom gig in the headline was referring to my beloved, pure, funny, and original How I Met Your Mother. Read More »