It’s a common comment made in romantic comedies. The longer you are in a relationship, the less you have sex. Turns out, according to a new study by researches at the University of Guelph in Ontario, women’s decreasing sex drive is to blame.

Yes, over time women lose interest in having sex. Men, on the other hand, don’t. Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen surveyed 170 undergraduates (men and women) that had been in heterosexual relationships for at least one month. They asked participants to rank their relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire at the present point in their relationship. The researchers created a Female Sexual Function Index to rank desire from 1.2 to 6.0.

While most of the participants were satisfied with both their relationships and their sex lives, research showed the longer a women had been in a relationship, the less interest she had in getting it on. Sexual desire on the Index drops by 0.02 points each month. Though it is incremental, for people in long term relationships it does add up. Male sexual desire alternatively, remains steady throughout a relationship.

Researchers haven’t yet nailed the cause for the general decrease in desire among women. Some theories are that women’s attention turns towards raising children, decreasing their interest in sex. As they looked at university students, another theory emerged that younger women lose interest once the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship over. Yes, once a guy stops trying to impress a gal, she’s going to stop putting out.

The researchers hope that this information could help couples from losing the spark. They also found that women with realistic expectations about sex did not face the same decrease in desire.

So there you have it boys! If you want us ladies to keep getting it on with you, you might want to drop the whole “I’m going to blow your mind,” act and be realistic. Also, presents help.

Leah is in her final semester of her Bachelor of Journalism at Ryerson University in Toronto. She’s rounding out her degree as the Senior Online Editor for the Ryerson Review of Journalism. In her limited spare time she’s honing her cupcake making skills so she can one-day fulfill her dream of competing on Cupcake Wars. Follow her (and drool over her tasty treats) @ElleandBee.

[Image via altafulla/Shutterstock]

Dear Dude,

I’m a college sophomore and still a virgin.  I’ve had my fair share of “almosts” and do enjoy the occasional heavy petting but I have yet to go “all the way.” I’m not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for a serious relationship with someone I can trust. I used to be confident in my decision (I mean, so what?) and felt no pressure to lose my virginity but lately I’ve been feeling like being a virgin is hurting my chances of finding that someone.

The problem is the handful of boys that I’ve started relationships with in college (emphasis on the word started because it never gets very far) initially say they respect the fact that I am a virgin. However, when that boy finds out that I’m REALLY not going to have sex with him (like never, ever) I don’t hear from him again. And when I try to hide the fact that I’m a virgin guys get mad at me for being a “tease” and disappear, too.

So basically I don’t want to lose my virginity because I’m waiting for “the right” relationship but I feel like being a virgin is preventing me from having ANY relationship. It’s a never ending cycle! Everyone around me is telling me to stick it out and wait for “the one,” but the thought of going through my college career without a real relationship is depressing. So dude, why do guys run away when they find out I’m a virgin? How does a virgin get a guy to stick around? Should I just give it up and get it over with? Or should I start filling out applications for the nearest nunnery?

Sincerely,
Not Necessarily DTF

Dear Not Necessarily DTF,

If you don’t want to lose it, don’t lose it. I’m pro-choice, not just when it comes to abortion or virginity but in terms of life. There’s always a choice. What’s unfair is when it feels like the choice you’re making is depriving you of something you want. Which sounds like the dilemma you’re dealing with.

Guys “run” from virgins for a few different reasons and myths: they don’t feel confident enough to be the sexually more experienced partner (because some of them barely have more than you), they’re afraid that a virgin will be bad in the sack (a harsh judgment, but one many a frat boy has made) and then there’s the responsibility factor. When a guy has a choice of taking a girl’s V-card there’s something in them that provokes the thought, “do I want to be somebody’s first?”

For the guys who don’t want a relationship, they might be scared that being someone’s first will automatically give the girl the impression that they’re in a relationship. In this peon’s brain, sex automatically equals commitment.

Another question of responsibility is whether the guy feels comfortable being the measuring stick for the rest of the girl’s life. They think that’s a lot of weight on their shoulders. Again, this is a guy who is NOT looking for a relationship, just a hook up.

The aforementioned 2 examples are acting out of ego and crappy juvenile knowledge gained at their 8th grade lunch table. Like that Mountain Dew reduces sperm count.

Now there is the opposite type of mental midget: the guy who flocks toward virgins. This specimen loves nothing better than to plant his flag. In fact, he plants his flag everywhere he can and sees it as a benevolent act. This is also a creature to be weary of and avoided if what you want is something serious. Handle with latex gloves and a Hazmat suit at all times.

If you put value on your purity (to use a euphemism straight from Sophocles), then treat it with the appropriate value. I’m not saying keep your standards unreasonably high, demanding an IQ, blood, driving, or DNA tests and having them display a detailed financial portfolio with his 5 year plan outlined in Calibri font. But don’t lose it for the sake of losing it. You’re devaluing yourself and it’s a decision that will nag at you, most likely, for the rest of your life, certainly having consequences on the next guy you get involved with.

Lying isn’t the answer either. I’ve written in other columns dealing with the “should I/shouldn’t I” question that lying denotes shame and you need not be ashamed of being a virgin. There are a lot of people in their early 20′s with their virtue intact. So don’t feel alone.

The best thing I can say is this: those who pressure you for something you clearly don’t want to do are not acting out of affection for you. Negative influences like those needed to be confronted and told to chill the f*&k out and let them worry about their own sex lives instead of yours.

You’ve got to make the decision as to who the “right” guy is. I recommend someone who you trust and makes you feel comfortable. A guy like that is out there and if you’re not finding him, it’s probably NOT just about you being a virgin.

Keeping the torch lit,
Marathon Dude

[Don't you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons I’m thankful for sex. I’m sure we can all agree there are many more than 10 reasons to be thankful for sexy time, but there is football to be watched, online sales to be shopped and pumpkin pie to be eaten. There just isn’t enough time in this day to say all my Thank You’s.

So, here goes.
My big, fat thank you to fornication!

1. Orgasms. ‘Nuff said.

2. Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. They also make your hair shiny and skin smooth.

3. Sex makes babies. Babies are cute (as long as they’re not mine).

4. Sex is free (usually) and fun (usually).

5. Sex helps me connect with people. And not just the people I have sex with. Sex gives me dirty details to dish to my friends, the Internet, or even strangers on the subway.

6. Sex gives me something to write about every week. Which looks good on my resume. Which will help get me a job. Sex will get me a job!

7. Sex gives me something to daydream about during my long, boring biology lectures. (My professor may drone on, but he’s banging and I can only imagine what’s going on under those pleated khakis.)

8. Sex burns calories. Up to 300 an hour! So after today’s feast, it will only take about 25 hours of sex to burn it all off.

9. Sex helps me fall asleep at night, which is a much healthier habit than relying on sleeping pills. Plus it’s more fun. See #4.

10. Sex made me! I’d rather not think about the specifics, but some day a long time ago my parents had (gasp) sex and now here I am. And that is definitely something I can be thankful for.

Why are you thankful for sex?

It was Thanksgiving up in Canada this past weekend. I spent turkey day with my extended family, eating the most delicious of dinners (though, in all honesty, almost anything is a step-up from nightly KD), devouring pumpkin pie, and feeling a bit like an outcast.

You see, while my entire family is aware that I’m an up-and-coming journalist, I always find it interesting that no one brings up exactly what I write about or what kind of publications I’m aiming to write for after graduation. Even my successes – the fact that I just got to interview my sex-columnist hero, Dan Savage, and that I’m running my very own sex advice column in my school paper – were tiptoed around like a landmine. God forbid I say the “sex” word, I suppose.

Maybe I’m too wrapped up in this world of college where finding a condom wrapper in the kitchen garbage is just another thing to laugh at, and not used to being around people who blush at the word “vagina”. I can’t help but wonder, though, why sex is such an utterly taboo topic — why being a nearly-twenty-year-old sex columnist comes with this huge stigma, even when it’s approached in the most sex-positive and family-appropriate of ways (really, it’s not like I was going to get into the intimacies of my sex life around the dinner table).

And the thing is, this isn’t just an issue that surrounds my (apparently conservative) family. This is something that affects everyone – from the girls who refuse to masturbate because they believe their vulvas are “gross”, to the married couples who let their sex lives suffer horribly because they’re too embarrassed to put into words what exactly it is that they want in bed – we’re all being affected by sex-negativity, but where exactly does it come from?

Religion
To be fair, I’m a fan of Richard Dawkins and can therefore blame pretty much any societal issue on religion. That said, I do genuinely think that much of the stigma surrounding sex and sexuality comes from religious culture; a culture that tells us that sex outside of marriage is sinful, selfish, and just plain wrong. Because religion is constantly sending the message that sex (outside of marriage) is bad, wrong, dirty, and only-for-makin’-babies, those who do have sex before marriage – which, by the way, is nearly 95% of people – are just left feeling guilty about it (like they did something bad, dirty and wrong). Funny thing is, this rhetoric obviously does not dissuade most people from partaking in premarital sex but only acts to make people feel shameful about their healthy and natural sex lives.

Language
Think about it, even the language we use to talk about sex is veiled in shame and embarrassment. We talk about that stuff we have “down there,” or, and I admit to using this phrase myself, “getting dirty.”  It’s not often, if ever, we’re able to have open and honest conversations about our genitalia using real words instead of frilly-nicknames like va-jay-jay – things we’re most likely taught from our embarrassed parents at an early age. (Hell, I was told to call my vagina my “monkey.” Yikes!)

While I’ll admit there’s nothing sexy about telling someone you’d really love to “have sexual intercourse” with them, it’s also important to keep our outside-of-the-bedroom conversations as honest and grown-up as possible; the only way to confront sex-negativity is to tackle it head on. Ladies, it’s okay to talk about your vagina! Just, please, stop calling it a va-jay-jay.

Education
I’m more and more grateful every day that my Canadian schools taught me comprehensive sex-ed. Being taught that remaining abstinent is the only way to have a healthy sex life as a married adult is not only grossly blown out of proportion, but it’s also not working. Much of abstinence only sex-ed relies on scare tactics – the “if you have sex, you WILL get PREGNANT and DIE” approach – without focusing on pregnancy and STI prevention and protection. Not to mention, you can only contract an STI from someone who already has an STI. And, while they’re not 100% effective, condoms do a pretty damn good job at keeping you baby and infection free. Oh, and the whole BS about “abstinence is the only thing that is 100% effective at preventing teen pregnancy” spiel? You will not get pregnant from oral or manual sex. Just something to think about.

How do we change it?
Recognize the sex-negativity in your own life. Stop calling sexually active women “sluts” and “whores” and make an effort to educate yourself on the realities of a sexually active lifestyle. Also, don’t be afraid to have an open discourse about sex with the people around you. Of course, these conversations don’t have to be graphic or overtly personal, but once you get the sex-positive conversation flowing, you’ll come to realize that sex is one of those things we all have in common.

It might be surprising to you guys, but I kind of have a penchant for sex, so I’ve opted to take a course that is right up my alley – philosophy of love and sex.

So far, this class has been pretty cool. Every week, we’re given a question that have we half an hour to answer on paper. Our first “question of the week” was something that really got me thinking – is it more desirable to have sex with love, or sex without love?

I took a while to think about my answer, but I think I eventually went around in circles and landed at “love isn’t the important factor in desirable sex. Comfort is the most important thing.” Because we all know awkward sex = bad sex. Or at least, that’s what I concluded in my mindless philosophical ramblings. But really, what’s the difference between sex with love and sex without love?

Sex with love. There is something that can be “transcending” about having sex with someone you love. It can be a more intense emotional experience, which only adds to making it a great physical experience. That said, just loving someone doesn’t make sex good, and being in love doesn’t mean you can’t have rough just-to-get-off-sex sometimes too.

Sex without love. Having sex with someone you don’t love is often more of a physical experience than an emotional one. It can be focused mostly on gettin’ ‘er done, rather than all the feelings that come along with sex. But who hasn’t had a completely amazing sexual experience they weren’t in love with – one that maybe even rivals that LTR fun?

Maybe one isn’t more desirable than the other. Maybe sex is sex is sex, and it makes no difference the feelings involved. Maybe sometimes we don’t want to think about how we’re feeling and just focus on getting it on.

What do you guys think? What’s more desirable: sex with love or without?

I learned a lot of valuable lessons during my high school years. Not so much from going to class or doing homework (because I didn’t really do that), but from being a horny teenager who lived at home and had thin walls.

You see, my bedroom was directly beside (sharing a wall) with my mom’s room, and that wall that we shared, the one right by my bed, had a vent that happened to be connected to her room as well. You couldn’t see through it, but we learned pretty quickly that this vent in our adjoining wall wasn’t quite soundproof.

Having acquired my very first “real” boyfriend (one that lasted more that a week…) and having a lot of fun experimenting with sex for the first time ever, this vent in the wall became something of a challenge. For a good few months there was a pillow wedged up against it, acting as some weird sound-proof barrier, but when the winter months rolled around and I started freezing at night, I realized that blocking the main source of heat that filtered into my room probably wasn’t a good idea.

But then we figured out the perfect way to drown our sexy noises while keeping my room at a comfortable 20 or so degrees – music. Sure, it’s not silence, and it still traveled through the walls, but I guarantee my mother appreciated the sound of slow bass late at night a lot more than hearing anything else coming through our walls.

This lesson has carried over into my college life too – my roommate and I have discovered the joys of headphones, music, and sex despite creepily thin walls (seriously, I can push on the wall that separates our rooms and it moves…yikes). Thing is, not only does music work as good cover up noise, but it also adds a little extra pizazz to a sack session, assuming you’re listening to the right thing (nothing more awkward than that song your ex boyfriend recorded for you coming up on shuffle while you’re getting it on. Trust me.)

I’ve talked before about the different “types” of sex (can we seriously come up with a phrase to describe what I’m talking about, please?), so of course it’s only fitting to listen to different kinds of music for each occasion. I got some (er, a lot of) help from my lovely music-freak friend, Coralie, in compiling a list of songs to play during sexy sessions. In practicing what I preach, I’ll have you guys know I’ll be making my own “Sexy Time” playlist on my iTunes as soon as I’m done writing this. But for now, here’s some great sex music to check out… for every occasion!

Lovemaking
Wet Sand – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Something -The Beatles
Wild Horses – The Rolling Stones
Into the Mystic – Van Morrison–  (Coralie’s sidenote: One time I put this song on to set the mood with a guy and he freaked out because one time he walked in on his parents and they were totally doing it to this song. Hahaha)
Sea of Love – Cat Power‘s version
Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton (quite possibly the most romantic song of all time)
Sideways – Citizen Cope (I have some history with this song… but I still think it’s super sweet)
Two Weeks – Grizzly Bear
Since I’ve Been Loving You – Led Zeppelin
The Great Gig in the Sky – Pink Floyd

Sex
(Really, this is usually just whatever comes on iTunes at the time. But these are some of our favorites.)
Maybe I’m Amazed – Paul McCartney and Wings
Interstate Love Song – Stone Temple Pilots
Anything being sung or played by Jimi Hendrix
Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
Feel Like Making Love – Bad Company
Lover – Devendra Banhart
You Shook Me  All Night Long – ACDC (this is more a humorous thing, but it’s a potentially good time.)
Just put on Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd and let it play through. You’ll see.

Screwing
Closer – NIN
Want You Bad – The Offspring
Lapdance – NERD
Get Naked – Tommy Lee
Sikimikanico – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pistol Grip Pump or Guerilla Radio – Rage Against the Machine
Black Betty – Ram Jam
Hypnotized – Plies feat Akon
So Hott – Kid Rock (or any kid rock song for that matter)
Striptease – Hawksley Workman

And if all else fails, just put on Freebird. That song makes anything exponentially more badass.

Some people are into long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and getting fancy. Other people are into staying in, watching movies, and keeping it low key. Some people work in big office buildings bringing in the cash, while others bus tables and do dishes for minimum wage. But what do all of these people have in common?  Some of them, from any category and walk of life, are into being tied up, spanked and dominated.

That’s right, folks, kinky people are everywhere.

I know when I used to think of “kink”, I would think of a leather daddy or someone who walks their boyfriend on a leash around the mall. We tend to be taught the extremes, so I never really thought of it any other way. Once I started educating myself on what it actually means to be kinky, I realized that the kinky lifestyle isn’t always so extreme after all.

Okay, so to start with, what is a kink? What’s a fetish? Broken down very simply, a kink is something that turns you on, while a fetish is something you have a hard time getting turned on without. Kinks are typically less extreme, like high heels and handcuffs, while a fetish is typically a bit more out there – like feet, centaurs, and genital mutilation. Not that there is anything wrong with either a kink or a fetish… that’s just usually how it plays out.

So what do you do if you start dating someone and soon discover that they’ve got a bit of a kinky side? Well, for starters, realize that the fact that they told you about it in the first place is a pretty big deal, and know that how you react to it will make all the difference. They didn’t tell you they have an illegitimate love child, they just told you they’re into something a little different. React accordingly. Next step would be to remember our little chat about being GGG. How can you participate in this kink in a way that’ll work for both of you? A little enthusiasm and understanding will go a long way. Just try to think of it from their perspective; how would you want someone to react if the situation was reversed?

Well, what do you do if the situation really is reversed? If it turns out you’ve got a little kink of your own, chances are the time will come to tell your partner. Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, don’t treat it like it’s the worst news in the world. It’s just a little kink, it’s not a big deal. It is what it is, and since I know all the people who read this column have awesome taste in partners, I know your partners will be understanding and enthusiastic, just like you would be for them. If they’re not, and something just a little “different” in bed freaks them out, it’s not worth it. I can guarantee there will be people out there who are into, or can handle whatever it is you happen to be into.

The key here is to just keep an open mind. There’s no rule that says every time you have sex it has to be “love making” and wholesome (unless, that happens to be your kink…). Accept your/your partner’s kink for what it is —  something new and exciting to try out, experiment with, and enjoy the hell out of.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like how to deal with HPV

Q: I just started having sex and all of my friends tell me I have to pee after. They say that if I don’t pee I can get a UTI. The problem is that I never have to go. I try every time – I run to the bathroom and sit there but nothing ever happens. Is that bad? Do you HAVE to go after? Is there something wrong with me that I can’t go?

A: Your friends are giving you good advice. In general, it’s a good idea to pee after sex. Sex can introduce bacteria where it shouldn’t be, up inside the normally sterile urethra (the tube from the bladder to the outside world). Urinating flushes out an bacteria that may be lurking near the opening to the urethra, just dying to crawl inside and wreak havoc with a urinary tract infection (UTI).

That said, if you don’t have to go, you don’t have to go. Although I would question why you don’t. Assuming you spent more than 5 minutes in the sack, a well-hydrated person would have likely collected at least a wee bit of urine in the bladder. If you never have to pee after sex, you may not be hydrating enough. In general, you should be drinking the equivalent of about eight 8oz glasses of water (or other healthy liquid, such as herbal tea or green juice) per day. If you’re not drinking enough, this also increases your risk of UTI’s. Drinking a glass of water before sex should fill up your bladder and help you flush things out.

So, no. There’s nothing wrong with you. But it sounds like increasing your fluid intake would be a good preventative health strategy for you. Drink up- and try to pee afterwards. And if nothing comes, don’t stress out. You’ll likely be just fine, girlfriend!

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like performance anxiety

Q: I just recently started having sex with my boyfriend. It always feels fine (great, actually) when we’re in the act, but everything just feels…weird the next day. It sorta hurts when I go to the bathroom (mostly when I’m…er…cleaning up), when I sit, and the muscles in my inner thighs hurt. And I’m just so sore down there that I need a couple days before I can even do it again.

Is that normal? Is it something I’ll get used to? Should I be worried?

A: Sex can be uncomfortable in a variety of ways, especially for women. What you’re describing sounds more like the result of a serious sexual workout than any medical condition.  Most people with sexual pain disorders, such as vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule) or vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the muscles in the vagina), experience pain during intercourse. The fact that you’re enjoying the act itself is good news.

If the muscles in your inner thighs hurt, it’s probably because you’re using them to cling to your partner during sex- and just like any workout, they can ache afterwards, especially if you’re using muscles you’re not used to using. Try taking ibuprofen (Motrin) or naproxen (Aleve) to help the aching you feel. And just like spin class or lifting weights, chances are, the more you do it, the less it will hurt. (Which I’m sure your boyfriend will enjoy…)

As for the hurting when you’re cleaning yourself up, I’m a little vague on what you mean by that. Does it burn afterwards? If so, you could be sensitive to the acidity of the sperm. Or in rare cases, people can be allergic to sperm. Try using a condom. If that doesn’t help – that’s not it. It’s possible you could have a vaginal infection, like a yeast infection, and sex is triggering symptoms. Or it’s possible that the act of sex itself is irritating to such a sensitive area; if that’s the case, try using lube. That should help make things go a little more smoothly.

Since it’s not quite clear to me what the problem is, I’d recommend seeing a gynecologist. You may feel embarrassed talking to someone about sex, but I swear- it’s what we do all day. Don’t be shy. We can help.

Wishing you pain-free bliss,
Dr. Lissa

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate…

Apprehension
I’ve been planning this moment forever and the day is finally here. My hands are clammy and I’m going back and forth between clenching my vagina as if trying to ward off the impending penetration and dreaming about how romantic it will all be (based solely on my weekly viewing of The Notebook). When the time comes, I’m wearing my sexiest pair of undies but, ugh, why do my boobs flop out to the side like that when I’m laying on my back? And am I doing this right? Should I be making more noises? Does this position make me look fat? Suck it in. SUCK. IT. IN.

The Decline
About 15 minutes into it, I am blindsided by a flood of emotion that comes out of nowhere. Am I…no wait…that is NOT a tear! Omg, it is a tear. I’m crying. This can’t be happening. It’s okay, he doesn’t notice. Just pretend it’s sweat. But why should I be ashamed? It’s not my fault I have a surge of estrogen that suddenly reminds me of the magnitude of the situation. It’s momentous and life changing. Do I love you? Should we get married? Omg, did I just say I love you out loud!? I don’t think he heard me. Say something dirty to cover it up! Wait! Do I love him? No! Maybe? No. Okay, maybe I do. Damn you, emotions. Okay, sanity regained. Let’s just do this.

Mass Chaos
Is this how it’s supposed to go? This feels…weird. Wait, what am I doing? OW! Did something just pop? That did NOT feel good! What are my parents going to think? They’re totally gonna know. My mom’s going to tell grandma; I’ll never be able to show my face at Christmas dinner. Why the hell am I thinking about grandma right now? EW! Is the condom still on? I don’t feel it. Omg, I’m going to get pregnant. I really have to pee. I think I am going to pee. I cannot hold it in. This is a nightmare. Oh wait, that doesn’t feel half bad… Hey, I kinda like this. Keep doing that. Make noises so he knows you like it. Mmmm.

Triumph
I finally did it. I’m no longer “the virgin” of the group, which automatically disabled me from every girl chat about sex, men and late night rendezvous’. I’m not going to deny it, I feel great. I’m a real woman now! Perhaps there is a little physical damage, I’m almost positive I am going to be walking like I spent the night horseback riding come tomorrow morning, but mentally I couldn’t feel better. Oh wait. Go pee. But cover up; he doesn’t need to see your cellulite. Wait. Stop being crazy. You guys just had sex. OMG. I just had sex! My friends are totally gonna freak when I tell them. They need to know immediately. Ok, he’s facing the other way. Is he sleeping? WTF? Whatever, just grab the Blackberry and bring it to bathroom. Mass texting is in order!