Remember being 12 years old? Fresh out of the shelter of elementary school and into the big bad world of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll in middle school? There was so much to learn, so much to experience aaaand…so much awkwardness. And it all started with “the talk.”

You know what talk I’m talking about. The one where your mom (or even worse, dad) sits you down and then doesn’t know what to say for about five minutes. So there’s this super awkward lead-in and in your 12-year-old mind you’re saying, “What the hell? I just want some chicken nuggets.” And then it hits you. Your mom is talking about sex. Your mom is talking about sex! To you! WTF. You just had your first sex ed class like, two months ago. You hardly even know what all of this means! Stop, Mom, just stop.

But she didn’t stop. You had to suffer through a stilted and shameful speech about the birds and the bees and how you should wait until you love someone and how sometimes you will have really strong feelings for another person but if you act on those feelings you will get pregnant. And die. Blah blah blah. Read More »

So the last time I defined a relationship, it went like this:

Me and my ex lying in bed discussing spring break.

He said, “So I’d be ok with not hooking up with anyone while I’m in the Bahamas. Would you hook up with anyone in South Carolina?”

I said, “Is that your way of asking me if we’re exclusive?”

He said, “Maybe.”

I said, “Ok then, we’re exclusive.”

And from then on, we were boyfriend/girlfriend.

Ok, so that was college — where your friends play just as vital a role in setting the status of your coupledom as you and your significant other do with their mocking “Oh you guys are totally a couple” or “where’s your boyyyyfriend” comments at which point you take a cue from them and give each other the appropriate title.

But in the real world, it seems this whole defining thing is much harder to do. Read More »