Valentine’s Day – love it or loathe it, it’s looming on the very-near horizon. Personally I’m not a fan, but perhaps that’s just my inner bitter spinster self talking — assuming someone took it upon themselves to shower me with gifts, I’d be perplexed, but I surely wouldn’t question it. (That’s not a hint, by the way — I’m about to leave the country with my worldly possessions on my back. The last thing I need is a cheap teddy bear occupying valuable space). But let’s not allow my sour-grapes attitude get us down! Instead, let’s explore the ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day in relationships of various permutations! Whether you’re in an exciting new fling or a tried and true relationship, we’ve got you covered…

The Relationship: ‘It’s Complicated’
You’re not together but you kinda are. Do you do the whole Valentine’s thing? Do you do it ironically? Ignore it altogether? Make some offhand remark about it? Oh god, what if he thinks I’m being clingy?

Potential gift: A decent shag and a wry “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The Relationship: Two Weeks in Wonderland
You haven’t been together long, so Valentine’s Day is uncertain territory. Likes and dislikes, inside-jokes, wishes and dreams are yet to be concretely understood by either party, so anything highly personalised is out of the question.

Potential gift: At this point I’d say it’s socially acceptable to present your lover with a box of chocolates and a rose. With a cute smile, an arched eyebrow and a shrug in order to diffuse any sense of absolute earnestness.

The Relationship: The Three Month Sweet Spot
Everything is still new and exciting, but you know more about your mate now. The sex is good, you’re still all gooey-eyed around each other and others exclaim ‘Awww you guys are so cute together!’ That is, until you engage in a very elaborate and public make out session, at which point others mime vomiting and avert their eyes.

Potential gift: Dinner at a restaurant, a bottle of wine and some edible body paint.

The Relationship: The Six Month Itch
Things are potentially going a bit tits up. You’ve had at least one serious argument that involved tearful words, but had admittedly great make up sex afterwards. You’ve contemplated breaking things off, but decided to wait it out a bit longer.

Potential gift: An awkward picnic that ends in an argument.

The Relationship: One Year Down.
Things are now comfortingly predictable and boring. Congratulations!

Potential gift: Dinner at that place you always go to, a movie and maybe some routine sex.

Whatever you do for Valentine’s Day, don’t get too caught up in it. There’s no point in winding yourself in knots over a box of chocolate and a wilted rose.

What to see what He Said he’s getting for his girlfriend (or, er, hookup? friend with benefits?) this Valentine’s Day? Head on over to COEDMagazine.com and read alllll about it!

[Image via ra2 studio/Shutterstock]

Are you actually together, or are you just really good friends who frequently have sex? Are you ‘dating’? Are you ‘in a relationship’? Maybe ‘it’s complicated’? Are you ready for engagement…or marriage? Or is it time you two just moved in together already?

Women’s magazines and Hollywood seem to be preoccupied with the notion of moving one’s relationship forward, as if a relationship were some sort of vehicle aiming for a finish line, some sort of ephemeral end goal (it’s never really defined, is it?). Indeed, film and television producers like to parcel out relationship plots as mostly linear narratives with some sort of final objective on the horizon: Girl meets Boy. Girl likes Boy. Girl and Boy date. Girl and Boy become a Couple. Couple co-habitate. Couple get engaged. Couple get married. Couple have children. Couple’s happiness is demonstrably achieved (apparently). Oh, perhaps the writers will throw in a few twists — perhaps Girl meets Girl. Maybe there’s a nearly disastrous misunderstanding involving a jilted ex-lover. Or maybe the Couple must overcome adversity in order to marry. Radical.

The thing is, relationships rarely happen like that in real life. Particularly, I would argue, for modern 20-somethings. By the time you’ve experienced a relationship (or several) yourself, you come to the realisation that relationships seldom occur as neatly as Hollywood would have you think. Relationships are messy, confusing, exhilarating and frustrating, and no two are the same. How, then, do you know when it’s time to move your relationship to the next level? How do you know when it’s the right time to have sex, to decide to be exclusive, to change your Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’, to consider engagement, marriage, children, whatever?

At the risk of sounding deeply ‘new age’ and annoyingly like your high school counselor, I can’t answer that for you. You and your lover are the only people who can decide where your relationship is going and when. I do have a few morsels of advice, though.

Firstly, don’t be beholden to whatever it is you think society wants you to do. Please! If you’re three years into your relationship and people are speculating as to when the ring is going to appear on your finger, don’t feel required to get engaged. Relationships aren’t a race to the finish line (what is waiting at the finish line, anyway?), you’re absolutely free to meander at your own pace. It might be better to let things develop organically, rather than forcing ‘progress’ upon a relationship. Pressures such as ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ can distract you from the fact that a relationship is a journey, not a destination (ew, I feel so grossly airy-fairy and existential for writing that, but it’s true). So quit your worrying and enjoy things as they are.

Similarly, don’t feel the need to define your relationship by traditional standards. There’s a guy in my life – we get along really well, and we’re good friends. We spend a lot of time together and we have a lot of sex. We cuddle and we talk and we cook together. We’re exclusive. But he’s not my boyfriend. There’s all sorts of reasons that neither of us feel like defining our relationship as ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ and we’re both perfectly comfortable with that. It’s other people who seem so keen to slap a definition on us. Are we together? Sorta. The label isn’t important. If you’re in a similar situation, don’t feel the need to move your relationship to the ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ stage just because others think you should.

Thirdly, remember that completion of one step is not a prerequisite for completing another step. I used to live with my boyfriend. We lived together for two years. I learned a lot during that time, including the realisation that I really need my own space. I will always be hesitant to move in with a significant other. But that doesn’t mean I cannot be in a serious, meaningful (etc. etc.) relationship. Personally, I think Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter have the right idea — adjoining houses. They have kids, a great relationship (it would seem), intimacy, and personal space. So, just because you’re getting engaged, it doesn’t mean you have to move in with each other. Just because you’ve decided that you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to be having sex. Just because you’re moving away, doesn’t mean you have to break up. You decide which steps to take and when to take them.

Finally, don’t be afraid to end things if the ‘next step’ is just not what you want. Perhaps your friend with benefits wants to be more than a friend, but you’re not comfortable with the idea. Don’t be afraid to end the relationship there — if your differences are irreconcilable then there’s probably not much point in carrying on. If he’s talking about marriage and babies and you’re terrified, maybe it’s time to have a think about where things might be going, and if it’s time to abandon ship.

I suppose I’ve talked around the issue a little here, but the salient points for you to remember are these: ‘moving forward’ and ‘taking things to the next level’ are not always necessary. Screw society’s expectations and do your own thing at your own pace. And, if you want out, don’t be afraid to say so.

Want to see when He Said it’s the right time to take things to the next level? Check it out at COEDMagazine.com!

Raquel is a Wellingtonian and an Art History graduate. When she’s not studying to be a teacher, she’s downing coffee and reading the autobiographies of people much more amazing than her. You can follow her on twitter @raquel_marty.

Last week we considered a few stereotypes about men that are true, while Mr. He Said over at COED magazine thew in his two cents about female stereotypes that are accurate. This week, I’m looking at stereotypes about men that aren’t true, from tears to sports to mechanical abilities.

Men don’t cry.

Absolute bullshit. Crying is fantastically cathartic and men should not be denied this privilege. I’ve seen men weep and thought not a whit less of them. Granted, no one wants a soppy, weeping mess snivelling on the couch every other day, but the same is true for women. Men shed tears and that’s reality — they should stop trying to deny it.

Men can fix anything.

Oh, honey. No. You can’t fix that busted GPS/electrical socket/carburetor/hole in the wall. Especially since you haven’t read the instruction manual. Just call in a professional, okay? I promise I won’t think less of you.

Men fall asleep straight after sex.

Sex requires exertion, yes, but that doesn’t mean that men are out like a light immediately following. Most men I’ve known have been quite happy to talk and cuddle after a roll in the hay. Perhaps I’ve just been fortunate?

Men like sports.

A lot of men like sports. A lot of them don’t. Many of them couldn’t give two figs about which team scored a home run/try/touchdown/goal on the court/pitch/field.

Men only care about their own orgasm.

In my experience, men are quite anxious to please women. Even if only to boost their own ego.

Men only like girls who look like supermodels.

Yet another misconception – men like all types of women. Short, tall, round or rail-like.

Men are not emotional.

Although they aren’t perhaps the best at articulating their emotions, men do, in fact, experience emotions. Don’t be too harsh, girls – in some ways men’s emotions are even more terrifying than women’s.

Men are good drivers.

Men are more likely to be involved in a car crash involving death, destruction or serious harm. Women are more likely to be involved in a car accident that involves backing into the letterbox or scraping the side of another car.

Men love porn.

Yes, some men do love it, as do some women. But a lot of guys I’ve met have expressed the sentiment that it simply isn’t their cup of tea.

Men always want to be in control.

Nope – definitely false. When it comes to many things (plans for the weekend, where to go for dinner, arrangements of any other sort), most men are more than happy to let women run the show.

So what do you think? Are there certain stereotypes that need to be scrapped altogether? Or are their grains of truth in each?

Want to see what stereotypes our resident He Said is willing to admit aren’t quite accurate about women? Head on over to COEDMagazine.com and enjoy every word!

As evolved and politically correct as we like to think we are, the fact remains that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Sure, many stereotypes are outdated, sexist and downright silly, but there are a few stereotypes that still hold truth. Deny it though they might, most men are guilty of the following…

They suck at texting.

Either they don’t text back, or they do…a week later. Or you’ll get an annoyingly succinct answer that does nothing to carry the conversation, such as ‘k’. Gentlemen, a single letter does not constitute a meaningful reply. How am I meant to read volumes into a single letter? When you replied to my ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ with a ‘k’… what did that even mean? Are you looking forward to seeing me tomorrow? Is seeing me tomorrow a potential blight on your otherwise awesome day? Hell, even a ‘k ‘ would placate me. Meanwhile, I’m writing a novella for each text, carrying the conversation and feeling really damn annoying for doing so.

They don’t talk about their feelings.

Men are emotionally inarticulate. While a woman can enumerate her woes and describe the barely tangible difference between the multiple layers of despair we feel on a regular basis, men seem to be barely capable of muttering “I’m just a bit pissed off, okay?” Instead, they withdraw emotionally and negotiate their woes in the deep, dark recesses of their minds. This is infuriating for women, who want to know what’s wrong so that they can talk about it. Mutual incomprehension makes no one happy, so don’t even try. Perhaps it’s best to just let men stew in sullen silence for a while until they get over it.

They are obsessed with the size of their penis.

How does it compare to your ex? Was he bigger than me? What about [random guy you slept with]? Is mine big enough? I just think it’s too small… Look, get the hell over it; I don’t really care. It’s not the size, it’s how you use it. I have encountered penises of many sizes, and the biggest was not the best. It’s all in the technique. Anyway, you’re just being paranoid, your penis is perfectly normal. Trust me.

Deep down, they don’t want a girlfriend, they want a replacement mother.

Boys want a girlfriend who will cook and clean for them, organise their lives and buy their shoes and shirts. Oh alright, their are a few wildly radical men who will take charge of these things on their own, but the stereotypical grown-up man-child is a stereotype for a reason. Sometimes, men seem as helpless as babes in the woods when confronted by insurmountable tasks such as cleaning a bathroom. They’d much rather a woman take charge of these scary necessities, just like their mothers’ did.

They love boobs.

Maybe it’s oedipal, but hey, I don’t blame you. Boobs are amazing. Obsess all you like.

They find toilet humour amusing.

Farts, poo, piss and semen. Wildly, wildly hilarious… if you have a Y chromosome, that is. Oh I won’t deny that I’ll giggle at off-colour jokes as much as the next person, but some ‘humour’ is inescapably disgusting and not remotely funny.

They all think they’re funny.

I know you think you’re hilarious, but not everyone can be Billy Connolly/Ricky Gervais/Jimmy Carr and, frankly, not everyone should even try to be them. Engage in some self-reflection — are you The Funny Guy, or are you The Annoying Guy Who Thinks He’s Funny But Really Isn’t?

They just don’t get women.

As a wise man once said ‘bitches be crazy’. Yeah, we are crazy, we own that, but that’s just how it is. It’s okay, you don’t actually need to understand women, because you are likewise incomprehensible to us. Women just don’t get men, either. Mars and Venus and all that jazz. But isn’t that part of what makes it all so much fun? Right?

Want to see what He Says are the most accurate stereotypes about women? Check it out on COEDMagazine.com!

Raquel is a Wellingtonian and an Art History graduate. When she’s not studying to be a teacher, she’s downing coffee and reading the autobiographies of people much more amazing than her. You can follow her on twitter @raquel_marty.

Oooh, sex and music. So much to say! In my own fervent opinion, sex and music go together like chips and dip, Ernie and Bert, or trashy TV and ice cream. Ideally, while you’re having sex your mind should be far, far away. Too far away for you to be conscious of the fact that the bed is creaking, bodies are slapping together and for some reason there’s a weird squelching sound (don’t lie – I know you know what I mean). Unfortunately though, sex isn’t always transcendent enough to distract you from these less that sensual ambient noises. But guess what? Music can save mediocre sex. No, seriously, it can. Not only can music make sex more fun, the right song can put you in a damn fine mood for f*cking. Music can also muffle your moaning, and save the ears of your flatmates. And, hey, sometimes an aural prompt for rhythm can be helpful as hell.

I think sex is better to a soundtrack. Maybe it’s just because I’m one of those weirdos who imagines a soundtrack to my life. Maybe. I’m not the only one who does that, right? I digress…sex is better with music. Well, except when it’s not. As Simon Cowell would say, song choice is everything. And here’s what NOT to play.

Barry White and/or Marvin Gaye: No. Just, no. So deeply, deeply cliched. And so deeply, deeply unsexy.

The TV: It can be quite distracting. Granted, perhaps the sex ain’t fantastic, but paying attention to How I Met Your Mother isn’t going to help either. It’s downright rude, actually. Once, bored with the show we were watching in bed, I gave my boyfriend a blow job. Emerging from under the covers at length, I discovered that my boyfriend was still watching the box. And it certainly wasn’t my box. How rude!

The Radio: A friend of mine once told me a story which I shall paraphrase for you – listening to the radio, having sex, when suddenly an ad for erectile dysfunction came on. Awkward much?

Okay, what are your safe options, then? Opinions on the matter are greatly divided. A quick survey of my flatmates revealed some (in my opinion) questionable preferences, though, admittedly, not everyone liked the sound of my sex playlist. The choice, therefore, is yours. Play something that gets you in the mood, but consider your partner when choosing. I’m yet to meet a guy who wants to get off while listening to Lady Gaga. However, here are a few of my favourites for you to consider…

Portishead: I only recently discovered Portishead (I know, I know — at times I live under a cultural rock), and I’m certainly glad I did. My favourite is the song Over.

Frank Ocean: The album Nostalgia, Ultra includes some very sexy singles.

Nine Inch Nails: Disclaimer: I am a rabid Nine Inch Nails fan. Should some unthinkable fate befall Trent Reznor’s wife, inevitably some deeply repressed beast would waken within me. Hitherto unforeseen fierceness would fly from me and claw out the eyeballs of anyone standing in my direct path to Trent Reznor. Poor Trent would be probably quite frightened but ultimately helpless as I made my move to ravish the man. I’m just warning you all. But I digress — point is, although I am extremely biased, believe me –  anything by Nine Inch Nails is fantastic to f*ck to.

Peaches: Hardly needs explanation!

Really, it all comes down to whatever floats you musical love boat. Have sex to a soundtrack more often! Your flatmates/roommates/neurotic cat will thank you, and you might just truly enjoy the experience.

Wanna see what songs he likes to put on repeat when he’s “laying some serious pipe” (we hear guys use charming phrases like that)? Check out what He Said on COEDMagazine.com!

You know what? For once I don’t have anything negative to say. Halle-freaking-lujah! Cuddles are are fantastic. Hugs are amazing. Salacious cuddles? Yes, please. Friendly hugs? Hell yes! Comforting cuddles? Great! Free hugs because I’m a ginger? Always welcome. I am a huge fan of cuddling, and I’ve been fortunate enough to not yet meet a man who ain’t one, too. In my experience, boys love cuddling and aren’t afraid to admit it.

I’ve also found that hugs are a pretty non-contentious issue. Thank heavens! Although most matters of intimacy are fraught with politics, I find hugging to be a refreshingly simple act that rarely leaves any party dissatisfied. See someone who needs a hug? Offer one up. Need a hug yourself? Go hug someone – anyone! It’s as simple as that.

Oh alright, there are a couple of rules to hugging – let’s explore:

The awkward greeting hug.

Do you go for the hug or the handshake? Are there air kisses involved? What if you only saw them yesterday? Do they get another hug? Screw it – just hug them anyway.

The tearful hug.

Let’s face it, at several points during your life you will find yourself weeping uncontrollably on some poor victim’s shoulder. Maybe it’s your boyfriend’s shoulder, maybe it’s your mum’s. Maybe it’s your long-suffering flatmate’s (um, thanks flatmate, I owe you one). Take full advantage of said shoulder – clutch for dear life, weep until you’re blotchy and hideous and your fitful gasps aren’t making any sense. Just try not to get too much snot on their shirt.

The tantalizing hug.

You’re in bed with someone very attractive. The two of you are tangled together like earphones at the bottom of a handbag. Maybe you’re kissing. Maybe you’re having a Deep and Meaningful. Maybe you’re drunk. Perhaps it’s dawn and you’ve been like that all night. Both of you want more but neither want to toe over the line. Next time cross the line. But for now, leave it at spooning.

 The airport hug.

Whether welcome hugs or farewell hugs, airport hugs are always the fiercest. Knock the wind out of the other person and squeeze ’em tight.

The friend with benefits hug. 

The general rule is don’t do it, right? Friends with benefits don’t cuddle, friends with benefits f*ck and then leave. Honestly, I’ve never understood that rule and I’ve never adhered to it. What’s wrong with cuddling up to your friend with benefits? A hug does not equate to dangerous love.

The couch hug.

Lying on the couch, snuggled up under a blanket, covert naughtiness optional.

Overall, hugs are excellent, beautiful things and you should hug more people more often. Especially us gingers, we need the love!

Wanna know how he feels about snuggles, cuddles and hugs? See what He Said over at COEDMagazine!

Do handjobs have a place in the sex-lives of college students? Didn’t we leave those back in high school? Apparently not. Handjobs are still out there in the wild, though overshadowed by more risqué sexual acts. But is it time to resurrect the humble handjob? Certainly, there are benefits – handjobs are safe, arguably more pleasant than giving a blow job (hey, sometimes we just don’t feel like it), and they feel good! But that’s the problem isn’t it? A tried-and-true means to an end that offers little opportunity for variation…boring!

Like most girls, I tend to pass over handjobs as a solitary activity. Quite honestly, there’re other things I’d rather be doing between the sheets. I think there’s definitely a time and a place for handjobs, but I’d not make them my signature move. Oh alright, once every four weeks when my lady-bits are off limits I’ll quite happily take matters into my hands, as it were. But let’s face it – giving a hand job is not the most exciting exercise. Mindless fist-pumping and wondering when the hell he’s going to finish make for a very bored and impatient girl. It’s not like we’re getting much out of it, unless your bed-partner is obliging and reciprocates (preferably multiple times). Also, please be aware my forearms are not that well developed and I do get tired. Unlike some, I’ve not spent almost every day of my adolescence pumping an appendage while gazing lustily at Scarlett Johansson’s boobs (nothing wrong with that, I’m just sayin’).

Oh, perhaps I’m being too cynical – on the other hand, there’s something quite satisfying about getting a guy off that way. He’s literally in the palm of your hand, you have the control. Watching a guy get off like that can quite sexy, especially if you’re looking forward to him reciprocating. Speaking of which, Gentlemen! Return the damn favour! We love it. A little work with a finger or two can make a girl absolutely melt. More of that, please.

So. Hand jobs. They certainly have their place outside of high school. Perhaps not the most scintillating aspect of intercourse (for the giver at least), but a tried-and-true means to an end. A quick note on etiquette: Use lube if and when required. Gentlemen, communicate exactly what you want (you’re the expert, after all). And if the giver is getting tired, offer to take over or move on to something else.

Want to see what He Says about handjobs? Head on over to COEDMagazine.com!

Thanksgiving is a time to take a beat from the rampant sex, booze and bad decisions of college life and embrace a more wholesome holiday spirit. Giving thanks. The concept alone should make you feel all warm and fuzzy and Angelina Jolie-esqe inside. As you sit down to a delicious home-cooked meal with your loved ones, I genuinely do hope you reflect for a moment on the cornucopia of blessings you’ve received over the year. The toilet paper dress you wore to that Anything But Clothes party didn’t unravel. The freshman you hooked up with took you seriously when you held a plastic knife to his throat threatening death if he told anyone what happened. Your RA still hasn’t found your vodka stash (zipped in the rolly suitcase under your bed). You, missy, have quite a few things for which to be thankful!

Personally, I tend to go a little more big-picture with my thank-you-fors. Eyesight…I’m a big fan of seeing. Also, my DVR, which has saved me the inner turmoil of choosing between Happy Hour and the newest episode of Parks and Rec. Most of all, however, I’m thankful for men. Yup. In all their burping, scratching, bearded glory. Think I’m crazy? Take a look at my favorite dude things and then tell me I’m wrong. Dear Dudes, I’m thankful for you because…

initiating the gallery...

(When you’re done here, don’t forget to check why He Said he’s thankful for women over at COEDMagazine.com)

Midterms are over and it’s nearly that lovely time of year when we return to our hometowns and prepare to stuff ourselves silly with homemade pumpkin pie and green bean casserole. But between eating, spending time with the family, eating some more and hibernating in your old twin bed, you’ve got a predicament on your hands.

To see the old crush, or not to see the old crush? That is the question. Your holiday vacation is not long, so you only have so much time to drink peppermint schnapps and meet up with that guy in high school you always wanted but never had the balls to go after. You’ve done your homework, and based on photos the guy has grown up quite a bit. Sure, he may have gained a beer gut in college, but that fails to override the fact that he no longer has braces, a Disney channel shag haircut or wears Abercrombie & Fitch on the daily.

Let’s get into the reasoning — both logical and otherwise — behind hooking up with your old high school crush over the break.

Yay:

• You’ve got only good memories of him: Him standing in the lunch line with you discussing his Learners Permit. Or him mumbling the lyrics to M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” (because, really, who actually knew all the words?) and shuffling awkwardly, but oh-so-adorably on the dance floor at your senior prom.
• You’re better experienced in the bedroom now that you’ve had your college partying phase. And we’re thinking he probably is, too.
• His teenage acne is gone, he grew a foot and he wears Tom’s instead of Air Jordan high tops.
• That sexual fantasy of you two has never gone away. Not even during that year-long relationship with someone else.
• Since it’s such a short time frame to meet up, excitement and passion will be at an all time high.
• Hey, a hookup doesn’t entail a relationship…no strings attached, anyone?
• If that hookup is on your bucket list, go ahead and cross it off!
• If the hookup happens at his house, take advantage of his Thanksgiving leftovers. Never say no to a free slice of pie. Come on now.

Nay:

• If things go terribly wrong, when would you ever have to see him again? Oh, right, in two weeks for winter break.
• The hookup takes place at his house and after a steamy sesh you walk downstairs to grab some water…and have to say hello to his dad. COOL.
• He doesn’t quite…ahem..meet your expectations.
• He’s got a girlfriend that he failed to mention.
• You hook up with him and then fall for him.
• You hook up with him, are over it and he falls for you.
• He spills the beans to all of your mutual friends and you’re now the Class of ‘08 token slut.

By the looks of it, you’ve got some thinking to do! I’m all for being a bold female and taking what’s yours, though. If you want him, go for it. Let’s be real, a hookup is what it is. And how many guys say NO to hookups? Not many!

My high school crush is currently single, hotter than ever and we’ve actually become recent friends since I’ve been laying some groundwork for the break. I may just have to show him what he’s been missing!

Want to see if He Said he’ll be hooking up with his high school crush this Thanksgiving Break? Scoot your tush over to COEDMagazine.com and read about it now!

So as you know (if you’ve read my past few columns) I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. And by breakup I don’t mean the whole, back-and-forth linger type-of-thing. I mean, cold turkey, cut him out! A friend recommended I take the “30-Day Challenge,” where you don’t see, speak or creep (shocking, I know) on the kid AT ALL for 30 days. I accepted the challenge and am pleased to say that after 30 days I feel like a new person. I feel more myself than ever in the past year, bettered by the failed relationship and am genuinely happy again. So please, I’ll be accepting virtual high-fives for completing that one!

The point is, a breakup is hard for both parties involved no matter the circumstances. And though I had my low moments, I still wanted to jump right back into the dating scene. Why? Because I’m young and there are hot guys everywhere at my university! Because I like to meet new people! Because not all guys are going to hurt me and I’m ready to meet someone worthwhile. And finally, because sometimes a drunken make-out is simply the best way to get over that douchebag! (Even if just for the three minutes while Weezy plays in the background).

So take it from a girl living through the dating scene after a breakup. It hasn’t been that long, but I’ve definitely learned some valid things. Even if you’re not fresh from a breakup, these tips can still help you out, too!

1. Shots and Ke$ha: Let’s be real here, after you have to tell someone you once loved goodbye, sometimes you just need a damn drink. Or two…or seven. No shame with this one! Alcohol sure does boost your self-esteem and when you throw in some crappy Ke$ha jams and a few friends on a dark dance floor, the night is all yours. So how will this help with your dating dilemma? Yeah, it’s probably not the best way to score a top-notch guy, but a good grind and sloppy make-out sesh never hurt anyone, right? Think of it this way; you’re just having some fun before the real guy comes along. And who wants to be at a coffee shop at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night waiting for that tall, handsome guy holding the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel to walk in, anyway? I know I’d rather be drunk and doing the stanky leg, that’s for sure!
2. Use your connections: Once you’ve gotten your “three-for-three” weekend out of the way (that means going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night in the same weekend), it’s time to actually meet a decent guy. The easiest way is to ask the people around you! My friends and family know my character best and wouldn’t set me up with an asshole, so they’re the first people I turn to when wanting to get back into the dating scene. Two of the guys I’ve been seeing since the breakup were both introduced to me by friends and family, and both are pretty amazing so far!
3. Be bold: Ladies, it’s 2011, not the 1950s. It’s now socially acceptable to ask a guy to coffee or even a study sesh if you’re not ready to totally put yourself out there. If he says no or that he’s busy and doesn’t make further plans, let it go! In my past experiences, if you show you’re interested and he doesn’t respond immediately how you’d hoped, give him some time and he’ll come around. However, being bold doesn’t mean being a stage-17 clinger. Refrain from asking him out multiple times even if you really like the guy. If he wants to see you, he will.
4. Don’t settle: I know we’ve heard this our whole lives, but there’s something about when your mom sits you down and tells you, “Secret Girl, don’t settle, you’re better than that,” and suddenly it just clicks. I’ve already learned that if I start dating one guy and no other prospects are on the horizon, I’d rather not waste my time on an idiot just to say I’m dating someone.

Case in point: One of the guys I recently stopped seeing came over and watched a movie at my apartment. I have a charcoal sketch of a naked woman hanging on a wall in my room, and when the guy walked in he said, “BOOOOOOOOBS!” Um, yeah, get out. No seriously, get out right now. It’s called art, not giant tits plastered all over my wall.

• Look for douchelord tendencies: If I were to meet the “me” from a year ago, I’d shake her and say, “Run the other direction!” But had I not dated the kid, I wouldn’t be able to spot asshole tendencies from a mile away, as I can today. No really, it’s a talent. Here are some d-bag-isms learned from past relationships, club-hopping and other’s experiences.

• His friends are assholes (it’s a dead giveaway, friends say a lot about a person).
• He lives off of his parents and flaunts their money as if it’s his own hard earned cash.
• He cusses too much and wants to talk about vaginas at dinner. (Over a mediocre dinner– Me: “So how was your day, babe?” Dumbass: “What do you think lesbians do to each other during sex?”) WTF.
• He’s wearing a pastel polo…collar popped.
• He knows every word to that Apple Bottom Jeans song.
• He’s wearing thick-stitched True Religion denim.
• He wants to buy you a drink but won’t let you come to the bar with him (*cough* Rufilin *cough*).
• He makes you feel bad about yourself. (Get out quick!)

The bottom line? Be confident in who you are, know what you want and go for something if it comes your way! What do you have to lose? Your dignity, pride? Eh, maybe. But hey, there’s plenty more guys out there! And who knows, true love might be just around the corner if you’re open to it.

Curious to see how our resident He Said gets over a break up? Wait, do I even want to know?? Brace yourself and click through to COEDMagazine to…uh…enlighten yourself.