Surprise, Taylor Swift writes songs about love and heartbreak.

Beyonce got a gold-butted fly named after her.

“Bridesmaids” has an element of truth to it.

Katy Perry has dyed her hair blue. It is the color of sadness…?

Heather Locklear hospitalized after combining pills and booze.

Would you wear a collarless coat?

Betty White’s funniest, and sexiest, quotes.

Madonna might direct a film depicting Kate and Prince William’s relationship.

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s two-year-old picked out her Golden Globes dress. Adorbs!

When we first decided to do this whole “gossip cheat sheet” thing at CollegeCandy we never realized how appropriate that name would be. There hasn’t been a week that’s gone by since we kicked this thing off where someone in Hollywood wasn’t sticking their _______ in someone else’s ________. And this week isn’t any different.

Once again, the deets on high-profile cheating scandals are making their way out of the woodwork. Sandy is minus a wedding ring, and Elin is on her way to Sweden. So where is Shawn Southwick (Larry King’s wife) heading? To the divorce lawyer.

The good news is there’s a little more going on in the Hollywood Hills this week than all that whoring around, like advertising scandals (oooooo!), arrests (ahhhhh!), and hospitalizations (oooooyyyyy). Let’s see if I can narrow it down for you.

“Important” Things

1. Michael Douglas’s son, Cameron Douglas, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing crystal meth and cocaine, despite the heartfelt pleas of his father, grandfather, and stepmother, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Cameron faced up to ten years, but only received five after pleading guilty and apologizing to Judge Richard Berman. He was arrested last July and had been selling meth and cocaine since 2006. Hopefully he’ll learn his lesson and get his life straightened out.

2. Kelly Clarkson is under fire this week for appearing on a billboard advertising her concert in Jakarta, Indonesia, alongside cigarette brand, L.A. Lights. The concert is sponsored by the company and people are getting their panties in a twist because they feel the pop-star is advocating smoking. Kelly has come out saying she does not advocate smoking and feels her only option is to cancel the concert, but “I refuse to cancel on my fans.” People just need to chill out; just because her face is on an billboard that she didn’t even know about doesn’t mean she’s telling everyone to buy cigarettes, sheesh! But it looks like all the hullabaloo has had an affect; in the midst of all the controversy, L.A. Lights has pulled out of its sponsorship and is removing all billboards.

3. Heather Locklear was arrested this weekend after running into a no parking sign and then fled the scene of the accident. Girlfriend is still on probation from a reckless driving charge in 2008, so if she’s found guilty, she’s facing 90 days in prison. Here’s my message to Heather: get a driver it together, lady! In recent updates, Heather will not be charged with a hit-and-run because there’s not even enough evidence that she was behind the wheel. Lucky break, Heather, but seriously stop being such a hot mess.

4. In the Larry King cheating scandal, it’s been revealed that his wife Shawn Southwick was having an affair with her kids’ baseball coach, Hector Penate. Apparently two can play at the cheating game. While sources this week are reporting that Shawn only married Larry for his money (shocking to no one), she probably won’t get any if she was cheating too.

5. OK! magazine is reporting that Angie and Brad are getting married for their children. I think I just heard Jennifer Aniston’s heart break. Rumor has it that the kids are begging their parents to get married, and “Pax thinks it would just be the coolest thing ever to be a ring bearer.” Caitlin thinks it would be the coolest thing ever if it were a Brad/Jen wedding. But that’s just me.

Other Shizz

1. Rihanna went to the hospital on Monday in Switzerland and people freaked out. RiRi’s rep said she “had an injured rib” and wanted to get it checked out as a precaution, so everyone CALM YO’SELF.

2. Kate Gosselin was voted off Dancing With The Stars. Finally! Now she can head on home and tend to her litter.

3. Snooki and her boyfriend Emilio broke up because he’s a fame whore. Snooks was seen hooking up with The Situation (!!!) a few hours earlier. No word on what’s going on there, but I can guarantee he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

4. Glee got fantastic ratings after the much anticipated Madonna episode with 13.5 million viewers! Creator Ryan Murphy said they are in talks with Madonna to do another themed episode next season. Yay!

5. This week, Christina Hendricks and her scorching hot bod are everywhere, so enjoy her sexiness.

We’ve all seen it.  The singer-turned-actor crossover move that has critics telling stars time and time again not to quit their day jobs. But in Ashlee Simpson’s case, I’m not sure what day job she has to fall back on. Now that she has been fired from Melrose Place, I think Ashlee should take a long look at her life’s work before she makes her next career move.

Let’s face facts: the girl can’t sing. We all remember when she blamed acid reflux for her Milli-Vanilli-esque stunt on Saturday Night Live in 2004. I think the entire world breathed a sigh of relief when Ashlee claimed she might never be able to sing again. (Could she ever?) What happened to that? I could have done without the “Bittersweet World” album. Me and the three other people who purchased it demand our money back. (And my dignity having just admitted to buying that…)

So perhaps singing wasn’t her forte. In a bold move, Ashlee decided to try her hand at acting. Melrose Place was a big undertaking, I give her that much. But honestly, while she may have been promising in her small role on 7^th Heaven, whatever talent she had then seems to have dissipated in a sea of plastic surgery and hair extensions. Besides, if Heather Locklear says she’s gotta go, then the girl’s gotta go.

But the good news here is, no one really watches Melrose Place anyway. If you’re going to crash and burn, for the millionth time, at least the whole world isn’t going to be there to point and laugh at you. Even Jessica called the show crap. But then again, what does she know? Her last acting job was a movie called “Major Movie Star.”

I’m deeply sorry for your loss, Ashlee. It looks like plastic surgery isn’t a career-saver after all.

Um, Justin Timberlake and Rihanna? WTF?

Forget scrunchies – use your undies!

Heather Locklear’s back at Melrose Place.

Healthy hair will save your life.

How to date without the booze.

K-Fed got fat…to make a couple bucks.

As a woman, I know we have a tendency to be rather catty at times. I’m not sure if it is nature or nurture, but it is there and sometimes it can get the best of us. Who is better to teach women the art of cattiness, than the women of Hollywood? We are constantly exposed to bickering women not only on TV and in the movies, but also in the celebreality of their day-to-day lives. The cattiness factor comes more often than not when a man is involved and the love triangle becomes a tug-of-war. (Please keep in mind, in most of these upcoming catty situations the guy is hardly worth it…except for maybe Brad.)

In December’s issue of Vogue, hitting stands next week, Jennifer Aniston discusses her feelings about Angelina Jolie providing a time-line for when she and Brad Pitt began having their affair (yes, while Jen and Brad were still married.) Jen said it was really “uncool” and “inappropriate” of Ang to discuss their affair, especially admitting the fact that she couldn’t wait to come to work during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Poor Jen. She’s better off without him! Though he is mighty fine to look at…

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when ex-husband starts bangin’ your best friend. As was the case in with Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora, and Denise Richards. Locklear reportedly went crazy when she found out Richards was boning her ex-husband, Sambora. In the end, Richie lost both of the hot women in his life, Heather may have turned into a drunk and Denise has revitalized her career as a hollywood homewrecker. Bummer.

Lindsay Lohan. Enough said, right? She has been in the news for everything from drug abuse to turning gay, but there was a time when she was an innocent teenager whose boyfriend cheated on her. Lindsay and Hilary Duff were at each other’s throats calling each other immature and childish over a little spat over…get this: Aaron Carter! (teeheehee…come on girls, seriously?) Hilary went as far to say that she hated Lindsay. May not sound like much, but at Disney that is like a racial slur. Ouch!

Why anyone would ever date or even look at K-Fed, I’m not exactly sure. But, two women did and they even fought over the loser, which is even more difficult to imagine. Not only did Shar Jackson and Britney cat fight over K-Fed, they even had his gross babies (ok, ok they aren’t gross. They’re actually pretty cute). Britney stole Shar’s man…. and then she went crazy insane. Coincidence? I think not. K-Fed is the human version of ebola.

Where there is smoke, there always seems to be a blond hotel heiress. Paris Hilton once dated Rick Solomon and then Rick married Shannen Doherty. I guess Shannen didn’t want to make “movies” with Rick, so he started boinking Paris, again. Unfortunately, it was while he was still married to Shannen. Paris allegedly sent psycho messages to Shannen telling her to leave Rick alone. It appears that money doesn’t always bring happiness or sanity, but it will attract a greasy wanna-be amateur porn-king. I am glad I am poor.

Angelina Jolie the Barbie

Speaking of dolls (caution: WEIRD)

LC Drinks it, so should you

Freakiest mom ever?

Locklear’s arrest a setup!

THE Viral Video

Britney accidentally admits her VMA awards were staged

What you need to be one of Hef’s bodacious babes

Teenybopper dream job: have sex with a Jonas Bro

The Princess Diary’s assests…

Gossip Guys on the Gay rumors

Kurt Cobain: in blunt form

Daniel Craig, your title sucks

Aw, Leo wants little leos!

We thought it was only appropriate, then, to honor these fallen celebrities. For without them we would never know the repercussions of driving drunk, grabbing the breast of an underage girl, or buying and selling drugs from the back of a limo. These celebrities have taken the fall so we don’t have to. It’s as if they are channeling Jesus and sacrificing themselves for our sins.

Ok, maybe not. But their mugshot pictures are pretty badass.

There is really nothing better than seeing an ultra glamorous superstar looking like a hot mess at the police station. Especially when that superstar is strung out on some really strong sh*t. So, we took it upon ourselves to pull our Top 10 Celebrity Mugshots together for your amusement. Scroll through, enjoy, and practice your voting skills for this year’s election by choosing your favorite to win the 2008 CollegeCandy Mugshot of the Year award. (There is really no prize, award ceremony, or thank-you speech, but we still want to know which hot tranny mess is your favorite.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Which mugshot is your personal f-a-v?

Is that…Brad Pitt?

Oh yeah, ‘peen in slow motion

How the world would vote for our President

Hot and Hotter get married

Surviving a broken heart: week one

 Adnan: could we hate you more?

Oh Posh…you confuse me

Laugh your abs into shape

Heather Locklear’s arrest on tape

Amy Winehouse knows she’s effed

Celebrities need protection too, okay?

Katy Perry: trying too hard?