This week we hit up the West Coast as we examine the two hottest schools in Los Angeles- the University of Southern California and the University of California- Los Angeles. Amidst the beautiful SoCal climate and a city rife with movie sets and superstars, private USC and public UCLA compete to find out which is most elite in the City of Angels.

1. Superior Sport

USC – The Trojans are known as “the football school” and have been awarded the NCAA national title in football eleven times, including back-to-back titles in 2003 and 2004.  They are perennially ranked in the Top 10 football programs in the BCS by ESPN, USA Today, and other publications. And Trojans have taken home the Heisman Trophy seven times.
UCLA - Meanwhile, the Bruins are known as powerhouses in basketball–also earning eleven NCAA titles. Seven of these championships were won consecutively, from 1967-1973.  UCLA is also the all-time leader in total NCAA national titles across all sports.

Meanwhile, the Lexus Gauntlet is an annual all-sports competition between the two schools sponsored by Lexus. Points are awarded for every victory (particularly in head-to-head match ups)  in NCAA-sanctioned competitions, with the school with the most points declared as the winner. (There is also a separate Lexus Gauntlet awarded to the winner of the Stanford-Berkeley rivalry.)  In the eight years of Lexus Gauntlet tradition, USC has walked away with five titles.

Three credits to: TIE.  The two schools pulled a draw in NCAA titles in their respective predominant sport.  On the one hand, the Lexus Gauntlet record gives the Trojans the edge, but UCLA also has the most NCAA titles of any school. Too close to call!!

2. Terrific Traditions

USC – Trojans can’t withhold their affections for Traveler, the magnificent white horse ridden by a student in full Greek armor at every football game, and Tommy Trojan, the iconic statue of the school’s mascot found on campus. But Songfest, an annual talent show in which frats & sororities compete against one another to benefit the charity TroyCamp, is a highlight of the social calendar. When it comes to hatin’ on their crosstown rivals, some USC students once set loose thousands of crickets on the UCLA campus.
UCLA - Like the Trojans, UCLA also has its own child-oriented charity called UniCamp.  Students donning blue and gold love exhibiting card stunts (flashing the university logo, for instance) at basketball games and occasionally dousing Tommy Trojan with UCLA-colored paint.

Three Credits to: USC, for the campus-rockin Songfest.

3. Hottest (LA) Hood

USC - Located in University Park, USC is adjacent to the Los Angeles Coliseum and sits on Figueroa Street, which connects the school to the Staples Center and historic Chinatown.
UCLA - The Bruins are located in the Westwood Village section of Los Angeles, a wealthy and scenic section of town that is home to several vintage movie theaters and stretches of beautiful homes.  Oh, and the Playboy Mansion is just a hop, skip, and jump away!

Three credits to:  UCLA - who doesn’t want to party with Hef?

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

USC –  Neil Armstrong, Will Ferrell, Whitney Port
UCLA – Lo Bosworth, Francis Ford Coppola, James Franco

Three credits to: Let’s see…Whitney is SO much cooler than Lo on The Hills, and while Will Ferrell can make me pee my pants, I’d rather have James Franco in them. It’s another close one, but I’m going to have to go with UCLA because others have walked on the moon, but only FFC could have directed the masterpiece The Godfather with such genius.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

USC- 22% of over 35,000 applicants were accepted for the class of 2012.
UCLA-  22.7% for the university with the largest number of applicants in the United States (over 55,000!)

Three credits to:  USC…by a nose!!

And the diploma goes to: …its a TIE! Seriously, its too close to call who wins this rivalry. Both schools boast terrific academics, athletics, and high-profile alumni–how can you choose? For all of you Angelenos out there, what do you think?

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We are so happy that Holly Madison isn’t hung up on Hef anymore.

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Girls Next Door’s leading ladies, Kendra Wilkinson, Holly Madison, and Bridget Marquardt are slowly trickling off the bunny ranch. To Hef’s dismay, his girls are looking for bigger and better (and dare we say younger?) things in life. So let’s re-cap:

First, Holly, Hef’s main squeeze, discovered about six months ago that her little Puffin had no intention of getting married OR having children. (But let’s be real, Holly. I know you love him and all, but the man is 82. Did you really think he’d want to go down that road at this age…again? Regardless, we love you for trying.) After discovering the chances of becoming the next Mrs. Hef were slim, fat, and none, Madison got pretty depressed and announced her split from Hefner. Since then, it’s been confrimed Holly’s dating mindfreak, Criss Angel.

Around the same time, Kendra also announced she would be moving out of the mansion. Rumors had started to spread she was seeing someone else and the latest news is that Kendra is actually engaged to Philadelphia Eagels widereciever, Hank Baskett. OF COURSE she’s engaged to a football player. The 23-year-old self-proclaimed tomboy and sports junkie, Wilkinson never seemed that into Hef anyway…

And that brings us to the lone ranger of the Girl’s Next Door… While 35-year-old Bridget hasn’t announced any type of seperation from the Playboy founder, she’s been quoted saying she doesn’t know how much longer she’ll be a girlfriend. Bridge has been filming a show for the Travel Channel called “Bridget’s Beaches” during the past few months, missing all the break-up drama. She made her first public appearence since the splits at the annual Halloween bash at the Mansion.

Hef’s already replaced his lost loves. He has asked Playboy’s newest twin Playmates Karissa and Kristina Shannon to move into the mansion, though they aren’t his girlfriends…yet.

But no worries, Girls Next Door is still scheduled for a sixth season.

…wonder how that’s gonna work?

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Looks like Hef’s Viagra ran out… he loses another one.

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He’s kind of like this quiet, unassuming, kinky playboy who probably laughs as much as he screws. I respect that. He’s made a career out of vaginas and boobs, but he doesn’t really seem skeevy — at least at 80-Something. He seems cool. And really relaxed. Probably from all that screwing.

And while I can’t understand how he can tolerate those three chicks who follow him around everywhere, I do often wonder what life as Hugh Hefner is like.

Apparently, life as Hugh Hefner includes a foursome and a one-time tryst with a man.

Steven Watts, author of the new biography, “Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream”, reports that very early on in his kinky career (1949, to be exact), Hugh spent one night sexing his wife up next to his friend and his friend’s wife – who were sexing each other up on the same bed. Hugh wanted to switch partners that night, but no one was biting (metaphorically, of course). Later, Hef was finally able to attain foursome enlightenment – with his brother and sister-in-law (notice the italics. The italics symbolize my amazement that anyone could stand, let alone want, to have sex within inches of their sibling).

Watts also goes on to say that one time in Chicago, Hugh was propositioned by a guy, and being the sex fiend that he was, couldn’t figure out a reason to say no.

What this biography illustrates – other than the fact that Hef was a genuine businessman with a deep knowledge of the male psyche – is that no matter how much of a sex manic your best friend claims to be, they are nothing compared to the master.

So next time that person starts running their mouth about being crazy in the sack, ask them about a foursome with their sibling. If they freak out, just laugh at them, point to Steven Watts’s new book (because, come on, you know you need to purchase it), and say, “Hef did it.”