Which bitch wants him more?

The main reason any of us watch The Hills is because the lives of all those pretty people in L.A. are more exciting and dramatic than our own. They go out to fabulous clubs, they eat at the best restaurants, they drive the nicest cars and they hang out with the prettiest people.

And they get into bitch brawls at the bar.

But, to be honest, the big fight between Jayde and Kristin last night at The Playhouse was nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in real life. Not to mention, I’m getting quite sick of The Playhouse. Why is that the only bar they’re going to? What happened to Le Deux? H-Wood? That sh*thole Stacie used to work in?

Anyways, I understand fighting over Brody Jenner – he’s a fine piece of man-meat – but fight like you mean it, women. Throw some punches! Pull some hair! Break a bottle over someone’s head! (Sorry, I’ve just always wanted to see that in real life.) Do something instead of using words that you know MTV is gonna have to bleep out.

We all know that Jayde knows how to get in a real bar brawl; she did it just last month with Joe Francis. Why couldn’t she bring some of that heat last night? Seriously, what does a girl have to do to get some real drama around here? You better step up your game, Kristin Cavallari and co., or I’m gonna have to knock you out of my rotation to make room on my DVR for The Ruins. At least I’ll see some blood. Lord knows I’d rather see that than Brody’s mom’s thong hanging out of her jeans. (Didn’t notice it? Lucky…)

But it’s all OK. Despite the lack of chick fighting (and an unfortunate view of old-woman booty), there were two very key moments that made last night’s episode of The Hills worth watching: Read More »

As far as I can tell, there are three main types of celebrities that the world fawns over.

Type 1:“The Talented Celebrity.”  Think models who have shown up on the cover of Italian Vogue, actors like Brad Pitt who have starred in everything from comedy to drama, and music moguls who come out with one hit after another (think Madonna).

Type 2: “The Train Wreck- Once Famous, Now in Rehab.”  These are people like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, who are no doubt talented, but can’t keep themselves away from the bars and the drugs long enough to earn coveted longevity in Hollywood.

Type 3: “Why the Hell are They Famous?” The people who People Magazine, US Weekly, and Perez Hilton constantly cover, we all read about, and none of us are exactly sure what this person has done to deserve press coverage (think Anna Nicole Smith).  Below is a list of the ten best examples of these non-celebrities – the ones that take over our headlines, but haven’t done much to merit this press coverage.  And if anyone can tell me why we actually care what these people are up to…well, be my guest. Read More »

To say 2008 was uneventful would be like saying Heidi and and Spencer’s wedding was actually spontaneous (i.e. a total lie for those of you needing more explanation).

So much happened I don’t even know where to start. Heads were shaved, breakdowns were had, there were babies- lots and lots and lots of babies. There were weight gains and anorexics, awesome music collaborations, lesbians coming out of the closet, my new best friend got millions of hits on you tube, Project Runway left Bravo for good. We lived without TV for far. too. long. Kanye declared himself the next Elvis (uhh okay), and Jessica Simpson’s career – well actually strike that – 2008 wasn’t really that exciting of a year for Jessica Simpsons career.

Anyway, the point is a lot happened in the world de pop culture over the past year so let’s take a look at some of our favorites. Feel free to chime in at the bottom and let us know if any of your favorite 2008 moments were left off the list.

10. Lindsay Lohan switched teams. Despite a floundering career, LiLo managed to stay afloat in the year’s headlines – and not because of her legging line (surprising, I know), but because of her romance with pal/girlfriend Samantha Ronson. I’m still not even sure if she has fully admitted to her relationship, but I can tell you this: I am happy for her and hope she embraces it so that the magazines can finally move on to something a lot more interesting,

9. Michael Phelps breaks a record. As the most unfunny season opener on SNL. Ever. I mean, seriously, the dude can swim – that we know by his crazy world records broken this year in Beijing – but has Loren Michael’s even heard the kid speak? He puts the M in Monotone. I still lie in bed at night trying to find the logic in that move. Read More »

What a week! Between Heidi and Spencer’s “spontaneous wedding,” the surfacing of some scary pro-anorexia support groups on Facebook, and the arrival of yet another frigid winter, we couldn’t wait for the weekend to come. And by “weekend” we mean Thanksgiving, only the best holiday of all time.

Upon arriving at home to a comfy bed, clean shower, and lots of home cookin’, we immediately headed out to the bar to enjoy the Biggest Bar Night of the Year. We are using the term “enjoy” loosely, of course, because the evening was really just a night of awkward conversation and not enough alcohol. (Funny, that sounds a lot like Thanksgiving dinner when our bf met our parents.)

We loaded up on the carbs at Thanksgiving dinner to prepare for today’s Black Friday shopping spree, and besides a few broken nails and a black eye (on that bitch who tried to grab the last Flip Cam),  things turned out OK.  We came home with the perfect gift for our roommates, got some hot new jeans, and a really cute scarf to cover the hickey our BF left on the most obvious part of our neck.

Now it’s time to enjoy the rest of the weekend…and all the Thanksgiving leftovers.

Britney hits the stage.

Wal-mart sells penis straws to children.

Beauty multi-taskers: lots of products for the price of one!

What is going on in India?

Ann Coulter will finally keep her mouth shut. 

Borat has a really cute baby.

It’s time to date like a man!

No one buys the Heidi and Spencer wedding. 

Falling behind on life? It’s easy to get back on track. 

You don’t need to leave the house to enjoy Black Friday. Check out Apple’s online sale! Or these awesome deals.

Why do women sleep around? 

Ali Lohan: THIS close to being another Hollywood porn star. Take that, Linds!

What do Obama, Hilton and Spears have in common? Ask John McCain!

Man-Makeup was one thing, but man-ty hose? Stop the insanity!

“Forgot” the SPF this summer? Here are some ways to fix the damage.

Fun with Heidi and Spencer: the kid’s book edition.

I can’t. stop. watching.

Get better, Liz! White Diamonds 4eva!

Wanna make a couple million? Time to transfer schools.

Breast Cancer: separate the fact from the fiction.

My 3 month old MacBook is about to be outdated…again.

Tom Cruise sued for being crazy a Scientologist.

Too cute for words.

Hottie of the week

Oh, hellooooo, Johnny Depp. I didn’t mean to watch the MTV Movie Awards, but the two times that I accidentally watched, there he was. He banged my eyes stupid.

Kurt Cobain’s ashes were stolen from Courtney Love. Did she stage that so that people would talk about her? Seriously, that’s awful. I miss Kurt and Nirvana.

Fashion

Where are you going Grandma?

Lily Allen, Bambi spewing blood on your dress freaks me out – it is not fashionable.

You need to know that despite what TMZ told you, Jamie Lynn Spears will not raise her child in a barn .

Song of the Week

Still with the “Lollipop“.

Politics

Finally, the dems have a candidate.

Quote of the year

“If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway” I’m gonna say it – I love Star Jones.

The WTF of the week

How the hell do two toolboxes like Heidi and Spencer make millions of dollars? That’s it – I’m never writing about these two ever again. $500 might grow on their tool tree just for me typing this about them. P.S. Heidi, just design your sh*tty clothes because you are never gonna get an Oscar. Read More »

The MTV Movie Awards. No other awards show makes me cringe as much as this one. And no, it’s not just the awkward “realness” attempted by everyone from the hosts to the stars (Kim Stolz never seemed this wooden on ANTM…) Typically, the MTV Movie Awards is where fashion goes to explode and then die. Sometimes, celebrities get it right, but mostly, explosion and death.

Here are some of the good, bad, and just plan horrible fashions from last night.

As we see from this photo, Heidi Montag has finally completed her transformation from human to the blond, big boobed, skinny hooker robot she always wanted to be. And Spencer, her giant-faced pimp, standing weirdly over her in an expression of faux-love. Everything seems about right here. Read More »

Just in time for the second episode the newest season of The Hills, I was presented with the opportunity to kick back and chat it up with Lo via my cellular.

Um, obviously I couldn’t wait to take that phone call. I watch and obsess about the show enough to pretend those girls are my homies – especially the fantastic and now more frequent member, Lo. If I got her on the phone I could get all the gossip and maybe convince her to invite me out to L.A. for some Pinkberry and bonding time.

Unfortunately, I didn’t woo Lo into becoming my BFF, but I did get some insight into life in front of the camera, her life with Lauren and the reality (or not so much so) of The Hills.

How do you feel about the way you are portrayed on the show? Is that the real Lo?

“I’m pretty confident on how I’m portrayed on the show. Sometimes they go a little too far with the comments I make but I am a good friend to Lauren and I think that they show that well and I bring some comedy to the show. I am an honest person and like that in real life. I’m honest but I’m fun.” Read More »