Okay, so when we heard Heidi Montag was set to perform at the Miss Universe pageant we all stifled a snicker. We understand it’s a recession, but Miss Universe must have greatly lacked in sponsorship this year if the best they could do was a talentless reality star who’s only famous in the first place because she married the most obnoxious man on the planet (or maybe it’s because he has mastered the art of growing a goatee made purely of pubic hair?)

Anyway, none of us expected much except a good laugh, which we definitely got, right from the introduction by Claudia Jordan, where she said basically all there was to say about the performer: “She’s a celebrity, get her out here!”

Ohhhh, and then it got good.

Before we rip her apart, we’ll give Heidi the benefit of the doubt and let her have the stamp of approval for hair and makeup. Her face looked flawless and she had the smoky eye mastered. We always love her loose curls, and did even more so last night as they covered the fact that her lips weren’t moving at all. (Honestly, if the song sucks pre-recorded, might as well save yourself some criticism and at least suck live.) The abs and perfectly perky boobs can stay too.

But everything else HAS to go. Read More »

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