I am sure a little part of all of us wanted to be famous at one point in our lives. A little piece of my heart wants to sing on American Idol, design a dress for an Olympian figure skater (kudos, Vera Wang), or get insulted by Kanye West on live television. Whichever way you put it, being famous does not seem that bad...but the getting there is tough.
In case you've been living in a hole for the past week (or, you know, busy paying attention to important world events), Heidi Montag got plastic surgery... like seriously! While we and pretty much everyone else has been clear on what we think about her new "look," it got me thinking.
By now everyone and their mother (including my mother, who called and asked me who "this bimbo is") has seen the photos of Heidi Montag's latest foray into Barbie-ville published in People magazine. But no matter how many times I look at this - and I literally stared at it for 10 minutes until my eyes started to water last night - it still blows my mind.
Whether it is in the form of 'Dear Abby' or a particularly inspiring section in Cosmopolitan, I love dating advice. Over-analyzing is a woman's best friend, and there is nothing like a little advice to feed the fire. But while some people offer up some really good advice, there are a few others that are less than qualified to be instructing the masses in the ways of love.
I love visiting home during the holidays. I get to have my own roommate-free space for a few weeks, eat my mom's delicious cooking instead of what they try to pass off as food in the dining halls, and spend time with my family and old friends. But after I've been home for a week or so, I start to remember why I like being away from home: because my parents aren't there.
It looks like those New Jersey Italians aren't the only ones with prosciutto beef about MTV's latest trainwreck, Jersey Shore. Another MTV "star" has his boxers in a bunch about the newest reality series to sweep America off its feet. Yes, everyone's favorite ass-hat, Spencer Pratt, isn't so happy with all the attention those overly tanned guidos have been getting.
Is it just me, or does it seem like almost every celebrity out there had some giant scandal in 2009? I feel like I spent at least 3/4 of the year crouched in front of the TV or refreshing my news on the internet just to keep up. From Michael Jackson's shocking death, to cheating husbands, to a family sending a silver balloon in the air and forcing their family to lie just to get on TV, the scandals have gone from serious and sad to very WTF worthy.
I’ll be honest: sometimes it’s hard to find stuff to write about from The Hills. Something new, at least. And last night's episodes was one of the most difficult yet, due to the fact that every conversation had was just a recap of the one in the scene before it.
Back when JB was doin’ his thang with Audrina, we hated him for many reasons. Obviously, he was treating her like dirt, but he also had long, greasy hair, wore ugly hats and burped at the dinner table. G-to the-ross. When Krisin came into the picture it seemed that, much like his hygiene, Justin Bobby had cleaned up his act.
While I have had many moments in my long and tumultuous relationship with The Hills where I found myself angry, disturbed or just plain annoyed with what was happening in these Botoxed/bleached/rich for no reason peoples’ lives, I can count on one hand the times I’ve laughed. One finger, actually.
So The Hills was on last night. 22 minutes of bikinis, bitching and Spencer in a cowboy hat. And seriously, that’s about it. While I usually stare at the TV open-mouthed at the absurd drama happening over in Hollywood, last night I just sat there, eyes glazed over with that “Whaaaa?” look you’d expect to find on Caitlin Upton’s face.
I wanted to like Kristin – really, I did. She is spunky and blunt (like me) and she has the kind of perfect hair and style that I strive for. Basically, she’s a much better version of me. Or so I thought. After last night’s episode I think I might hate that bitch more than Spencer Pratt. And no, it has nothing to do with her choice to wear white shorts and white Keds after 1995.
• No sh*t. It's probs the cowboy hat. • Target has bomber jackets. And they're cute! • It's official: Lindsay Lohan has hit rock bottom. • Chris Brown's got a new song. • Matt LeBlanc's coming back to TV! • M.A.C. makeup takes inspiration from the walk of shame.
It's time! After months of waiting (and trying to avoid anything and everything Speidi-related), The Hills back. Yeah, it's without Lauren, but she was getting boring anyway. It's one thing to love her as a person (which I do), but it's quite another to love watching her on a show (which I slept through).
Okay girls, The Hills premiere is almost here! (September 29 at 10 pm, to be exact). I’m totally freaking out! I can barely contain my excitement. Yes, I know it is extremely embarrassing that I’m counting down the hours, but who’s with me?
• Hey, Kristin Cavallari: apology NOT accepted! • Lady Gaga...before she got all kinds of crazy. • Back-to-school fashion at its finest. • Oh you know. Rihanna looking fabu as always. • Now THOSE are some lashes. • Wear your perfume. Literally.
Oh October Cosmo, how you make me lust for the crisp weather and Fall fashions you print on each page (that I won’t get to experience until mid-October down here in good ol’ humid-ass Florida). I can’t wait to make Katie Lee Joel’s ridiculously scrumptious looking bread pudding, and I found your expose on why Audrina is the new Heidi intellectually stimulating.
• Audrina Partridge hates Heidi Montags "music" too. • What did Chris Brown have to say this time? • This sorority took hazing a little too seriously. • Megan Fox has a powerful vagina. Or something. • Go ahead - wear white after Labor Day. • These are some misleading signs...
Remember that line Charlotte said in an episode of Sex and the City? "I've been dating since I was 15! I'm exhausted! Where is he?" Yeah. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. I mean, really, between meeting guys who beer bong in the wrong places and giving my number to rather questionable dudes...