Those of you who recently graduated from high school might be familiar with the new trend in academic ranking: multiple valedictorians.  Say what? It’s true, in another attempt to placate everyone and their parents spread the love, school systems are recognizing arbitrary numbers of honored graduates- 7, 10, 23, 94- as valedictorians.  The New York Times reports there is no longer a Numero Uno when it comes to head of the class.

All I can say is: Damn, I’m glad I graduated in simpler times when top student was a singular term and the position of Salutatorian existed to cushion the blow for the runner-up.  The rest of us, meanwhile, sat contently on the football field listening to the nostalgic speeches, mindlessly twirling our tassels, and comparing our graduation experience to that featured on Laguna Beach (oh, the good ol’ days).  When it was all said and done, we shed the requisite tears, hugged our friends, and posed for pictures with Mom and Dad.  That was it.  Graduation in a nutshell.

Attend the commencement ceremonies at some of our country’s high schools today and you’ll get an extra special treat when you realize your little cousin David isn’t the only valedictorian…he’s got the company of twelve other kids who were high rankers as well.  Just what exactly has given this trend steam?  Is it pushy parents all wanting their precious babies featured on stage?  Or are the students not wanting to admit defeat when a teeny fraction of a grade point stands in their way of glory?  Most importantly, why are school officials caving to this kind of obscene, irrational pressure?

I understand that parents love their kids and want the best for them.  More than that, I understand that parents are often competitive and overbearing people.  The types of folks pushing for their kids to be top of the class are also the ones who will be calling every five minutes once their beautiful children arrive on campus come September.  It’ll sound something like this: “Did you do you homework for Professor Levy?  How do I know him?  Oh, he and I just had a little chat after you skipped Monday’s lecture.  You know, if you want to make the Dean’s list, you’ll have to try a little harder to wake up for those early lessons.”  Mom and Dad aren’t going to be there forever, though, reminding you to keep on top of assignments and be all that you can be.  It’s a fact that one day you’ll have to break out on your own and fight your own fights.  Might as well start sooner rather than later. Read More »

As college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming)—the myth.

So we’ve all heard this particularly morbid myth (no, not any of the ones from Urban Legends—although Brenda was a bad-ass scary killer) about one surefire, if not tragic, way to snag a 4.0. The general myth goes a little something like this: If your roommate dies, you automatically achieve a 4.0 average for the semester.

There are a ton of variations to this myth; if you weren’t in the room at the time of death, you only get a 3.5 (sorry, not traumatized enough!). Or if you have more than one roommate, you’re not all going to get the golden 4.0 (they don’t want to run out of perfect GPA’s, I guess?). And, of course—you can’t kill your roomie for the express purposes of getting a 4.0 (killing her for ruining the suede clutch you lent her, now that’s another story). Read More »

So you’re about to graduate and go out into the world. You want a job, you want a good salary, you want dope benefits, and you wouldn’t sneeze at a 401K. Problem is: you know nothing. So what to do?Answer: Ask Mommy and Daddy to do all the legwork for you!

You are (hopefully) rolling your eyes in disgust, yet many relentless “Helicopter Parents” (so named because they hover over their kids’ every move) are doing just that. They are showing up at job fairs, calling employers, and even negotiating salaries. ‘Cause nothing screams “I’m an adult” like “Let my Daddy do the talkin’!” amirite? Read More »