So, yeah, the cat’s a bit out of the bag in that you now know this Dude is Jewish. It’s been mulled over at CollegeCandy.com that my identity will slowly be revealed over the course of the next eight seasons. This overarching yet underlying storyline throughout all Dude posts will be entitled: “How I Met The Dude.” And yes, when we option it for film rights we’ll get Neil Patrick Harris to play me. After all, he plays one hell of a straight man (yeah, that’s right, it’s a multi-layered joke. Self high five!).

Note to readers: The above paragraph has not been approved by CC staff and at no time is The Dude’s identity going to ever be revealed in any way *wink wink*

Rosh Hashana is the beginning of the New Year according to the Jewish calendar. That’s right, Jews have their own calendar. Because we’re more than 3,000 years older as a civilization than Christians. Y’all came along and created your own calendar and stamped your own 1 AD on it. So, while it’s the year 2011 for you, the chosen folks are starting year 5772. Rosh Hashana is also the start of the High Holidays for practitioners of the Jewish faith that culminates with the most sacred day of the year, Yom Kippur (that day all of you goys get a day off from classes for but can’t pronounce). Yom Kippur is known as the Day of Atonement. For the entire last month of the Jewish calendar leading up to Rosh Hashana you’re required to begin mulling over all the crap you’ve done in the past year that you should feel the need to atone for. It’s like baking a lasagna comprised of 12 different kinds of guilt. (Editor’s note: that sounds awfully Catholic to us…)

Now, I’m not from an Orthodox family. Mildly conservative might be stretching it even. With each successive generation the devotion to practicing every ritual and attending services every Saturday has diminished. Maybe it’s a sign of the times, maybe we’re just bad Jews, and maybe both. I don’t know. This is just how it is with my family history. But when it comes to the High Holidays, we get our yarmulkes on our heads and our talit on our shoulders. We dig deep and we dig into the spirit of the holiday: getting together with a lot of relatives, eating a lot of food, partaking of the holy sacrament and gossiping!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my family’s nothing but gossip-mongers. I admit it freely. If there’s a secret, there isn’t.

Now my favorite Rosh Hashana story deals with my sophomore year of college in ____. Not a great time for my family. My sister’s father wasn’t on speaking terms with my sister but he’s best friends with my Pop Pop, so he was invited. My brother in-law’s mother had some kind of a thing between my sister and her husband, my parents were dealing with fallout over my grandpa’s declining health — basically half of the room was pissed at the other half. If it were to be properly written, one would describe the atmosphere as: “a room wrought with tension.” (If I give off the impression that my family tree has many boughs, it’s because we do. Our family motto is: “Cats only get nine lives but you can have as many divorces as you want!”

Coming home from ______, I’d had full privy to all the skinny. Like I said, my family likes to talk about each other behind their backs (and really, what family doesn’t, right?). Now, granted, I was a little worse for wear when I entered the festivities that my parents had “volunteered” to throw. After all, I was back in ______ and had reconnected with some of my high school pals. Hey, being hungover to a family gathering isn’t really a sin (right?). Or at least not a rarity so *shrugs shoulders.* My headache was expecting the worse: tantrums, battery and possibly an awkward physical exchange (I’d use the term “fight” except I don’t think anyone in my family has purposefully made contact with another human being with the intent to injure).

As I watched and waited for the powder keg to erupt I…kept waiting…and waiting…and then I noticed something: no one was yelling at each other (more than usual). Everyone who wasn’t on speaking terms was actually conversing. Those who’d sworn revenge against each other were telling old stories and laughing. LAUGHING! And that’s when it hit me. What was remarkable about my family, and I think is indicative of a lot of Jewish families, hopefully yours too, was that we found a way to cherish one another despite all the bull*hit going on.

When it comes to family there’ll always be major disagreements and shameful acts (we’ve had dognappers, embezzlers, mafia ties, murder rumors and girlfriend beaters). But no matter the personal grudge, no matter the fact that tomorrow the blood feud will be as fiery as yesterday, on this day of celebration, we unite and love each other. For better or worse. We embrace denial and revel in nostalgia. That’s my favorite Rosh Hashana story: Discovering how insurmountable our power to love each other is. I’ll never forget it. Because we’re family. We have to try. At least try. As long as we put in the effort, there’s a spark of encouragement that everything can be atoned for.

A new year brings hope for reconciliation. A new year brings hope for new love. There’s a new chance to make amends with others and with ourselves. May this New Year bring you more blessings than curses.

Shana Tova,

The Dude

Chag Samach everyone! And no, that’s not a typo or a drunken slur. It’s how we Jews say “happy holiday” to each other during the high holidays. It’s right up there with our favorite sayings and is only beat out by “daaaddddyyyy” and “what was your Bat Mitzah theme?”

We’re now right in the middle of the Ten Days of Repentance, the week and a half following Rosh Hashanah during which Jews reflect on past sins they’ve committed and ask for forgiveness (kind of like Sunday Confession for you Catholics out there), as well as forgive those who’ve sinned against them (I always have a bit of trouble with this part…like, do I really need to forgive my friend for hooking up with my ex?). These ten days are supposed to prepare us for this weekend’s upcoming holiday, Yom Kippur. Otherwise known in my family as that day where every gets extremely cranky and hostile. Oh and extra bonus: my dad suddenly feels compelled to talk about his decreasing blood sugar every six minutes.

The Deal: Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. It’s the day that we ask God for forgiveness and for a good year ahead. Essentially, Jews believe that God decides on Yom Kippur whether or not the upcoming year will be the best ever, a living nightmare, or something in between. So, in hopes of swaying God’s opinion, we repent. We pray, we atone for our sins, we mourn those lost, and we look forward to a better future. It sounds depressing, I know, but it actually ends on an optimistic note and starts with the Kol Nidre service, which is absolutely gorgeous. We’re not allowed to play instruments, but the singing for this particular service is some of the most beautiful of all of our prayers. Unless your chorus has that token loud singer who insists on overshadowing everyone with her tone deaf voice. Like, you’re not Beyonce. You’re Shira Goldberg, head of the Scarsdale PTA.

Read More »

For many Jewish college freshmen, this will probably be the first time you are celebrating the High Holidays away from home. Many schools, mine included, still have classes during Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur. It is definitely a big change from observing these big days at home. You can bet your laundry money that your dining hall won’t be providing lox and a shmear to break the fast, but that shouldn’t stop you from experiencing these days in a way that makes your feel comfortable.

Here are some tips to make your holidays away from home as enjoyable as possible. (This doesn’t just apply to Jewish students – every student can find the right balance between religion, relationships, classes, activities, and a part-time job.)

First and foremost, talk to your professors if you plan on missing a class because you are observing a religious holiday. My freshman year I had a foreign professor that refused to excuse me from his 1-credit seminar class because of Yom Kippur. I was intimidated but my parents (typical Jewish mother syndrome) convinced me to talk to my advisor right away. He was made aware of the situation from day 1 and it became a non-issue. Your university should have a policy stating religious discrimination is unacceptable. Do your research just in case a similar situation arises.

Seek out student organizations geared to your religious affiliation. Hillel and Chabad are great places to spend the High Holy Days if you are Jewish. Penn State Hillel, for instance, provides a home-cooked meal every Friday night after services – a big improvement over the dining hall food. The students involved in these groups have created a balance in their lives and they can advise you how to do the same. You already all have something in common. You can compare how many times a day your Mom has called or share stories about your yearly winter vacations to visit Grandma in Florida. Who knows… you will probably be able to find someone who went to the same sleepaway camp as you did (the Six Degrees of Jewish Separation is no joke). Read More »

Chag Samach and L’Shana Tovah everyone!

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (or even how to pronounce that mumbo jumbo), allow me to explain.

Wednesday at sundown is the start of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It’s one of the happiest and holiest days of the year, filled with fun (and a few…er….interesting) traditions. And a lot of praying. For those of you who’ve never celebrated before or are wondering why all your Jewish friends get excused absences from class during the first week (how unfair!), allow me to guide you through some of the finer points of our celebration (and show you that we’re not just playing hookie for no reason here).

And for all you non-Jews out there: if you can swing it, secure yourself an invite to Rosh Hashanah dinner. The food is good, the wine is plentiful, and there’s bound to be an interesting character (or 2) at the table. Here is everything you need to know:

The Deal: Rosh Hashanah, which starts at sundown and lasts for two days, is the start of the Jewish calendar. It’s not as big or booze-filled as the New Years you’ll celebrate in December/January (actually, it’s more family and prayer filled), but it’s a celebration nonetheless. We dress up, go to temple, sing, dance, and eat. It’s a time to celebrate the end of one year and look forward to another, complete with resolutions, making amends, and family gatherings. It’s also filled with symbolism, which we love. And food. Did I mention we’re big on food? Read More »

Monday is Yom Kippur. For all you non-Jews out there who will be spending your Sunday night watching Entourage (instead of standing and praying for 3 hours) and your Monday enjoying the limitless salad bar in the caf (instead of standing and praying all day…without any food or water), Yom Kippur is one of the holiest days for us Jews. It is a 24-hour prayer festwhere we apologize and repent for all of our sins for the past 364 days and get back in God’s good graces.

And then we get to eat bagels and lox and cake. Yum.

I didn’t think it was fair that only Jews atone for their sins on a yearly basis. I mean, I know we all have a few things we’re sorry about (or should be sorry about!). So I opened up my big Jewish arms (probably all that kugel) to all of the CollegeCandy writers to join me on this holiday and repent for their sins. They all turned me down on the whole fasting thing, but here are their apologies for their biggest sins of 5769…er…2009.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: Dear, Boyfriend. Please forgive me for always using up the squirt bottle of fake butter.

Kari – Florida State: Dear Boyfriend, Please forgive me for thinking dirty, dirty thoughts about Alexander Skarsgard at a somewhat unhealthy frequency.

Maddie – Tufts: Dear boss: Please forgive me for spending so many hours on Facebook this summer while I was at work. If you hire me again, I promise not to log in once.

Kim – Stanford: Dear 7/11 gas station, I’m sorry that my friend pissed in your cooler and stole a pack of gum while I looked on and laughed and you called the police and they pulled us over after about 5 blocks. Our bad. Read More »