High school, that little local bubble of a world (unless you’re in an out of state school for one reason or another). A lot of couples are practically tied to the hip when graduation comes and then there’s the decision that has to be made: “Do I take the relationship to college with me?”

The answer to this question is no…I think? Usually? It depends, right? I mean if you’re…but on the hand if you’re…Damn you, game of life! How dare you be so on the fence?

There are some key questions to confront (separately and together) when deciding whether to “take a break” from each other to explore the college frontier. For instance, is he going to the same college as you? If the answer is yes, then, well, that makes things…yeah. On the other hand, if you’re going to be on different continents and there’s no possibility of seeing each other for months on end then, well, yeah! You see? Circumstances!

There are a million and a half variables to consider. How long have you been together? Have you dropped the L bomb yet? How far apart will you be? Are you only together because the dating pool at your high school was less ripe than after each year at Sunnydale High (you know, cause all the monsters and vampires would kill off so many students that there must have only been a few options…yeah…GILES!).

Plenty of couples decide to give it the ol’ college try. I can’t think of one that worked out. But that’s just me. I’m sure it must have for someone. However, all my experiences and observations seem to indicate that the high school sweethearts who make it all the way to the college graduation stage-without having broken up at some point-is the BIG exception, not the rule.

I’ve known people who got engaged to keep the relationship together. By junior year, the wedding was off. On the other hand, I’ve known couples who’ve given each other space with the full intent of seeing where things stood a year later. When the time came to reconnect they were both standing on different ground.

College is a time for self-discovery. You try new things, meet a lot of new people, and need to be emotionally open to help develop into the next phase of your life.  You really don’t know what’s going to happen. A lifetime of experiences is going to engulf you every, single, year. It’s tough to imagine that’s true but stretch your creative faculties. And still, you don’t know what you’re in for or how much college will affect you.

Being committed when you arrive can be a great source of self-protection and comfort for the adjustment period. But to make the relationship last will take A LOT of work. And I mean WORK! You can’t just go over to each other’s house after school or know you’ll see each other every day in/between/after classes. Are you ready to give your commitment that kind of commitment? It’ll mean sacrificing some of the college experience. Although, one could argue a valid college experience is trying to hold onto a high school relationship…stupid, twisty-turny, timey-wimey life *kicks can down the street*

The best you can do is weigh the pros with the cons. What will the relationship give you and what will it take away from the next step? There’s no question that your high school boyfriend can be a major drain on your college social life. And believe me, developing a college social life is a major part of the experience and contributes to your evolution into adulthood. And the lack thereof will too.

If all’s well and you both want to give it a go, then, hey, why not? You’ll find out soon enough if it won’t hold up. Just beware: the break up will be messier.

On the other hand, if you’re just having a good time right now then a clean break before you start earning credits might be the best possible thing for both of you. Sure, it’ll hurt, but it’ll hurt worse later.

Who knows though, maybe, just maybe, you and your beau could be the one in a million that lasts.

The choice is yours and it’s circumstantial. Take a look around and see where you both are and how deep you’re in.

I’ve given you all the warnings from every perspective I could while not closing the door on any of the possible choices one can make. Now comes my opinion: Take a break. Doesn’t have to be permanent, but you’ll be surprised to find that it might be necessary…

Your orientation leader,

The Dude

I'd rather spend my V-day crying into a bowl of noodles than have to hang out with one of these turds.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, many of us are spending our days in bed, sifting through photos of boyfriend’s past with a tube of cookie dough in hand while The Fray plays in the background.

No? Just me?
Alrighty then….

Regardless if you’ve hit rock bottom, it’s not easy being single in February when it seems that everyone’s focus is on love: finding it, expressing it (with cheap chocolate), and (unknowingly…hopefully) rubbing it in everyone’s face who hasn’t quite found it yet. Who can judge you, then, for taking a trip down ex-boyfriend memory lane, thinking about all those wonderful little things you had together.

But maybe instead of drowning your sorrows in raw dough thinking of all the good in your past, it’s time to focus on the bad: all those jerks in your history of love who, thankfully, are long gone. Because as much as it sucked then, nothing lifts the spirits quite like realizing you’d rather be alone on V-day than with any one of these losers: (And hey, if you’ve got a man to snuggle up to on February 14th, you can still enjoy knowing he’s not like this.)

Kelly – University of Iowa: He was cute and “funny-a-hole-from-the-back-of-class” hot, but turns out he wasn’t so fond of anything that wasn’t white. When a hypnotist came to our high school and I was hypnotized, I was asked which celebrity I wanted to make-out with. I said Denzel Washington (OMG, duhhh, why not!?!) and he flipped out a month later because I thought a black man was hot. Racism is grosser than any halitosis problem. Yuck. Now, I’ve been dating a Mexican for over 2 years and there is no shame in that.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: Spent a long and amazing weekend with this guy that I had just started dating. Weekend included me dropping $220 on a hotel room for a spontaneous night at the beach and money on groceries all weekend, only to find out that he was going to another state to visit a girl for Valentine’s Day AND to see him tell another girl that he “found” all these cool places to hike in the hills (which I showed him). FML.

Christie – NC State: One of the biggest jerks I ever dated asked me if I was going to pick him up so we could go to the movies (on our first date). After I said I couldn’t, he made his friends drive him. When he arrived (late!), he immediately went up to the box office and bought himself a ticket, then turned and got out of the way for me to purchase my own. He wondered why I didn’t sit close to him during the movie (uh, get a clue). Oh, and he asked me out in a text message to be his girlfriend. Like an idiot I said yes, then he randomly could never hang out with me and about a week later I found out through Facebook he asked another girl out and began dating her.

Kelly – Simmons College: So many to choose from. It’s either the guy who broke up with me by not answering my calls for two weeks, or the guy who gave me a facial after I told him not too, then left me in his room while he went back downstairs to the party…

Carly – Grinnell: Wow. There have been a few doozies, for sure, but I think the dude who takes the cake is the one who broke up with me in high school over AIM on the night before finals, then started dating my best friend IN SECRET. That’s right. I didn’t even know they had ever been together until three years later when one of my other friends finally gathered the decency to tell me.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: Recently, a guy I had really liked and I were getting into the swing of things.  In fact, we had a steamy make-out sesh in his boat and literally 10 minutes later, I went upstairs and I caught him hooking up with his guy friend’s girlfriend. She was 17.

Meg – University of Delaware: Biggest jerk I’ve ever hooked up didn’t know how to take no for an answer (cut to me walking home by myself at 4am) and still tries every time I see him!

Sara C – Fordham: My first boyfriend broke up with me on my birthday. He said it was because his camp friends didn’t like me–but I’d never met them!

Lauren – University of Michigan: I dated a guy for two months and he ended things via mail. Addressed to Laura.

Alex – Lakehead: It would have to be Alex (yes, same name). He told me he broke up with his girlfriend for me and that he was falling in love with me after knowing each other for a week. Should have clued in, but obviously didn’t. One night at a bar, we kissed a lot and one of his girlfriend’s friends came up to us and tried to hit me because apparently they weren’t actually broken up. Luckily another friend saved the day and convinced the friend to back off.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: I think it would have to be the guy that made me pay for my own subway and bus ticket and then go inside and claim seats inside the venue while he smoked a joint.  Oh, and he also ended up giving me a piggyback ride that ended with me falling on my face on the sidewalk and chipping my front tooth in half.  What a winner.

Leah – Ryerson University: I was friends with this guy who I started getting feelings for, but he had a girlfriend so I placed them on the back burner.  Then he told me they broke up, we started hooking up and I started to really like him.  He then stopped talking to me, and I found out they hadn’t actually broken up.  Good times.

Melanie – Northeastern University: Two words: Adderall dick. Makes whiskey dick look like Ron Jeremy’s.

Kim – Stanford: I had been dating this guy for a while and Christmas was coming up. It was going to be our first Christmas as a couple and I spent hours thinking about what I was going to get him. I put together this great gift of all his favorite things and spent a good amount of time (and money) on him. Then we exchanged gifts. He legitimately gave me a candle for Christmas. A candle. And NOT even in my favorite scent. I faked that I liked it at the time and didn’t tell him till a year later how lame his gift was. He responded by saying he gave me the gift of light.

Jessica – FIT: So this guy called me to hang out at around 1:00 am, you know, the usual time to be hanging out.  I was already in bed but I was desperate and stupid so I got up, re-did my make-up and drove to his house.  When I got there, instead of inviting me in, he got in my car and told me his basement was already occupied by his brother so we’d have to “hang out” in my car.  After a few minutes he realized I did not want to make out with him in the back seat of my car, he got pissed off, told me I shouldn’t dress like a slut if I wasn’t going to act like one (I was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt…) got out, and slammed the door.  Not to mention, I got my tonsils out the next day and he never called to see how I was.

Jessica – Delaware: My 9th grade boyfriend dumped me when I got sick with mono. He then proceeded to yell at me because he would miss soccer season if he caught it and blamed me for ruining his chances at a scholarship. He didn’t catch it. What a winner.

Emmy- Loyola University Chicago: I dated this one boy for three years. He got mad at me and asked my best friend to our senior prom without ever getting around to telling me that we were breaking up. The kicker is that she said yes. Yeah, he kind of sucked…

I’m talking red mini-dresses, peppermint cocktails, Mariah Carey on repeat, the works…

But until we can hop on that train/bus/airplane and hightail it home, here are a few highlights from the week to get you through and keep you sane:

- You might be bored studying, but condoms can add some fun to your life. Well, your sex life.

- Although no amount of horny or fun condoms could get these guys near our lady parts!

- Just because we should dump our high school boyfriends doesn’t mean we can’t have a little winter break friends-with-benefits thing going on, does it?

- Has the semester sucked up all your time and cash? Make your friends these cute picture frames for Christmas, it’s super easy, thoughtful and cheap!

- Need a meal worthy of your end-of-finals celebration? This turkey burger with Brie should do the trick. Paired with some beer, of course.

- Another reason to be glad this week is over? Our fave TV shows were totally MIA. It’s a good thing were resourceful and found some other things to do.

- Need some resolutions for 2010? Why don’t we all come together and make some much needed changes.  Here’s to packing in all the sloppy drunk nights and Facebook-stalking sessions before New Years!

- One of my willpower pitfalls? Browsing Sephora and walking out with half the store. Good thing there’s a basketful of things I can get that each go for under $20.

- Did it seriously just get easier to stalk people on Facebook? Is that even possible?

- Do you remember 2000? We do! Damn, that was a long time ago.

- Know a tree hugger or a philanthropist? We’ve got their perfect gift. Actually, we’ve got the perfect gifts for everyone on your list.

- While you’re giving, why not take some time this break to give back this season?

Good luck with finals, CollegeCandies!

We're gonna stay together forever...or until we get to college and grow apart/find better options.

Upon graduation, my high school sweetheart and I left for different universities in the same city, vowing to stay together, no matter what. “No high school couple lasts beyond their first semester freshman year,” someone told me, to which I replied with a scoff and an eye-roll. That kind of advice was meant for bicoastal couples separated by thousands of miles, and people who just weren’t committed enough to making it work. I resolved to survive the turkey drop.

But by the middle of second semester, I had unceremoniously ended a four-year relationship, citing midterms and the “different directions” in which our lives were headed. What was once was a comfortable refuge ultimately felt stifling, and the messy breakup regrettably tainted years of good memories for a long time after. But I had to do it and it was definitely worth it in the long run.

For those contemplating the High School Sweetheart Breakup (and those of you who are and just refuse to admit it), here’s why it might be better to shelve your boyfriend’s varsity jacket with the rest of your senior yearbook memories:

1. Long distance sucks.
You may have promised to stick together whether you were 30 or 3,000 miles apart, but the truth is, maintaining a long distance relationship is hard. Spending time together isn’t as simple as it used to be; now you have to drive across state lines or fly hundreds of miles every other weekend, cutting into the amount of time you have to catch up on homework, hang out with new friends, or simply explore your new settings. Plus, nobody wants to have to turn down potential weekend plans with, “Sorry, I’m driving to Ohio again to see my boyfriend.”

2. Your interests will change (and so will his).
The two of you shared a bunch of friends and dominated Wii doubles tennis together, so who’s to say you have nothing in common? Though not all high school relationships are affairs of convenience, many of them are, especially if your senior class was only 50 people big. College opens you up to a slew of experiences, and along with discovering you like volleyball and theater (who knew?), you’ll probably switch majors at least twice before you figure out what you really want. Ditto boyfriends. If your nightly marathon phone calls are dwindling down to awkward silences, maybe you guys have less in common than you thought.

3. You’ll be too busy for a serious relationship. No, really.
Between juggling 18 credit hours and trying out for the swim team and joining eight student organizations, free time is hard to come by for a college freshman. There will be many occasions down the road in which you will invariably use the excuse, “I just have too much going on right now to be in a relationship,” but this time, it might actually be true.

4. There are other fish in the sea, and other guys on the quad.
That said, you are going to want to date other guys. I repeat: you are going to want to date other guys. “No!” you protest, “I love my boyfriend, and we’ve gone through so much together.” That may be true, but there is something to be said for the appeal of (and conversely, the fear of) the unknown. Ask yourself frankly: Do you kinda maybe want to see what else is out there, but are afraid of being on your own after so long? Do you wish there were some sort of trial separation you could undertake without fully letting go of your boyfriend? Do you want your own crazy singleton stories? If the answer is yes, it may be time to jump ship (and go fishing).

5. He’s a boyfriend, not a security blanket.
Moving away from home and living on a campus with hundreds, if not thousands, of strangers is definitely daunting at first. That is, until you meet all the awesome people on the floor of your dorm, start exploring the local shops and restaurants, and figure out that the quickest way to get to your poli sci class is through the math building. Holding on to a hometown relationship can be the easiest way to seek stability amid the chaos of settling down in a new campus, but is that really a reason to stay in a relationship? Yes, there exists the rare person who marries his or her high school sweetheart and lives happily ever after, but if you’re only calling your “love” when you need a little comfort and consoling, you are not that person. Face it: it’s just cruel and selfish to stay with a guy only because he reminds you of home. If that turns out to be the case, in the immortal words of Liz Lemon, “shut it down.”

Got a question for the Tuffster? Email her at

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I’m home from college for the summer and kind of lonely. I dated around this year at school but nothing serious like my high school boyfriend (let’s call him K). Anyway, K is home from school today and we’ve been hanging out but I know he wants to hook up and I think I do too. But I don’t want him to be my boyfriend when I go back to school. Should I hook up with him or not? I’m pretty sure I’m going to. Would that be screwed up?

Tricia

Dear Tricia,

So, like, this is a trick question because you’ve obviously already decided to hook up with him. Right? I mean, why are you gonna write to me and say you’re gonna do it then? Well, anyway, I think you should go for it, so I guess you’re in luck.

Here’re Tuffy’s thoughts:

You can hook up with anyone you want. Just don’t forget to use protection if any kind of sex (oral included, kids!) is gonna go down. But since you’re already emotionally involved with this guy (you DID date him in high school, after all), you’re gonna have to have a Talk.

Splain to him that you wanna hook up but he shouldn’t expect you to go back to how things were. You should also make it very clear that this is For-The-Summer-Only. Summer fling? Fun. Summer Fling That Turns Into Irritating Obligation: Not so much.

However, if you think you’re still going to be friends after all this, prognosis is bleak. Yeah, if you guys are both super well-adjusted AND both have exactly the same amount of no-feelings for each other, you might, just might, be fine. But chances are, history will repeat itself and one of you will have stronger feelings than the other. This happens to everyone, people. Very rarely do both people feel exactly the same way. Anyway, just so’s you know.

Basically, Tuffy sez go for it. But be aware of the probable consequences, okay? Plus, don’t underestimate male jealousy. That shiz just hits us time and time again.

And always use protection!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv