Those of you who recently graduated from high school might be familiar with the new trend in academic ranking: multiple valedictorians.  Say what? It’s true, in another attempt to placate everyone and their parents spread the love, school systems are recognizing arbitrary numbers of honored graduates- 7, 10, 23, 94- as valedictorians.  The New York Times reports there is no longer a Numero Uno when it comes to head of the class.

All I can say is: Damn, I’m glad I graduated in simpler times when top student was a singular term and the position of Salutatorian existed to cushion the blow for the runner-up.  The rest of us, meanwhile, sat contently on the football field listening to the nostalgic speeches, mindlessly twirling our tassels, and comparing our graduation experience to that featured on Laguna Beach (oh, the good ol’ days).  When it was all said and done, we shed the requisite tears, hugged our friends, and posed for pictures with Mom and Dad.  That was it.  Graduation in a nutshell.

Attend the commencement ceremonies at some of our country’s high schools today and you’ll get an extra special treat when you realize your little cousin David isn’t the only valedictorian…he’s got the company of twelve other kids who were high rankers as well.  Just what exactly has given this trend steam?  Is it pushy parents all wanting their precious babies featured on stage?  Or are the students not wanting to admit defeat when a teeny fraction of a grade point stands in their way of glory?  Most importantly, why are school officials caving to this kind of obscene, irrational pressure?

I understand that parents love their kids and want the best for them.  More than that, I understand that parents are often competitive and overbearing people.  The types of folks pushing for their kids to be top of the class are also the ones who will be calling every five minutes once their beautiful children arrive on campus come September.  It’ll sound something like this: “Did you do you homework for Professor Levy?  How do I know him?  Oh, he and I just had a little chat after you skipped Monday’s lecture.  You know, if you want to make the Dean’s list, you’ll have to try a little harder to wake up for those early lessons.”  Mom and Dad aren’t going to be there forever, though, reminding you to keep on top of assignments and be all that you can be.  It’s a fact that one day you’ll have to break out on your own and fight your own fights.  Might as well start sooner rather than later. Read More »

Graduation is no longer just a corny Vitamin C song to me anymore. Next week is my own high school graduation, and now that the event is nearly here, it all feels so incredibly real: leaving home, heading to college, living mostly on my own without the guidance of my parents. I remember starting freshman year thinking that high school would be the longest four years of my life. In reality, the time flew by all too fast.

Looking back on my high school career, I was never that sentimental about moving from one grade to the next. I often counted down the last days of school on a huge calendar on my desk, just to make crossing off the final day that much sweeter.

But now, I find myself feeling rather schmaltzy about it all. On the last day of classes, I shambled after classmates and teachers to get signatures for my yearbook. I spent most of last week reminiscing with friends about the past few years the way my grandparents do about the “olden days.” I’m normally not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but something about this particular milestone in my life has been bringing these feelings the surface. The sadness about leaving friends and family, the uncontainable excitement of a new adventure – the mixture of the two is something I’ve never experienced before now. Read More »

I remember my high school graduation like it was yesterday. It was an unseasonably freezing June afternoon. My high school choir sang a very Broadway version of a Bon Jovi song and I sat, shivering under my gown, playing brick breaker on my cell phone as the 412 students in my graduating class got called to walk the stage.

Besides a few unsuccessful bounces of a beachball in the rows and our dorky Valedictorian giving a really boring speech, the graduation was rather uneventful. Until someone decided to streak up and down the aisles with their future school Sharpied onto their butt.

That was awesome.

Naturally, it caused quite a stir, but he got nothing more than an angry finger wave from the Principal and some congratulatory pats on the back from everyone else. Which is why I was a little shocked when I heard about one high school senior who was denied his diploma after blowing a kiss to his mom while walking to pick up his diploma.

Seriously. The kid, who spent 4 years working towards his high school diploma, was shot down for an air kiss to his mama. He passed all the classes, fulfilled all the requirements – now he can’t graduate for showing gratitude to his mother.

I understand not wanting people to make a mockery of graduation, but this is getting a little out of hand. What’s next? Tazing students for excited fist pumps? Arresting them for clapping?

I can only imagine the fate of my streaking classmate at this school. He’d probably be working on a chain gang somewhere right now.

Lately, it feels as if I’m in a Samuel Beckett play. With four weeks to go until I graduate from high school and hardly anything worthwhile to do, I find myself stuck in a waiting game. My school days are drawn-out and boring as anything; the highlights of my days are the art house films we’re watching in French and the various incarnations of dodgeball my gym teacher keeps thinking up. I keep looking at the calendar each day, and although my parents tell me the weeks will fly by quickly, graduation could not be farther away in my mind. And not to mention freshman move-in day, which seems like light years away.

I have, however, found a few things to keep me occupied until graduation. It’s not much, but at least it’s preventing me from losing my mind from anxious waiting: Read More »