I can say with 100% certainty that the people behind KFC’s new Double Down – bacon and cheese smashed between two pieces of fried chicken – smoke a lot of pot. And I can say with 1,000% certainty the the people who will order this do the same.

Those after-school specials were right: weed is dangerous.

No, I’m not being peer pressured (my guy friends aren’t begging to give me their weed for free…they want it for themselves!); I’m just curious and I sorta want to see what all the fuss is about.

And, yes, I know it’s technically illegal, but we’ll just skip that part and look at it realistically, shall we? Since we’re normally all law-abiding, good college students who would never do anything wrong or illegal, obvi. (Like those 2.5 years in college where we were under 21….)

Love it
Or rather, my friends love it. They always tell me about how good they feel afterward, like “a balloon that has just been released to go float among the clouds.” (Yeah, he was already high. I didn’t really get it, either.) Some claim it even helps them work better, especially for creative writing papers and art class. It relieves stress, helps you sleep better, gives you confidence (for my shy guy friends to ask out girls), and just makes you happier in general.

I’ve also heard friends say it helps with headaches, toothaches, and even sex. Oh, and I’m told some movies (like Pineapple Express) are ten times better high than not (which might be why I didn’t like it that much). Medically speaking, it helps thousands of people relieve the pain they suffer from glaucoma and many other maladies, so it can’t be detrimental to your body, right? I mean, even Michael Phelps is doin’ it and he’s the best athlete in the world!

Loathe it
It’s illegal.

If you’re caught with it, you could be fined or go to jail or, worse, your parents could find out and you’ll be forever labeled “the girl who does drugs” at family reunions. It also makes your clothes smell, makes your wallet lighter, and makes you on the lookout for your hit next constantly. (Editor’s Note: Or your next bag of chips. Those munchies are brutal, girlfriend.) You could get addicted and keep spiraling down and do things you normally wouldn’t do, like stealing and cheating just to get high again.

Also, I live a pretty healthy lifestyle (except the occasional tailgate) and don’t want to do anything harmful to my body, especially something dangerous and illegal like weed. It reminds me too much of smoking, which I absolutely hate, and I can’t help but wonder deep down that it’s illegal for a reason. Just what is it doing to people’s insides?

When it comes down to it, there are so many other fun things to do with my friends than light up a joint and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my life so far without it, so why change? I would rather spend my money on those Alexander McQueen booties I saw at Fashion Week anyway. But I’m in college and college is about experimenting, so I’m completely torn.

Help?

A sunny-yet-foggy day in Boulder, CO.
4:20 p.m. on 4/20.

No, that is not fog. That is smoke. Being exhaled. From the mouths of Boulder students. Who are now high.

Imagine all the intellectual conversations (“Why do you have three eyes?”), the bonds being formed (“I love you, man!” “No, I love YOU!”), and the overwhelming sounds of stomachs growling in that crowd of enthusiastically lazy students.

The entire town had a contact high that day.

And The Sink burger (a Boulder icon) never tasted so good.

So in honor of 4/20 I’ve decided to share with you all a lesson that I learned about the pot:

Two years ago I was an occasional smoker, with friends who were quite the opposite. One day we went out to a field to smoke. Why did we choose a wide open field? I’m not sure, but I think it might have had something to do with the fun that comes from rolling in the grass while high.

After walking as far out into the field as we could, my friend rolled perhaps the largest blunt known to mankind. That thing was huge! (Editor’s Note: That’s what she said.) I, being a novice and far from avid smoker, perhaps should have taken the size issue into account. But alas, I did not. Instead, I smoked just as much as the other two. And that was a lot.

When we got up to walk back to the car my legs felt kinda funny. They were melting into the ground, I was sure of it. My friends, whose legs were not melting into the ground, kept stopping and telling told me to hurry up. I tried (even talking to my legs aloud) but there was something terribly wrong with me! My legs were melting! I couldn’t move quickly! Was I going to be like this forever!?

10 hours later – or so it seemed – I made it to the car where my friends were rolling around in the grass laughing at me. And then I realized that my jelly legs were the least of my problems…

My throat started feeling strange, and by “strange” I mean “like it was closing.” I searched my panicky mind for an explanation for my imminent death/panicked about what people would say about me at my funeral. And then it hit me: I am deathly allergic to eggs to the point that eating them makes my throat close. There must have been eggs in the weed! Egg-weed was the only possible explanation.  What should I do? Should I tell my friends? What if I was wrong?

I decided to sit tight and work on my plan of action.

The way I saw it, I had about 30 minutes to save myself. What could I do? I couldn’t get help from my parents – what would they say about my smoking!? I couldn’t go to the police. And my friends were having too much fun singing “Mmmm Bop” to care. I would simply have to deal with this situation myself. When we got to my house I “ran” out of the car and up to my room (jelly legs + stairs = total disaster) to the one thing that could help me: Google.

I sat down on my bed and began feverishly Googling solutions and explanations to my problem. I Googled “eggs + pot” and waited for my problems to be solved. Time was running out and I was getting more panicked. Also, my hands looked HUGE.  My best friend IMed me.“I can’t talk,” I told her. ” I think I’m going to die. I’m Googling it. There were eggs in my pot.” Her reassurances that I was fine (“Did you eat a pot omelette? How is that possible!?) went unnoticed. I was not fine.

My Google search unveiled nothing but magic brownie recipes. While brownies sounded really good at that moment, I didn’t have time to munch; I was dying! My then-boyfriend called me and after I explained that my throat was closing, he rushed over. I thought for sure he was taking me to the hospital, but he picked me up and offered me a real solution: food.  I ate two baskets of bread when I suddenly realized I was actually not dying, that there was no egg in that blunt (it may have been the size of a breakfast burrito, but it was not one) and that, perhaps I had just smoked a little too much.

Me and giant blunts do not get along. Lesson learned.

[If you are planning on celebrating today, be careful! Learn your limits and stick to 'em. Also, bread baskets are awesome when you're stoned.]

pass it.

Well my favorite holiday is here. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas cookies; I love pumpkin pie; and I also love dressing up like a slutty Dorothy, cat, nurse, (insert random noun here); but there is nothing I love more than the 20th of April.

You may not usually celebrate this joyous occasion – I have actually only had the pleasure of celebrating it once – but one time was all it took to become an ardent supporter. In light of this, I thought I’d bestow some of my favorite stoned activities with you all so you have some options to spend  the best Monday of the year! So pull a Michael Phelps (read: hit the bong) and enjoy any of the following:

Watch Things
This is not only broad but also very obvious. And why is it obvious? Because it’s so much fun! There are so many enjoyable things to watch that are only more enjoyable under the influence. You could go with a funny movie like  Anchorman or Old School, or pop in an epic TV show like Summer Heights High, The Office, or, of course Planet Earth. You could also throw in a hilarious comedian routine -  Jim Gaffigan’s new one, King Baby, was responsible for me nearly peeing myself last week. Or, my personal favorite, just turn on the iTunes visualizer. Trippy!

Eat Stuff
Another very stereotypical example of a fun but often overlooked thing to do while high is eat. To maximize the fun of eating while being high, choose things that have very distinct tastes, flavors or sensations, like green apples and blueberries (cold). If fruit isn’t your thang (because who chooses something healthy when everything sounds so good), you can just build snacks out of your favorite ingredients. My friends and I usually end up with something  (rice cakes) smothered with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Yeah, it sounds weird right now, but get back to me after you take a few hits.

Delving even deeper into the unhealthy department would be Starburst, Skittles, and sherbet, which all happen to be very fun to eat while high. You may worry about getting fat from all the snackity snacking, but don’t be. You’ll burn all those calories laughing at your hand or the funny shapes of the clouds…on the ceiling.

Tune in
I love listening to music in any state, but rocking out while high is definitely one of my favorites. Just last week I was listening to Pink Floyd’s, Dark Side of the Moon, one of few classic rock bands I never fully understood and realized, “Wow, this is why everyone loved this stuff!” It was just so….awesome. Besides classic rock and that awkward genre of music labeled “chill,” electronic music sounds particularly phenomenal when high. Hell, everything will sound new, different and awesome when you are high, so pop in that Paris Hilton CD and rock out.

Go places
Sure, it’s tempting to lay around eating Tostitos when you’re high, but get up and go somewhere!  Even the most mundane activities take on a whole new level of fun when there is some cannabis in your system. Need some ideas? Here are some of my favorite de-stoned-ations: the beach, the woods, a park (or anything cool outdoors), anywhere in the sun, a bowling alley, a jungle gym, a concert, a diner (so much food!), the movies, the zoo, a museum, a long walk, or shopping (though I did end up buying some weird things at Target).

Other
Costumes, shadow puppets, prank phone calls and playing with iChat (if you are lucky enough to have a Mac) are also awesome.

Whatever fun things you plan on doing while you are high, be responsible. I know I am probably not a portrait of responsibility by any means but I have made a lot of mistakes and have learned from them. If you are consuming marijuana, don’t eat too much; it can be a very uncontrollable and terrifying experience. If you are high, don’t drive. Seriously, don’t do it. Not only is it dangerous, but you could really eff up your future if you are caught. Plus, it’s a lot easier to eat a peanut butter smothered rice cake when you’re not clutching a steering wheel. Finally, don’t get a haircut. Just trust me on this one.

Peace out, potheads, and have a great 4/20!

We seriously curbed our smoking habits after a pretty serious waffle binge a few years back, but we let loose – munchies and all – once a year. And that day is comin’.

We’ve already started stocking up the CollegeCandy fridge with all of our favorites: Cheez-its, tater tots, Boboli, Double Stuf Oreos, peanut butter M&Ms, etc… Now all we need is some good ole’ hashish; good thing they deliver that sort of thing in NY.

People seem to be pretty particular about their munchies. Some like it salty and others like it sweet. Some like a little crunch, while others prefer things that don’t require chewing. We are very intrigued by this (probably because we are high right now), so this week we asked the CollegeCandy writers what they prefer to chow down on after hitting the bong/bowl/brownie.

What do you crave?

Laura – St. Johns: Anything with peanut butter… Mmm.

Brithny – Duke: POCKY!!! Although I was born on Pocky Day, so I’m a little biased :]

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Don’t judge, but it’s Frito chips with a little cream cheese. nom nom

Thu – USC: Hot brownie + ice cream = HEAVEN

Kari – FSU: 3-d Doritos….sadly they don’t make them anymore.

Kathryn S.: Chips and salsa all the way, baby!

S.E. – Fordham: My favorite munchie would definitely be chicken rolls at the local pizza place by campus. Every time I’m drunk/high I crave one of them.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: Chinese food and brownies mmm

Kiki – University of Missouri: I eat disturbingly large quantities of Special K Red Berries cereal straight from the box, no milk necessary.

Sara C – Fordham: Haagen Das chocolate sorbet. I convince myself that it’s healthier because it’s sorbet. Or, anything with peanut butter!

Donnette – Manhattanville College: Cheetos, Cheez-its, trail mix, Reese’s (in all forms). Pretty much anything with dried fruits, peanuts, cheez, and/or chocolate.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Applesauce – no lie.  The texture just does it for me!

Lauren – University of Michigan: Um. Anything? Seriously, if I can get my mouth on it, I want it. (Wait…that came out wrong.)

Charlsie – Hollins: Anything sweet. I am obsessed with candy as a meal option; I usually eat it for lunch.

Leah – Ryerson: Cheetos, cupcakes and nachos… just not at the same time.

Ashley Elizabeth – CU Boulder: Graham crackers and peanut butter M&Ms

Cristina – Michigan State: My favorite munchies would have to be…actual Munchies. Doritos, Cheetos, Sun chips, Pretzels. Heaveennnnnn.

Erica – Kent State: I love those little cheese cubes.  Or hint-of-lime tortilla chips with mango (or peach) salsa. Mmm!

Carly – Grinnell: Mmmmm. This coffee shop near my house makes these amazing cookie bars called “wilderness bars.” They have raisins, nuts, sesame seeds, chocolate chips… ahhh, they’re so good.

K – GWU: If still cognizant of my health, blueberries or green apples are so tart and good, but is anything better than being stoned with a bowl of cereal? Chocolate Special K and Lucky Charms come to mind

Liza M – Minnesota: Cheesy breadsticks WITH blue cheese. OMG.

Kelly – Simmons University: French bread and gouda cheese

Jess T – Columbia University: Chewy candy (Laffy Taffy, sour belts, Now & Later, etc.). Great, now I’m hungry.

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]Four guys talking over Saturday breakfast:

One guy: “Man, I’m f—ing hungry. I’m gonna slam so much sausage into my mouth.”

Second guy: “Yeah, dude. You do that.”

After a pause:

First guy: “What did I say?”

“RuPaul, singing Little Drummer Boy, on a 45? Worst record ever.”

“I made them a nipple-straw.”

“Listen. Next semester? I’m not kidding, we need to have some serious man cannon action.”

Beat. Pause. Awkward looks.

“I’m talking about Halo.”

A blonde girl to an equally blonde guy:

“Oh, I just can’t wait until we’re a bunch of old crackers!”

Everyone else:

“…What?”

In a crowded mall, one girl, while texting on her cell phone, walks directly into a non-automatic door.

“I don’t know much about him. He kept all his music in a folder labeled ‘horse porn’.”

Two construction guys working on a dormitory:

“Pack of cigarettes, full tank of gas, we’re on a mission from God.”

The problems with a ‘valley girl’ accent:

“What kind of soups do they ‘aaaave…”

“What… what did you just say?”

“Nothing. Gaaaahhd…”

Two men smoking outside a dorm:

“I don’t know. Would it be hot if a girl were lactating?”

“Yeah. You know, I think it’s great when women embrace their bovine tendencies.”

“My two thumbs conspired and said – ‘Let’s grow bumps!’”

“So, you know, I didn’t know how much time I had, so I decided to get started early.”

“And nobody caught you?”

“Nah, that teacher’s totally oblivious. I figured people would smell it before they saw it.”

“Wait, where do you get your stuff from?”

“Oh, some guy in Buckley. I have no idea what it is, but it gives you, like, the driest high ever.”

“… and so he opened the door and he was wearing the Robocop suit!”

“Historically there have only been two deaths worldwide attributed to cannabis, whereas alcohol and tobacco together are responsible for an estimated 150,000 deaths per annum in the UK alone.”

In fact, the only thing that makes pot a dangerous drug stems (haha, stems) from the fact that it isn’t legal: the crime that surrounds it, all that crazy sh*t people are lacing it with these days, etc. By making pot legal, people would be able to regulate it and keep it safe.

Not to mention stimulate the economy and create more jobs: people to grow it, people to sell it, people to regulate it, people to supply all the stoned kids with enough Cheez Its and Twinkies to get through the day…

Seriously, marijuana could keep this country from a depression! (And if it doesn’t, it could make the depression more bearable…or hilarious!)

Down with that dangerous alcohol!

Bring on the cannabis!

Yes, I was lame, but I was 12 and lived in suburbia. I was allowed.

But this guy…well…he really doesn’t have any excuse. Except maybe that he’s a douchebag.

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