So this is how the whole swine flu thing started.

Thank god we don’t live in Boston.

Will Chris Brown go free?

Hef wants Holly back. Obvi.

Looks like The Real World: Cancun isn’t happening…

Just another reason to hate Keith Olberman and the rude ladies at The View.

We are so happy that Holly Madison isn’t hung up on Hef anymore.

Mod makeup has been popular since the 1960s and is back again.

Apparently, being a lesbian is way worse than being bi.

The Super Bowl is now going to wreck more women’s lives than usual.

Michelle and Barack Obama scoped out their new pad today.

Being green can be dangerous, especially for James Cromwell.

Watches, to wear or not to wear?

Oprah has taken over the world, well almost.

If only this worked to change water into wine too!

Girls Next Door‘s leading ladies, Kendra Wilkinson, Holly Madison, and Bridget Marquardt are slowly trickling off the bunny ranch. To Hef’s dismay, his girls are looking for bigger and better (and dare we say younger?) things in life. So let’s re-cap:

First, Holly, Hef’s main squeeze, discovered about six months ago that her little Puffin had no intention of getting married OR having children. (But let’s be real, Holly. I know you love him and all, but the man is 82. Did you really think he’d want to go down that road at this age…again? Regardless, we love you for trying.) After discovering the chances of becoming the next Mrs. Hef were slim, fat, and none, Madison got pretty depressed and announced her split from Hefner. Since then, it’s been confrimed Holly’s dating mindfreak, Criss Angel.

Around the same time, Kendra also announced she would be moving out of the mansion. Rumors had started to spread she was seeing someone else and the latest news is that Kendra is actually engaged to Philadelphia Eagels widereciever, Hank Baskett. OF COURSE she’s engaged to a football player. The 23-year-old self-proclaimed tomboy and sports junkie, Wilkinson never seemed that into Hef anyway…

And that brings us to the lone ranger of the Girl’s Next Door… While 35-year-old Bridget hasn’t announced any type of seperation from the Playboy founder, she’s been quoted saying she doesn’t know how much longer she’ll be a girlfriend. Bridge has been filming a show for the Travel Channel called “Bridget’s Beaches” during the past few months, missing all the break-up drama. She made her first public appearence since the splits at the annual Halloween bash at the Mansion.

Hef’s already replaced his lost loves. He has asked Playboy’s newest twin Playmates Karissa and Kristina Shannon to move into the mansion, though they aren’t his girlfriends…yet.

But no worries, Girls Next Door is still scheduled for a sixth season.

…wonder how that’s gonna work?

No matter how much money or pink bunny costumes Hef gave her, Holly Madison wants to be with a baby-makin’ machine.

What former A-list rockstar is going blind?

The little boy and the lobster – cuteness that cannot be exaggerated.

Think twice before you post those drunk photos of yourself on Facebook.

Target is making it possible for us to dress like Michelle Obama.

This is possibly the most disgusting-looking cocktail on the planet.

This site makes us want to spend the day watching football on the couch.  Sports are cool!

9 shameless celebrity election videos

Uhhh, these people might have taken their Halloween decorations a little too far.

Ben Kweller has seen dead people.

We love Ashley Tisdale’s new dark hairdo!

Play nice boys! Mark Wahlberg wants to knock out Andy Samberg.

Understand the economy with Chris Farley movies

At last, something to do with your ex’s testicles once you cut them off

Celeb camel toe AND mom jeans alert

Disney on Depressants

Howard Stern ties the knot, Mr. Kelly Ripa officiates, celebrities now control the universe

Britney channels the other Madonna

Diddy is afraid of Palin

It’s official, Kate Moss has a golden vajayjay

The sham is almost over…

Dita Von Always Looks Awesome

St. Tyra declaws a catfight

Holly finally realized Hef is old

One is an old dude with an obsession with ditzy blondes. The other is a weird guy with an obsession with jewelry…and making things disappear.

And it seems the world has brought these drastically different men together…to battle.

For a woman, obvi.

Though Hugh Hefner has 3 live-in girlfriends and a billion other hot ladies roaming around his house, he has recently been heartbroken as one of his favorites moved out.

Where did she go? Into the tattooed arms of Criss Angel. Poor Hef has never been snubbed like this; especially for a nobody like Criss Angel. I feel bad for the poor old guy and have to wonder what it is about Mr. Angel that wooed little Holly away.

Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe Criss has a killer personality and is awesome in bed. Maybe Holly was sick of waiting for Hef’s Viagra to kick in. Who knows?

I just want to know which dude you’d prefer: reliable old Hef, or mysterious Criss Angel?

But no really, for the sake of everyone’s imagination, please stop trying.

Does Holly keep bowls of Viagra throughout the Playboy Mansion trying to convince Hef that they’re M & Ms? Doesn’t Hef fall asleep after three thrusts? He’s 82. I’m sure he’s young at heart, but come on. I’d imagine that any sperm that he’s got left is bent or way too exhausted to swim very far.

And as for the title of that US mag article, I highly doubt that Hef has babies on the brain. His to-do list consists of robe wearing, a nap, eating, another nap and trying to find his way through his mansion. Trust me, being one of the oldest fathers on the planet is not on there.

Also, the man is still legally married to his estranged wife, Kimberley Conrad; I just need to throw that out there. I mean, what’s Holly’s motivation? She says that she loves him; the way that she comes off on the show lines up with what she says. But does she want to have his baby…or just see dollar signs?

Hef is 82.

…I’m just saying.

Sure, it’s a given that if you’re a somebody in Hollywood, you’ve probably got a fake…something. Nose, chin, ass, boobs–it’s a virtual grab bag of faux perfection!We can always tell when a celeb gets some work done. Always.

There are entire websites dedicated to outing stars who go under the knife! And, correct me if I’m wrong, but it almost always looks comically obvious, or even worse, botched.

So, why is it that celebrities keep going in see see their Docs to fix, correct, tighten, or sculpt? Answer: They’re crazy. Most of them are plain old nutjobs, if you ask us!

It’s hugely rare to see a celeb go in for their Frankenstein-esque procedures and not come out looking like…well, Frankenstein. But there are a lucky few that just so happened to come out alive! Thank God.

Check out our Plastic Surgery: Good, Bad, and the Ugly photo gallery after the jump![album=35]