In a utopian world, we’d never have to ask for anything, ever. The cosmos would see to it that all our needs were met without us having to put in any effort into it. Alas, in the real world, it doesn’t work that way. If you want something, be it a raise at work or an extension on an assignment, you have to assert yourself. But that becomes especially harrowing when sex is involved.

There are those rare circumstances where you and your partner connect on every level and every romp in the sack is transcendent and magical and effortless. But for most of us, we usually end up with a partner who intuitively understands only some of our needs. The only way to get the most mindblowing sex you can imagine? Talk that ish out.

I know, sometimes talking about sex with the person you’re having it with is downright terrifying. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, or maybe you tell yourself you’re okay with having sex that’s only 70 percent awesome. Eventually, however, you could start to get resentful of the fact that you only orgasm 30 percent of the time (when you know that you’re capable of orgasming 98 percent of the time), or you’re going to develop a complex about your boobs (because, OMG, WHY WON’T MY BOO TOUCH/LICK/SUCK them? ARE THEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH?). Or you’ve suddenly realized you really want to try spanking, but you assume your partner isn’t into it because they’ve never brought it up.

But really? All of those problems, and a lot of other sexually related ones, can be solved by just talking about it in a mature, respectful way. Read More »

Friends are important. They’re there for you, no matter what. They’re there to make you laugh. They’re there to let you cry. They’re there for nights out and nights in and cram sessions and outfit emergencies. They let you rant about boys and books and bars and beer.  You can talk for hours and text all night long. And they will never complain. They make your life a little bit easier, and a lot more entertaining.

And its only right that we return the favor, treat them equally awesome in all areas of friendship. But even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to get sidetracked. Life is busy and staying touch is hard. And scheduling time in for her panic attacks as well as your own can get kind of tricky.

Maybe CollegeCandy can make that a little easier?
Here are five easy ways to be a good friend.

1. Make time to chat. Like I said, life is busy. And whether you and your bestie live down the hall or across the country staying in touch is never easy. But if you don’t know what’s going on in her life how will you know when to start in on rules 2-5. Skype or Facebook message. Text or e-mail. Take a coffee break or do dinner. But make time to chat. She’ll appreciate that you care enough to care about her life.

2. Listen before you speak. It’s important to give advice (see rule number 3) but before you do that you need to know what’s going on. Okay fine, so maybe you know that the guy she’s crying over is so not worth her tears. But she obviously doesn’t think so. Find out why. Don’t speak over her and don’t give your opinion before she’s given hers. Know the situation, understand where she’s coming from, and then… Read More »

If you wanna ask Tuffy a question, you can email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my bf for two and a half years and I think it’s a good thing to be friends with his three guy best friends. Not in a way that says ‘I’m gonna be THAT girl and force myself into all of your conversations and hang out times,’ but they are a big part of my life. They aren’t going anywhere, they all grew up together, and I’m glad my guy has some really good friends who know him so well. My boyfriend is adorkable – he’s pretty nerdy but he’s not terribly socially awkward like his good friend … let us call him “C”.

After trying to help C land a girlfriend (I’m a good wingwoman), we’ve become close.  Lately, some friends have been hosting Saturday Drinking Nights every week or so at their apartment. My boyfriend and I meet up with C and go there to have a good time, play Circle of Death, important college type things.

At the first drinking night C kept insisting he put his arm around my shoulder so that I may function as a stabilizer. He was quite wobbly so I accepted that excuse. The next drinking night two weeks later, I was sooooooo drunk by the end. One of my friends said she swore he saw him start off leaning on me for support, then gradually put his arm around my waist and had been gradually moving his hands toward other places before he noticed her watching him like a hawk. I can’t verify with my boyfriend – he’d been out on a 7-11 run. Read More »

We’ve all done it, slipped a little white lie in when talking to a friend. Your hair looks fine. Of course he’ll call you back. You are absolutely right.

It’s not like you meant to be dishonest, but the words tumbled out of your mouth before you even had the chance to think about them. You’re not lying; you’re sparing her feelings. Does she really need to know that you think she completely overreacted or that no, you don’t think the reason he didn’t call was because he got run over by a truck? You’re just trying to be a good friend. But are you really? Not according to Lori Gottlieb, who believes that being one another’s “yes women” is turning our BFFs into our worst enemies.

I pride myself on always telling the truth, in friendships, in relationships, and at work. Always. Honesty is not only important; it’s necessary. It builds trust, gains respect, and keeps things simple. There is not a single situation that could possibly be made less complicated by lying. At least, that’s what I strive for, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I too have caved to the pressure of being a “yes women” on more than one occasion.

According to Gottlieb a “yes women” is a friend who tells you exactly what you want to hear. She reiterates your opinion right back to you, squashing your fears and reaffirming your beliefs. She makes you feel better about yourself, while also making herself feel better. If you’re right, then so is she. There’s safety in numbers. Misery loves company. We’re just helping each out, right?

Wrong. We think that by lying to our friends we’re helping them, when we’re actually doing just the opposite. Honesty is the best policy. It’s a tried and true cliché for a reason. Wouldn’t you want to know the truth? Isn’t it better that you have a BFF who cares enough to withstand your rage when she disagrees about your new boyfriend? Sometimes, the truth hurts. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like botox! ) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Cheating has always been, will always be, a touchy subject. We’ve debated what cheating is, whether you should forgive a cheater, but now it’s time to turn those sneers inward and ask the dirty little question – what if you cheat? (BF DISCLAIMER: This is all totally hypothetical, I promise!) There seems to be a little dissent about whether or not (assuming you don’t get caught) you should confess that you cheated and I think it’s time we got a consensus.

On the one hand – you cheated! Of course you should tell you significant other and take your lumps. Part of being in a grown up relationship (or even a not so grown up one) is being honest with each other and being able to trust that no matter what happens you will deal with it together. Admittedly, this would totally suck if you were the one who had to go begging for forgiveness, and there is a chance that the whole thing will fall apart because of your confession, but otherwise you’re basically forcing yourself and your SI to live a lie. Read More »

[Tomorrow, Friday, April 30th, is National Honesty Day. We're all about telling the truth around here (often to a fault), but as one writer argues, sometimes honesty may not be the best policy.]

Whoever said that “honesty is the best policy” has obviously never been in a relationship, nor had a best friend on their period. Sometimes a girl’s best friend is a white lie. Trust me, I know from experience. Not only have I had a petition signed against me (yeah, really), but I’ve also gotten into many fights that could have been avoided by not being brutally honest.

I’m not saying that in every situation we need to lie. In fact, lies can lead to the end of many relationships. There are, however, times when honesty probably isn’t a good idea. Don’t know what I mean? Here are some situations when it’s best to just bite your tongue: Read More »

Best friends. Waiting home for you with open arms when you take that first walk-of-shame (or hip to hip, if you’re in the good fight together). Your shoulder to cry on, owner of every secret known to your embarrassing character.  A best friend is there for you when you need to decode that late night text from your crush.  A best friend is there for you when all you want to do on a Friday night is veg out and discuss the important things… like Octo-mom. A best friend will accompany you on the dance floor and be honest if you’re ‘shopping cart’ move is outdated.

And a BFF is there for you to tell you you’re fat?

OK, let me put down my Caramello Bar, and let’s figure this out. A recent survey of 3,000 women revealed that one in five women secretly think her best friend is fat but won’t dare share this information with her.  The study also suggested that the truth was a big “no no” because 1 in 5 women ended the relationship post dishing the info. Now, this seems a little extreme. You mean to tell me relationships end because your BFF tells you to put down the bread stick? Read More »

I’m just going to be blunt here: why do we feel the need to pretend we don’t know what we want?

I’m serious. Whether we’re looking for friends with benefits or a one night stand or – worst of all – an actual relationship, we’re terrified to openly admit it. We don’t want to be viewed as clingy or slutty or any other label that will send the guy running for the hills.

Because that’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? The reason we’re so scared to say what we’re thinking? That once we do, once we admit what we’ve been praying they’ll pick up on telepathically, the guy in question is going to reject us so quickly we’ll practically see a blur as he leaves?

Not that we should want to be with a guy like that anyway. But the problem is we do want this guy – in some capacity – and we don’t want to know if the word “boyfriend” is repulsive to him. And society (and possibly some past experiences) has taught us that the words “relationship,” “boyfriend,” and “girlfriend” are instant boy repellent.

I’d been sort of seeing a friend of mine for about a month-and-a-half and before we left for winter break, I tried to be honest with him: I couldn’t deal with the crazy back-and-forth anymore, with him acting like we were in a relationship one day, then actively avoiding me the next. Or hugging and kissing me around strangers and my friends, but literally dropping my hand and stepping away when we saw one of his. I was so proud of myself for actually having the nerve to tell him all of this, and to go one step further and flat-out tell him that I wasn’t sure what he wanted, but I wanted a- Read More »

Blonde is my natural hair color. I rarely drink this much. I’m enjoying being single.

We all lie, in some form or another. We lie to our parents (it’s not a hangover; it’s a stomach bug), our teachers (I’m late because the bus was delayed, not because I forgot to set my alarm), our employers (it’s my mom’s birthday, not some girl in my hall’s 21^st) and our sexual partners (you’re the best I’ve ever had!).

Lying to someone you’re sleeping with is dangerous territory, though. By lying to them, you could be endangering their physical (or mental) health. Which lies are OK to tell, and what things do we have to fess up too?

Lie: I’ve never worn this lingerie for anyone else.

Verdict: OK. We all have a favorite pair of lingerie, and we’ve probably worn it with more than one partner. After all, good lingerie is expensive, and we shouldn’t have to throw it out just because a relationship ends. But your partner probably doesn’t want to know what you wore last time you canoodled with someone else, so it’s okay to keep that information to yourself, or fib a little if it comes up.

Lie: I never slept with [insert friend here].

Verdict: BAD. The truth will come out eventually, and it will not be pretty. How would you feel if you found out one of your partner’s close friends was actually someone they used to sleep with? It’s best to have this information up front. Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

So your friend borrowed your favorite sweater in Physics, promising she’d return it after class. But when the class let out, you were too busy copying notes to remind her to give it back. It’s been two months now, and all your subtle hints about how you really hate people who borrow stuff *ahem ahem* is getting you blank stares. You figure either she forgot about it… or she’s a bitch who’s playing dumb so she can keep your cute-and-perfect-for-all-seasons sweater.

What to do when the borrower just won’t give the damn thing back?

Miss Manners says:
First figure out how much the object is worth. Is a sweater/$5/a calculator/etc. worth potentially ruining your friendship over? If you can already tell that getting it back will be a struggle – perhaps one big enough to turn into a catfight – think of how much the object really means to you. If you figure it’s worth it, read on. If not, ask her one last time (outright. i.e. “Hey, remember that sweater I loaned to you forever ago? Do you think I could get it back?”) and if she refuses to budge, drop it, chalk it up as a birthday present and never let her borrow anything again. Read More »