Why that relationship lasted three months after that, I have no idea.

Sadly, this isn’t a mindset unique to my ex – this idea of college as a place to get laid more than a place of education seems to be rampant among students (and non-students too, apparently). The idea seems to be that having a period of promiscuity and disregard for normal societal behavior is something we all  “deserve.” That there’s no way we could grow up and get married without having had some time to sleep around and be wild and crazy.

It’s no wonder we have this expectation, really — we see movies like American Pie that outline little except for the booze and sex lifestyle, and we read sites like College Candy that tend to talk a lot about the stereotypical college life. When we see a college lady who made a power point of her sexual exploits and Tucker Max making millions off of his “sex” life, what are we supposed to think?

I’m all for (safe) casual sex and a good time, but is it an integral stage in life? Probably not. If not having a slew of partners before entering a relationship leaves you feeling like you’ve missed out – that’s an issue due to your relationship, not due to the fact you don’t have a plethora of sexual experiences previously.

There’s nothing wrong with having a “college experience” – being wild for a couple of years and getting your freak on. But why do so many think this is something we have to experience in order to have a “complete” college life? As though staying in and watching movies on the weekend is somehow a waste of our tuition.

The problem with these expectations comes when those who have built this idea in their head and reach college to realize that, well, it’s just not really like that. Sure, there are opportunities to get half naked, play beer pong, and have some casual sex – but there’s also a lot of cookie dough-eating and Grey’s Anatomy-watching.

What does this mean for those who prefer not to partake in the “crazy” activities – those who are waiting ‘til marriage to get busy, or people who just don’t enjoy the whole casual sex and drinking scene? These people graduate the same as everyone else, and to be honest, I highly doubt that skipping the booze-and-sex makes them feel like they’ve missed out.

There’s always some excitement that comes with the first few months of being away from our parents, living on our own, and able to do pretty much whatever we want. But does that mean we should?  What do you guys think, is the “college experience” and integral part of young adulthood?

Random hook ups are not only not shunned in college, they’re expected. College is a get-by-free pass for having fun and making out.

I’m not saying everyone hooks up in college, but for the majority of the student body, hooking up is a given.  Meeting new prospective hook-ups you’ll most likely regret in the morning and dish with your roomies is as expected as walking into the library and walking out with a book. It’s free and returnable.

Under most circumstances, girls will say hooking up is fun and carefree.  After a few beers, there is nothing wrong with making out and fooling around with a cute college boy that has a baby-face and likes to dance with you next to the beer pong table.  And hooking up doesn’t have to involve drinking either.  We’re all familiar with the term ‘booty-call.’  Simple attraction and a life sans parental units can ignite hook-ups and the ‘no strings attached’ attitude.  That’s why hooking up is fun!  You never have to worry about meeting families, what his favorite baseball team is, or if you should text him or call him the next day.

But, what if hook-ups are about more than ‘I just want to let loose and have fun?’  Before I say this next statement, you somehow have to bare with me. OK, here goes: I read ‘I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’ by Tucker Max and while the guy is a complete douche, I think he might be onto something.  Whew, OK, punch a pillow or something pretending it’s my face.  Now that we got that out of the way, here’s why I think Mr. Max may have made a valid point.  He once stated that he goes for girls who are insecure because they are the easiest to hook up with.  Ignoring the fact that Tucker Max introduced this concept to me, hear me out.

What if hooking up is more than fun and games?  What if we hook up because we’re insecure? Think about it: insecurities make people do silly things and hooking up with a random is definitely silly.  Although we may think we’re “having fun” and “getting some,” are we really just filling a void? Trying to build ourselves up/ Insecurities make us feel unloved and unwanted; is hooking up a crutch to help us feel like we’re loved and wanted, if only momentarily?

The attention gained from a hook-up feels positive and real.  For as long as a hook-up lasts (whether it’s for a night, or an ongoing affair), it makes us feel better. You’re with a guy that is clearly attracted to you enough to be rolling around the sheets with you. You feel sexy, wanted, and excited to be a part of the hook-up culture so prevalent on campus. Do we play these random nights up in our head to be “fun” when really they are a failed attempt in emotional attentiveness? Are we so insecure that we fear a real relationship, thus hooking up to avoid the feelings (and potential rejection) that a real, healthy relationship would provide?

Let that sink in for a moment.
Then ponder this:

Can we have a solid hook-up completely sans insecurity, or is insecurity in a hook-up as expected as the awkward walk-of-shame in the morning? Could Tucker Max be right (yes, I used Tucker Max and the word ‘right’ in the same sentence), or is it possible for perfectly confident girls to be in it for fun?

It’s your call. What do you think?

Upon glancing at the cover, I immediately thought I would be eviscerating the “How To Find Love in Hook-Up Culture” article, because the whole notion of “hook up culture” is so exaggerated. People have been hooking up with no strings attached since the beginning of time (I’m sure the guy who invented fire totally got some booty that night), the only difference is now everyone Tweets or makes a coy Facebook status about it. However, their advice to communicate open and honestly with your partner (and yourself!) about your romantic intentions is really legit (although it does include a terrible anecdote involving a MASS BOOTY CALL TEXT. Seriously? Seriously.) Yeah, so I couldn’t really find much to tear apart.

But then I turned the page and found this gem: “Weird Things That Turn Guys On” that did include weird tidbits… if “weird” has somehow evolved to mean normal, mundane, or obvious.

Random Glamour guy says: “Really cute toes. I like them perfectly pedicured and all cleaned up.”
Jasmine says: Duh. When a woman gets a pedi, and then puts on her cutest, fiercest shoes to draw attention to her pedi, a little part of her wants a guy to notice and be attracted to how put-together and manicured (no pun intended…oh, maybe a little) she is. Maybe the part where he said he likes to give his girlfriends pedis….with his teeth…. was left out?

Random Glamour Guy says: “Biting. The other day my girlfriend role-played with some vampire stuff….it was sexy.”
Jasmine says: This would have been weird…three years ago. Unfortunately, now it’s Edward Cullen’s world and we just live in it.

Random Glamour Guy says: “I love hearing women talk with an English accent.”
Jasmine says: I’m pretty sure it is a mathematical fact that English accents are sexy.

Random Glamour Guy says: “Competitive girls…I love not having to throw games.”
Jasmine says: Oh, how evolved and progressive to think that women are sore, inconsolable losers. Except, not really. Sure, I don’t enjoy losing Mario Kart every single time, but that’s nothing a slice of pizza or four can’t cure.

Yeah, that's not going anywhere.

In a last ditch attempt to further procrastinate studying for finals, I was stumbling through some websites when I found this random statistic that literally blew my mind:

Only 12% of hookups eventually lead to relationships. TWELVE PERCENT.

Being a girl who has had her fair share of hookups and is still single, I don’t know why that statistic was so shocking to me. But it was. I stared at that one line for 10 minutes. Only 12%. 12 percent. That means 88% of hook ups lead to nothing but a walk of shame and that awkward post-hook up interaction when you have to return his sweatpants.

It’s just pretty shocking when you see it laid out like that. Especially when you consider the fact that the whole hook up culture has become the dominant way of interacting and “dating” in college. It makes me think twice about all those weekend convos with my girlfriends when we gush about whatever boy we made out with the night before. We all talk and plan and are convinced it’s going to turn into something bigger; after all, So and So met started going out with her long-term boyfriend after a hook up. It is possible.

But it’s not. At least for the majority of us. And now, it feels so pointless when you know that probably nothing real is going to come out of it.

Now, I have totally been guilty of some innocent, feelings-free hook-ups, and, yes, they can be SO much fun in the moment. But the fact is, while we girls can enjoy a random hook up or two, most of us (don’t get mad at me, I know that this is not true of ALL girls) do eventually want a boyfriend. And following a guy back to his dorm room for a night of fun is clearly not the way we’re going to find one.

This statistic was a very big wake up call for me; it made me realize that I don’t really want the casual thing anymore. I want more than just friends with benefits or casual dating. I want a real relationship, one where he really knows me before we hop into bed together….

The problem is, if the hook up culture is how the majority of college students interact, what am I supposed to do?

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