I hate winter. I hate the cold. And I most certainly hate the snow. So it should come as no surprise to you that I am already dreaming of the lazy days of summer ahead. In fact, I don’t even care if they are lazy, I just want them to be warm and sun-filled. Preferably not humid…but I’ll work with it.

As a New Englander you would think I would be one of the many supporters of winter. After all, I used to figure skate and bring my inner tube to the Seven Hills, but somewhere (I blame junior year of college; not sure why) I turned. Maybe it was when I fell in love with all the wonderful things summer had to offer, maybe it was when winter started taking over half of the year. Regardless of the reasoning, I miss summer…and have a horrible case of summer fever.

In the hopes of dragging the rest of you down this long path of Pina Coladas and hot cabana boys, here are the ten things I miss about summer…

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Ahh, college. Some people look at it as an institution of higher learning, others look at it as a new place stocked with eligible men and women for the taking. Wherever you fall across the spectrum, you’ve probably heard of the sometimes-taboo subject called dormcest. That means dating/hooking up with someone who lives in your building or on your hall. These types of relations are common both when you first move in and again in the cold winter months when people are less apt to hike to a party in a short skirt and more likely to pick from what’s close and convenient.

However, “dormcest” can be risky business. Getting intimate with someone who lives nearby and who you see just about every day can become awkward, annoying, hurtful or even dangerous. Tread carefully with this, and use this guide to eliminate as many risks as possible.

Rule out the next door neighbors.You will see these guys every day, even multiple times a day. They will probably see you in a towel, coming in drunk from a party and at your morning-after worst. If you hook up with them, you might be starting a FWB relationship where you two just go to each other because it’s easy.  Or, you can get into a relationship. And while might seem super fun to live right next to your boyfriend, think about how annoying it can get. Too much time together is never a good thing.

And if that ends badly? You will undoubtedly see other girls enter his dorm room and perhaps vice versa, which can cause hurt feelings and jealousy.

Choose wisely. If you are looking for a one time hookup/fling, pick a guy who wants the same. If you pick a guy who wants a relationship and seems very clingy in the beginning, you will have a sad puppy following you around for weeks to come.

Respect each other’s space.  Do not bust into his room like you own it, and do not spend all your time in there. Think about it like it was his house. Would you drive by his house five times a day? At 3 in the morning? (If you said yes, you should probably seek some help).

Keep quiet. A dormcest couple in my building is actually doing quite well because they don’t broadcast their relationship to the world. Laurie* and Rob* started out slow in the beginning; I wouldn’t have even known they were spending time together if they didn’t decide to share that with a few friends. They told each other they weren’t looking for a relationship at the time, which allowed them no drama. After a couple months, they decided to make their relationship official, and still they are a pretty low key couple. No one is talking about them and nothing is weird in the dorm because of it.

Make alone time. Another dormcest couple in my hall, Shannon* and Mike*, started getting serious pretty quick. Now they fight all the time, and everyone knows about it (and hears it!). This is a case of too much time together and not really knowing each other. My friend Megan brought up a good point: how can you really know each other if you only spend time together in the dorm, surrounded by friends? You don’t get any alone time like other couples do when they go out on dates.

Make time apart. Spending too much time together can become overbearing. Then you feel uncomfortable in your own space, and you can’t even escape the other person. Make sure you hang out with your friends, do things separate, and set limits on seeing each other in the building.

End it as amicably as possible. Unless you are one of the select few who fall in love and decide to be together forever, you will probably suffer an awkward break up. Resist the urge to have a big blow out fight, use mean insults or to make yourself look like a crazy person. End it as cleanly as possible, and be civil and polite when you see your ex. A smile and a wave make things less awkward and soon you won’t even feel weird passing them in the hallway.

Protect yourself. I hate to admit it, but there are some crazies out there. A girl I know, *Karissa, began seeing a guy who seemed really friendly and cool in the beginning. However, now that she told him she wasn’t interested anymore, he has become obsessive, angry and even threatening. He texts her every day, calling her names and saying he will kill her if she doesn’t call him back. He knows where she lives, but thankfully cannot get into the dorm without the proper authorization. What if you picked a guy like this in your own building? Know someone very well before you start a relationship where they know how to find you, and know how to protect yourself. If you see any inappropriate or threatening behavior, report the person to your campus police immediately.

Those are my tips for making dormcest work, and I wish all those crazy enough to try it good luck! Please share your dormcest stories in the comments!

*Indicates names have been changed.

Maura is a freshman at Rider University and loves chocolate, cheesy wedding T.V. shows, writing, fashion and playing with her overweight (but adorable) Pomeranian. When she isn’t at class or sleeping, you can catch her on twitter @maurahilgar.

It’s a big deal when the guy you’ve only been casually hooking up with every so often texts you and tells you to come spend the night. It’s an even bigger deal when you’re trying to plan what to pack. Sorry, but the overnight knapsack that you got from Santa nine years ago ain’t cuttin’ it here.

Or maybe you’re headed out to the bar hoping that you’ll be swept off your feet. Instead of going empty handed (you’re just gonna brush your with your finger, right? Uh… wrong) why not plan ahead and keep the essentials on stand-by?

For those of us that never earned our Girl Scout Preparedness Badge of Honor, planning ahead and being prepared isn’t hard, even if you’re pulling up your pant legs as you race to Happy Hour. Tons of make-up companies offer free make-up samples with big purchases and Walmart, Target, K Mart and a ton more always have an affordable selection of basics. So if you’re the type to often leave something behind, toss them all in a tote that you can easily carry around without fear.

Can’t think of what you need? Don’t worry, we did all the thinking for you!

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“So…are we gonna hook-up or what?”

Ah, another poor soul lost to the epidemic I refer to as “The Death of Subtlety.” It was a fabulous time (read: three days) we spent together. He was good-looking, kinda funny, not too much of a d-bag…in other words, a total catch. And then, as we lay in each other’s arms on the musty couch, he uttered that fateful question. Sigh. Is it too much to ask that an insignificant other be at least a little eloquent?

Apparently, the answer is yes, it is too much to ask. And while I like to think I’m the only one that destiny thrusts into these terribly awkward situations, this is not the case. Many of my peers, both guys and girls, have shared disaster stories involving their partners’ lack of tactfulness and vain attempts at trying to “get it in,” as the kids say nowadays. (My personal favorite involves Paranormal Activity, a roommate gone for the weekend, and the statement, “You should give me a blowjob.” Needless to say, nothing “got in” that night.)

So, in response to the fact that some people are not fluent in the language of subtlety, I’ve decided to compile a list of common phrases you might hear from these failed Don Juans…and how to respond.

1. “You should give me a blowjob/sleep with me/etc.”

I’m sorry, I don’t recall agreeing to an “awkward conversation for blowjobs” program. Why else should I do whatever you’re asking? By the way, definitely work on your conversational transitions.

Proper Response: You should retract that statement and try again.

2. “Hey…wanna make-out/hook-up/do something you’ll regret tomorrow?”

While better than the previous statement (they did give you the option to say no after all), this question ruins the moment and sends the awkward meter through the roof. Just touch my face or something and I’ll get the hint.

Proper Response: As charming as you are, I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request. (Bonus: Pirates of the Caribbean reference! Dudes love that.)

3. “People tell me I’m really great at sex/going down/misc. other ‘activity’.’”

I’m glad you’re proud of your “skill.” But unless you provide a reference, I really don’t care about your previous experience. And let’s be honest, I like to delude myself into thinking that you’ve only ever hooked-up with me.

Proper Response: Were those people paid for their testimonials?

4. “You know, my roommate’s gone for the weekend and I’m feeling really lonely…”

Let me guess: there’s so much room for activities now! While that sounds like a riveting opportunity, your poor attempts at making me feel empathy for your loneliness are as laughable as Kim K.’s marriage (BAM! Pop culture smackdown).

Proper Response: Now we can make intense eye contact without your pesky roommate bothering us!

5. “What’s up?” or any variation of this phrase, sent in a text at 2 a.m.

We all know and tolerate those booty call texts that can range from a simple drunken “heeyyyy” to something like the one my roommate received last week: “Bang?” (She responded with “Sleep?” Conversation over.) I’m all for late-night hook-ups, but there has to be a better way of initiating them.

Proper Response: Depends if you’re into it or not. Answering with, “I wanna hold your hand so hard,” also works.

Midterms are over and it’s nearly that lovely time of year when we return to our hometowns and prepare to stuff ourselves silly with homemade pumpkin pie and green bean casserole. But between eating, spending time with the family, eating some more and hibernating in your old twin bed, you’ve got a predicament on your hands.

To see the old crush, or not to see the old crush? That is the question. Your holiday vacation is not long, so you only have so much time to drink peppermint schnapps and meet up with that guy in high school you always wanted but never had the balls to go after. You’ve done your homework, and based on photos the guy has grown up quite a bit. Sure, he may have gained a beer gut in college, but that fails to override the fact that he no longer has braces, a Disney channel shag haircut or wears Abercrombie & Fitch on the daily.

Let’s get into the reasoning — both logical and otherwise — behind hooking up with your old high school crush over the break.

Yay:

• You’ve got only good memories of him: Him standing in the lunch line with you discussing his Learners Permit. Or him mumbling the lyrics to M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” (because, really, who actually knew all the words?) and shuffling awkwardly, but oh-so-adorably on the dance floor at your senior prom.
• You’re better experienced in the bedroom now that you’ve had your college partying phase. And we’re thinking he probably is, too.
• His teenage acne is gone, he grew a foot and he wears Tom’s instead of Air Jordan high tops.
• That sexual fantasy of you two has never gone away. Not even during that year-long relationship with someone else.
• Since it’s such a short time frame to meet up, excitement and passion will be at an all time high.
• Hey, a hookup doesn’t entail a relationship…no strings attached, anyone?
• If that hookup is on your bucket list, go ahead and cross it off!
• If the hookup happens at his house, take advantage of his Thanksgiving leftovers. Never say no to a free slice of pie. Come on now.

Nay:

• If things go terribly wrong, when would you ever have to see him again? Oh, right, in two weeks for winter break.
• The hookup takes place at his house and after a steamy sesh you walk downstairs to grab some water…and have to say hello to his dad. COOL.
• He doesn’t quite…ahem..meet your expectations.
• He’s got a girlfriend that he failed to mention.
• You hook up with him and then fall for him.
• You hook up with him, are over it and he falls for you.
• He spills the beans to all of your mutual friends and you’re now the Class of ‘08 token slut.

By the looks of it, you’ve got some thinking to do! I’m all for being a bold female and taking what’s yours, though. If you want him, go for it. Let’s be real, a hookup is what it is. And how many guys say NO to hookups? Not many!

My high school crush is currently single, hotter than ever and we’ve actually become recent friends since I’ve been laying some groundwork for the break. I may just have to show him what he’s been missing!

Want to see if He Said he’ll be hooking up with his high school crush this Thanksgiving Break? Scoot your tush over to COEDMagazine.com and read about it now!

Lesson #46 – Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over A One-Night Stand

There’s nothing sexy about waking up next to a guy you hardly know, wrapped in bed sheets from Target’s dorm line, with a pounding headache from last night’s alcohol and bad choices. If the walk of shame isn’t embarrassing enough, college girl code endorses instant roommate interrogation upon arrival of your place.

Whether it’s a guy you know, or a total stranger in True Religion jeans, the awkwardness of the morning after a one-night does not discriminate. Do yourself a favor and get out of there fast. However, while you attempt your hasty escape, make it a point to keep your cool, i.e.: don’t frantically tear through his room to find your keys (or underwear).

When you finally get yourself out of there, be responsible and consider any health precautions you may need to take. Hopefully you used protection, but if you have even a shred of doubt, hightail it to the pharmacy for an emergency contraceptive and call your doctor’s office to schedule an STD screening. A one-night stand can come back to haunt you in the form of an unplanned pregnancy or unwanted infection, if you aren’t proactive from the get-go, making it harder to get move on from. If you’re afraid of running into someone you know, pick a pharmacy or doctor far from campus, but also keep in mind — embarrassment is a small price to pay for your body’s well-being.

Because there’s no right way to date, one-night stands are highly subjective subject matter. Some girls feel that one-night stands are an expression of their sexual freedom or a really great way to spend a Friday night, while others feel that it devalues sexuality. However you feel about it, there are lessons to be learned from each one-night stand story.

If you’re feeling pangs of regret and shame, it’s important not to consume yourself with those feelings. People make mistakes, especially when it comes to sex and dating. One night will not completely tarnish the morals you’ve stuck to your whole life, and it is not reason enough to punish yourself. Take note from the girls who write one-night stands off as an experience, and chalk it up as a lesson learned and allow yourself to move on. In the time you spend punishing yourself for one bad choice, you’ll miss all of the amazing opportunities that come your way.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 45 rules of the Single Girl Society

#Winning, fellas.

Sure, it’s common for us college students to talk about our hookups, whether it’s the best you’ve ever had or some really embarrassing story. I share things with my girlfriends, and dudes discuss it all the time. Heck, we used to have Morning After posts specifically for that purpose, but those are full stories that aren’t degrading and gross. However, there’s a difference between sharing within your circle of friends and sharing it all over the internet via Texts From Last Night format.

Let me introduce you to the sheer brilliance of BootyDrop.com, founded “to develop a culture where users can have fun with the site, while still respecting people in the stories and other Booty Droppers.” I’m sorry, but you can’t seriously expect users on this site to respect each other or those in the stories when the whole purpose is to basically degrade and embarrass said people in said stories. When explaining what a Booty Drop is, founders Matthew Weaver and Kevin Lance state, “Let’s be honest. Attending college was never about the education anyway. It’s about hooking up. You tell your friends the next day, but why stop there? Instead tell the world, anonymously.” Are you kidding me?! I’d love to have that conversation with my parents… “Hey Mom and Dad, I know you’ve been spending an ungodly amount of money on my college education, but I hope you know it’s really about me hooking up.” College is definitely about education, and those who don’t think so are probably the ones taking the Van Wilder route and failing their classes.

The site has ratings like “Bootylicious” and “Booty Fails,” and I’m pretty sure Beyonce won’t be too happy to see her coined phrase used for this purpose. There’s also a hierarchy of rankings depending on how much you post: Booty Amateur, Booty Dropper, Booty Pro and Booty Master. Yeah, because I really want to hook up with a guy who is known as a Booty Master on a sleazy website. Much like TFLN and FML, half of these are nearly guaranteed to be fake. It’s kind of like a lot of the guys I go to school with who have really huge trucks to overcompensate for lacking in other areas. If you have to post on this site every time you hook up with someone, then you’re doing something wrong.

How about you stick to the old “don’t kiss and tell” mantra and keep your sex life private? You may earn some actual respect instead of whatever false sense of pride you’re getting from this POS.

So what exactly is your definition of hooking up? Could it mean a little bumpin’ and grindin’ followed by a sloppy make-out sesh? Does it mean crawling into a cab with a guy, knowing good and well that you’re going to “get your kicks” (thanks Rizzo from Grease for that one) later that night? Or does it mean bypassing first and getting right to second base?

Since I was given this topic of discussion, I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and one in my Human Sexuality class about how to properly define hooking up. While my friends (guys and girls) define hooking up as anything from kissing to sex, my professor seemed to think hooking up can only mean one thing: doin’ it.

As I continued to contemplate the subject, I decided to hit up the trusty UrbanDictionary.com to find out what the world is thinking. The first comment, with nearly 2,500 “likes,” said, “An incredibly ambiguous phrase that drives me absolutely insane when people use it.” Yep, sounds about right! That got me thinking that people will say it so that it is ambiguous. As in, people will use the word “hookup” so that the person they’re talking to thinks they did more than they actually did. And unless you’re bff with the person discussing their hookup, I highly doubt you’re going to ask, “So by hookup do you mean you sucked face (or something else) or rolled around the sheets together?” …See what I mean?

I am one of those people that defines a hookup as sex, “hitting a home run,” doing the dirty, whatever you may call it. So where do those other possible meanings behind hooking up fit in? See below.

Making out — It is what it is. Kissing, a good ‘ole boob grab here and there and maybe a nice over-the-shorts rub down. Why not describe your kiss-fest as a simple make-out and put our imaginations to rest?

Messing around — Whether you’re getting “handsy” or testing out that Cosmo blow-job tip, messing around means that big leap after making out. Bra dropping to the floor, his sexy Calvin’s flying across the room and suddenly things are really hot and heavy but stop before the big bang.

Hooking up, aka “The Sex” – Go ahead and hang your “Do Not Disturb” sign (or a sock if that’s more your style) on the door handle because this is what I call an official hookup.

It seems this topic has an array of meanings depending on how you prefer to phrase your sexy-time. If you want to see what He Says on the matter, check out COEDMagazine!

What’s your take on hooking up? Do you agree or disagree with me? Let me know!

I, Courtney, am an online dater. Many of you probably find this weird considering I’m in college, a place filled with more available men than a single woman could ever dream of, but I’m finding it’s more common than you think. The truth is, people just don’t want to admit it.

I first joined OKCupid (yes, that is the name) when I was 16. I had no intentions of dating anyone from the site, I just loved getting messages saying how pretty I was. And throughout high school that was basically what I used it for. I never really found anyone attractive at my high school, or even remotely tolerable, so online dating seemed like a good idea. At least for the confidence boost.

I didn’t rejoin the circuit until sophomore year of college when my friend found a site called Plenty of Fish (we obviously joined it just for the name). My headline for my profile was “I’ma hook, line and sink ya!” Again, I really didn’t have any interest in dating someone online; it was more of a procrastination tool than anything else. (There are a lot of hilarious weirdos out there!)Besides, I was more interested in a boy from one of my classes.

When 2010 hit, though, I started to actually take online dating seriously. I set up a real profile, responded to guys’ flirtatious emails and started going on dates. I became an online dater and while it hasn’t panned out into anything serious yet, I am glad i did.

I’ve always been really busy and haven’t had time to casually wait for some guy to sweep me off my feet. Online dating sites make the sorting process one has to do at a bar easier. And who wants to date someone they met at a bar anyway? With online dating you get to view your potential suitor’s height (always least an inch less than what they say), decent pictures, and (my biggest thing) you can see how they write. Do they know how to use “there, their, and they’re” correctly? Do they use “Z’s” instead of “S’s” or, my least favorite, are they too lazy to spell things out fully (“I lyke 2 go 2 the bar, u do 2?”)

Plus, I was tired of being set up by friends; how many more blind “dates” can someone handle? (And by “dates” I mean meeting up at a party and having him grab a beer from the keg for me.) It’s not like I have a problem meeting people – I’m surprisingly nice and friendly – I just have a problem meeting the right people. You know, the single good looking guys that find my dry humor charming. I also tend to take on the role of the girl friend (not girlfriend) with most of the guys I meet, meaning no chance for romance.

And that is where the Internet came to my aid. I’ve gone on 15 dates with 15 different guys since September. I’ve met a lot of great guys, had a lot of great (free!) meals and even broadened my music collection, thanks to suggestions made by different people from the site. And along with finding potential romantic matches, I’ve also made some decent friends.

So why are people being so secretive about this? It’s a lot of fun to meet people I never would have, but online dating isn’t for everyone. Just like not everyone is lucky to bump into a random person and form a romantic connection with them. But you shouldn’t judge before you join; it is not as weird as movies like Because I Said So make it out to be. Many people are on these sites because they miss being in a relationship but don’t have time or don’t know how to meet people randomly. Or they’re new to town. Or they too are over trying to find love over SoCo lime shots at the campus bar.

AND…isn’t online dating what any girl would want? It’s like online shopping, except there are really cute guys involved and you don’t have to pay for anything. You’ve literally got nothing to lose (either people will message you or they won’t) but a whole lot to gain; online dating has made me more assertive, given me better self-confidence and allowed me to truly flush out what it is I’m looking for.

So my advice? Don’t judge before you join. You never know who else could be out there, and online dating is a great way of testing the waters.

What do you think? Will you join?

[This story was originally posted by Courtney - Bridgewater State University]

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I find myself between a rock and a hard place. My ex-boyfriend and I have turned friends with benefits. Me and my ex had dated for a year and a half, about half of the time we were at college in different towns. We started dating right after I came out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. In hindsight it was too soon for me to date again, but I was just glad to be moving on. We had a rocky month or two in our relationship with some dishonesty after we had been dating for four months. I had hooked up with one of my guy friends on my spring break trip after a long night of partying. I called my ex the next day and tried to explain to him what happened. I had never felt so guilty and ashamed about something. He was extremely hurt but we had a very strong connection and worked through it. We had an awesome summer together before we went off to college which made it extremely hard to cope with the fact I would only see him twice a month. I felt awesome when we were together and fell pretty hard for him.

During the fall semester, the same issue of trust and cheating arose again. Though I would think we talked things out, he could never quite let the topic go. Right after second semester started, things fell apart. My ex was struggling with some personal issues as well as his academics, the ongoing and recurring issue of dishonesty, and the distance took its toll. We broke up at the end of January of this year. But neither of us could let things go completely. We still talked and we saw each other once. It was so hard because despite all of the issues we had, we were so in love. And I know it doesn’t really make sense because if we were in love we shouldn’t have had our problems. But that was the frustrating part. We knew we shouldn’t have been dating at that point when we broke up but I still loved him.

In the beginning of March this year, after some pestering from my mother, I made the tough decision to actually break things off with my ex. No visiting or communicating for a while. I was so hurt that I broke up with him, still had  strong feelings
and I thought I needed to cut him off for a while. We went a few weeks without speaking and it was the hardest thing. I’ve been through a long-term relationship break up before and after a few weeks I was doing better. But I couldn’t seem to pull myself together after this one. I missed him so much and eventually caved and called him. He was relieved to hear from me and was a mess himself. Unfortunately he told me that he was talking to someone. He said he thought it would help him move on since he couldn’t get over me. They hooked up once but just became friends. My ex said he couldn’t be with someone else, even casually, when he still had feelings for me. We continued to keep in contact until we were both home for the summer in May. We have been hanging out now and I’m so happy. We aren’t dating and most of our friends don’t know whats going on. My parents also don’t know. They never really liked my ex and thought he consumed too much of my time. They also became increasing worried when me and my ex would argue or fight.

So here I am, still in love with my ex but we aren’t together. Will it ever be possible for us to have a normal relationship? Is what I’m doing completely insane? Should I just start over again and try to move on?

Sincerely,
Holding Out Hope

Dear Holding Out Hope,

Yes. Move on.

You cheated. You were dishonest. And now when you can’t have him, you want him.

I don’t think this is meant to be, HOH. You guys gave it a good try. But at this point in your lives, I mean, you’re both about to be away for college again. I don’t want to upset you, but what are you doing right now?

THIS IS A SUMMER FLING.

Everything’s lovelier when you know there’s a time frame!

So, look, enough with this shoop. If you want to keep hooking up with him, go for it, but, to be honest, I think you’re only hurting yourself.

Either way, keep this in mind:

You’re not fighting with him or cheating on him…because you’re not dating. Because there’s no pressure. Because you’re both going back to college in the fall.

Sorry, girl. Try again.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv