Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

9 Celebrity sex claims we’re calling BS on

Guess which reality star is now a red head

10 date activities you can enjoy solo

Cuteness alert: dogs beating the heat

8 Foods that will give you healthier hair

Copy Mandy Moore’s tweed jacket and cap toe flats

Take your hookup to the next level

FLO RIDA gets a DUI

Uh oh: Rep. Weiner’s wife is prego

Lesson 14: Sometimes a hookup is just a hookup.

So after a few too many neon blue shots, you’ve let yourself throw caution to the wind and you’ve found yourself in a pretty disconcerting position with your crush or even worse, a guy friend. In the heat of the moment, you’ve shared a steamy night with a guy that’s got you reelin’ for more, not just physically but emotionally, too.

You start to let your mind wander all of the places you’d never let it before, maybe because he was always just a good friend or because you finally got some kind of response from the crush you’ve had for what feels like forever now. While you’re probably not picking up bridal magazines, unleashing all your crazy, you can’t help but wonder what the two of you could be like together, even if you already know it could never work out with him.

Blame it on the female tendency to attach emotion to sexual activity, but there are just some of us girls out there, who cant help but overthink something as primal and physical as hooking up. No need to be ashamed – after all, it’s only natural! And why shouldn’t you connect sexual activity to emotion? For many girls, sex is a deeply personal thing.

However, when you’re a single girl, sometimes a hookup is just plain and simply that – a hookup. Not every guy you kiss is going to be a prince or your next Noah from The Notebook, and just because you let a guy in physically, doesn’t mean he’s looking to let you in emotionally. Somewhere along the way the scale got a little off balance while most men typically view hooking up as a purely physical act and women search for some kind of emotional extension after.

I’m not by any means stereotyping girls as emotionally needy; there are definitely a lot of girls out there who can view sexual activity as just another source of pleasure and don’t need to make it mean more than it does. But as women, our minds can’t help but wander down the relationship path even if only for a split second.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in single career, it’s that sometimes a hookup is simply a blip on your dating radar. Don’t beat yourself up if nothing emotional comes of a late-night hookup. Not every guy you hook up with is going to be your next boyfriend or even your next date for that matter. If you expect a text or call the next day, I admire your hope and faith in the college dating pool, but don’t tear yourself apart if it doesn’t happen.

Above all, don’t ever feel guilty for giving in to a guilty pleasure hookup just because you don’t spend the next day in a full-on, non-stop texting flirtation with the guy. Take it with a grain of salt – some hookups turn into more and some don’t.

What are the first 13 rules of the Single Girl Society? Click here to find out!

You fight to keep your eyes open as you take the elevator up to your room. As you round the corner and get closer to your room you grow more excited to kick off your shoes, peel those skinny jeans off your legs (you swear they weren’t this tight when you bought them…) and take a one way ticket to Snoozetown.

And then you see it. Scribbled on the dry erase board tacked to your door: come back later.

The writing is messy, but the message is loud and clear. Your roommate’s got someone in there and you are not welcome.

Angry, you stand there for a few moments taking it all in. It’s late on a weeknight. Everyone else is already asleep. And how long have they been in there?  Where the hell are you supposed to go? When can you come back?

You scan the hallway. Yup, everyone’s doors are closed and the hall is quiet. You are going to have to find somewhere else to pass the time. You take the elevator back down to the study room on your dorm’s main floor. You’re exhausted, but you decide you’ll do a bit more reading and try the room again in a half hour.

When you walk in you find another student in there reading on a couch.

“You too?” You ask. She nods.

You head towards one of the over-stuffed chairs but reconsider and move towards a table. The last thing you want is to get too comfortable and fall asleep down here. You unpack your textbook, grab a highlighter and start reading. But after getting through 3 pages and realizing you have no idea what you just read, you close the book and start chatting it up with your fellow Sexilee. You vent, you complain, you commiserate. Then you see a boy walk past in the hallway and, thinking that must be the man of the evening, take that as your cue to head back upstairs.

When you approach the door you notice the note is still on the dry erase board but you reason that your roommate must have forgotten to wipe it off. To be safe, you knock. You hear some giggling.

“Come back in five minutes!” Your roommate calls from inside.

“Come on! It’s late!” You call. You know you sound ridiculous, but you just want to go to sleep, damnit.

“Five minutes!” You’re tempted to throw open the door and break up the little party, but the fear of seeing some guy’s bare butt stops you. So you put your bag on the floor, pop a squat and wait it out.

Not five, but fifteen minutes later, the music stops and the door opens. Startled (it seems you have dozed off) you jump up. Your roommate laughs and shoos her guest towards the elevator. You gather your things and drag yourself towards your bed. Finally, you can get some sleep.

Well, after your roommate gives you the 20 minute rundown of her evening romp, that is.

—

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
It’s annoying, it’s infuriating…but it feels DAMN good when you can get sweet Sexile revenge.

Dear Dude,

So I’ve been feeling this guy for a while and last week after some serious making out we ended up hooking up at his place. No sex, just everything but, and in the morning I got my stuff and left cause I had a project to work on. I’m not naive. I understand that this was just a hookup and nothing serious, but the thing is I am friends with this guy. Or was, anyway.

I’m friends with his friends since we’re all in the same school organization and go out all the time. Before the hookup, him and I were cool and would all party together. Now that we hooked up, though, he’s acting like a total ass. Every time I see him out he barely says hi, he doesn’t text me back if I ask him where everyone’s heading out to the bars, and I feel like just saying hi to him he takes as me throwing myself on him. WTF?!

I am NOT expecting anything remotely serious out of what happened or even a regular hookup kind of a situation…I honestly would like us to stay cool and be friends. I don’t understand why he’s acting like a total tool and can’t be cool about this. If you could help me sort this all out, that’d be great!

Thanks,
Confused and Upset

Dear Confused and Upset,
If it walks like a douche, talks like a douche, and acts like a douche, well…

Not all guys only want to be friends with hot girls to hook up with them. Or at least that isn’t the only reason they become friends with hot girls. There are some. Then something happens between the sheets (or in the bathroom of your friend’s party, or the backseat, or while you’re watching an episode of Chuck…) and you wake up to find that the frog you kissed isn’t a prince but a prick. Why does a man seem to completely turn a 180 after sex is introduced into the equation? Let me postulate some possibilities then we’ll figure out which one feels right to you, Confused and Upset.

First possibility: He’s freaking out. Sometimes when you throw the hanky-panky into the mix the guy will turn rabbit and high tail it out of the friendship. He’s scared it’s going to become something he doesn’t want but instead of talking to you about it, he just pulls out (“and always, too soon”) of the whole thing. Or it’s his way of playing it cool but he doesn’t realize he’s putting a frost on any chance of something fun. That doesn’t make him so much of a douche as it does a pussy…cat, that is.

Second possibility: He only wanted one thing and you gave it to him. Some guys really only do care about hooking up with a girl they become friends with. They act in their one interest. Once they’ve climbed the mountain top they don’t feel the need to keep up pretenses any longer. So, they bail. Because they’re douches.

Third possibility: Amnesia.

Personally, I’m leaning toward door number 2.

I know you thought he was your friend, so how can he betray you like this? Well, now’s a good opportunity to step back and take a gander at the evidence. A lot of us like to ignore our friend’s faults. We care about them. They’re our friends! They’re good people! They’ll do right by us because we know that we always do right by them! Unfortunately, that’s not always the reality of the situation.

How many times do people we think are our friends actually let us down? They don’t come to our birthdays and then never bother telling us why. They don’t return phone calls for weeks at a time. They make out with someone you were crushing on. They tell you they’re done with the spy game but are conducting an international manhunt to find their long lost mother.

Everybody ends up getting burned by people we trust. What hurts the most is realizing that we maybe gave away our trust too easily or blindly. We feel like we did something wrong when the only thing we’re guilty of is putting our faith in someone who it turned out didn’t deserve it. Giving people a chance, friendship, trust, and confidence is one of the most rewarding experiences we can have.  Sometimes though, we get spurned and burned unjustly. We can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen but there aren’t any guarantees. It comes back to the simple fact that we can’t control other people’s actions or reactions.

My advice, Confused and Upset, is either call his bitch ass out in the hopes of preserving friendship (or getting revenge) or decide to move on. Then, call up your other friends, the ones who’ve given you the same as you’ve given them, and buy them a drink. Because yeah, if this one guy’s acting like a douche, syllogism would easily prove he is, in fact, a douche. He’s only one guy, though. You’ve got other people in your life worth the time, effort, and affection you’ve got in you to give. Take inventory. Put some more focus on those relationships. A little time treasuring what you’ve got can help start the healing process.

Spotting spades,
The Dude

[Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

After four long and frustrating years of sexual tension, my high school crush and I finally had our first hot makeout sesh the first week of college. That is if you consider making out with some nature special about tarantulas playing in the background to be hot. Regardless, it happened and I was oh so excited. I didn’t want to take things too far that first night, so I acted coy, pushed him away, buttoned up my shirt and left.

We spent the next week flirting on IM and, since he lived in the dorm next to me, running into each other randomly on the way to class. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t so random. Maybe I spent a lot of time outside hoping he’d walk by. Either way, he called me on a Friday night and asked if he could come over.

My roommate packed a bag for the night and shipped off to our friend’s futon down the hall. She was so excited for me, but even more excited to have her first official Sexiling. I, on the other hand, was nervous for the events to come. I had never really done much with a guy before that, so the fear of doing something wrong or, worse, letting him know how inexperienced I was took over. I paced the 10X12 room as I waited for him to call. I lit some candles then blew them out. I created a playlist to set the mood then deleted it. I changed my outfit 4 times.

And then the phone rang.

He was outside the side door of the building and asked me to come down and let him in. I took one last look in the mirror, gave myself a little pep talk (“You’ve practiced on a popsicle – blow jobs can’t be that hard!”) and ran down the four flights of stairs to let him in.

Somewhere around the second landing my stomach started to hurt. All my life my stomach was the first part of me to react to nerves, and at that particular moment, it was reacting with a vengeance.

“I’m going to crap my pants,” I thought to myself. “I can’t have him come to my room and then leave him there while I run to the bathroom to poop.” I had to take care of it immediately.

I ran (literally) to the public bathroom on the main floor of my dorm and made it just in time. The minute I sat down, my nerves exploded into the bowl. I probably could have and should have stayed in there a little longer, but I couldn’t make the boy wait forever. I cleaned up, washed my hands and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

After letting the boy into the building, we made our way back to the stairs to head to my room.
“Oh my god,” he said as we walked past the bathroom. “Someone should really do something about that smell.”

Mortified, I pushed him along, my stomachache returning. We eventually made it to my room where we put on the TV and snuggled in bed. That is, until I could hold it no longer and had to excuse myself to use the bathroom on my hall.
When I came back, green in the face, I told him I wasn’t feeling well and sent him back to his dorm.

My roommate slept down the hall that night while I slept alone with a heating pad on my stomach. I didn’t experience my first real college hook up and she didn’t get her first real Sexile. She was poopiled.

I poopiled my roommate.
Totally pathetic.

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (though most don't include campus-wide makeout tours) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I think we can all agree that it’s exciting when you run into someone wearing your university’s logo/mascot/colors when you’re far away from campus. You instantly wanna give them a “Go [insert team name here]!” before high fiving them and talking about all the wonderful things you have in common.

Or, in my case, going back to their dingy sublet and cab-of-shaming it home the next morning.

I’m currently living it up in Chicago, doing the whole summer internship thang. Last weekend, a few of my college girlfriends came to visit and I planned a big night out for all of us. OK, so maybe I just bought a handle of Skyy and figured we’d stumble to whatever big-city bar was closest to my studio sublet. Whatever. Details.

So we drank some vodka, did the obligatory “Party in the U.S.A.” dance (twice for good measure), then drunkenly navigated our way to a new sports bar that had opened up down the street. We were making our way to the bar (“SHOTS!”) when I spotted a boy wearing a hat with my school’s logo on it. Nevermind the fact that said hat was perched on his head at a 45 degree angle (read: he was a bro) or that he was was way skinnier than me, I approached him and gave him a hearty “Go team!”

Fast forward an hour and we’re making out in the corner.

When the lights came on at 2 a.m., Bro asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. Obvi I did, but I had to take care of my guests.

“Gimme your number. I’ll text you. Just drop the friends off at home and come meet up with me.”

And that I did. Well, that and a quick stop for a slice of deep-dish. I had to carb up for the night ahead!

I met up with Bro on the corner of my street and we walked back to his place. We weren’t even through the door and my dress was already unzipped, exposing my bra and underwear to his night-owl neighbors. Bro’s mouth tasted like vodka and Red Bull (and his heart was racing from the 6 or so he consumed at the bar) and I feared quite a few times that I’d break his frail little body. But he didn’t seem to mind, so I let it go and we got frisky on the couch, had a little moment on the floor, then we made our way to the bed.

When it was all said and done, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I started scouring the floor for my undies, but to no avail. Bro, being the gentleman that he was, hopped out of bed and grabbed me a pair of his boxers.

“Here,” he said. “You can sleep in these.” I thanked him, carrying them to the bathroom to slip them on.

Only “slip them on” isn’t quite what happened. Instead, I shimmied into those XS boxer shorts like they were a brand new pair of Spanx. By the time I got those bike shorts over my thighs I was beat red and sweating from all sorts of unsightly places. I swear I lost feeling in my feet as the blood flow was cut off by the taut elastic band at the waist. I never felt less sexy in my life. I mean, I knew homeboy was skinny, but I didn’t realize I could have eaten him in one bite.

I clearly didn’t want to wear those to bed (or in front of the Bro), but I also didn’t intend on sleeping naked. So I sucked in my belly, walked back into the room and dove under the covers before Bro could see.

I woke up before him in the morning and tip-toed to the bathroom with my dress and shoes. When I finally shimmied out of the boxers (breaking out in a sweat once again), I felt was wave of relief as the blood and oxygen started flowing through my lower body once again. Then I looked down and noticed a giant red ring around my waist. I quickly got dressed, dropped the boxers on the bathroom floor, and snuck out of the apartment without saying goodbye.

That was the last time I saw the boy. The last time I wore those undies. And most definitely the last time I ever hooked up with a skinny kid.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

3 months ago, I ended a 3.5 year relationship. 3 weeks later, I jumped back on the horse, hoping just to get some rebound action. I met an incredible guy who embodied everything I ever wanted: he’s the smartest guy I’ve ever met, he makes me laugh harder than anyone ever has, and our chemistry is off the charts. 2 weeks later we were “official.” But things got out of hand quickly. We began fighting over petty things via text message and eventually decided that it just wasn’t working. So we dropped our “official” title, and decided to be “friends.”

But we continued going on dates, having sleep overs and hooking up. And fighting via text. He maintained that we couldn’t be in a relationship, because neither of us was ready. But we were ACTING like we were in a relationship, so when he didn’t invite me to his birthday party, I was crushed. I took that to mean that all deals were off, and out of spite I hooked up with a guy at some kegger. On his birthday.

The next day, I was honest with him about what happened. And just like that, our “friendship” was severed. He blew up on me for “cheating” and told me the reason he didn’t invite me to his birthday was because he thought having me there would distract him from playing host. I can’t tell if this is bullsh*t or not.

My friends all tell me that they’re proud I’m rid of him, and that he was an a-hole undeserving of me. But I miss the guy. So what do I do? Is this something that can even be fixed? How can I know if this is even worth fixing?

Help Me, Tuffy Luv.

-Sort-of-cheater

Dear Sort-Of-Cheater,

Um. You’re not a sort-of-cheater. You’re a not-cheater. You are a person who did-not-cheat.

You say: “He maintained that we couldn’t be in a relationship, because neither of us was ready.” So, in other words–no, wait, in EXACTLY those words–he said you were NOT in a relationship. You agreed. Therefore, the two of you WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

And, way more importantly–HE DIDN’T INVITE YOU TO HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY. I mean, are you kidding me with this?! You hooked up with another guy to spite him. You know why?! Because he was deserving of spite!!! What kind of asshoop doesn’t invite the girl he’s hooking up with to his birthday party?!

Oh, wait. I know what kind of asshoop doesn’t invite the girl he’s hooking up with to his birthday party. The kind who plans to hook up with a DIFFERENT girl at his birthday party.

Yep. Maybe he’s pissed because you were able to randomly hook up and he wasn’t. Or maybe he hooked up too. Either way, dude was looking to score with someone else. Seriously. And you knew it.

But you’re letting this bananahead trick you into second-guessing yourself. He wants you to feel bad for two-timing, when, in fact, you weren’t single-timing with him. You were just single. And you had a good time. Plus, you know, if your friends ALL think he’s a jerk and are actually PROUD of you for getting rid of him, chances are he totally sucks.

PLUS plus, you were fighting the whole time anyway! Over petty things! After only seeing each other for TWO WEEKS! What the hell?! What the froop is the point of this quasi-relationship?!?! Hearing about his antics and his hissy fits and his stupidheadedness makes Tuffy want to poop in his sock drawer.

So forget this guilt trip and forget this guy. He wants to be pissy? Let him. He was just a rebound anyway.

TUFFY HATH SPOKEN.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Everyone’s got a morning after story (though I’m sure the girl who watched people get it on at a table in front of her wishes she didn’t) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

The summer after I graduated from high school I was excited to finally be free from compulsory family vacays to celebrate the 4^th of July. So to celebrate both America’s and my own newfound independence, I went big, I went all out – I went to a house party.

It was the kind of party I look back fondly on in remembrance of high school days. There was cheap vodka, a backup keg, and plenty of top shelf liquor plucked from the generous hostesses’ parents liquor cabinet. The night started out innocently enough, with keg stands, red and blue shots (white didn’t work out the way we’d planned), and plenty of high schoolers bragging about just how wasted they were.

As a mature, soon-to-be-freshman, I was so over the same un-graduated attendees that had been plaguing house parties for the last 4 years of my life. As I lamented the lack of “real men” with my equally sophisticated best friends, the college guys showed up.

There’s always a few; the ones who are so bored to death while visiting home that they will stoop to new lows and attend their buddy’s-little cousin’s-best friend’s party. Easily identifiable by their upscale party attire (not basketball shorts), college hats, and facial hair, heads literally swiveled when this otherwise unremarkable group of 4 guys walked through the door. Sensing the air of competition, the girls and I immediately discussed dibs before pulling down our Hollister tank tops and hiking up our Abercrombie shorts and plastering on our college-girl looks of indifference (an older, wiser friend had previously informed us that smiling makes you look younger).

All that scowling must have done the trick, because a few Keystones later, I was flirting charmingly drunkenly with my favorite undergrad. I could sense he was nervous, given the tendency of high school girls to lie about their age, so to put him at ease I showed him my license (really). Once he had properly satisfied himself that I was legally 18, the sparks flew. Pretty soon we were passionately sucking face on the couch while people took pictures of us, elbowing each other and shouting “FACEBOOK!”

As those with curfews slowly trickled out the door, others disappeared in pairs, and to impress my new friend with my maturity, I suggested we go somewhere a little more private. Unfortunately, a brief (and grope-filled) tour of the house proved every door locked and every bathroom –ahem—occupied. I suggested we take things outdoors for a little lovin’ au natural to find the Jacuzzi in use and the pool honestly too disgusting to swim in, let alone hook up in. And as we made our way deeper and deeper into the back yard, we saw it: a trampoline.

Needless to say, we “jumped” at the opportunity and “hopped” right on (OK I’ll stop now). The hookup got off to a rocky start (I had to feign preference for his school’s football rival to get him to go down on me), but finished with a bang—literally. Our hookup happened to coincide with the last of the night’s illegal fireworks displays, leading to my newfound appreciation for the missionary position (he missed the show, but judging by the look on his face, I don’t think he minded).

After bouncing our way off the trampoline and tiptoeing back through the house around passed out 16-year-olds, I walked him to the door and bade him a happy 5^th of July and goodbye for what I thought was forever. He ended up transferring schools and I still see him at the library; on those occasions I have to suppress the urge to salute him.

Aunt Tuffy hurt her back and now she is CRANKY. Send your QUESTIONS, if you will to her EMAIL at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and MAYBE she’ll get BACK to you. BAAAAAACKKKK.

Okay, let’s go on with the show:

Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m a junior in high school and I’ve had this same boy problem for a long time. I’m hooking up with this kid right now and he’s a jerk. It’s probably a combination of him not having any interest in me besides hooking up and him being younger, but don’t worry, I understand. HE DOESN’T LIKE ME.

The problem is, this hasn’t stopped me from hooking up with him. For me, every time is “the last time” and I journal about it, and keep track and everything, but then I just have long dry spells and then I go get some more. Because he was my first kiss, he’s been the only guy in my life for awhile. Meanwhile, he has a whole bunch of girls hanging around him all the time. The last time we hooked up, he actually invited me to get food afterward (sadly, it was super shocking, because he usually just leaves). We argued about politics and religion and it hurt me because arguing about gay marriage while eating pizza IS something I’d love to do with a real boyfriend. Anyways, afterward he put up a bunch of Tweets about a “girl he loves” on Twitter, and I got the knot in the stomach again (the same one I got when he 1. Brought me in the city to ditch me, 2. Didn’t come to the picnic we planned when I was going to ask him to prom 3. After my first kiss, told me that he was in love with someone else). And just like every other time, I’M SICK OF IT.

When we’re hooking up it’s never “in the moment.” I have a rational head on my shoulders and I always take a few seconds to say “I can walk out right now if I want to” (which I’ve done once). Anyways, I have a big summer ahead with college applications and everything, and I don’t want this kid to be a distraction. Also, I don’t want to get in the habit of hooking up with loser boys in college. What can I say to myself, (if I ever get in this situation again) to make that decision to walk out the door? How can I rid my life of this child? And what can I do to make good character judgments of boys in the future so habits like THIS do not ever form again? And what should I do about him right now? (Block on FB? Never speak again? Delete twitter?)

Love,
I’m Better Than That

Dear I’m Better Than That,

Girl, you BETTER be better than that, ’cause THAT sucks!!!

You are absolutely right. He’s not into you, and he’s a jerkface. He is doing things that are not nice and, in Tuffy’s painkiller-drenched head, some grand prank is in order. BUT!! Do NOT pull a prank on this loserhead. He’s just not worth it. Not. Even. Flooping. Worth it.

Instead, here is my advice to you:

First off, try to meet some other guys!! Why is this moronbutt your go-to?! He sounds so lame, and he treats you like poo on a stick. Why don’t you go out with some friends and meet some new people? Heck, even getting set up on a blind date sounds better than spending another billionth of a second liplocked with this bloop!

Don’t delete your Twitter, but DO block HIM from your Twitter, and that goes double for Facebook. Write down his phone number and hide it somewhere in case you need it, but delete it from your phone so you’re not tempted to call. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, at least, every bit helps.

Write a list for yourself that has all the lousy, messed-up things he’s done to you on it. Keep it handy in case you start (misguidedly) missing him. Do you really want to be with a guy who is more than happy to do these things to you?! NO! NO NO NO!!!

In terms of your college apps: YES! Throw yourself into those boogers!! Make it a full-time project. Write wonderful essays and portfolios and whatever else you need, and make that your top priority. Not only will you have a much better chance of getting into your dream school, but you’ll also be priming your mind for the kind of concentration college demands. Plus, the less time to think about him, the better.

In your future Boy Endeavors, always ask yourself: (A) What do I want from this–a relationship or a hookup?, (B) What does HE want from this–a relationship or a hookup?, and (C) Do A and B match up?! Because, if not, kick ‘im to the curb.

Why you wanna be with someone who doesn’t care about you?! THERE IS NO POINT. A one-night stand is one thing–usually not fulfilling, but some people like ‘em, and, hey, it happens sometimes, fine as long as you use condoms–but going back again and again?! Girl, you must be some kinda glutton for punishment and what all.

You know what you gotta do. Don’t contact him. Don’t respond when he contacts you. FORGET HIM and move on. There are SOOOOOO many better guys right over the College Rainbow. Go for the pot of gold and dump the pot of crap.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv