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Have you heard? Everyone’s favorite Guidette has got herself a new career!
According to out friends over at PopEater, Snooki will be facing off against WWE’s Michelle McCool and Layla in Wrestlemania XXVII. (Watch her wrestling warm-up here.)
Everyone knows Snooki can hold her own in a fight. Her Jersey Shore showdowns have proven that much, but this is a whole new level of smackdown for our Snooki. Can she handle it? Maybe. But that doesn’t mean she should. If I’m being honest, this is not her best idea. (And that includes the whole NYE ball drop disaster.) Snooki may be cut out for bar brawls but not for wrestlemania. But if she is really looking for a “career change”, you know away from the blossoming career she’s had as a reality TV star, I’ve got a few other options for her.
1. A race car driver. Does Snooki even have a driver’s license? I’m not sure. But if she doesn’t she can get one. If only so she can wear one of those racing outfits. In leopard print. I’d just really like to see nothing but that poof popping up over top of the steering wheel.
2. A cleaning lady. Not the most glamorous job, sure. But after that episode a few weeks ago when she tackled that toilet with liquid soap I just know that Snooki has a knack for house cleaning. The faces she makes, the sound of her screeches, and her attempts to tell the difference between Lysol and Clorox Cleanup would just be a plus.
3. A bouncer. Now that we know Snooki can handle herself in a fight, I think a bouncer would be great job for her. She’d get to work in a club, wear the same outfits, and listen to the same music. I mean, she could work at Karma. And when the night is over she could grab one of the guys she kicked out and take him home to get it in.
It looks like genetics have screwed me again. A new study out of Cornell has proven the obvious that big boobs mean bigger tips for waitresses. So not only can I not hold up a strapless dress, look good in a v-neck or put on lipstick with no hands, but when I graduate college and find myself with zero job prospects, I can’t count on making any money either.
Heidi Montag, on the other hand, will definitely be able to keep up her Hermes/Louboutin habit and afford all of Spencer’s new jewelry when The Hills ends at the end of the season. So there’s that.
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A real life sleeping beauty?!
Straight men spend approximately 3/4 of their day (OK, probably more) wishing that whatever they happened to be looking at involved boobs. As such, establishments that cater to straight men, like sports bars, realize that by filling their place of business with scantily clad women, they can get men to come in and buy… anything, actually. But does that make it OK to be one of those scantily clad women?
On one side of the argument are supporters of the girls who work there and like it. They say it’s just like any other waitressing gig, except that the outfits are smaller. Some girls find that they can make better tips in places like these, because the men are trying to win them over. They aren’t having sex, they’re just wearing small outfits – outfits that are quite a bit bigger than, say, what most of us wear to the beach. Some even argue that a part of what we fight for with feminism is the right to work in any profession we choose, even if that profession does pander to men, so to put a limit on what a woman can and can’t do with her own body or her own career would be anti-feminist. Read More »
If any of the producers of What Not to Wear ever happen to read this article, please accept my personal cry for help and send me to Stacy and Clinton asap.
Though I can usually throw together something appropriate for work or special events, about half of my clothing inventory consists of utterly ridiculous garments. It doesn’t help that I’m sentimental and can’t discard my prom dresses five years later, or that I’m waiting for certain trends to come back (though I’m pretty sure sparkly, sleeveless, turtleneck sweaters were never in style to begin with). And it definitely doesn’t help that I went through a goth/punk phase that a small part of the “professional” me desperately wants to revert back to.
As we all get ready for back to school, many of us will rummage through our closets and get rid of last season’s most shameful shirts, skirts, dresses, and pants in order to make room in our tiny dorm closets for upcoming styles (that we will undoubtedly regret in 2009 or 2010).
Here are some of my particularly embarrassing items.
1. Drawstring Khakis
I think that any pants that don’t have a numerical size should be left alone. So, why I bought these “Size L” drawstring pants with floral embroidery at the bottom is beyond me. They don’t go with any shoes, the trim is tacky, and they are so baggy that they make my ass look like a misshaped Volvo. I used to wear them to lounge around, because a lack of a waist obviously equals comfort; however, I made the mistake of wearing them out of the house one extremely hungover day. In public. With friends. My friend turned to me and said, “If you ever wear those pants again, I will cut them off your body.” Point taken. Read More »
Myammee starts us off where we left off by “stepping it up.” Stepping it up always involves some level of naked. She puts on a bikini and knocks on Flav’s door – but Flav needs to drop a deuce and “set up” for her before letting her into his room. No, for serious.
And setting up means lysoling the room afterward because Myammee tells Flav how good his room smells upon entering. His hair was 8 feet tall when he answered the door and then under a rag after lysoling every inch of his room – did he really poo and do his hair all in that time?
Bunz is on the phone and she’s $100 short for her monthly bills and who’s on the phone with her? She tells Hotlanta about her money woes and I can’t hear any of their conversation because Bunz is smoking the longest cigarette ever.
Now, I can’t quite tell when this goes down – my guess is the next day – but Rayna calls the house. Seezinz answers to hear Rayna all “tell Flav to watch his grill” and “I’m mad at all of them.” Uh – move on? Get a job? Read More »
Last time – the girls tried to cure Flav’s “broken” heart.
During this episode, the ladies must split into two teams and their challenge is to create a restaurant, from décor, to name, to food that represents Flav. Grayvee had best make this freaking fried chicken that she went on about in Episode 1.
Each restaurant must have a manager. I don’t know which team is A or B, all I know is that Rayna’s managing one and Grayvee’s managing the other.
While everyone else preps, Rayna and Shy represent their team and Grayvee and Vanilla Ice take the reigns on theirs to go on a field trip and I can’t believe that each team gets $1000 to spend on crap ass decorations. On the way to the props shop, Vanilla Ice spends all of her time on the phone with her radio station, but you have to forgive her after the whole ‘I work in radio and I worked at Hooter’s and I always try to be the best at what I do.’ Sing it, Sister.
A plastic reindeer becomes the focal point of this shopping excursion. Shy wants to buy it but Rayna shuts her down because it’s not elegant and so Vanilla Ice and Grayvee buy it. I don’t even want to know how much that thing even cost. Read More »
Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.
Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.
In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.
Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.
In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »
Stock your dorm with water and canned goods because civilization as we know it has officially come to an end.
No, my friends, aliens have not landed nor has Y2K returned. The situation is much, much worse. Girls Gone Wild is becoming a restaurant chain.
Yes, you heard me correctly and I sh@! you not.
According to Stuff.co.nz, “A restaurant chain under the Girls Gone Wild brand name is being planned by Joe Francis, whose Mantra Films’s has built a $US100 million business videotaping and selling the DVDs featuring young women exposing their breasts.”
I mean, is this really necessary? Is there a void somewhere I don’t know about in the American Dining Experience that Hooter’s has failed to deliver? I guess only time will tell.
To celebrate this joyous occassion, we here at collegecandy.com would like to offer the following menu suggestions:
Click here to read the article.
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