Most of us have engaged in the verbal debate at some point. Most likely over a game of beer pong, when a guy makes that common assumption that boys are simply tougher than girls. We then launch into defense mode, listing off reasons why women are a hundred times tougher than men. It always ends in the same statement: “well men don’t have to go through labor!”

End of fight. (Hopefully you sink your next throw to send the point home).

An Australian TV anchor wanted to end this feud once and for all so he agreed to be put into simulated labor (with a machine that sends electric currents through the abdomen which feel like contraction pains). Needless to say, after only three hours he called it quits (mind you, most women are in labor for an average of 10-12 hours), concluding, “Women win. Men don’t.”

Finally, we are getting the credit we deserve. But honestly, we knew he never stood a chance. Of course men can’t handle labor! They can’t handle most of the things women put up with on a daily or monthly basis. Men could never handle being women, period.

Menstruation

Let’s just get the most obvious out of the way. Men have no freakin’ clue, and no words can communicate how much our monthly gift sucks. Men turn into little boys crying for mommy when they get the sniffles, yet we can expect to feel like someone is slicing our uterus out with a chainsaw and ripping it through our vagina every month. Not to mention that we then either walk around wearing a diaper for a week, or shove a compact tube of toilet paper up our vaginas. Do either of these sound like good options to you, men? Didn’t think so.

Grooming

Men run a comb through their hair, a razor over their faces (if it’s a special occasion), and that’s that. Women have a laundry list of things that aren’t even options. Sure we could walk around with bushy eyebrows and leg hair long enough to braid, but we would be hippie tree-huggers, European or just dirty. Either way, we wouldn’t be getting much love. Our morning ritual includes a leg shave, an armpit shave, and plucking the strays from our brow. And I have two more words for you: bikini wax. Pure hell.

Hormones

It’s not our faults that we cry every time we see The Notebook, or that we get fuming mad for apparently no reason. Women have to deal with crazy hormones that are cycling all over the place, leaving us emotional and a bit bi-polar at times. Your hormones make you horny; ours take us on an emotional roller coaster…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out which is worse and which can simply be cured with a magazine and a bottle of Jergens.

Clothes

We love being girls; we love dressing up and we love fashion. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We have to shimmy into tight dresses, suck it all in until we pass out to get our Spanxx over our thighs and walk around with dental floss between our butt cheeks to prevent panty lines. And I’d like to challenge the Australian TV host to a heel-off. I bet he doesn’t last one block in a pair of stilettos.

Birth Control

You think the “loss of sensation” from a condom is bad? Try weight gain, mood swings, breakouts and tender breasts that come with The Pill.You have no idea.

Sex

Yes, it’s amazing. Yes, we love it. No, it is not always comfortable. No matter how enjoyable it ends up being, you are still shoving a cucumber through a quarter-sized hole. (Editor’s Note: If you’re lucky. But even a gherkin hurts…) We know you have your share of problems being the plug, but it isn’t easy peesy being the outlet.

What else about being a girl do you get think a guy could never endure?

[This story was originally posted by Brianna - Fordham University.]

We talk a lot about sex here at Sexy Time – that is the point of a sex column, after all.  From basic sex education to getting a little kinky, we try to cover it all. In thinking of this week’s topic, I really wanted to write about something that maybe doesn’t get talked about as much as it should:

What do you do once the sex is over?

It’s why we do all that hard work in the first place, isn’t it; to get our rocks off and bask in the chemical rush that comes post-coitus? But when the erections disappear and our Neanderthal brains stop screaming “must have sex now,” we realize that we’re just… naked.

When the sex is over, what do you do? Laugh? Put your pants back, stuff your bra in your purse on and skidaddle? Those are two options, but here are a few that are slightly more charming.

Clean up: Albeit not the most romantic thing, the post-sex cleanup is definitely a must. Either do the half-naked walk to the washroom, or, for even more convenience, keep a box of Kleenex or a roll of toilet paper beside the bed. After that little task is complete, everything is fair game.

Eat: Hey, you worked hard! Making some kind of treat together (cookies, anyone?) leads to a full tummy and a somewhat cute way to spend some time together. If you’d really just like to stay in bed (perhaps naked), ice cream is a personal favorite. Yum!

Go out: There’s nothing better than that post-sex glow, so why not take advantage of it? Get dressed up and go for dinner, or go out for a walk. Don’t forget your “guess what we just did” smile.

Watch a movie: OK, so maybe there is one thing better than the after-sex glow: curling up on the couch with a good movie. Not only is it a great time to get your cuddle on,  but also – who doesn’t love a good movie?

Pillow talk: I heard somewhere that a man is most like himself right after sex. While I don’t know if that’s true, I do know that some of my favorite relationship-deepening conversations I’ve had have happened while in bed.

Smoke: As much as I can’t morally encourage you to smoke, many people choose to light up post-coitus. According to my roommate, it “calms your heart rate.” But, I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.

Go to sleep: I know, I know, it’s cliché. But those sexy chemicals can make anyone tired. Have a nice little spoon sesh and call it a night.

What are your favorite things to do after gettin’ it on?

You know those hermits you hear about that live in caves, hunt wild animals, and never cut their beards? Well, whenever I come home during a break from school, I give them a run for their money (minus the wild animal and beard parts – I like my meat cooked and my face fuzz-free). When I’m home, I hang out with my family and might make it to lunch with some friends a few times, but that’s pretty much the extent of my human interaction. As an only child, constantly being around (drunk) people at school can drive me absolutely crazy, so I love coming home and locking myself away for however long I can manage to.

With that said, last night I ventured out for my high school best friend’s birthday dinner. My mind, which had been reacquainted with constantly being with sober people, was blown. The champagne guzzling started at the dinner table and turned to shots as we headed out to a sweaty, packed club where there was so much grinding I was tempted to go home and get an STD test. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun…until everyone got super sloppy and my role turned from dancing queen to babysitter-to-the-sloptarts.

It got me mad.
And it got me thinking….

Would You Rather have your best friend get so drunk on your birthday that you have to take care of her all night OR have every single last one of your friends be busy on your birthday, so you spend it alone?

Things to consider: Puke on your birthday shoes, annoying drunk people, eating cake alone on the couch while watching Teen Mom.

End of fight. (Hopefully you sink your next throw to send the point home).

An Australian TV anchor wanted to end this feud once and for all so he agreed to be put into simulated labor (with a machine that sends electric currents through the abdomen which feel like contraction pains). Needless to say, after only three hours he called it quits (mind you, most women are in labor for an average of 10-12 hours), concluding, “Women win. Men don’t.”

Finally, we are getting the credit we deserve. But honestly, we knew he never stood a chance. Of course men can’t handle labor! They can’t handle most of the things women put up with on a daily or monthly basis. Men could never handle being women, period.

Menstruation

Let’s just get the most obvious out of the way. Men have no freakin’ clue, and no words can communicate how much our monthly gift sucks. Men turn into little boys crying for mommy when they get the sniffles, yet we can expect to feel like someone is slicing our uterus out with a chainsaw and ripping it through our vagina every month. Not to mention that we then either walk around wearing a diaper for a week, or shove a compact tube of toilet paper up our vaginas. Do either of these sound like good options to you, men? Didn’t think so.

Grooming

Men run a comb through their hair, a razor over their faces (if it’s a special occasion), and that’s that. Women have a laundry list of things that aren’t even options. Sure we could walk around with bushy eyebrows and leg hair long enough to braid, but we would be hippie tree-huggers, European or just dirty. Either way, we wouldn’t be getting much love. Our morning ritual includes a leg shave, an armpit shave, and plucking the strays from our brow. And I have two more words for you: bikini wax. Pure hell.

Hormones

It’s not our faults that we cry every time we see The Notebook, or that we get fuming mad for apparently no reason. Women have to deal with crazy hormones that are cycling all over the place, leaving us emotional and a bit bi-polar at times. Your hormones make you horny; ours take us on an emotional roller coaster…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out which is worse and which can simply be cured with a magazine and a bottle of Jergens.

Clothes

We love being girls; we love dressing up and we love fashion. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We have to shimmy into tight dresses, suck it all in until we pass out to get our Spanxx over our thighs and walk around with dental floss between our butt cheeks to prevent panty lines. And I’d like to challenge the Australian TV host to a heel-off. I bet he doesn’t last one block in a pair of stilettos.

Birth Control

You think the “loss of sensation” from a condom is bad? Try weight gain, mood swings, breakouts and tender breasts that come with The Pill.You have no idea.

Sex

Yes, it’s amazing. Yes, we love it. No, it is not always comfortable. No matter how enjoyable it ends up being, you are still shoving a cucumber through a quarter-sized hole. (Editor’s Note: If you’re lucky. But even a gherkin hurts…) We know you have your share of problems being the plug, but it isn’t easy peesy being the outlet.

What else about being a girl do you get think a guy could never endure?

Talking with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she will judge you, you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: A few months ago I was sitting with my BF and he thought I had something on my cheek. He went to pull it off and…it was a long, dark hair….growing out of my face. I was mortified, but figured it was a one-time deal. But now I’m finding these hairs popping up more often. They are dark and big and show up on my cheek and neck. Do I have too much testosterone or something? Is this fixable??

Help – it’s really embarrassing.

A: I know how you feel. In fact, I have a few sprouters myself.  Nothing like a big black facial hair to spoil the mood. I wish I knew more about what else is going on with your hair growth. Are the hairs growing out of moles? How many are there? Do you have hair on your chest, under your belly button, or around your nipples? Are your arms hairier than normal? Do you tend to get acne?  These would all give me some idea of how much testosterone you may have in your body.

Finding the occasional facial hair is not uncommon for a woman.  An individual’s hair distribution is influenced by androgens like testosterone, the hormones we typically think of as being exclusively male.  Androgens also exist in females, though in lower concentrations.  Androgens can be produced by the adrenal glands, as well as by the ovaries, and higher levels of androgens lead to more hair growth. Each woman’s hair distribution may change over time, since hormones fluctuate widely from puberty, through the reproductive years, to menopause, and beyond.

If you tend to be on the hairier side, you may also have hair on your upper lip, chin, around your nipples, and below your belly button.  Check out Mom. If she looks like you, chances are everything is fine. But if you’ve been relatively hairless and suddenly you feel like a monkey, see your doctor. You may have a condition we call hirsutism. Your doctor will examine you, check hormone levels, and evaluate whether you’re taking medication that can cause hair growth as a side effect. Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) can cause excessive hair growth, as can hormone-producing tumors and rare conditions such as congenital adrenal hyperplasia and Cushing’s syndrome.

If your hair growth is the result of a medical condition, the condition may be treatable. For example, facial hair resulting from PCOS sometimes responds to the medication spironolactone. Otherwise, there’s always plucking, waxing, or electrolysis.  Keep in mind that a few facial hairs shouldn’t get in the way of your confidence and is nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re beautiful just the way you are.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

Q: So,  I’ve had a boyfriend for over 6 months now. I really love him and find him sexy, but for some reason I have zero sex drive right now. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I think he’s getting a little mad that I never want to do anything. I will sometimes hook up with him because I feel that I should want to and that maybe I’ll get more in the mood, but it’s never good. I’ve been on the same pill for 2 years, so I don’t think it’s that. Is there a reason why I have this change or any ideas on how to fix it?!

A: Sex drive in women is a complex beast. While men may need little more than a pretty smile to get them in the mood, most women require more.  Factors that can contribute to decreased libido include  (among others):

- Feeling tired or stressed
- Side effects from medications such as birth control pills/patch/ring or anti-depressants
- Feeling unsafe or unloved in your relationship
- Hormonal imbalance
- History of sexual abuse or trauma
- Chronic medical conditions, such as diabetes

Unlike men, who may pop a Viagra or put on a porn video to get in the mood, a woman’s libido is fussy.  Do you masturbate? Does that still feel sexy to you? Are you able to orgasm, either by yourself or with a partner? If masturbation is still fun and you’re able to orgasm, chances are that it’s more psychological than physical.

If decreased sexual arousal distresses you, talk to your doctor, who can investigate whether there’s a medical reason for your low libido. Ask your doctor whether switching the brand of your birth control pill or trying another form of contraception might help. If your doctor gives you the clean bill of health, here are a few tips you might try to give your libido a boost.

- Schedule intimate dates. If you’re waiting until 11pm to think about hooking up, your body might have other ideas. Plan morning dates or early evening dates to give your body the chance to feel stimulated.
- Try Laura Corn’s 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex (or Grrreat Romance, if you’re not as daring).  This book includes tear-out pages of fun seductions For Him or For Her. Some are pretty risqué, but all are sexy. Just the simple act of planning a seduction can be a turn on.
- Experiment with erotic film, books, or magazines. Keep an open mind and check out whether anything turns you on.
- Have a hey day at a sex toy store. You never know what might get you in the mood.
- Try erotic role-playing. Maybe you’ve always wanted to hook up with a cop. Perhaps your boyfriend would play along.
- Try sexual arousal aids, such as Zestra, a sexy botanical oil that may be just the trick for you.

Keep in mind that every woman in unique, so no one thing works for every individual. But the more you set the intention to spice up your sex life, the more likely you are to succeed. Do you want your sex drive to improve? Say so. Talk to your girlfriends. Write in your journal. Commit to it. Then, with an open mind, set forth. You just might be surprised.

You got a question for Dr. Lissa? She’ll answer anything – yes, even that – so leave your question in the comments or email it to us!

“I don’t know if we should talk about this…”

“And why not? Everybody has sex!”

“Yeah, but everybody should be making love.”

“Come on, how many guys do you know making love?”

–Salt N Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

1. The First Time.

The first time you make love with your partner, it’s usually a very special moment. It’s often planned out in advance, especially in new relationships. There’s often sensual foreplay, and your bodies fit together perfectly.

If it’s your first time with a new partner and you’re just having sex, it may be spontaneous. Your partner may not be your boyfriend, or even your crush, and the decision to go all the way is frequently a hormonal (thanks, booze!) impulse. First time sex can be sloppy and awkward as you try to find the right position, and after everything’s said and done, it feels like there was something missing.

2. Your BAC.

I’ve heard of drunken sex, but I’ve never heard of inebriated love-making. If anyone has experienced the urban legend of wasted love-making, I’d love to hear about it.

3. The Setting.

If you’re about to copulate in a dim room filled with candles, on a bed covered with rose petals, you’re probably going to make love. If you’re going to do it in the backseat of a car, an airplane bathroom, an elevator, or another compact space that may have legal repercussions attached, it’s sex.

Al fresco sex/love-making is a grey area. Sure, sex on the beach or in the woods may sound like a fairy tale scenario, but dirt in sand in uncomfortable places can ruin the romance.

4. The Soundtrack.

Lovemaking songs include “The Fear You Won’t Fall” by Joshua Radin or “Wild Horses” by the Rolling Stones (or any cover version, including Mazzy Star, Jewel, or the Sundays). F*cking songs range from “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry to “Every Girl” by Lil’ Wayne. Do you really want to ride someone when the words “You f— so good I’m on top of it” blare from the stereo? Likewise, “Birthday Sex” by Jeremih is a bit tacky.

Sure, there isn’t always music playing when you’re doing it, but if you could have picked a song to illustrate last night’s mood, which would you pick?

5. The Aftermath.

Lovemaking includes mutual orgasms, followed by spooning and cuddling. If you’re in a relationship, your boyfriend’s post-sex behavior could include promptly rolling over and falling asleep, or the phrase “That was great,” despite the fact that you didn’t get off. If you’re single, you’ll take the walk of shame after a long night of sex. In those rare occasions that you’ve made love to someone without commitment, it could turn into breakfast in the morning, a few more rounds, and maybe even a new relationship.

In my opinion (and experience), it’s far more common to have sex than to make love. However, this means that when you do find yourself both emotionally and physically stimulated with a partner you care for very deeply, you appreciate the art of lovemaking so much more than that one-night stand a few months ago with whatshisname.

Any other differences between “sex” and “making love”? Share your thoughts below!

Always looking for new ways to curb your appetite and shed those stubborn pounds? Now that bikini season’s among us (or at least among those of us that don’t live on the East Coast, where it’s been raining for about 10 days now), finding a way to cut calories and look good on the beach is on everyone’s mind. Enter Sensa: tiny edible granules that, when sprinkled on food, are supposed to enhance the smell and taste of your meal and send olfactory messages your brain that make you fuller faster. What’s more, they release hormones that are supposed to suppress your appetite so that you’re not a member of the “clean plate club” at every meal.

A recent article in the New York Times quotes Dr. Alan Hirsch, the maker of Sensa, who says that you become full when your brain senses that you’ve smelled and tasted something. Basically, you’re tricking your body into thinking it’s satisfied before you get the chance to overeat. So I can sniff that glazed donut, maybe take a few bites, and feel no need to eat the rest? No more burrito binges?  No more digging into my pasta face first?

Where do I buy these magical crystals?!

According to the same New York Times article, there are tons of products out there that offer similarly amazing services. SlimScents are aromatherapy diet pens filled with various odors that you sniff before you scarf, the Aroma Patch releases a vanilla odor and can be worn on your hand or chest (it’s adhesive), and Peppermint Happy Scent spray can be tossed in your purse for an on-the-go hunger decreaser.

There are critics of Sensa and other smelly diet products that argue that there isn’t enough proof that messing with your senses will make you eat less. In addition, there are doctors and nutritionists who fear that people will stop their exercise routines or quit eating healthfully if they think that these special granules can solve all of their weight problems. I, however, am quite curious. And although I might get some weird stares as I sit at a restaurant sprinkling fairy dust all over my penne a la vodka, I think it’s worth a try.

Got a question for Tuffo? Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her weekly column!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m broke. But I’m still in college so I can’t work full-time. So I had this great idea. I’m going to donate an egg. Do you know anything about this? All I know is it’s going to make me money.
Thank you, Tuffy!

Brandi

Dear Brandi,

It’s true you can make thousands of dollars for donating eggs, but it’s a little more complicated than that. (Isn’t everything? Sigh.)

Women are born with a certain number of eggos. There’re several hundred, but what you got is all you get. To give, you have to be at least 21 and you usually have to be less than 35. You have to be healthy (no STDs or hereditary health problems) and you can’t be a drug user or alcoholic.

But that ain’t it, kid. The process then screens you for things like how you look, how you did on your standardized tests, and so on and so forth. Because, although there are lots of people who do this just to have a baby, some people do this to try to design their baby. Which Tuffy ain’t making a statement on. But just so’s you’re aware.

Anyway, once you’re accepted, you have a gynecological exam. If that clears, you’re given a donor agreement to sign saying you’ll never try to claim custody of the kid, etc. etc. etc. And then, finally, you get paid. Several thousand bucks, in fact.

But it’s not done yet! Now’s the surgery part. You’ll be injected with gonadotropins (hormones) every day for a month to make you produce extra eggs. This makes your stomach look like you are with child and your eventual period EXTREMELY uncomfortable. But it’s just the one month. Be VERY, VERY careful (seriously, VERY careful) during this — you will be extremely fertile, so pregnancy is a big problem. Be careful! (See my last post, ladies!)

After a series of minor medial procedures (ask your doc), you finally have the surgery. It takes about a half an hour. A doctor numbs you and inserts a needle into you to collect the eggs. Afterward, you take antibiotics so as not to get an infection.

Listen, girl. This is a very giving thing to do that can really help couples who can’t have children of their own. BUT!!! – this is a big but, ladies – it’s a difficult procedure that is hard on a woman’s body. Please make sure it’s worth it to you before you do it.

If you’re thinking about doing this for the cash, you better sit your sweet self down with a doctor and talk about it first. Think long and hard–this is NOT easy money.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

You’ve probably heard lots of different reasons regarding why your face turns on you at whim, and some of it is probably true, but there are also some awful skin myths out there.

First of all, you’re not going to get breakouts from eating chocolate (or french fries)! The Vegetable Association of America made this up to scare you into staying away from delicious foods. Sure, if you ate chocolate for 3 meals a day for a week, your body’s natural balance would be thrown off, and yah, you’d probably breakout. But if you consume a normal amount of sweets, you’re fine. The reason greasy foods are associated with breakouts is because people tend to eat more of them when they are stressed. (You know you eat way more Reese’s cups when you are stressing over a big test.)

This leads me to my next point, which is that stress does cause breakouts. According to The Acne Resource Center Online, stress causes the adrenal glands to produce more hormones. The site also states that “It has also been established that psychological stress can decrease the wound healing capacity of immune systems up to 40%. This factor doubles the impact of stress on acne.” So when you’re stressed, you breakout, causing more stress, and prolonging the breakups. Great, right?

So stress produces more hormones, which produces more acne, but there are also other sources of hormones that produce acne. Your period creates elevated levels of hormones and so does birth control changes. Oftentimes birth control lessens acne, but some girls see an increase. More commonly, breakouts occur when a pill prescription is changed and hormone levels are increased.

Heredity also plays a part in breakouts, (yup, you can blame your parents for your pesky pimples). And, unfortunately, that is something that you can never change. Nope, not even getting older will help; there is no such thing as “growing out of acne.” (Please don’t hate me for that news – I’m only the messenger!)

So I guess I didn’t really tell you anything you can do to prevent zits, because there isn’t that much you can do, but – hey – now you know! Wash your face, but don’t scrub too hard; use non-pore clogging makeup; and try to de-stress. But other than that, there is no surefire way to prevent acne.

Don’t let this news stress you out (you might break out); there is some good news! You can eat that Kit-Kat and not feel guilty about it. And there is always spot treatments and cover up.

Does that help? Maybe just a little?