Like most women, I get a little horny sometimes. (And like all women, I wish there were a less disgusting term to use to describe that phenomenon.) The fact is, I have needs and it gets a little old to be using a battery operated machine to fulfill them all the time. I love my vibrator, but it can’t cuddle with me, or play with my hair, or tell me how hot I look thanks to all those grueling Sunday morning boot camps.

And the longer I’m single (which is a long, LONG time – the closest thing I’ve had in the past 3 years was a guy I was dating for 2 months who broke it off with me via email…and called me the wrong name), the more I’m inclined to get into a Friends With Benefits relationship.

But I’m not sure I should really let my hormones make any decisions for me. Lord knows that doesn’t work out when I’m PMSing and those bitches tell me to eat an entire pizza…and dip it in ranch dressing.

Needless to say, I’m torn. Read More »

Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex. Read More »

One of my biggest gripes about being a woman is not the fact that I can’t get paid as much as a man for doing the same amount of work (though that is up there), or the amount of maintenance that is expected our gender (hair, nails, waxing, working out, etc.).It is the fact that my period makes me really, really horny.

But it’s not like I can do anything about it, right? I mean, I don’t even want to think about what’s goin’ on down there, so how can I ask someone else to actually venture in that direction? At the same time, though, guys love sex and would do anything to have it. So maybe they really don’t care if their mate is currently hanging out with Aunt Flo?

I needed some answers, so I turned to someone who could get me the scoop: a dude. Read More »

If there’s one thing I learned from Gossip Girl last night, it’s that you can have sex with whomever you want, and the person you actually have feelings for (but aren’t banging, for some reason) will completely understand, and forgive you, and maybe even like you more.

If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial. Read More »

Usually, we try to have some kind of theme to our Wednesday Night series, but when we went digging through the Casual Encounters this week, we spent so much time being supremely grossed out that it was all we could do to keep ourselves from falling on the floor and pouring printer ink into our eyes. I mean, there was some gross sh*t on the internet this week. For realz.

Below are just a bunch of people we really hope we never meet. Read More »

For this week’s Wednesday Night Encounters, we’re going to observe Men Of Few Words. Not everyone finds it necessary to go on and on about what they want in a partner. Some people enjoy eulogizing for hours about their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams, their “future”, but these guys aren’t interested in bogging us down with such trivial matters. In only a few small sentences, they get to the heart of the matter. They know what they want…and they want it now.

Nice. Read More »

[Editor's Note: I have no idea what this picture is, but it made me laugh so I used it. I hope you love it as much as me.]

Since learning that confidence is the most attractive thing to a man, I have been pretty successful in my late night endeavors. I see a man I want and I go for it. The general “walk up to a guy and flirt your heart out” approach is most definitely the way to go, but it is the variety of pick-up lines that makes the whole thing so much more fun.

My 5 most successful are listed below. Feel free to use ‘em…they work like a charm. (Just make sure to thank me later. I accept cookies, hugs and dates with Jake Gyllenhaal.)

1. Did you go to [Insert school here]? It is always good to have something to talk about when you approach a man. I mean, you would look pretty creepy if you just walked up to him and stood around. The school thing is always the best way to go because even if you know for a fact that kid did NOT go to Michigan, it is a great way to start off a convo. And let him know how smart you are. Read More »

• I really wish my contribution to society was “:-)”! I’m really jealous…seriously. (Wired.com)

• So, wait, it’s breaking news now that people like to look at attractive people and it only takes a half second to notice them? Any horny college kid could’ve told you that. (Yahoo News)

• If you have a tramp stamp, beware! All of those pregnancies that your stamp has been causing is going to make birth a lot more painful. (wsj.com)

• Bad News: You’re in college and weed is still illegal. Good News: As long as you’re not a raging pot-head. (denverpost.com)

• I almost forgot Halloween was coming. So, just in case you love candy as much as we do at College Candy (ha) check out some sweets that never made it onto store shelves. (i-mockery.com)

With classes starting up again, many of us will be forced to take some kind of bullshit science course which will never be of any use to us. I remember at the start of my freshman year, we all had to take, if nothing else, “Baby Bio” – the liberal arts version of biology. We learned a lot of really long plant names; that’s about all I know.

Baby Bio was the last time science was a part of my life, with the exception of a few experimental liquor drinks I’ve concocted along the way.

For those of you who are like me, and haven’t had much science in your life, prepare to be freaked the f*ck out by this list of the most bizarre and crazy-ass experiments in history. These weird scientists went waaaaay beyond memorizing their plant names, and most of the time, they just jumped right into these odd experiments out of pure curiosity.

Check out the list. Learn some things. Freak out your friends. Warning: some of these are pretty disgusting.

Some of the most whacked experiments asked the questions:

What would happen if you give 297 milligrams of LSD (3000 times the level of a typical human dose) to an elephant? Wow, I ask myself that every day. Scientists still don’t know for sure, cause the experiment didn’t go as planned, but I’d say…ummmmm…it’d have one hell of a trip.

What if you put a female prostitute in a room with a gay man after he’s given “heterosexual hormones”? He’ll have sex with her, obvi! He is, after all, still a man. But, in the end, he was still gay. Dammit, science! Read More »

This may be a bit of a public place to announce this, but since none of you can actually see me – which is a good thing considering I am writing this in my skivvies – I feel a little more comfortable sharing my most intimate details. Like the fact that I am currently a la rag.

Yes, just like this time a mere 30 days ago, I am riding the ole’ crimson wave. Which, as you know, isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. No surfboards. Not hot dudes with 6 packs. Just cramps (ow), attitude (bitch slaps abound), and a whole lot of chocolate (get between me and a cookie and you better pray for that little life of yours).

Oh, and one big case of horniness.

I don’t know who invented the period, but God, if you are listening, I deplore you. Not only do I have to deal with bloating and a feeling of general filth once a month, but I have to add that to an unyielding sense of lust (for anything with 2 legs and testosterone, might I add)? Read More »