If you’ve ever seen a scary movie, you know that they’re low budget productions with sh*tty actors and sh*ttier special effects.  I mean, did anyone see House of Wax? No? Yeah, me neither….

Uh, back to my point. Choosing P. Hilton as your leading lady is NOT the way to an Oscar nom, people.  And don’t even get me started on the Saw films (what are we on, Saw XLIV now? Give it up already!). Scary flicks are supposed to be, uh, SCARY, not laughable, and they fail every. single. time. And the trailer for Shutter Island looks to be heading down the same path…only…wait, what?

A horror film directed by Martin Scorcese and starring….LEO!?

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a U.S. Marshall sent to investigate the disappearance of a patient from Shutter Island’s Ashecliff Hospital (for the criminally insane, obvi). While on assignment, he begins to suspect that he is in danger at the hands of the sick and twisted hospital staff.

A desolate island, an insane asylum, creepy balding old people…it sounds like something I’ve seen (and fell asleep during) a million times, covered with some big names.  Why is Scorcese directing something like this. Why does it star DiCaprio, who is arguably the most talented actor our generation has seen? Why does the movie poster look eerily similar to the Haunted Mansion at Disney World?

So many questions. Read More »

I’ve never been one to turn down a pink cupcake or those giant Russel Stover hearts, but this year I have to admit I’m just not feeling Valentine’s Day. I have nothing against those of you who are counting down the days until you can stare longingly into that special someone’s eyes as you gush about how perfect they are and how lucky you are while you decorate sugar cookies and make-out.

Really, that sounds fun and all, but this year I just can’t stomach any more pink. That pepto bismol pink is everywhere I turn. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion? Check.

Believe me, I’m not bitter, I even enjoy romance and chick flicks from time to time, but for some reason I’m more excited about Friday the 13th than February 14th. I think it is fate that the two holidays have fallen in the same weekend because now when people ask what I am doing for the big holiday, I can say something like “drinking tequila and watching Saw IV.” (It’s not like they said which holiday!)

Some of you may be thinking that Friday the 13th isn’t a holiday, but you’re wrong! Friday the 13th is a day of horror movie marathons filled with snack foods and drinking games; it’s the day when some of the best scary movies of the year are released in theaters; and, of course, an excuse for a theme party. To kick off the big weekend of terror, I included my top 5 horror movies of all time. Read More »