Scary movies are one of those things that draw a strong response of either love or hate. I for one can’t really stomach violence (read: cannot count how many times I’ve covered my face watching BRAVEHEART either in classes or with guy friends), but there’s still an element of these horrendously predictable flicks that draws me in.

For one, if you look at them realistically, about 97% of the victims, as well as the hero, deserve to die for one reason or another, if not their own naivete. Second, if you watch these things in your living room in broad daylight, well, they are more hilarious that horror-y.

And also, I can’t help but think fondly of the scary movie that took my scary movie V-card: Scream. That movie was a total 90′s classic, and here are ten reasons why you need to take a trip down memory lane with this awesomely bad throwback, even if you’re not a fan of the horror genre:

1) The Drew Barrymore sequence that starts it all. Because let’s be serious: what was a 90′s movie without Drew and that burgundy-nearing-black lipstick? More than ten years later, she’s still got it.

2) The Courtney Cox-David Arquette love connection occurs before your eyes. Goes to show that a horror flick isn’t a bad date idea, and maybe making one is even better. It obviously worked for them!

3) Matthew Lillard. He’s hilarious (“Liver alone… Get it? Liver? Alone?!”) and I sort of have an awkward crush on him. Don’t judge – a young, blonde Rose McGowan plays his girlfriend in the movie. Read More »

I know that a lot of people like horror movies. I know this because a lot of people tell me they like horror movies, and also because Saw V is just about to hit theaters (the 5th installment of a plot that basically consists of scary machines and blood). There’s something about watching other humans scream in agony that a lot of people can’t get enough of — but I am not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Since I came out of the womb, I have been scared to freaking death of horror movies.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why.

5) When Things Pop Out In An Attempt To Scare, I Always Get Scared

I know that it’s like, part of the fun, or whatever, when the music suddenly swells and a creepy things pop up all creepy, or someone is grabbed ,or a face appears in a mirror, but that sh*t gives me a heart attack every time. I lose my breath and my heart flips out and then I get really violently angry. Like I want to punch the TV for doing that to me. I get scared and then I get pissed and then my whole day is ruined.

4) Weird Noises Always Happen Afterwards

Whether I’m back at my childhood home, in a dorm, or at my apartment, after watching (or accidentally watching) a horror movie, weird noises will keep me awake all night. It never ceases to amaze me that it happens every single time. The wood creaks, my closet door won’t shut all the way, something scurries across the floor…my bedroom isn’t haunted until I watch a scary movie. Then it’s haunted. Totally, Ghostbusterly, haunted. Read More »

Friday was, of course, the 13th, so in honor of the most dastardly day of the year, this week’s Sunday Classic is, well, you know.

Is Friday the 13th really a classic? You might ask, to which I would respond with a robust f*cking a!. Many people just shrug it off as just another slasher movie, but Friday the 13th is an over the top, fun-and-blood packed horror film of Greek Tragedy proportions.

It starts out in Camp Crystal Lake when irresponsible, fornicating camp counselors let young mongoloid Jason Voorhees drown. Years later, the camp re-opens and the new irresponsible fornicators are horrifically murdered one by one.

Not to totally spoil the movie for you if you haven’t yet seen it (you should have by now, so I feel no guilt), but Jason actually isn’t the killer in the movie. Jason doesn’t show up until part two, when he stumbles around with a pitchfork and a bag on his head and is kind of incompetent. No, Jason’s mom Pamela is the one chopping up the early twentysomethings, a kindly old lady in a grandma sweater…that stabs Kevin Bacon through the throat with a spear. Read More »

Something Old: Halloween (1978)

Something New: The Strangers (2008)

The Connection: Both feature the creepiest of horror creepshows, the lurky masked killer (or killers, plural, in the case of The Strangers)

Long before I had ever seen Halloween, Michael Myers scared the crap out of me. The iconic pictures of his blank white face, unmistakably human and at the same time utterly monstrous, the brief clips from the movie of him unhurriedly lumbering towards his hysterical victims; for me, Michael Myers was an exact representation of that thing that you suspect is lurking in your closet or following you down the street at night when you feel like you’re being watched. Michael Myers was, as young Tommy Doyle observes so astutely in the film, the quintessential Boogeyman.

But a terrifying killer does not necessary insure a good horror movie. And while I respect Halloween’s place in film history, and acknowledge that when John Carpenter made it in the late 70s, he was dabbling in uncharted territory, it just doesn’t quite gel for me. The movie opens with a six-year-old Michael Myers stabbing his older sister to death with a large kitchen knife while she babysits him on Halloween night. His parents arrive home shortly thereafter to find him standing on the lawn in a trance-like state holding the murder weapon.

Flash forward fifteen years to October 30th, 1978, and he’s being transferred from one institution to another under the supervision of psychiatrist Dr. Sam Loomis when he escapes, steals a car, and drives off in to the night towards his hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois. Hiding out in his now abandoned family home, he spots high school student Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) on her way to school and spends the day stalking her and her friends, hovering around behind bushes and the like in coveralls and his sinister white mask. That night, while Laurie babysits the aforementioned Tommy Doyle and another neighborhood girl, Myers picks off her drinking, drug-using, promiscuous friends one by one until the final showdown between Laurie and Myers. Read More »

Welcome to Something Old, Something New, a weekly review of a new theater/DVD release and an old release that is in some way related to the new film.

Something Old: Texas Chainsaw Massacre – The Next Generation (1995)

Something New: Prom Night (2008)

The Connection: Both are remakes of classic horror films.

There are three categories of horror films. The first category is the Good Horror Movie. Believable, well-written, well-acted, fundamentally disturbing, the Good Horror Movie is rarely achieved, but when it is it can be one of the most memorable viewing experiences an audience member will ever have.

The second category is the Frickin’ Awesome Horror Movie. The Frickin’ Awesome Horror movie is, in fact, so terrible that it is totally amazing. Sometimes this is intentional (see: Cabin Fever), sometimes accidental (see: Plan 9 From Outer Space), but it’s a delight either way, and makes for excellent group viewings. The final category of horror films is the plain old Generic Crap Horror Movie. A vast majority of horror films fall in to this category and, sadly, the newest version of Prom Night is one of them. Read More »

What is a classic? Some consider the word in its most traditional form when using it in the context of film: movies made over fifty years ago, usually in black and white, usually overflowing with critical and popular esteem.

I like to think of the term in a broader sense, disregarding the time in which it was produced and whether or not it won any awards or are on any ‘best-of’ lists. No, a classic to me is something that has or will stand the test of time because of its brilliance, or its entertainment value, or its strong characterization, etc. And a movie like Shaun of the Dead has all of these things and more.

At first, it may seem like a silly zombie movie, but Shaun of the Dead, in all of its silliness, may actually be one of the most perfect movies ever made.

Shaun is a lazy television salesman, too caught up in the routine of his life to notice that he’s on the verge of losing his girlfriend, he’s neglecting his family, and, oh yeah, there is a horrible zombie outbreak. Fighting off the zombies in his favorite pub, The Winchester, Shaun has to come to terms with his own mortality and the loss of the people that he loves. At its heart, Shaun of the Dead is a movie about accepting one’s adulthood, and all the varied and often scary implications of that.

Going back to the idea of ‘classic’, if we apply the idea of the ‘classic’ movie or literary structure to the film, it has very strongly delineated acts and the main character, Shaun, goes through an inner emotional journey that reflects and is affected by his greater outer journey. This is some Chekov-level sh*t. Read More »

As a huge horror fan, I delighted in this great article from the Guardian about women and horror movies. It seems like a genre tailored for men, who anecdotally enjoy violence and nudity more than their female counterparts, but women have just as visceral a reaction to the films as men do. The article offers an interesting theory about why people watch horror movies:

According to Dr Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at King’s College London: “Horror films, for men and women, are about learning to cope with emotions that would threaten to overwhelm us if they happened in reality.”

I would even go so far as to say there is a more nuanced point to be made, that horror films, and film in general, help us understand the difficult realities that people face daily. The following horror films have themes that relate to women and women’s issues especially. And, disregarding whatever deeper meaning they may have, all these movies totally kick ass.

5. The Craft: Four teen witches band together to get revenge on the popular kids who made them outcasts. Follows a theme that is very persistent in horror–coming of age. Magic is the means by which these girls become women and address their changing bodies, minds, and perceptions of the world. Read More »

With Halloween coming up, it’s prime-time to watch a horror movie – but where? Are any movies worth watching in theaters this weekend? What’s new on DVD? Do drive-in theaters still exist?

No worries, moviegoer – these questions and more will be answered after the jump. Read More »