Dear Jimmy, Jimbo, J-dog, JF,

Big night ahead of you tomorrow, huh? You’ve really made it in the entertainment world now. You slipped into the spotlight when no one was looking and you almost made everyone forget about the Taxi movie.

And now you’re hosting the Emmys. The Mother-effin Emmys. The Oscar’s slightly awkward younger sister. With such a great title comes even greater responsibility. You’ve got to do your best to keep the show to 45 minutes, an hour max.  Oh, and make it funny. You’re young and you’re hip and it’s time we rewrite some of the hosting rules to keep this whole thing exciting and fresh. Fresh is a Hollywood buzzword, right?

No one wants to listen to winners spend 35 minutes thanking people with careers that most people don’t even know exist (I owe this all to my agent, my mistress, my assistant dressing room decorator who showed me that those banana yellow chairs really do help me learn my lines).

So break the rules, ignore the music cues, and make sure everyone keeps their acceptance speeches to 10 seconds. On second thought, skip the acceptance speeches. Have them wave from their seats and Tweet out anything they want to say. If LiLo can run through a therapy-session of Tweets about her Dad while high on coke prescription Adderall, then Tina Fey can do a decently witty acceptance speech in 140 characters.

Cut off the presenters when their intro speeches start sounding extra-staged. With the exception of my AOL-using Grandmother, we all know that awkwardly playful banter is scripted. I mean does anyone really believe that Sofia Vergara and that overgrown kid from Two-and-a-half Men really have that great of chemistry? Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I love sleepovers. They are always so reminiscent of fifth grade slumber parties when, for one whole night, you and your BFF would stay up eating sundaes and talking about your favorite N*Sync member (<3 Lance).

Anyway, I still love sleepovers. Only now there are no sundaes (because we all know what happens when we scarf down a pound of ice cream at midnight), my beloved Lance is gay (in hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming), and the friend sleeping over part usually lasts waayyyy longer than just one night. Sometimes, the friend stays for weeks and instead of it being the super fun party you remembered, it kind of… sucks. I can’t complain though, I’ve done it myself – once I spent the entire summer at a friend’s while my house was being remodeled. So given the response to my last cheat sheet, I’ve decided to make another one: Miss Manner’s guide to being a good house guest… Read More »

There’s no one I want to eff more than a man with an accent, and who better to eff than People’s Sexiest Man Alive? Why is Hugh Jackman the sexiest man alive you ask? Um, where should I start… How about his abs? His chest? His scruff? His Biceps.? Oh god, his biceps…

But I digress, of course Hugh is easy on the eyes (and everywhere else) but I’m not completely superficial and shallow. Hugh is the full package, my friends: he sings, dances, acts, and makes me sweat a little every time I see his beautiful effing body.

He offers an array of sexiness on and off screen. Looking for bad-ass sexy? Check out Wolverine in X-men and tell me if mutten chops and a wife beater have ever looked as sexy. Answer: no. Mutants aren’t your thing? That’s okay, because Hugh has you covered. He is so effing sexy in everything he does. Whether you like your man a little rugged (see Australia), or sweet and romantic (via Kate and Leopold), Hugh will bring it. Seriously, who doesn’t like variety? Read More »

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E. [Guys We Wanna Eff]. This week, we turn our attention to the slick, sarcastic, and suave Neil Patrick Harris, who has been revving up our engines since age sixteen.]

I know what you’re thinking: Neil Patrick Harris is a looker and all, but uh, doesn’t he bat for the other team? You would be right about that, but for this week’s GWWE (or would that be, GGWWE- Gay Guy We Wanna Eff?) I’m longing for that boy-he’s-so-awesome-maybe-I-can-score-a-conversion-eff.

Can you blame me? I’ve had a hard time keeping my temperature down since Neil was sporting lab coats in Doogie Howser, MD. He had everything my teenage heart desired: good looks, great smarts, and a stethoscope (what better way to hear my pulse beating, “eff-me, eff-me, eff-me”?).

And Mr. Harris beat the child-star stereotypes to become a successful (and sexy) entertainer. He has been seen most recently in the hit series How I Met Your Mother, but is also well known for his hilarious portrayal of—well, himself—in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. But best of all, he starred in the web-based mini-movie Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, as a mad scientist in love with pretty Penny from the laundromat. Was it absolutely hysterical? Yes. Did I superimpose my own image over Penny’s to imagine Dr. Eff Me singing and pleading for my affections? Maybe. Read More »

Fashion reared its fabulous head last night where you would least expect it. The CMA Awards in Nashville, TN had some of the hottest women and men in the entertainment biz, not to mention some of the best dressed.

Remember years ago, as a hip and trendy youngster, you wouldn’t have been caught dead listening to country music? It made your ears bleed, not to mention it was hick-like. Well, country music has changed its tune and is no longer a place for ugly plaid button up shirts, clunky belt buckles, or square dancing. Country music now produces extremely popular and beautiful people who are sweeping the music scene, the big screen, and the fashion business.

This is a mini recap of some of the popular folks who walked down the red carpet (yes, there was a red carpet) at the CMA awards last night. All the people chosen were chosen because of their terrific fashion sense and for their ability to capitalize on the changing face of country music.

Read More »

So, the Emmy’s are on tonight? I had no idea! I guess I should stop fast forwarding through the commercials on my DVR and watch some live TV for once.

Everyone else in the world is probably super geeked to see who wears what down the red carpet, but we are more interested in seeing what kind of crazy sh*t Tyra Banks does. (Editor’s Note: That bitch is crazy.)

And if Alec Baldwin finally gets that Emmy he so blatantly deserves. (Seriously? Is Monk really that good of a show? Why does Tony Shalhoub keep freaking winning!?)

And, ok, we also can’t wait to see the good and bad on the red carpet. We actually kinda live for that stuff.

The show is gonna be a bit different this year; there will be no main host (even though we were totes rooting for Joel McHale) and instead they are rounding up their nominees for best Reality Show Host to run the show. What happens when Heidi Klum and Howie Mandell work together? I guess we’ll find out.

But enough about all that; we want to know who is gonna win! (But only in the comedy competitions cuz we don’t really watch any of that other stuff.) The CollegeCandy team is definitely on team 30 Rock, and we will be eating our popcorn, drinking our beer and pumping our fists for Tina Fey all night long.

What about you? Which show do you think the funniest on TV?

Carson Daly has committed the ultimate crime: resuming production on Last Call with Carson Daly.Daly has also defied the ongoing writer’s strike – but that’s hardly his biggest offense.

Does anybody really watch Last Call with Carson Daly? It’s on at some ungodly hour next to weight-loss and fly-fishing gear infomercials…and since when did Daly become a source of comedy? The show has been on the air since 2002 and I still don’t know one soul who watches it.

Since his writing staff is M.I.A. Daly has solicited outside help from family and friends, asking them in an email to submit him jokes that will be used in an upcoming skit. Read More »