[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I love sleepovers. They are always so reminiscent of fifth grade slumber parties when, for one whole night, you and your BFF would stay up eating sundaes and talking about your favorite N*Sync member (<3 Lance).

Anyway, I still love sleepovers. Only now there are no sundaes (because we all know what happens when we scarf down a pound of ice cream at midnight), my beloved Lance is gay (in hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming), and the friend sleeping over part usually lasts waayyyy longer than just one night. Sometimes, the friend stays for weeks and instead of it being the super fun party you remembered, it kind of… sucks. I can’t complain though, I’ve done it myself – once I spent the entire summer at a friend’s while my house was being remodeled. So given the response to my last cheat sheet, I’ve decided to make another one: Miss Manner’s guide to being a good house guest…

Always clean up after yourself: If you even have to be asked to clean up after yourself, you probably aren’t being the best house guest. This is very simple rule: if you make a mess, clean it.

Offer to do chores: Yes, you may be the guest, but if the hosts are kind enough to let you stay rent-free, try to show your gratitude by offering to buy groceries or do the dishes. Even if they decline, at least they’ll know that you’re not just a lazy freeloader. It’s the thought that counts.

Don’t have visitors over without asking: While some hosts are generally okay with you having a friend over, it is always wise to clear it with them first. This is especially true if you are planning on having someone over at a weird hour (booty call) or if you wanted to invite someone to dinner (prep-time needed).

Always leave a note if you plan on staying out/not coming home: It might suck always having to answer to someone during your stay, but if you plan on sleeping at your bf’s for the night, remember to tell your hosts so that they don’t worry.

Don’t talk excessively on the land line: You have to be very careful about this one. I know it’s hard to believe but not everyone has unlimited calling and the host might not be so happy with her $500 phone bill. Watch out for long distance calling too. I once vacationed at a friend’s house in Texas and a bout of homesickness caused me to constantly call my parents- in NY! Boy, did I learn my lesson when her father came home steaming mad with the phone bill.

Replace anything you finish: If you use up the host’s [juice/lotion/conditioner/paper/ink/etc.], it is common house guest courtesy to replace it immediately, even if you bought it to begin with.

Don’t go too heavy on the water/electricity: Some people are generally more careful with how they use their electricity and water. Try not to run up their utility bills by taking hour-long showers or leaving a multitude of unnecessary lights on, especially if you know that your hosts have gone green. Actually, even if they aren’t into the whole conservation thing, you should still keep in mind that after you leave they’ll be the ones paying the bill.

Integrate yourself into the host’s schedule: If you know that the host has a strict rule about 11 pm bedtimes, then don’t fight it. Do not listen to music on full blast while they are trying to sleep. Do not talk on the phone until four in the morning. If you truly cannot stand their erratic schedule, try to work out a compromise. But under no circumstances should you b*tch and complain that they are being unreasonable. I hate to break it to ya, but as long as you are under their roof, you abide by their rules.

Last, always remember that you are a guest: Remember to be gracious – they are, after all, letting you stay in their home. I’m not saying you have to pay them (though I often feel obliged to leave something equal in value to a stay at a hotel if I stay especially long), but always let them know that you appreciate their kindness. If anything, offer to reciprocate the favor by opening up your home to them in the future.

Is there anything I forgot to add? Remind me in the comments section!

a) The 100-calorie packs are often more than twice as expensive per ounce as the products they mimic.

b) In meeting the 100-calorie limit, the snacks or sweets inside the packs are sometimes pale imitations of the originals. The 100-calorie Oreos, for example, are 20 mini “chocolate thin crisps.”

c) Smaller portions don’t make snacks good for you, especially when they are as highly-processed as 100-Cal Packs.

Still, as Americans, we have issues with self-control. I can go through a box of Cheez-Its in three days and think nothing of it, until I look at the box and realize I averaged about 5 servings of Cheez-Its a day. So, when a small package helps me know when to stop, I dig it. I do agree with above comment on the 100-calorie Oreos: these are a waste of money. So, friends, what follows is a list of my top five picks. All of these are so tasty, I thank my lucky stars that they are measured out for me in 100 calorie intervals.

1. Mr. Salty Chocolate Covered Pretzels.

I hadn’t eaten a chocolate covered pretzel in years, until I found these things. Classic salty pretzels dipped in milk chocolate. Yum! These snacks satisfy my chocolate cravings and only pack 3.5 grams of fat into the 100-calorie serving.

2. Frito Lay Baked! Cheetos.

At first, I tried the regular 100-cal pack of Cheetos. The day I discovered the baked version, I think unicorns fell from the sky. Baked Cheetos are a snack that I don’t allow myself to buy big bags of, because I will eat a whole bag in one sitting. Since I actually prefer Baked Cheetos to the regular brand anyway, I have since become addicted to the 100-cal bags, which only have 5 grams of fat content. I’m actually quite impressed with the entire Frito-Lay line of 100-cal packs, which also includes Sun Chips, Doritos, and Smartfood Popcorn.

3. Klondike Slim-a-Bear Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Cold, creamy Klondike ice cream sandwiched with chocolate, available in chocolate and vanilla flavors…and only 1.5 grams of fat. The only thing better would be if Ben and Jerry started marketing 100-calorie cartons of Cherry Garcia (of course, this will never happen, because 100 calories of B & J is probably equivalent to half a teaspoon). Also worth checking out are Breyers’ 100-calorie Double-Churned Ice cream Cups and Ice Cream Sandwiches.

4. Hostess Cupcakes.

These were my first foray into the 100-calorie world, and it blew my mind when I realized that each pack consists of 3 mini cupcakes. They come in several flavors, e.g. yellow cake, chocolate cake, etc., and even with the signature cream filling, each pack is only 3 grams of fat. How each mini cupcake can consist of about 33 calories and one gram of fat and taste just as good as the real thing, I have no clue.

5. Hershey’s Snacksters.

I’m including both varieties of these packs in the last slot for my five fave 100-cal packs, because they are very similar, but produce two different craving-killing tastes.

The chocolate Hershey’s Snacksters are made up of cereal puffs, chocolate chip cookies, and semi-sweet and milk chocolate chips; the Reese’s Pieces version includes cereal puffs, cereal squares, peanut butter chips, and Reese’s Pieces. I expected a trail-mix-like recipe for these packs because, let’s be serious, there’s no way an all-chocolate-and-peanut-butter snack can stay under the 100-calorie limit and at 4 grams of fat. But the cereal puffs are either chocolate or peanut butter, and the chocolate or peanut butter chips are a pleasant surprise in addition to the real seller: the cookies or Reese’s pieces. The cereal bits also help fill you up, and you’ll feel indulged without feeling like a beached whale.

[Photo courtesy of junkfoodnews.net]

I’m convinced that food service has to be the first circle of hell.

When I was an undergrad, I worked at a local restaurant for about two years until my manager caught me trying to drown myself in a deep fryer (okay, so maybe not. But I sure thought about it). One night during homecoming (also known as our busiest night of the whole freaking year, folks!) this guy asked me for another set of silverware and I told him very genially that he could grab a set from the very next table. I was delivering food to a huge table now, mind you, so I couldn’t very well bend over, pick up the silverware and hand it to this guy.

He looked like I had slapped him and his wife exclaimed “You are so rude! How dare you speak to a man that way!” In my nicest waitress voice, I said, “Well excuse me, I’ve got to get back into the kitchen, where I belong.” and, under my breath, “Don’t choke on your food, now!”

If only I had known about Bitterwaitress.com then! It’s a website where waitresses can go to share their customer horror stories and list their crappiest tippers. There is often the odd encounter with a rude celebrity recounted on the website, too, like this run-in with Dan Marino, who, according to the waitress, tried to charge kids for his autographs.

It’s also a useful website for restaurant goers as well, to hear about their awful fellow patrons and realize some of the thoughtless things that they have been doing as customers.

One of my favorite parts of the site is the glossary, where they define such terms as “Hostess”:

In most cases, the bulimic 19 y.o. woman sleeping with the manager. In some (rare) cases, your greatest ally. In almost all cases, someone who is tipped out unnecessarily because the owner is too cheap to pay her.

and “Check” :

The thing you pay, and on which you tip 20% after tax. Check is a physical object, and not a command to be uttered. It is acceptable to make the pen gesture to request your check. If you have misbehaved, you will often find things added on to it. After all you are only meant to pay it, not to look at it.