WTF? So you can sleep with Edward??

When I was waiting outside of the Scholastic store in Soho to buy the 7^th Harry Potter book, I saw a reporter from the New York Post who was walking up and down the massive line and interviewing people for a story about the book’s release. I overheard him speaking with one guy who had a lightning bolt scar on his head.

I know what you’re thinking—“All right, it’s kind of odd that an adult man would dress up for the release of a kid’s book, but it’s not totally unheard of. That dude probably wasn’t any weirder than any of the other people in the line.”

Wrong. This nutbar didn’t just draw a lightning bolt on his forehead—as he told the reporter, he had literally carved the scar into his skin with a razor blade.

And to make matters worse, I was ahead of him in line. Yes, I had arrived at the bookstore before the psycho.

So needless to say, I know a thing or two about what happens when fandom gets extreme. Even so, Twihards—people who are obsessed with the Twilight books and movies—take things a step beyond anything I’ve ever seen before. As of Wednesday, at least 2,100 screenings of New Moon, the second movie in the series, were sold out—and those are only the showings measured by MovieTickets.com. There’s also a ton of Twilight merchandise available all over the web, stuff that ranges from normal (t-shirts, posters) to full-on batsh*t crazy (A shower curtain screen-printed with a giant picture of Robert Pattinson’s face. A life size vinyl wall decal of Edward Cullen’s silhouette, accented by the words “Be Safe.” A pair of underwear that’s illustrated with the sexy vamp’s face—inside the crotch).

io9 has a pretty awesome and comprehensive list of these wacky products. But most of the stuff they found comes from Etsy, which means that it’s specially made by individual craftspeople. I find it even more interesting that Hot Topic, the main source for all things Twilight, has almost 200 Twilight-related products for sale on its website. You can buy a duvet cover with Edward’s face on it, or body shimmer designed to make you look just as sparkly as your favorite vampires. You can buy a Twilight New Moon Vampire Girl Cuff, a Volturi Crest necklace, an Edward Charm bracelet (tagline: “Let Edward be the charms around your wrist”), and a Choose Musical Jewelry Box, which plays “Bella’s Lullaby” (whatever that is) and features “a rotating Cullen crest/Wolf tattoo emblem,” to store them in. There’s even Twilight-brand band-aids, for Anne Rice’s sake.

I know that this isn’t exactly an original question, but I have to ask it anyway—what is it about Twilight that makes people go so bonkers that they would actually buy any of this crap? Wouldn’t even superfans be embarrassed to go out in public with an Edward umbrella? Why is Twilight so good at warping people’s—or, to be more specific, girls’—minds and convincing them to spend their money on this kind of garbage? Or that it’s OK to have some guy’s face in the crotch of your undies?!

I get a seriously creepy vibe from all of these products, which matches the feeling I got when I read “Twilight” in an attempt to understand why it’s so popular. I don’t think I’ll ever really get why a story about a girl and the menacing, much-older guy who stalks her is so big. At least Harry Potter has a sense of humor.

Yeah, I know this is blurry. It's hard to capture such fabulosity.

While everyone is fabulous in their own right, we thought we should celebrate the campus fashionistas of the world for their continued excellence in not looking like a hot mess for class. So, we started stalking those girls on campus to get a few pics and get some tips on their personal style.

And maybe a restraining order or two.

But it’s worth it to highlight fresh, unique wardrobe choices that show personality and the courage to wear what you believe in.

And if there’s one girl who’s got some fashion courage it’s Lauren. I spotted her on campus because, well, it’s impossible not to spot her. She’s always decked out in bright colors, bold accessories and some serious confidence. Oh, and her perfect hair helps, too.

We started talking fashion and before I knew it, we were back at her dorm. Where she showed me her closet. Sigh. It was a wonderful place.

Name: Lauren
Year: 2012
Major: Spanish and Religion
Lauren in 3 words: Chill, fly, gansta

1) Describe your personal style.

I have a very eclectic style; I definitely go for bright colors and fun animal prints, something really crazy. You can tell by my hair. Fierce.

2) You can’t leave your house without your ________.

Ipod. For sure.

3) What is your favorite store to shop at?

I’d have to say Hot Topic because they have so much great stuff that you wouldn’t expect to find there and lots of unique styles that other stores don’t have.

4) What/who is the biggest influence on your style?

I don’t really have one single influence for fashion. I’m like a mixtape, baby. A party playlist.

5) What’s your favorite trend, past or present?

I know it’s not a legit trend, but my favorite fashion accessories are definitely earrings, especially hoop earrings. Every color and every style. Bling is fabulous.

Last night’s episode of Project Runway made me realize three things:

1. When models aren’t walking the runway, they have zero sense of personal style.
2. Many of the designers on this season of PR would make great designers for Delias or Forever 21.
3. I should have had one more drink at happy hour if I really wanted to enjoy this show.

Yeah, I said it. No matter how much they try and make this season of Project Runway match those of the past, it’s really just falling flat for me. I don’t know if it’s because some of the designers are old (I don’t need to see Epperson tear up as he sews a frock) or because none of them are Christian Siriano (or even Stella!), but I find each episode more boring than the next.

I had some high hopes last night. And not only because I had some cocktails before the episode began. I really thought the challenge – dressing models for an industry event – would lead to some serious drama, both on and off the runway.

Instead, I watched as some really beautiful women explained some really God-awful ideas (“I want to look like a classy, chic, elegant…tiger.”) to the designers. I mean, really? A bright blue jump suit with gold rope? That sounds eerily similar to what I wore in my tap recital…when I was six…and we were dancing to “The Good Ship, Lollipop.”

Don’t get me wrong; some of the models had a really awesome sense of style, but it’s now clear that modeling means looking good in clothes…that other people put on you. The end.

But I guess I can’t complain about the entire episode. I mean, there was still drama on the runway. Mostly in the form of some nasty crap on display. Johnny designed his look after something he saw in a David’s Bridal ad, Nicolas somehow made his size zero model look fat, and Logan’s dress looked like something thought up in the backroom at Hot Topic.

And those dresses only looked worse next to the gorgeous looks of Louisa, Althea and Ra’Mon. Even Epperson’s dress was hot, with or without a bra. I’d wear any of those looks. Though, I’d probably bra-up for Althea’s look, too – no one needs their boobs bouncing around that much.

Obviously the judges agreed, because Althea was crowned victorious. She’s super cute and talented (the only person on the show I truly like), so I was excited. Ok, excited is a strong word. But I was feeling really good until the stupid, stupid judges (who were pretty mean this week, no?!) let former-meth-head Johnny squeak on through yet again. I understand that no one wants to send this guy on another downward spiral. I even understand that Qrystal’s dress was pretty bunk. But JOHNNY SUCKS.

Just look:

Would you wear any of that stuff? I don’t care how pregnant/bridsemaidy I was, I wouldn’t rock Johnny’s designs if someone paid me. I’ve got a reputation to mantain! Maybe being clean and sober isn’t so good for his design esthetic.

I’m just sayin’…

When it comes to many things in life, including fashion, I’m a fan of odd, quirky things that leave people asking questions. No, I’m not going to start wearing fairy wings like one of the girls on What Not To Wear, but I did pick up a pair of pants last week that totally fit the bill. They were a pair of skinny pants by Fragile I found at T.J. Maxx for seventeen bucks, but which retail for $29 (sweet!). Had they not been at T.J. Maxx, I never would have fallen in love, as they are typically sold at Hot Topic, a store I haven’t stepped into since my friend’s goth days in high school.

The pants look like jeans, but function somewhat like sweat pants in that you basically pull them on and button the single button at the top. They feature back pockets, faux front pockets, and no zipper, so you can imagine my surprise when I took them off the hanger and unbuttoned them in the dressing room to discover… pants that were not actually jeans. I tried them on anyway and loved how they looked. They are low rise, so you can avoid that weird baggy look around your danger zone and are stretchy to fit a broader range of body shapes (they come in letter sizes instead of number sizes – pants for all!).

I would say that they are comparable to denim leggings, although I prefer these Fragile pants since they look more like jeans and aren’t so skin tight that they literally outline every cellulite bump on your legs. The leg openings are also not super small, so you won’t look too unbalanced if you have wider hips. They are amazingly comfortable, like sweatpants, but just way more chic.

These pants are definitely the answer to every college girl’s fashion dilemma: chic sweatpants? That you can wear to class? And not look schlumpy? I think it’s time we all made a run to Hot Topic.

Though I’ve only seen a few items from the PH(Squared)T collection, it appears that is will consist of small t-shirts, skinny jeans, hoodies, rubber band bracelets, flip flops, sneakers…basically, all the cheap sh*t that a fifteen-year-old girl or sexually confused boy needs to trick out their wardrobe for the big Fall Out Boy concert.

In an online video promoting the line, Perez calls out Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag on their own overpriced, mundane garbage lines and says that, unlike theirs, his will be very affordable and appealing to the demographic that his website caters to.

That said, I kind of have to give Mr. Hilton props. While I certainly won’t be sprinting in to Hot Topic on that fateful Friday in June, the line’s hot pink patterned pants and cerulean blue t-shirts featuring guns and sparkles and rainbows and hearts (Fact! All on one shirt!) look to be pretty much everything a fine young piece of prepubescent mall trash could hope for.

Though I’ll have to wait until the official release to give my full assessment, my impression of PH(Squared)T is that it’s colorful, fun, and gloriously immature/tacky, not unlike Perez himself. And who doesn’t love the Queen of All Media?

Republican lifehaters, that’s who. Viva la revolucion! Buy Perez!

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As if mentioning Cher’s bad fashion is even necessary. Because we all know Cher. We know that bad fashion is at least 75% of the reason why she is famous. So of course she wore the ugliest outfit that the goblins working in her closet could throw at her for last night’s Grammy Awards. But that’s to be expected. So what is everyone else’s excuse?

Oh, Beyonce. I get it, you’re a diva. But you looked more like the tooth fairy in your silver sparkle blue puff dress last night. And the high lights? Can you give that whole, “I’m black and wanna be blonde”, thing up yet? I’m so over it. For a girl who I would SWEAR walks around every second like there’s a mirror in front of her, you certainly managed to overlook some serious fashion flaws last night.

Amy Lee, Hot Topic called. They want your dresses…and your entire career back. Here’s a thought: Pretend like you don’t even know what the word “GOTH” means and try singing without all of the vampire bullshit. You are a good singer, after all.

Rihanna. Just when I thought you could do no harm to the human eye; I was mistaken. I’m sure the rest of the world will agree with me when I say that you should have just shown up naked.

Paramore: I’m so happy that a band was finally present at the awards who has worked hard to hone their career. But Hayley, c’mon, sister. What WAS this outfit?

I keep looking at it and I really can’t make out what the hell it was supposed to be or look like, but I know it doesn’t match your hair.

…Meanwhile, some stars actually figured out how NOT to match their egos with over the top outfits. Thank God.

Fergie, you actually looked good in your yellow Calvin Klein. I just wish you had hit as many notes with your song during the show as you did with your dress.

Miley Cyrus, high five, kid. I don’t know how you manage to look hotter than all of these well seasoned stars at the age of 15, but mama, keep up the good work.

So there we have it: yet another night filled with hits and misses in Hollywood. As usual, there were many more misses than hits.

Such is stardom.