Summer time is here and romance is in the air.  Beachy hair, tan skin, and cute boys are the perfect combo getting everyone in the mood for some love and lust.  So what better way to take advantage of the good weather, spice up the sex life, and get down and dirty (literally) than to take it outside?

Gettin’ naughty a pool, hot tub, or on the beach has been a popular fantasy since Adam gave it to Eve in the Garden of Eden. But maybe it’s not such a good idea. Studies show that this seemingly adventurous act may not be worth the risks, after all.

Condoms + Water = Bad
Thanks to the chemicals used in swimming pools and hot tubs, condoms can be totally ineffective. They can rupture and deteriorate from the heat and chlorine, not to mention slip right off because of the water.  And yes, your chances of getting pregnant in the water are the same, so don’t think you can just skip using the latex this time.

Beach + Sex = Badder
A study published in the Environmental Science and Technology Journal found that there are some dangerous microbes in that luxurious beach sand.  Also, 91% of the beaches in the study had detectable levels of enterococco (bacteria that can cause UTI’s, endocarditis, diverictulitis and meningitis).  I don’t even know what half of those are, but they sure don’t sound good.

Sand Between You…Well, You Know
Sand may feel good to sink your toes in, but it’s not the same story when you sink your vajayjay in there.  Not only is a sandpapery vajay uncomfortable (ew), but it can cause major infections and take a long time to remove completely.  Not to mention, there are some creepy crawlers in the sand. You’ve already got one scary thing comin’ at ya, do you really want to worry about one with pinchers?

Not-So-Hot Tubs
Although these bubbly baths of joy may seem like the perfect place for some steamy, hot sex, the truth is, they are more like bubbly baths of bacteria.  Gettin’ it on in the hot tub could leave you with a nasty yeast infection or other unpleasant ailments.

Being In Water Doesn’t Mean You’re “Wet”
Water can wash away our natural lubrication, causing sex to far less enjoyable than you’d like. So if you’re still turned on by water sex after reading the above facts, your little gal pal downstairs may not agree.

Bad for The Boys
A 2007 study conducted by the University of California, San Fransisco, found that wet heat can cause fertility problems for men.  Although, on second thought, that might not be such a bad thing…

Sorry to ruin the mood, ladies, but it seems like keeping the sex indoors might not sound as fun, but will keep you infection free. (Well, as long as that boy’s sheets are clean…)

The weather is getting warmer, and I don’t know about you, but my feet are itching to get into some flip flops.  Is it summer yet?

Personally, I just survived one of the harshest winters in years (if you live in a warm climate, I hate you), combined with a crapload of work and stress.  Once summer hits, I’m going to call Benjamin Linus and ask him to freeze time so I can stay in July forever (pardon the Lost reference- I’m kind of obsessed).  I am currently making a To-Do list to make sure I enjoy every possible moment during the upcoming summer months.

1.  Music Festivals!

Once, I almost passed out due to the sweltering heat at the Warped Tour.  So worth it.  Music fests are a great way to hang out all day with thousands of strangers and listen to live music from not one, but several of your fave bands… or to discover new groups that you simply NEED to download on i-Tunes, like now.  If the festival spans a few days, make a road-trip-slash-camping-trip out of the ordeal with your favorites, and leave all of your worries behind.

A friend from England invited me to the Exit Fest in Serbia, featuring Moby, among others.  And to be honest, Serbia sounds fan-f**king-tastic right now.  But, let’s be honest.  What college student can afford Serbia in this economy?  Check out Starpulse for a rundown on festivals that might be coming to a city near you!

2.  Drive-in Movies!

When the air changes and I know it’s officially summer, I immediately crave a silver screen feature under the stars, complete with lawn chairs, blankets, and soccer-mom-vans that are oh-so-convenient on carload night.  Way more fun that being cooped up at home with a stack of Netflix orders, and cheaper than going to the cinema (you get two movies for less than the price of one!), the drive-in is a longstanding summertime tradition.

It’s too bad that many drive-in movie locations have buckled in recent years, but Driveinmovie.com has a listing of current locations across the country.

3.  Keg Parties!

Whether it’s a high school reunion in your hometown or the dudes across the hall just got their own duplex, summer is the prime time to party.  Pool parties, hot tub parties, bonfire parties… the possibilities are endless.  Plus, since so many people are on break or taking vacations, you’ll never run into the same crowd twice.  You might meet someone new who’s visiting a friend at the party, or run into someone from school you haven’t Facebooked in forever.  Besides, you can finally wear halter tops without freezing your buns off on the walk home.

4.  W-A-T-E-R!

I’m just going to lump all aquatic activities into one category.

Swimming Pools. Beaches. Lakes. Hot Tubs. Slip N’ Slides.

Jetskiing. Tubing. White Water Rafting. Chicken Tournaments.

I can’t wait to alternate my vintage style Juicy Couture one-piece (with a little ruffle to hide the thighs I wish were more toned) with the bikini that makes my cleavage take the focus off of said thighs.  As much as I’m looking forward to weekend beach trips, I’m also excited to work up a sweat at the gym and come home to dive straight into my parents’ in-ground pool.  My skin is going to get so prune-y it’s ridiculous.

5.  Road Trips!

This can apply to any of the above.  But road trips are pretty much the best part of summer.  The driving part is sometimes even better than reaching the final destination when you factor in the windows-down-sing-alongs, pumping your fists feverishly to make truck drivers blow the horn, and bonding with your pals because you’ve been couped up in a car for hours on end and will talk about anything to make the time pass.

Organize a road trip to a music festival, a crazy party, or a beach town.  Invite a group of low-maintenance, fun-loving friends, and set out on an adventure.  (Note: I say low-maintenance because you don’t want a princess who complains about rest area bathrooms, lack of electrical outlets for her hair straightener, or the fact that you keep driving through dead zones and she can’t call her shnookums and tell him how much she misses him already).

With the possible exception of the music festivals, all of these totally fun events can happen pretty much spur-of-the-moment.  I plan to live totally spontaneously this summer in order to make the most of every sunshine-filled day that passes.  What’s everyone else looking forward to this summer? I want to add to my list….

Why do they all sleep in one bed? I would kill myself with all of the random breathing and feet and gross.

Brittany doesn’t want “a male genital” in her face in the morning. I’m guessing that she thinks that testicles don’t come in pairs. Chad brought a blow up doll with him like the cool person that he is and there’s a bar in the room. That’s what was missing.

Tila re-emerges and how many outfits per episode will she go through?

Oh, God, there is a casino set up in the house because she wants someone with nerves of steel. Can you ask them to do something that could potentially injure them or actually demonstrate that they can be cool under pressure? I don’t think that drinking and gambling are much of a stretch for this bunch.

Tila pulls one of the Jersey girls out for one on one time and Kyle is creepy and following them. Well, they find it creepy. Come stalk me, Kyle.

These people get tested as part of the casting process, right? Because Sirbrina and Tila are making out and Tila might have officially made out with all 30 contestants and we’re 10 minutes into the second episode. Creepy Kyle makes his way back in post-make out and Tila actually won’t kiss him when he tries. Wow, since when do you have standards?

So then Tila brings dice to play craps – in this game, people have roll the dice and whatever piece of clothing comes up has to be removed. The last guy and girl with clothes on win Tila time.

Jersey Lisa is wearing boxers and she reminds me of Toni from Paradise Hotel except without the crazy. Kristy from Yonkers won for the girls. George who reminds me of Mark Consuelos and Erik Estrada’s love child won for the guys.

The winners go to a fake club set up in the house and I would rather watch these people strip than try to talk. Thankfully, everyone else busts in – and Samantha scurried up the pole faster than I’ve seen anyone do it EVER. Dude, she’s a pro.

The police show up – who called, one of the interns on set who couldn’t take watching it either? I don’t believe that the neighbors called. And Jay from Jersey has to represent and — Tila starts trying to feel up the fat cop to get out of the ticket and I can’t believe that I’m watching this show.

Tila cuts out for the night so everyone else stays up to continue the party. Bo touches Kristy’s ass and then he slams her against the wall with a pillow. He’s walking around in red bikini briefs and I can’t hear what they’re saying because it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in days. You’ve degraded yourself enough by being on this show but walking around like that brings you to an all new low. I hope that your students don’t see this, Mr. High School Football Coach.

The next day, there’s a recovery room for everyone with an oxygen bar and food. George/Ponch reflects on his mom – it was her birthday and she died when he was ten. I’d have sympathy for you, but I can’t because I know what you look like in only shorty shorts, a bow tie and a tray.

Relaxation time ends after a food fight and some bitter words exchanged and Tila and another outfit are waiting for everyone outside for another stupid game. One guy and one girl enter a vault; girls grab pink cash, boys grab pink and the three biggest bread winners get a date. The date’s in a hot tub, which I think is a bad idea. Diseases just fester in there and look at how might be going in.

V, Fame and Brittany, hater of man genital, win. Ponch got $5. Tila says that she can’t even shop at the dollar store with that. Um, yes you can. You can buy five things if they don’t charge tax.

As I watch them in the hot tub, I stare a pencil on my desk and wonder what it would feel like to stick it in my eye or ear just a little bit. When I turn back to the TV, Brittany and Tila in her bikini are making out. Haaaaaaa! Fame interrupts their make out with her subpar singing.

Right before eliminations, Tila, wearing a different outfit, learns from Mr. Ripa that he was having a rough time remembering his mom and it messed with his game.

Tila always says “I have a lot to think about.” It must hurt her, all of that thinking.

Eliminations! Send home two and end my misery. Tila’s in another new dress.

It all comes down to Kyle, Fame, Lisa and Christian.

Fame gets sent home because “this isn’t ‘American Idol’” and Lisa is in.

Christian gets sent home for drinking too much and Kyle is given another opportunity to stalk Tila.

Next time: “Your mother’s a bleeping bleep.” Indeed.

Before I delve into how much oral activity went on last night (on the show of course), the beginning of Nip/Tuck was utterly horrifying. Dr. MacNamara’s new leading lady sh*t herself in his hot tub and was from that point referred to as “the sh*tter.”

Is it just me or does this girl seem way too unworthy of dating such a hot doctor? I don’t care that she used to be fat. I don’t mind that she has some intimacy issues. What bothers me is that her personality sucks. What does he see in her? Especially now that she’s literally sh*t all over him. Uh, so gross. I did however find all of the poop talk hilarious.

My prediction is that MacNamara dumps her and gets it on with Eden, lesbian Olivia’s overly sexual daughter, who’s hair is out of control. And side note: Is this chick for real? I mean what is she? A teen dominatrix? You’d think she were a tease, but I’m seriously doubt it.

Now on to the oral. GOOD LORD, what a variety. First we have the sh*tter giving Dr. Mac a BJ. Then we have Olivia going down on Julia. And last, but I’m sure not least, Kimber and Matt giving us a full on oral sex show after they smoked crack. And while we’re on the subject of these two, I was like “WHAT?!” when I watched this scene.

Their poor baby.

Above all, I think one of the highlights of the episode was when Julia slept with Christian. I know I was probably as shocked as him when she flat out said she did him to be done with him. Dude, you. Got. Served.

Now that the whole MacNamara/Troy family is back together again, we are all in for some crazy ass drama. God, I love this show.

It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of sex itself! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week?

If your guy’s testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get pregnant in a hot tub. make sure Aquaman wears a condom, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of experiencing the ultimate. It’s all of our God-given right to experience hot tub sex.

Who buys a hot tub for relaxing anyways?

Just be careful that your parents don’t get to it first – that’s a Greek tragedy in itself.

Have you had hot tub sex?