Dear Ladies, I want you to ask yourself a question I often times ask myself on the shameful walk through an apartment which I hardly recognize on a hung over morning. The man at hand’s name is still new to me and I’ve left him snoring in his sheets. His roommates are awake and have no fucking clue who I am, so I wave awkwardly and put my boots on as quickly as possibly. I tell them to have a nice day and I just know, as I stumble down the building’s steps, one of them is asking the other:

“Wasn’t that their first date?”, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

So the question of doom is this, ladies:

Are you really a lady?

I’ll be the first one to rub hot wing sauce on my jeans. I can be as tomboy as they come… can’t break a nail cause I don’t have any to break…so I know that I’m not a stereotypical “lady”. But when it comes down to sex, I’m starting to see that the “Anything Goes” handbook I’ve been using for dating might not exactly be relevant anymore.

There are rules, whether you want to follow them is up to you, but I think it’s important that even the most unlady-like of ladies know when to hold out for sex. The key here is to know what you want from the guy.

If you’re in a new town (or your own town, whatever) and have decided that you literally just want to f*ck someone; well, you’re on what I like to call a mission. If sex is your ultimate goal, then find your dude and do the nasty thing. In fact, if you just want a casual hook-up with some dude you don’t even like all that much, there’s no sense in making him–or you–wait in that case, either.

The difference comes in to play when you meet a guy you really like. You know that guy you can spill your soul to, cry laughing with, and even though you deny it, you can really see some long term potential with him? He’s the guy who has to wait.

It’s plain and simple. If you want to keep his interest fastened tightly, you have to hold out. I would go as far as to say no more than kissing on the first date and to wait for sex at least until the 3rd or 4th date. This may not sound like a long wait to many of you, but trust me, it’s enough for him. Play your sex cards right and he’ll be begging for you by the 3rd date and guess who’ll have the upper hand at that point?

You, of course.

So to summarize for all of us unlady-like ladies out there:

If you don’t see potential with the guy; bone him in the bathroom at the bar. As long as you’re safe about it, who cares what happens later?

If you see any potential with him, excuse yourself from the petting session and make Prince Charming wait.

Got it? Good.

Class dismissed.