There are many difficult decisions we women must make at different times throughout our lives: tampon or pad, Brazilian or bikini, Pantene or Herbel Essense, Gossip Girl or The Hills? Difficult, difficult decisions.

It wasn’t until recently, however, that I faced one of the toughest short term decisions of my life. Or night. This choice would affect it all: my looks, my weight, and my potential for pulling some major booty.

Here was my dilemma: Do I wear Spanx, the best body shaping underwear that eliminates panty lines and takes about 10 pounds away from my curvaceous bod, or do I wear the sexy, skanky, black lace thong?

I know I’m not the only girl out there who has pondered this perplexity. And I am definitely not the last. So, what should you do? Let’s break it down:

Spanx make that tight dress fit perfectly and suck you in at all the right places. Problem is, body shaping underwear looks like this, or worse, like this. They’re like granny-panties-meet-military-armor with the dangerous potential to scare away any guy who finds his way down south.

Thongs, on the other hand, are straight out of every man’s fantasy. They are a guaranteed turn-on and a real flag raiser (if you know what I’m sayin’…). But they also leave everything hangin’ out…and jiggling.

Spanx make you look good, which, in turn, make you feel good and beautiful and confident enough to walk up to that fellow you’ve been eying and spit your best game.

Thongs are thin strips of material that ride uncomfortably high, making them nearly impossible to ignore as you go about your business all night. Jiggling.

Spanx require a full-body workout to get on and off. And when you finally do roll (yes, roll) those suckers down your legs (which is impossible to do while still maintaining some semblance of sex appeal), you’re left with deep red lines across your stomach. Hotness.

Thongs only require a slight tug (with teeth) to remove. They also happen to be easy to stuff back into your purse for the long Stride of Pride home. Jiggling.

You can see the dilemma. There’s really no true winner. It looks like the only option might be the old “I’ll meet you outside in a minute”/run into the bar bathroom and break a sweat taking off those Spanx and go commando before he has a chance to look up your skirt maneuver.

Sigh. It’s not easy being a girl.

While The US Open is typically a tournament to crown the best of the best on the tennis court, this year it was more about the Lust-Lust than the Love-Love. (That’s a really bad tennis score reference, if you didn’t get it.)

Men across the nation were drooling as jailbait Melanie Oudin battled and triumphed over Maria Sharapova, both in skill and looks.

But the men aren’t the only ones who got a little bonus feature at the Open this year. Us ladies had some eye candy of our own in the form of newcomer and new champion Juan Martin del Potro. He fell from like the sky like an Argentinean god sent here to out-play and outshine reigning champion Roger Federer.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I tuned in to the Open primarily for the man-meat. What is it about men in awkward-length white shorts that makes me swoon? Maybe it has something to do with the sexual grunts that escape their lips as they return a serve. Or perhaps it’s the way the wind whips through their flowing locks as they dash around the court. But whatever it is, I still can’t decide which tennis superstar has captured my heart.

Patriotism and my affinity for blonds has kept me loyally at Andy Roddick’s side, but after watching the Del Potro/Federer match, I’ve been seriously considering testing out foreign soil.

Let’s go waaay back (to 2002) to the release of  Bend it Like Beckham, when JRM got his first big acting break.  He starred as Joe, the Irish soccer (okay, football) coach who quickly fell for his culturally-conflicted student, Jess.

I loved this movie for two reasons: first, because it showcased Keira Knightley during her awkward stage before she was really famous, and second, because JRM totally stole the show.

His impeccable brogue and pursed pout had my teenage tongue a-waggin’.  Plus, due to the English colloquialisms peppered throughout the film, the characters kept referring to Joe as “fit” (translation: effable), which inspired me to dream of my own physical condition after a long night with JRM.

But that was just the beginning.

Our boy then took a role in the quirky (but really exceptional) Woody Allen flick, Match Point. JRM starred as a man wracked with guilt over an infidelity with Scarlett Johannson’s character, who devises an ultimate solution to rid her from his life.  The film has everything: delicious sex scenes, multiple close-ups of Jonathan’s chiseled jaw and impassioned stare, and his persistent stress only heightened my desire to step into the film and relieve him…if you catch my drift.

Today, he stars as iconic historical cassanova King Henry VIII in Showtime’s The Tudors. Now you can schedule regular dates with JRM (alas, on television).  And while he remains a bachelor, he’s recently been reported entering and leaving rehab for alcohol addiction. It seems he’s been spending a lot of  time taking care of himself, which I applaud. When he’s ready to let someone else take care of him, I’ll certainly be ready to effill the role!

If so, we need your help!

CollegeCandy is teaming up with Lemondrop to find the hottest professors in the country. Yeah, yeah – they may be a rare breed, but we know there are a few out there!

If you know of any drool-worthy professors, leave us a comment with the professor’s name and school. And if you have a picture (either from your school’s site or if you can sneakily snap one during class), send it to the editors: lauren@collegecandy.com.

We can’t wait to see what you’ve got.

(Note: we make no promises regarding the use of these pictures for our own personal drool-session.)

If you’re attracted to your professor, it can be painful to fight the urge to flirt shamelessly with him. However, is breaching the student-teacher conduct worth it? And better yet, is it safe?

The downside to flirting with your professor is that you have to be subtle. When he asks, “Any questions?” You can’t blurt out, “Would you like to make out with me?” Likewise, the lines, “I’ve lost my number, can I borrow yours,” “Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day,” and “Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck” are inappropriate.

Even being subtle can be difficult, since, chances are, if he’s really that hot, all of the other girls in class have noticed. So if you’re idea of flirting with a prof is to memorize all of the reading assignments and raise your hands twelve times in a 50-minute lecture, the other girls are going to recognize your feeble attempts, and you’ll be labeled a suck-up or a teacher’s pet. And if he nicely asks you to give someone else a chance to participate, you will feel your heart shatter into bitty pieces and fume when he compliments Betty Jean’s insightful answer.

Like any man, you have to learn to read your crush before you can establish whether you will get anywhere by flirting. Sure, it could happen. But even if you think he’s vibing you, making a pass could result in utter embarrassment, an awkward rest-of-the-term, or a violation of student conduct. Sure, if he’s one of those laid-back teachers with a sense of humor, you can crack jokes laced with innuendos and brush it off, but those professors are few and far between, and you still need to be careful not to cross the line.

The bottom line is, do you really think a relationship could work? After all, your grade lies in his hands. If he grades you fairly and you don’t like the mark, it could start a fight – it was his fault you couldn’t do your homework, after all – and if he grades you on your extracurricular activities, you don’t deserve your GPA. What about after the course, when he keeps his hectic teaching/grading schedule and you just want to run away for spring break? Or, in the worst case scenario, what if you wind up jeopardizing his career?

We’re all legal, consenting adults in college, so it can be difficult to draw the line between lust and completely inappropriate. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way, and will come on to you first! However, since your education is involved here, I recommend trusting your instincts and PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION.

Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen.

2. “You’re Pretty When I’m Drunk”– Bloodhound Gang

You can kick yourself in the morning when you sober up and realize that the guy you brought home from the bar last night looks nothing like David Beckham (actually, he more closely resembles Danny DeVito), so you don’t need Jimmy Pop saying “I told you so.” Besides, lines like “I’m hungry like the wolf, but I’ll end up taming cattle,” and “it wouldn’t be the first time that I gave a dog a bone,” though satirical, are pretty harsh. As liberated, self-respecting women, we know we’re pretty when he’s sober, too, inside and out.

3. “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.”– Sufjan Stevens

If you didn’t know that this song is about the infamous serial killer, you might think the gentle ballad sets the mood. However, if your ears perk up at the lines, “And in my best behavior, I am really just like him/ Look underneath the floor boards for the secrets I have hid,” you’ll probably get creeped out, and ask yourself how well you really know the guy who’s jamming his tongue down your throat.

4. “UR So Gay”– Katy Perry

Straight guys will go flacid as soon as Ms. Perry belts her titular accusation in the chorus. They won’t even listen to the following line, “you don’t even like boys.” Homophobic or not, men don’t like to have their sexualities questioned. Besides, the whole song is an angry letter to a shallow metrosexual. You would never want your lover to “hang [himself] with an H & M scarf,” now, would you?

5. “MmmBop”– Hanson

This song will actually probably cause many social situations to take a turn down Embarrassment Alley. If you’re a closet Hanson fan, that’s fine. But your guy might not appreciate your “special” quirks.

Any I missed?

The challenge consisted of constructing a catapult to launch raw chickens from (flashback to hottie, circa Flava Flav Season 1) and the first team to catch and place five raw chickens on the plates, wins the challenge and seals their fate away from elimination for the night.

As always, alliances began to form between teams before the mission even started. At the route of all problems was – surprise, surprise – trashy, plastic Megan, who formed too many alliances, causing Destiny, Mr. Boston and Brandi C. to be chosen as the three bottom players.

Originally, Megan, Brandi C. and Mr. Boston formed an alliance with 12 Pack, the winning team’s captain, to try and get White Boy’s name into the box, as he’s seen as the biggest threat. However, plans were brought to a halt when Megan and White Boy formed an alliance together to save each other, which they did, but not before Megan threw her prior “partners in crime” under the elimination bus.

It’s safe to say that Mr. Boston cracked; his ranting and hysterical screams were on par with a ten year old girl’s temper tantrum. He felt it was wrong that the alliance was broken and, while his argument was valid, his behavior (stomping around, the waterworks, etc.) pretty much gave 12 Pack enough validation he needed to send the semi-unstable New England boy packin’ — but not before Mr. Boston and Brandi C. called Megan out on her traitor like ways. Still, she was not in the bottom three, so she sat there, holding her little Chihuahua dog, oh so Paris Hilton like.

While she may have been safe last night, next week’s challenge looks like it’s centering on The Entertainer’s main squeeze to go home. Teammates gang up on Destiny, causing a rift in both teams mentalities, but who knows how the end will turn out.

People are gunning for White Boy too, but he’s been smart enough to keep himself from landing in the bottom bunch. I’m rootin’ for him to win…so let’s hope he stays there.

Tune in next week, folks!

[photo courtesy of vh1.com]

The thing is, you could very easy (and for much less money than going out to eat) make a much more enjoyable and fine-dining form of carby goodness: pasta with scallops.

This is a particularly good dish for entertaining. Also, did I mention it’s delicious? Well, it’s delicious.

Now get cracking:

Stuff You’ll Need

-1 pound of the pasta of your choice (but NOT something individual like bowties or elbows)

-1 1/2 pounds of scallops

-3/4 cups of butter

-3 shallots

-2 cups of a dry white wine (perhaps a Pinot Grigio?)

-3 tablespoons of flour

-2 cloves of garlic

-2 tablespoons of cream (note: you can substitute half&half if you want to save the calories)

Now:

Wash the scallops really, really carefully. This dish is pointless if you get sick.

Mince the garlic till it’s quite minced and chop up the shallots until they’re quite chopped.

Simmer the scallops in the wine until they are tender (but not until they’re rubbery! watch them closely!). Then drain the liquid into a bowl. (You will need it later.)

Melt the butter into a pan and saute the garlic and the shallots, stirring in the flour. Then add in the cream (or half&half) and the liquid from before. Mix all this shiz together until it’s blended nicely.

Now add in the scallops and add salt and pepper as needed. While you’re doing this, you should be boiling the pasta.

When all these things are done, put them all together. Deliciosa! Enjoy!!

(Bonus if you get a hottie over to share the spoils of your work. Deliciosa x 10!)

[Image courtesy of www.taunton.com]

Independence Day should NOT mean independence from:

(a) your good sense

(b) your panties

(c) reality

(d) all of the above

Okay, obviously the answer is (a). And if you believe that, skip the rest of this article.

But seriously, Independence Day marks our freedom as an independent United States of America, and for some reason, this has morphed into a gigantular party day.

Which, look, is fine by me. I love partying.

However, may I suggest, for your own sake, that you stop a tequila shot short of blacking out? Here are the top reasons why:

(7) Missing the festivities

I mean, if you can’t remember it, how the flip can you enjoy it? That totally sucks! Especially when you find out you managed to do #6.

(6) Ruining your chances with a hottie

Yes, the odds for this increase dramatically if you are blacked out. During such a state sometime in my sophomore year of college, I allegedly once asked a potential hook-up if he was gay. Um, yeah. That didn’t work out in my favor.

(5) Spilling sh*t on your clothes

Did you or did you not spend $$$ on those hotass shoes?! And did you or did you not just spend two hours getting ready? What the heck was the point if you’re just going to look like a sloppy, stainy drunk?

(4) Saying things you really mean but that you don’t want people to know you mean because they make you look like a jerk

You know how you think your exboyfriend who you’re now “friends” with is a total ahole? Ummm, maybe now, in front of all your mutual friends and multiple strangers, is not the best time to tell him. Ten times. At the top of your lungs.

(3) Puking the next day

Or that night. Or whenever. Puking fricking blows. No pun intended.

(2) Facebook photos.

Need I say more?

(1) Look at it this way:

New dress: $45

Enough drinks to black you the flip out: $65

Walking home the next morning with a brand new STD: Priceless.

[Image courtesy of http://a810.ac-images.myspacecdn.com]

I can’t believe that I’m going to say this – but if you forget the infidelity and the fact that he probably gets his hair Japanese straightened, Mario Lopez has a smokin’ body.

Song of the week

Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”.

I hate this song.

Freak Show

Verne Troyer/Mini-Me sex tape. Why don’t they just pour acid on our eyes?

Am I the only one who thinks that Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely frightening if you pissed her off even just a tiny bit? FYI, you may get the store discount if you ask nicely and don’t have your bodyguard show a gun to the shop girl.

OK! Magazine paid Jamie Lynn Spears $1 million for baby pictures. A million. For Jamie. Lynn. Spears?

Splitsville?

Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce rumors have been in and out of the rags for years, but it seems Madonna is getting a bit more serious this time.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are so rarely photographed together that I’m not surprised that the separation rumor is floating around. Still, I don’t want to believe it.

Is there a worse way for a relationship to end? Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend is going to jail for a loooong time. Further proof that celebrities are not perfect: they don’t know how to pick ‘em either.

Movies

Am I the only one who is just waiting out this wave of crappy movies for “The Dark Night” to come out? I miss my boyfriend (in my head).

Couple of the Week

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I love them together.

[Photo courtesy of Espn950.com]