I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need.

6. Buffy – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I don’t watch True Blood, I don’t care for that Twilight nonsense and I will never, ever believe that there are vampires comparable to Spike or Angel out there. Here’s to the original ass-kicking, vampire slaying valley girl that everyone knows and loves. Without her, this vampire craze probably wouldn’t exist.

5. Blair Waldorf – Gossip Girl
If I can’t be Blair, just let me have her wardrobe. Or her love life.

4. Liz Lemon – 30 Rock
While I adore Toni Collette in the new series, “U.S. of Tara,” Tina Fey was robbed last night. Robbed! I heart Liz Lemon and it would be such a treat to try and wrangle Tracy, Jack and Kenneth on a weekly basis in 30 Rockerfeller Center, no matter how pathetic Liz’s personal life is.

3. Nancy Botwin – Weeds
Who doesn’t love stoned suburbia? Best show ever.

2. Sookie – True Blood
Like I said, don’t watch the show. However, that hottie Bill that I see hanging around the cast pictures? Yeah, okay, maybe I’ll Netflix it.

1. Joan Holloway – Mad Men
I mean, have you seen her?

What TV chicas did I miss? Fill me in!

While flipping through the channels last night during primetime, I discovered the real reason why our favorite shows go off the air during the summer: to make way for the sh*tshow that is summer television, which leaves us begging for The Office and House come September.

It’s the perfect advertising strategy: cut off the supply of good shows, and the viewers will demand that the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy be moved up several weeks. But it’s absolute torture for the rest of us.

That is not to say all summer TV is bad. True Blood and Mad Men are perhaps two of the greatest shows on television, period, despite the fact that they premiere during the summer. But take a look the other night’s TV listings, and you’ll want to cringe along with me: America’s Got Talent, Big Brother, More To Love? Nothing even halfway decent to watch!

My DVDs are the only things keeping me going. When I find that there’s just nothing good on TV, I’ll pop one of my favorite shows in the DVD player and pretend it’s fall sweeps. Of course, maintaining the same level of interest and excitement becomes difficult after a while, especially since I’ve watched the third season of Gilmore Girls so many times that I can recite it all the way through. But when the reality shows start gearing up in the evening, I need something else to escape to.

So I spend my evenings researching when my favorite shows will return. Here’s what I’ve got so far.

So You Think You Can Dance: September 6th
90210: September 8th
Gossip Girl (woohoo!): September 14th
30 Rock: September 15th
The Office: September 17th
House and Heroes: September 21st
Grey’s Anatomy: September 24th
Desperate Housewives: September 27th

Oh, sweet September. I can’t wait to see you.

Lately, it feels as if I’m in a Samuel Beckett play. With four weeks to go until I graduate from high school and hardly anything worthwhile to do, I find myself stuck in a waiting game. My school days are drawn-out and boring as anything; the highlights of my days are the art house films we’re watching in French and the various incarnations of dodgeball my gym teacher keeps thinking up. I keep looking at the calendar each day, and although my parents tell me the weeks will fly by quickly, graduation could not be farther away in my mind. And not to mention freshman move-in day, which seems like light years away.

I have, however, found a few things to keep me occupied until graduation. It’s not much, but at least it’s preventing me from losing my mind from anxious waiting:

Making a list, checking it twice. Ever since I woke up in the middle of the night last week thinking of floor lamps, I’ve begun (albeit prematurely) keeping a list of things I’ll need for my dorm room this fall. I can’t sit down and write up a comprehensive list to save my life, so whenever inspiration hits – in the car, in the shower, at 3 a.m. – I’ll have a pen and paper handy to write down whatever necessity I randomly think of. It’s one fun way of making the time between now and September seem slightly shorter.

Course registration, part two. I began picking out courses that interest me quite some time ago, but in the coming weeks, I’ll have to finalize my schedule for the fall semester. I’ve started doing more “in-depth research” into the courses I want to take through ratemyprofessor.com and talking with current students about their experiences with certain professors. Both are great resources for information on whose classes to take and which professors to avoid at all costs.

Overdoses of TV shows. This has nothing to do with college, but it has become a favorite pastime of mine in recent days. Last Sunday, I watched all twelve hours of a twelve-hour House marathon, and since then, I haven’t been able to stop watching it. My goal is to catch up to the current season by the end of June, and then follow up with the other shows I’ve stopped watching regularly for whatever reason. Mad Men, Grey’s Anatomy, The Office…the list is endless. But my time also seems to be endless, so perhaps my proposed multi-hour marathons are truly meant to be.

Good old-fashioned procrastination. It’s not exactly college-related either, but nothing beats spending five hours on studying what should only take an hour thanks to Facebook and e-mail breaks every five minutes. I’ve really taken to those quizzes that keep popping up in my newsfeed, ranging from “What revolutionary figure are you?” to “What drug are you?” (Gloria Steinem and marijuana, respectively). I wasn’t much of a procrastinator during high school, so this is a whole new type of fun for me. I just hope these habits don’t carry over into the fall…

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!  This week, kick back and relax with a big cup of  Kal Penn.

Not many men can put a gun to their heads one day and accept a highly prestigious federal job the next, but leave it to Kal Penn to pull it off. Earlier this week, the scrumptious House star had fans in a tizzy when they tuned in to discover his character, Dr. Lawrence Kutner, had committed suicide. Turns out, Penn had his character on the popular show killed off so that he could accept a job as President Obama’s Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison! With the economy being what it is, for anyone to make a career leap at this time is impressive, but the (literally) show-stopping switch by Kal is infinitely effable.

Who would have ever thought the guy-next-door cutie we saw in National Lampoon’s  Van Wilder or Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle would one day be swapping notes with the President? Turns out he’s been stacking his resume not only with starring roles but academic and political scores, as well. Having attended UCLA for college, Kal has served as guest lecturer at the University of Pennsylvania and as a surrogate during Barack Obama’s presidential campaign. What a catch!

This week, there’s only one man on my mind, and that’s Kal Penn. Not only is his career move from acting to public service inspirational, he’s certainly shocked us all. Who knows what kind of wildcard stunts he’ll pull in the bedroom? Kal, if you’re looking for a congratulatory eff, you can park it right here.

But the red carpet fashion was some of the best I’ve seen in years. Seriously, I can’t even think of one dress that I didn’t totally love. Well, maybe one, but that is for a whole other post.

As I walked past a mirror on my way to the bathroom and caught my reflection – sorority butt pants, a stained t-shirt and super greasy hair – I couldn’t help but imagine what I would look like in any of the following gowns.

Not that I will ever walk a red carpet…or get to wear a Nanette Lepore gown…or drink any wine that doesn’t come in a box, but a girl can dream.

Click on the image to get a full look at the gowns and find out why we fell head over Louboutin-heels in love.

Drum roll please…

It’s the news with Kandy Korrespondent! (wild applause) anyways:

The California Supreme Court has overturned the state’s same-sex marriage ban by a vote of 3-4 stating that gay unions must be given the “respect and dignity of marriage” and that same-sex couples should be permitted to wed. Governor Schwartzenagger said on Thursday that he will respect the court’s ruling. Meanwhile, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa told reporters that he will gladly officiate at same-sex weddings.

This ruling is the first to apply arguments typically used with regards to the protection of gender and racial rights to the issue of same-sex marriage.

In Other News:

On Thursday, the House of Representatives voted 149-141 against giving the Pentagon an additional $162.5 billion to keep fighting the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq through mid-2009. Most significantly, 132 Republicans voted “present”– neither yes nor no. Such numbers are revelatory of the widening gap between the Bush administration and the rest of the GOP.

Earlier this week, Congress voted in favor of ordering the Bush administration to stop depositing oil in the national reserve for the remainder of this year. The Senate voted 97 to 1 while the House voted 385 to 25. No one denies the fact that this move is anything other than a quick fix to placate constituents. The US Energy Information Administration predicts that this move will only take at most 5 cents off the per gallon price.

In related news, according to a MasterCard Advisors report, American consumers have decreased their demand for gasoline by 1% so far this year.

As you may remember from Econ 101, gas is considered an inflexible good—meaning that demand will not fluctuate with rising prices. So for total American consumer demand to drop by 1% is totally in violation of this principle.

The death toll following the May 3rd cyclone in Myanmar is now 78,000 with 56,000 still missing. During the past week, several aid planes have been allowed to land in the country but for most members of the population, help remains far off. The military junta government insists on retaining control over distribution—a task for which they are ill prepared—the country only has five working helicopters. The government has also refused international offers to send in search-and-rescue teams and disaster responders.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

Robots take over yet another part of the music industry! A 4 ft 3in tall robot named Asimo conducted the Detroit Symphony this past week in their performance of “The Impossible Dream”. Asimo was built by Honda and designed to mimic the motions of the orchestra’s education director. According to the musicians what the robot lacked in communicability it made up in its fluidity and human-like conducting motions.

That’s the News!

The patient du jour was a dude who collapsed during a protest and who appeared to have no major symptoms other than occasional fainting spells. House, however, usurped the patient with the theory that his niceness (yes, NICENESS) was a symptom of a more serious illness.

After a bunch of tests, the team found out that the guy had neurosyphilis and that the condition was supposedly affecting his brain. Kutner also tested a vial of “House’s” blood that he found lying around and discovered that House had syphilis. Long story short: House planted the blood so he could pretend to get nicer with treatment and make the team believe that his initial opinion of niceness being a defect was correct.

Whew! If that’s all a little confusing, let’s get simple: the dirt in this episode was that Cameron once slept with House (at least, it was strongly implied). Chase is pissed with Cameron (rightly) because she’s now putting him at risk of catching an STD, so there’s some major drama going on there.

In other news, House was sick of never seeing Wilson, so he worked out a visitation schedule with Amber. If you’ve seen the show, you can imagine how well that worked. Wilson was too passive-aggressive to choose sides, so House and Amber ended in a deadlock that probably won’t ever be broken.

All in all, I’d say the episode was valuable just for the tantalizing idea that Cameron and House slept together and the marginally entertaining thread of sarcastic performance reviews, so catch the full episode on Fox’s Web site if you missed it.  If not…eh.

Maybe the writers will have really warmed up by next week.

When asked about the concerns of the American people, President Bush fell back upon his stand-by argument–The Enemy! stating:

“How can you listen to the enemy if the phone companies won’t participate with you” for fear of lawsuits? He went on to state that companies have a duty to their shareholders.

Oh right…the shareholders. Of course their financial protection is more important than the Presidential Oath.

The President also made it clear he will hold firm to his current foreign policy trajectory.

In regards to Raul Castro, President Bush made it clear that despite the power shift in Cuba, he will not meet with the new leader nor will he consider changing the embargo.

According to the President, meeting with the new leader of Cuba will detract from the power of the current American position:

“Sitting down at the table… lends the status of the office and the status of our country to him, he [Raul Castro] gains a lot from it…“

No mention was made of the potential gains renewed face-to-face diplomacy might yield. On Tuesday, the Vatican paid such a visit. Apparently the authorities promised the Vatican’s representative, Bertone, that they will give the church greater media freedoms.

President Bush reaffirmed his previous statements that he will go the Olympics in China despite growing pressures to the contrary. He said he looked forward to the sporting event but would also avail himself of the opportunity to discuss religious freedom, Darfur, and Burma with President HU Jintao.

Following Spielberg’s withdraw from the Beijing Olympics over China’s stance towards Darfur, international pressure regarding the foreign policy angles of the Olympics increased.

To sum it up– if you missed today’s press conference you missed a groundbreaking exercise in NOTHING!!!

Thus far I have refused to take a stance on any of the candidates, but…at this point I think I prefer a lack of experience to such a stance of stagnation.

Sigh…Obama where are you?

In a complete anomaly of the writers’ strike, House was a new episode this Tuesday and will be new AGAIN (!) next week.

Aside from the weird feeling I got from watching a Christmas-themed episode when it wasn’t actually Christmastime, I thoroughly enjoyed watching House get his Scrooge on.

Since no one actually watches the episodes for the “medical mysteries” that make up the plotlines, I’m going to jump right in to making commentary about the new medical team.

Taub: It’s still kind of an enigma to me why this dude is on the show, to be honest. As an actor, he doesn’t impress me much, and as a character, he impresses me even less. I mean, what is his purpose? What is House going to do with a middle-aged plastic surgeon? My guess is he’ll develop some kind of illicit relationship with Thirteen.

Thirteen: Thirteen is obviously the new Cameron, but I’m not sure I like her as much. She seems to have less attitude (although I did do a little cheer for her in this episode when she slammed House’s laptop closed in his face). Maybe she just annoys me so much because she is both gorgeous and too smart for her own good.

Kutner: Aside from the fact that I think Kal Penn is smoking hot, Kutner is my favorite doctor of the new crew. He’s sassy, he’s intelligent in a really sexy way, and I can see him giving House some major trouble in the future, which always makes for good TV.

So, hopefully the season will begin to pick up again now that the Contest that Wouldn’t End has finally ended. I still prefer Chase (oh, that accent), Cameron, and Foreman to the new team, but…only time will tell.

During the school year, I don’t watch a lot of TV. I don’t have enough time to sleep, let alone catch the newest episode of whatever Aaron Sorkin is writing in a coked-up stupor. The summer is my time to catch up, watch way too much crap, and reevaluate some of the best shows on television.

Here’s a summer list of MY must-see TV:

Ghost Hunters – Sci Fi network – The TAPS crew provide hours of “what the hell was that?!” fun in this little show on the geek channel. Ghost Hunters follows a crew of “real” paranormal investigators on their quest to find and document supernatural events. Most of the time, you just hear about things they see off camera, but every once in a while, there’s a creepy voice recording and a weird, un-explainable chair movement. It’s a lot more entertaining than it sounds…especially if you’re easily scared. Like me.

Supernanny – ABC – There’s nothing better than watching psychotic kids kick their parents’ ass, plus, TV nanny Jo Frost actually seems like she knows what she’s talking about. And I repeat…psychotic kids making their parents cry.

Top Chef – Bravo – Now in it’s third season, this show cements my belief that most chefs are egotistical crazy people with very little social skills. But that doesn’t mean they don’t make great TV.

Law and Order: SVU – NBC – I wish I could tell you why this show about sexually based crime is so watchable, but I’m afraid it will say something creepy about my psyche. Let’s just go with the reason that Benson and Stabler are badass.

Paula’s Home Cooking – Food Network – This lady makes Southern food like you always imagined; dripping butter, deep-fried, and glazed within an inch of it’s life. One time, I watched her make a bread pudding that included fruit cocktail, butter rum sauce, and 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. I went into sugar shock just imagining how it would taste.

Passions – NBC – This might just be the worst show on television. Horrible acting, horrible plots, horrible special effects…and yet, it’s been on for more than 8 seasons. If you like a little ridiculousness in your daytime soaps, this is the one to watch.

The Soup – E! – Joel McHale is a funny, funny man. And the clips he finds are miraculous. You will laugh. Guaranteed.

The Daily Show – Comedy Central – And oldie but a goodie, Jon Stewart never ceases to amaze with a fake news show that’s actually more real than a few network offerings.

House – Fox – I’ve watched this show from the beginning, and find myself more and more in love with House every week. He’s emotionally unstable, rude, hilarious, and a deeply troubled genius. Sounds like my kind of guy.

Have I missed anything fantastic? Let me know. I’m always looking for the next best televised thing!