Hey! We can hear you!

You just spent 7 hours hunched over a laptop churning out a 12-page midterm paper. Your eyes are dry, your butt is aching from those wooden slabs they call chairs at your school, and the only thing you have on your schedule for this Thursday evening is catching up on some How I Met Your Mother on your DVR and a large bowl of Pad Thai. You slip into some sweats and curl up under a fleece blanket on the couch with a roommate and let the night of nothingness begin.

Two hours and a package of Soft N’ Chewy cookies later, your other roommate stumbles home with her boyfriend. They plop down on the couch next to you and start telling you about their night. Somewhere between their first beer and the tale of how her pizza fell on the ground, they start getting a little handsy. Soon, he’s running his hands through her hair and nibbling on her ear.

You roll your eyes at the other roommate and pray they’ll head back to her room soon so you can get back to Barney’s antics.

Finally, once Mr. Boyfriend’s hands start moving up your roommate’s skirt, she stands up and drags him to her room. When the door slams behind them, you breathe a sigh of relief that they are finally going to pass out, fire up the DVR and resume your regularly scheduled evening.

All is going well until you start fast-forwarding through some commercials. In the silence you hear laughter coming from the bedroom. It stops for a moment and then the Kings of Leon start flooding out from under the door. You brace yourself for what is sure to come next and turn the show back on, hoping it will drown out the sounds. But it only gets worse.

First it’s a moan.
Then some thumping.
More moaning. Read More »

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E. [Guys We Wanna Eff]. This week, we turn our attention to the slick, sarcastic, and suave Neil Patrick Harris, who has been revving up our engines since age sixteen.]

I know what you’re thinking: Neil Patrick Harris is a looker and all, but uh, doesn’t he bat for the other team? You would be right about that, but for this week’s GWWE (or would that be, GGWWE- Gay Guy We Wanna Eff?) I’m longing for that boy-he’s-so-awesome-maybe-I-can-score-a-conversion-eff.

Can you blame me? I’ve had a hard time keeping my temperature down since Neil was sporting lab coats in Doogie Howser, MD. He had everything my teenage heart desired: good looks, great smarts, and a stethoscope (what better way to hear my pulse beating, “eff-me, eff-me, eff-me”?).

And Mr. Harris beat the child-star stereotypes to become a successful (and sexy) entertainer. He has been seen most recently in the hit series How I Met Your Mother, but is also well known for his hilarious portrayal of—well, himself—in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. But best of all, he starred in the web-based mini-movie Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, as a mad scientist in love with pretty Penny from the laundromat. Was it absolutely hysterical? Yes. Did I superimpose my own image over Penny’s to imagine Dr. Eff Me singing and pleading for my affections? Maybe. Read More »

So last week was truly the end of our television season, and off we go into the doldrums of summer programming. But first, let’s look back at the wonderful ways our favorite shows wrapped up.

Gossip Girl: I’m proud of the writers of this show for making some sort of reasonable denouement to the ridiculous things they put their characters through this season: Georgina got conveniently sent off to a reform school, everyone broke up, and they not-so-subtly planted the seeds for new couples.

I spent the hour deciding who I would rather want to be: Blair or Vanessa. Once Blair got on the plane with a smoking hot corporate flacky, my doubts were crushed.

How I Met Your Mother: Was anyone else a little disappointed by this episode? I mean, come on people, it’s the season finale, and I laughed out loud maybe twice. Proposal blah blah blah, car accident, whatever. The only thing that made me happy was Barney’s epiphany in full body cast. Robin and Barney as a couple would be the best combination ever.

American Idol: Some guy named David Cook won. Good for him. I didn’t watch a minute of this season, other than the clips of Andrew Lloyd Webber creepily coaching the male contestants. Read More »

It’s a good time to be a TV fan, girls. Other than the incredibly disappointing resurfacing of Britney in How I Met Your Mother, things are going well. A couple television tidbits for your perusing pleasure:

* Renewals for shows I love: How I Met Your Mother and Reaper. YAY! People, this is good comedy right here. If you aren’t already tuning in, you should be.

*Speaking of How I Met Your Mother, the websites mentioned on this week’s episode are real and functioning. You can buy set pieces and items from Lily’s ridiculously cute wardrobe at this auction site. All proceeds go to the Los Angeles Children’s Hospital. In addition, www.GuyForcesHisWifeToDressInAGarbageBagForTheNextThreeYears.com is not only the longest URL ever, it is bizarre and wonderful. Details like this make me love this show.

*Season finales are upon us, with Scrubs and 30 Rock ending last week, and the majority of other shows finishing up this week. And while I mourn the passing of some of my favorites, I’m distracted by the awesomeness that I’m sure The Office will deliver this Thursday. My predictions? Cliffhangers galore: including a Dwight/Angela coupling behind Andy’s back, Jan using a possibly fake pregnancy to reel Michael back in, and a Jim/Pam proposal. Too far fetched? Maybe. But if I’m right you’ll bow down to my fabulous and mystical clairvoyance. Post your own predictions in the comments! Read More »

I’m not going to lie. I’m kind of addicted to television. However, I like to think that I watch television of a pretty high quality (mainly sitcoms that are actually funny, documentaries with the occasional Haunted Insert Noun Here, and smart dramas that don’t involve horny doctors in fictional hospitals).

So when I found out that Britney Spears had been cast on my second favorite sitcom (behind The Office), How I Met Your Mother, I was a little perturbed to say the least.

How I Met Your Mother has succumbed to stunt casting before, giving guest spots to stars like Mandy Moore, Enrique Inglesias, and in one episode, Heidi Klum and a bevy of Victoria’s Secret models. However, these cameos were mainly a way to try and reign in more viewers, as HIMYM has often had low ratings, despite the inherent hilarity of the show.

But now the makers of the show have gone too far. I try to avoid Britney Spears columns like the plague, considering that I really don’t like voluntarily hearing about a person’s psychological meltdown. Schadenfreude really isn’t my thing. So when I saw the headline announcing this guest spot, I was thisclose to skipping over the article entirely. Imagine my horror when I realized the sitcom gig in the headline was referring to my beloved, pure, funny, and original How I Met Your Mother. Read More »

We’ve all heard them before: the dreaded pick-up line.

Most often, pick-up lines don’t accomplish what the pick-up liner has set out to achieve, which is getting the pick-up linee into or as close to, a bed, as possible. Sometimes, however, with the right heir of confidence, there is a diamond in the rough, which leads to someone gettin’ lucky.

And, sure, you can use Wikipedia to find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Egypt’s Rosetta Stone or an in-depth history of Boy Meets World.

But where do you go when you need to prepare the perfect pick-up line for a Friday night?

Pickupedia: The Pick-Up Line Encyclopedia. Read More »