The cover story was predictable sap, a famous star insisting that she’s really just a big dork who, in this case, loves to sing Taylor Swift songs in her car.  Twenty-one-year-old Lucy also makes a rather unfortunate comparison between the character she plays in her newest movie and Miley Cyrus, and pulls out some sermon about what it takes to be a role model.  But she plays the best character on one of the most addictive TV shows out there (Pretty Little Liars), and has really pretty eyes and a surprisingly beautiful singing voice, so I’ll her forgettable interview slide.

This issue kept going with the whole bright theme – from urging readers to wear hot pink matte lipstick (try it, it’s actually really fun) to pimping out some crazy neon hair accessories.  The not so bright spot in all this?  Their fashion section, which tells girls everywhere that it’s cool to wear flat oxfords with a nice dress, accompanied by a picture of Kendall Jenner looking totally leggy and gorgeous in her ensemble.  Like, HELLO?  We don’t wear heels because we love the way they feel; some of us need a little stiletto so that our legs don’t look like little stubs.  Every bone in my five-foot–tall body burned at this.  But hey, if you can get away with this look (or have a body like Kendall Freaking Jenner), more power to you.

But enough of that, let’s get on to the juicy stuff, shall we?  Seventeen runs a piece on sex trafficking in Thailand and Hong Kong, which features Shay Mitchell (also of Pretty Little Liars fame) talking about her work to bring justice to victims.  Way to go, Seventeen! Those are the kind of celebrity role models you should focus on – not girls who claim they’ll never touch a drop of alcohol.

Strangely enough, this issue is lacking in a “sex-ed” type column, which is too bad because those are usually the easiest (and most fun) to tear apart.  Luckily, my second favorite type of column appears: a how-to guide to flirting.  It’s called “Get Flirting Confidence” and it’s….well, see for yourself.

Seventeen says: “Try your move on a guy who doesn’t really matter to you so that you have a non-scary way to figure out what works…a cute waiter is the perfect test run because it’s his job to pay attention to you!
Zara says:  So basically if you sense a “real connection” with the guy who always waits your table at your favorite happy hour spot, it’s all a lie.  He’s just paying attention to you because he wants a good tip.  Great.  And also – since when do waiters have the time to hang around and listen to a girl who’s practicing her flirting technique? And do we have to pay more for that kind of service?

Seventeen says: “When you’re acting as the sidekick for a flirt friend, you get to be part of the action without any pressure.  Seeing how she talks to guys will rub off on you – soon you’ll be ready to jump right in.”
Zara says: What happened to “just by yourself and guys will like you?”  Come ON, Seventeen!

Seventeen says: “When you’re hanging out with guy friends, pay attention to what they talk about and what cracks them up.  Being totally comfortable in a guy world helps you hold your own around a cutie you like and may even give you a few jokes to steal.”
Zara says: If you’re gonna go this route, just be prepared to talk about farting.  And boobs.  A lot. But not too much. No matter what Seventeen says, there’s nothing sexy about a girl telling a personal fart story. Just trust me on this.

Seventeen says: “It’s easier to say something bold to your crush over text.  But when you get in the habit of throwing out those lines (and realize that most of the time they actually work!), you’ll get up the guts to try it in person.  Just hit send already!
Zara says: …And this is where you consult a previous issue for a guide to sexting….err, I mean “flirty texting.”

For even more bad advice for today’s youth, click here!

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list…or that list, because I don’t really do groceries (there is a reason why they deliver pizza), to-do lists are totally not my scene (if such a scene even exists) and, unfortunately, I haven’t added to that list in quite awhile. My lists are more vital to your everyday lives, like the best party themes and ten things that are really annoying.

And this week, this list focuses on my favorite subject: boys.

Whenever you’re out at a party, bar or club, you always seem to spot that hottie. “The rules” tell us that we’re not supposed to go after that cutie in the button down and that they should come crawling to us with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Hello? It’s 2010. The flowers are jagerbombs and the box of chocolates are a flock of bro-dudes that are c-blocking you from your boy of choice. Here’s 10 ways to snag that cutie and get more than some digits.

10. Use the cheesiest pick-up line known to mankind
“Do you have a mirror in your pants? Cause I totally see myself in them?”

9. Buy HIM a drink
Easy enough. Easier if it’s shots of tequila.

8. Start talking to his friends
The best way to get in with the cutie? Start chatting up his friends first!

7. Send him a filthy text message
Already got his digits? Get right to the point and come on strong with a hardcore flirty text message. You might be surprised what your bold attitude can do.

6. Compliment Him
You’d be surprise how something as simple as “I really love those shoes” might just work. Hey, guys spend time on picking out their “going-out” gear too!

5. Get a Little Physical
Like Olivia Newtown John said, get physical. Find any reason to touch him, it’ll show him that you’re interested and get him going.

4. Wear something that makes you feel sexy
He’ll be impressed by your self-confidence and how you look like a knock-out in that LBD.

3. Of course, welcome a drink from him
Make sure he knows you like your dirty martinis extra, extra dirty. [Wink]

2. Be Observant
Is he wearing a Red Sox hat? Yankees jersey? Band tee shirt? Pick up on what his interests are and bring it up right away. Even if you have to use your phone to do a little research on who plays for the Rangers.

1. Get him going with a game
Start playing a little truth or dare in the bar. Nothing opens possibilities and gets to the point like the old school games. Not to mention, with brand new technology you can get down and dirty then and there at the bar with hot iPhone games to heat things up like Vegas Spin the Bottle.

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready?

Physical Contact. Touch his shoulder as you’re talking, or let yourself get pushed close to him in a crowded room. Taking advantage of any excuse to touch him will get those hormones pumping!

Privacy. Any thinly veiled excuse to leave the crowded party or bar (“I’d love a house tour! Which room is yours?”) should give off the hint that you’re ready to take it up a notch.

Where did my friends go? Losing your friends offers a great opportunity for him to offer to walk you home, and for you to invite him inside to “warm up.” Of course, make sure you have cab fare in case he doesn’t get the hint.

Tired of waiting? Tried all those things and homeboy still isn’t going in for the kill? Make the move yourself.

Just Kiss Him Already. If the tension is there, taking the plunge and just kissing him is the best way to get started. If he’s into it, you’ll be a hero. If you misread the situation and he has a girlfriend or something, well, at least you have a story to submit to CollegeCandy’s Morning After column.

Yeah, it will sting for a little while, but at least you tried. That’s more than you can say for most people!

“The first step to meeting men is eye contact. Just one little lingering look can start an entire adventure…”

Yes, well, sure. Eye contact is always the perfect way to let a guy know that you’re interested.

If you can do it.

Now, maybe this seemingly simple task is almost impossible for me because I don’t wear my glasses when I’m out, therefore making it sort of hard to tell if a guy over three feet away is actually looking back—but I think there’s more too it. I think eye contact is actually much scarier than those dating websites would have us believe.

Writing about doing it is easy. I can type about it till I’m blue in the face, advising everyone to totally lock eyes with a boy on the subway, in a bar, walking down the street…it let’s them know you’re interested! It’s a good way to flirt!

But for some reason, putting it into practice is hard. I’m not the shiest person you’ve ever met, but if I think a guy’s cute, it’s really difficult to look him square in the face and smile. I’d much rather look at whatever’s directly above and to the left of him; that way, I can take little peeks without him knowing.

I’m fully aware that this habit of looking-when-he’s-not is counterintuitive and lame, but staring at a hot boy makes me anxious. Why? Maybe because I’m afraid of the reaction he’ll give back. Maybe I’m afraid of seeming too forward? Maybe I’m just chicken shit.

But it totally freaks me out.

Are there other people out there who find flirty glances nerve wracking? Should I just grow a pair and get with the program? Is the fear of eye contact a secret, underground epidemic?

In the meanwhile, I’ll keep staring at the top of hot guys’ heads everywhere.