So you have a big dance coming up, or just a big night out, but you’re tottering around precariously in your new heels. What to do? You may want to grab a copy of the book How to Walk in High Heels, but not for reading…for balance!

When I was getting ready for my prom I found myself face to face with my first pair of killer heels–my skirt was about 2 miles too long for my super-short legs, so I had to buy the tallest heels I could find just to keep my skirt from dragging in the grass. A family friend came over one day to find me wobbling around the kitchen in sweatpants and my new heels, wondering how I was going to stay afloat for an entire evening.

She handed me a book, and told me to put in on my head.

Huh?

I did as I was told, and balanced the book on the top of my head. “Now let go of it, and keep it balanced”. The book was steady. “Now: walk!” she commanded, and I did. I was SO focused on keeping the book from falling off my head, I barely noticed that I was walking (almost gracefully!) across the floor in my heels.

I totally rocked my prom, and I’ve never been afraid of another pair of sky-high heels again!

I have tried to walk in high heels my whole life.

Even playing dress up with my mom’s clothes, I would put them on and wobble carefully around the living room, fully aware that there was an allure about them, but also fully aware that the sensation of balancing on a thin little piece of wood wasn’t fun in the least.

These days, I have basically the same assumption about stilettos. They look awesome, but they feel like sh*t.

Camilla Morton, author of How to Walk in High Heels: The Girl’s Guide to Everything agrees with me when it comes to the ouch factor of such shoes, but wants us women to deal with the pain and wear them anyway.

“With the heel comes glamour, mystique, height and allure.” Morton writes, “Lofty, impractical shoes put you on your own personal pedestal, ready to meet the world. Heels are a gym workout in themselves. They slim, elongate, put off the need for liposuction, add grace and poise, and quadruple your self-esteem.”

The idea of wearing “lofty, impractical shoes” on a daily basis sounds ridiculous to me. Especially here in New York City, where my motto has always been “if you can’t run in them, don’t buy them.” I wonder if this woman walks at all; does she have to go up and down subway stairs, hike her two-week old laundry onto her shoulder and stumble into a laundry mat, or walk up four flights to get to her apartment?

“Heels are one of the most potent weapons a woman has,” Morton continues, “so why not stand on that portable pedestal and admire the view?”

Your uncomfortable shoes may be your “most potent weapon”, lady, but I’d thank you very much to keep me out of that generalization. I like to rely on more than just my footwear in this life. Read More »