Wowza, we thought last week was bad! This week just womped it! There have been all kinds of crazy flying around this week, and it’s only getting worse. At the rate we’re going, nervous for what’s to come next week. Cheating, drugs, trashing hotel rooms, you know, just another typical week in Hollywood.

Super 2-Hour TV Special

1. Charlie Sheen has lost it. Earlier this week, Charlie was hospitalized after being found in a trashed hotel room at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. Reports suggest that it was a drug and alcohol related incident, but his reps maintain that he had an allergic reaction to a medication. And then there was the girl (prostitute? porn star?) hiding in the bathroom. She’s pressing charges against Charlie because he was acting like a looney-bird. Oh and did we mention that Denise and his kids were across the hall? Classy, Charlie.

2. Howard K. Stern, or Anna Nicole Smith’s boyfriend, was found guilty of conspiracy. Psychiatrist Khristine Eroshevich and Howard K. Stern were both found guilty of conspiring to provide drugs to the former star before her death in 2007. Although Stern made a statement saying he was acquitted on several counts relating “to the appropriateness of the medication,” he was still found guilty on account that he obtained drugs for her under false names. No one’s sure if either of them will end up in jail or not, but their sentencing hearing will be on January 6th.

3. Miley’s parents are getting divorced. And he wants joint custody. They are splitting because of “irreconcilable differences” which usually means we won’t find out anything. The couple has been married for seventeen years, or as long as Miley’s been alive. Sad news for Miley…but I bet there are some new angsty songs brewing in that head of hers.

4. Mariah Carey is preggers! Don’t act surprised, I know you already knew that. But still, we’ve been waiting for the official announcement for some time now. They confirmed on The Today Show and said they wanted to keep their privacy, but Thandie Newton accidentally blabbed it on The View earlier this week! Oopsies. Anyway, congrats to Nick and Mariah, we wish you the best of luck!

5. Celine Dion had her twins! Yay! They were born on Saturday October 23, 2010 but they’ve gone all week without names. They finally named the boys Nelson and Eddy after Nelson Mandela and Eddy Marnay. Can’t wait to watch these little guys grow up!

Mini-Series Webisode

1. Scarlett Johansson and Anne Hathaway will be hosting SNL episodes next month! Both have hosted before, but this season of SNL has been pretty funny so the expectations are high. Exciting!

2. In case you didn’t get enough of Avatar in the first movie, don’t worry! James Cameron has confirmed he’s making Avatar 2 and Avatar 3! So that blue catsuit you bought for Halloween will be good for the next few years.

3. I know you were really concerned, but for the record: Kat Von D and Jesse James never broke up and they’re still together. Awesome.

4. Step Up 4 is coming! Well actually, Step Up 4ever. Eek! Maybe by 2012 they’ll have something cooler than 3D to release it in! Like, “reach out and touch his abs” vision.

5. Captain America, you can save me any day. Cue damsel in distress mode.

Not too long ago, a woman by the name of Gabourey Sidibe graced us with her (incredibly talented) presence in Precious. Not too long after that, she was nominated for ‘Best Actress’ at the Oscars.   That is quite the achievement for a woman discovered minutes before being handed the script for Precious.

Beyond her insane ability to serenade America with her acting talents, the girl is a hoot.  You heard her on the Oscar red carpet mid-spin, “If fashion was porn this would be the money shot.”  Needless to say, I’m a Team Gabby all the way.

After deeply establishing my ‘You go girl’ attitude towards the new found Hollywood talent, (and after hearing Oprah’s amazing tribute to her) I felt angry and resentful when Sandra Bullock took home the ‘Best Actress’ trophy at the Academy Awards. OK, that’s putting it lightly. I stood up and screamed at the TV. Yes, I understand it was “Bullock’s year,” and yes, I’ve always loved Sandy, but it was like the Taylor Swift VMA situation all over again. I just wanted to jump through my TV and pull a Kanye: “Imma let you finish, Sandra, but we all know Gabby had the best performance of the year.”

And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, Howard Stern started running his mouth and saying some really hurtful things about our precious Gabby. The girl is sweet and bubbly and so freaking talented and Mr. Stern just tears her apart for the way that she looks? I wanted to JWoww him in the throat.

But after only knowing of Gabby for a few months (and I will be honest, I haven’t even seen Precious), I am left wondering why I feel so defensive of her.  Don’t get me wrong, Gabby is an incredible actress, and a bucket full of LOLs every time she opens her mouth – that is something to appreciate. But my question is, would we embrace her quite like we did if she wasn’t different?

Whenever anyone speaks of Gabby Sidibe the conversation inevitably turns to her weight. It’s like Gabby isn’t a talented actress who happens to be overweight, but rather an overweight woman who, surprisingly, has some talent. And being that she’s so “different,” we all feel somehow attached to her, like we need to protect her, root for her, love her.

It’s like Susan Boyle syndrome.

Both women are incredibly talented and inspiring, but would either of them be so celebrated if they weren’t different? Would Gabby be getting the kind of attention she’s been getting if she looked like everyone else in Hollywood? Would America stand behind her, root for her and praise her if she didn’t happen to be overweight?

I honestly don’t know. What do you think?

You guessed it… American Idol.

From the very first season, American Idol was an instant hit.  Kelly Clarkson was the winner, and albums later, she is still a pop sensation.  By the start of season 2, Randy, Paula, and Simon became household names and it was impossible to escape references to these eccentric judges.   Each season the show attracted more and more viewers and had record breaking numbers of votes at each finale.  The economy may suck, the weather is more unpredictable than ever, but the one thing we could always count on as a society was the stability of American Idol.  We knew that no matter what, every Tuesday and Wednesday night, we could tune into FOX to hear Randy give shot-outs to his “dawgs” while Paula applauded each contestant for being unique and “making the song their own.”  And finally, we knew Simon would always be there to knock them right back down in his English accent with a black t-shirt from Baby Gap.

That is… until last season, when things started to change.  A fourth judge? America was reluctant.  Kara Dioguardi climbed on board as America was forced to accept the adjustment.  She was cute and seemed to know what she was talking about, so we gave her the OK.  As long as we still had the Simon and Ryan rivalry to look forward to, one extra judge would not cramp our Idol style. 

Little did we know, even BIGGER changes for this season.  Goodbye to Paula?? Now who are we going to accuse of doing random drugs before (and maybe during) the show?? It was almost more than we could handle.  And then FOX announced that Ellen DeGeneres would be replacing her.  Personally, I was torn.  Ellen is hilarious, that is for sure…but Cold Hearted Snake and Forever Your Girl will ALWAYS be on my iTunes top 25 most played songs; there’s just no replacing Paula.  Putting my own love for the scat cat aside, I accepted the change once again.  After all, Simon, Randy, and Kara would still be able to offer legitimate criticism from the music industry’s stand point, Ellen would just be there for entertainment value.  Even if FOX were just trying to get some rating points, you can’t help but love Ellen.

But then.
Oh God.
I can’t even bear to say it.

Simon announced he was leaving.

And to make matters worse, rumors are now swirling that HOWARD STERN could be taking his place.

[Breathe.]

I don’t even know what to say. This is just taking things too far.  Sorry (well, sorta) to knock the Stern, but what the hell does he know about music and producing it? Probably…nothing.  Sure he may be a radio host, but that does not mean he is qualified for the coveted job.  Especially since the guy hasn’t played music on his show in decades. Besides, no one wants to hear crude and belittling comments if they’re not done in an English accent. Or have nothing to do with music and focus on the singer’s tits and ass instead.

If the rumors are true, I’ve lost whatever faith I had in FOX. It seems that they’re willing to do anything just to boost their ratings, even if it jeopardizes the integrity of the show. (One of the only reality shows left with any…) FOX is making it clear that Idol is all about the ratings and not about the talent, and if that’s the case, why should we watch?

Well, besides to see Kara and Howie duke it out.

Waaaaah (Snooki voice). It seems our once trusted source for music’s newest breakthrough stars might soon fall through the trashy TV cracks and land right next to the ever-so-classy “Temptation Island.” As a long-time Idol addict, I won’t stand for it.

Almost as good as latkes. Mmmmm.

Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah! (Chanukkah? Hhannuukkka? I’ve heard there might be a silent “j” in there somewhere…)

Everyone’s favorite Maccabee-inspired, latke-flavored, menorah-lit, better-than-Christmas—yeah, I said it—holiday starts tonight at sundown. And even though I’m hoping to get a few specific gifts this year, there’s only one thing I really want to find wrapped in a giant box on Day Eight: a nice, Jewish boy. I don’t think it’s too much to ask; I go to school in New York City, for Moses’s sake.

But I’m not the only one who should be angling for some Semitic lovin’ this holiday season. Dating Jewish boys is the best, and everyone should do it. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked:

-  They’re funny. If you need proof, Wikipedia has 228 pages in its “Jewish comedians” category. Sure, a lot of them—Woody Allen, Al Franken, Howard Stern—aren’t exactly dreamboats. But Seth Rogen, Michael Showalter, Jon Stewart (real name: Jon Stuart Leibowitz), and plenty of other dudes are the whole package: Jewish, funny, and cute.

- Even if your Jewish guy doesn’t have a quick wit, he might have a Jew fro, which is probably hilarious enough to compensate.

-  Jewish dudes have so many neuroses that your quirks will seem tame and adorable by comparison.

-  They know how to treat a lady. Between the guilt and the daily dealings with a Jewish mother, these boys have learned the rights and wrongs when it comes to interacting with the lady folk.

-  They’re also used to dealing with a big, dramatic, sometimes-embarrassing family, so they won’t freak out when they meet your folks.

-  And speaking of family: if a Jewish guy’s mom likes you, you’re set for the rest of the relationship (and I’m not just talkin’ about all the good cookin’ coming out of her kitchen). My mom still asks my 25-year-old brother why he isn’t married to the girl he dated his sophomore year of college. I think she might even still have weekly phone dates with her.

-  When they get older and start to lose a little hair up top, they can just cover it up with a yarmulke and no one (especially all your girl friends) will be the wiser.

-  Jewish guys come with Jewish holidays (lots of them), which come with Jewish food: kugel, blintzes, bagels and lox, brisket, challah…

-  Maybe best of all, according to the Torah, it’s a mitzvah (good deed) to have sex on Shabbat, a.k.a. Friday night and all day Saturday. Sure, this is only technically true for married couples, but I doubt your Jewish beau will care.

One woman, however, takes the idea so lightly (or is so strapped for money), she’s decided to profit from it.

Natalie Dylan, a 22-year-old college graduate from San Diego, California, has decided to auction off her virginity for tuition money for grad school. She has agreed to make a one-night-only appearance at Nevada’s legal Bunny Ranch brothel with the lucky winner of the auction. When the story was first reported back in September on Howard Stern’s radio show, Dylan received bids of over $243,000. She claims that over 10,000 men have put in bids, recently reaching as high as 3.7 million dollars. (Editor’s Note: WTF? I gave that sh*t away for free!)

Although surprised at how far this has gone, she has said: “It’s shocking that men will pay so much for someone’s virginity, which isn’t even prized so highly anymore.” Or maybe it is. I mean, how many girls in their twenties are still holding onto that prized V-Card?

I just have to wonder why someone would be so willing to spend millions of dollars for a night of sex. Most guys I know are scared about taking a woman’s virginity.

What do you think? Is this entire situation weird, or is this girl one smart business woman?

I had cold pizza for lunch. Alone. Barack Obama’s lunch was a little more exciting.

What does Brad Pitt have to say about Jennifer?

Uh oh. Another Salmonella outbreak…

Why do we love the bad boys?

Obama chooses Chief Performance Officer.

Biggest Loser Michelle is engaged. What? He didn’t love her before she lost all the weight?

Lily Vanderwoodson (Ok, Kelly Rutherford) is headed to Splitsville.

Better get the Nair ready – short shorts are coming!

Isla Fisher looking fantastic on cover of In Style.

Howard Stern vs. Jay Leno: The Battle is On.

Clooney is like a fine wine

Politicians judged by their baby-holding abilities

J.Lo gets taken over by Scientologists?

WTF?!

Disturbing, disturbing babies in food costumes

I mean, who doesn’t want a white trash birthday?

Halle Berry preggers?

Break these fashion rules

Posh uses poop to maintain clear complextion

More reasons for guys to watch football

Go Go Power Rangers…not so much

That’s what SHE said!

Palin is NOT invited to Madonna’s party

Someone actually married Howard Stern

What if Beyonce was a boy?

God, those Scientologists are after everyone!

Understand the economy with Chris Farley movies

At last, something to do with your ex’s testicles once you cut them off

Celeb camel toe AND mom jeans alert

Disney on Depressants

Howard Stern ties the knot, Mr. Kelly Ripa officiates, celebrities now control the universe

Britney channels the other Madonna

Diddy is afraid of Palin

It’s official, Kate Moss has a golden vajayjay

The sham is almost over…

Dita Von Always Looks Awesome

St. Tyra declaws a catfight

Holly finally realized Hef is old

Natalie Dylan (not the girl’s real name) is a Sacramento State graduate currently seeking a way to pay off her student loans.  Naturally, the 22-year-old brunette thought that letting the highest bidder take her V-Card was the best way to score fast, tax-free cash. Somehow Stern is involved, and because he’s involved, everyone and their mother is buzzing about the morality of the issue.

But we’re not interested in whether God likes it if you let dudes pay you for sex.  We’re interested in what life must be like inside the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.  Do prostitutes really like their job?  Does it ever get…like…tiring?  Are they happy?  Damaged?  And what about the guys who go there?

A few years ago, 20/20 did a report on the Moonlight Ranch, and we were able to find a clip where a lot of the girls spoke about their future plans, and why they were legal prostitutes in the first place.  What’s interesting is that even though none of the women seem out and out unhappy, there’s a distinct hardness to everyone. I’m here because I have to be their eyes seem to be saying, I’m here and I’m fine.

Take a look at the video after the jump and let us know what you think.  What’s your opinion on legal prostitution…and about this whole Natalie Dylan issue?

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