As someone who’s gone through her share of H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E break-ups, I always thought that it would be pretty much the worst thing ever to be famous and feel the world weigh in on the shattering of your heart. The whole Jen, Angelina, Brad Pitt debacle seemed like a nightmare (especially for Jen. Girl got the short end of the stick), and recently, watching Alanis Morissette break up with , and subsequently lose, Ryan Reynolds to ScarJo basically solidified my notion that ending a relationship while famous sucks.

I kinda felt the Alanis / Ryan destruction because I’ve always identified with Miss M. She’s this earthy, hippie chick — attractive but not striking — who feels emotions really strongly and is into singing vowels her own way. Aside from the vowel thing, I saw myself in Alanis. And so when she lost her hot fiance to someone younger, with bigger boobs, and probably a smaller brain — I felt her pain. Because, I mean…it’s quite possible the same thing has happened to me. Read More »

Let’s just cut to it – sixteen people are left in that bed.

Their challenge for the day is a biathlon and with that, I am over the whole Tila’s bi thing and it’s only episode three. Tila looks bored as she announces that it’s boys versus girls. What do pearl necklaces and blue balls have to do with biathlons? Oh.

This challenge makes me wonder why I never had a slip n slide when I was a kid. “I cruised through it until I got to the blue balls; then it all fell apart for me…that was my downfall, the blue balls.” Isn’t that how it always happens, Ryan?

Do they all share a wet suit? Chad is last and he too struggles with blue balls. Why do they call Jersey Lisa/Toni from Paradise Hotel lookalike Rizzo? I like her. I might like-her like her. Oh, and she wins it for the girls. Aw, Chad, I heart you even though you lost.

The girls win a date. Which consists of the girls – going to school. They are dressed in terrible school girl uniforms and Tila’s going to teach them – what? How to make a Myspace page? Read More »

There’s just something about Regis Philbin, his demeanor, the look in his eye, the way he hunches over his high risen stool and leans into camera, peering relentlessly into the eyes of millions of American housewives and grandmothers. In truth, I can’t help but dislike him as Kelly Rippa chirps solemnly around set, over gesticulating her way into the stuff of a morning show legend. In the chair where Kathy Lee Gifford would ultimately rise and fall, how quickly we forget success when failure interferes with commercial advertising.

This is what daytime television is made of, predetermined banter spiked with personal ambiguity hidden behind the confides of little blue index cards. These types of hosts thrive mostly on conformity and the pleasing of the masses. Mostly they steer away from subversion preferring never to rock the boat. They are the “Murdoch worshipers”, living to please the peacock, look into the CBS eye and learn their ABC’s while minding their P‘s and Q‘s. These are “the Grains” of America‘s food pyramid. You should eat six ounces a day with at least half of them whole. Grains are the basis of a healthy diet. This may come as a surprise to you after years of being told to stay away from foods such as breads, rice, and cereal.

Though every host is in a sense looking to keep his or her position and maintain a relationship with a network it seems that there are a few using their timeslots as a platform to voice opinions, provide insight and increase social change. Oprah Winfrey for example changed the face of television by using her power to form a movement. Making a sincere effort to challenge the way Americans think and feel about the state of the world. Her book club increased literacy in America, her charities have save millions of lives, and her Angel Network has provided educational opportunities that were otherwise impossible for young students simply by collecting a country’s spare change. Read More »